MizzouFan1985 Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 I have a lady friend that I have been seeing for a couple of months. It has been made clear that we are going on dates, but it only happens when it is convenient and there is no implied commitment to one another's time. She rarely calls me to chit chat and I am the one that is doing all of the scheduling (she doesn't ask to do things but she has been saying yes to the things I suggest). To me, this is pretty much the typical case of casual dating. I am actually fairly happy with how the situation is (just having somebody to do stuff with), but would like to try to up the ante a little bit. I have noticed that she has an emotional wall up (doesn't talk much about previous relationships, family, friends, etc.). I think she has had some bad previous relationships, and maybe this is causing her to have reticence in starting another. Up to this point, I have tried to find things that she would like to do, and let her talk about what she wants (without pressuring her). Is it time to ask the question "is this going anywhere?" Or should I keep doing what I am doing and hope she gets more comfortable and opens up on her own?
Lauriebell82 Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 If it's been a couple months, I think it's fair for you to ask her what she is looking for out of this. Dont bring it up in a pressuring way, just ask her what kind of relationship she is looking for. Tell her you really want to continue dating and see where things go, but would also like to possibly see each other more. From what you've said, she is probably gunshy about getting in to a relationship. I think its fair to ask her where it's going, especially if she is holding back. Listen to what she says, and then it's up to you what you want to happen after that.
oppath Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 Never be afraid to ask for more. It will be best to do it in a non-pushy way, but a simple "what kind of relationship are you looking for right now?" can clarify. I have to break it to you though...if it's been a couple months and she rarely contacts you, I doubt she wants things to progress with you beyond casual.
Lauriebell82 Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 Never be afraid to ask for more. It will be best to do it in a non-pushy way, but a simple "what kind of relationship are you looking for right now?" can clarify. I have to break it to you though...if it's been a couple months and she rarely contacts you, I doubt she wants things to progress with you beyond casual. I agree with Oppath, that she might not want anything more right now. From what you have said, this is probably having to do with being scared because of past heartbreak. If you are willing to wait and play nursemaid, then more power to you, but you will probably find you are wasting your time. But like I said, talk to her and find out where she is right now. Then go from there.
Author MizzouFan1985 Posted January 30, 2008 Author Posted January 30, 2008 I am actually pretty comfortable with the current setup, and not totally sure myself that I want to move it further. So, I am probably going to continue to just ask her out on occasion and have fun.
oppath Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 Are you having sex with her? Because if not, you might as well just be friends.
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