Author peace_pipe Posted January 28, 2008 Author Posted January 28, 2008 See, why can't you just say "The women I've been with..."? Why does your small sample of women somehow reflect on the entirety of the gender? Well that is what I mean. Give me the benefit of the doubt. Many women are like this, and I'd be a fool not to realize this. I never said ALL. My MOM isn't like this lol. I ain't no Momma's boy either.
lovesparis Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 hi. i'm paris, i'm a girl, and i have a hard time admitting when i'm wrong. i usually know it, but i'm too stubborn and too proud to admit it. it stems from my family of origin. i'm working on a better ability to admit it. when i do say "i'm sorry", it comes from the bottom of my heart.
Author peace_pipe Posted January 28, 2008 Author Posted January 28, 2008 hi. i'm paris, i'm a girl, and i have a hard time admitting when i'm wrong. i usually know it, but i'm too stubborn and too proud to admit it. it stems from my family of origin. i'm working on a better ability to admit it. when i do say "i'm sorry", it comes from the bottom of my heart. Thanks, Paris. Sometimes all it takes is an "I'm sorry" to resolve and continue on. Is your desire not to admit that you were wrong so strong that you would throw a good man away over it? Just wondering....
lindya Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 Okay, so are you suggesting that the lack of apologies is because these women perceive me this way? I don't know. If I'm wary about apologising to a person, it's because I perceive them in that way. I am not a king of self-pity, but I do wish things could be different. Sometimes I do feel kind of bad that things don't work out for the best. Is that self pity or human? Both? Or are you saying that the self-pitying type do not have the capability to apologize? I've already apologized to my last girlfriend, for returning a bag of her items to her yard (after an immature fight which she admittedly picked) even though what I did was a result of her childish behavior. But she's just too damn special to apologize to me. Women just can't let stuff go... I think everyone has the capacity to apologise, but not everyone has the inclination. A lot of people regard apologising as showing a weakness. Never met a person who's fond of telling you "Never apologise for anything!" ? I've heard that one a few times. Come to think of it, next time someone says it to me I'm going to invite further exploration of their underlying reasoning for thinking you should never apologise to anyone. I'll report the results back to you, if it helps. As for women not being able to let stuff go....come into my office and you'll get to hear some of the most unbelievably petty, grudge-clutching nonsense you can imagine. From both genders.
jcster Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 To sum it all up: Pick out the red flags and run. Every woman I have ever met in a romantic way has red flags. If she's attractive, SHE HAS FLAGS!!! Conclusion: continue a cycle of nothingness OR date morbidly obese women I think we've had this conversation before, peace, but you seem to have a very low opinion of women in general. You don't expect much from them, you expect to have trouble with them, and this has set your barrier to entry so low that you will go out with any good-looking woman that you can converse with. Maybe if you tried to generate some sort of standard that you will hold all potential dates to, some sort of criteria that is at least somewhat above cute and lucid, you might have more luck. Or, you can continue to blame it all on the general quality of women as a whole and repeat this cycle until the end of time. If 1 person says you have a tail, you may ignore it - if 2 or 3 people tell you, it might be a joke - but if 10 people tell you that you have a tail, you damn well better turn around and look. You have a tail.
Author peace_pipe Posted January 28, 2008 Author Posted January 28, 2008 To sum it all up: Pick out the red flags and run. I think we've had this conversation before, peace, but you seem to have a very low opinion of women in general. You don't expect much from them, you expect to have trouble with them, and this has set your barrier to entry so low that you will go out with any good-looking woman that you can converse with. Maybe if you tried to generate some sort of standard that you will hold all potential dates to, some sort of criteria that is at least somewhat above cute and lucid, you might have more luck. Or, you can continue to blame it all on the general quality of women as a whole and repeat this cycle until the end of time. If 1 person says you have a tail, you may ignore it - if 2 or 3 people tell you, it might be a joke - but if 10 people tell you that you have a tail, you damn well better turn around and look. You have a tail. Thanks for your response, but how did you address the fact that EVERY woman I've met with a romantic interest in me meet has FLAGS? I am not that conceited to think that every woman who is interested in me has some "special" trait that the others don't. That's my fault for "attracting" drama-laden women? Or maybe there's just a massive amount screwed up women out there? I think you're putting the cart before the horse.
jcster Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 I replied to your other post. But to sum it up, if you don't have boundaries and standards, you're going to have problems. You need to set a higher bar than you have been. Everyone is screwed up. Trying to fit your issues with your partner's issues is the world's most difficult jigsaw puzzle. That's why it's important to know what you want, and especially what you will tolerate. Know it, write it down, refer to it often. Weed out the incompatible ones immediately, and you may have more luck.
Author peace_pipe Posted January 28, 2008 Author Posted January 28, 2008 I replied to your other post. But to sum it up, if you don't have boundaries and standards, you're going to have problems. You need to set a higher bar than you have been. Everyone is screwed up. Trying to fit your issues with your partner's issues is the world's most difficult jigsaw puzzle. That's why it's important to know what you want, and especially what you will tolerate. Know it, write it down, refer to it often. Weed out the incompatible ones immediately, and you may have more luck. Okay, then. Let's look at this rationally. Here are my main "standards" not in any particular order. 1) Girl is employed, in school or DOING SOMETHING 2) Girl is emotionally available (you can't tell this until you've invested some time) 3) Girl is MATURE enough to handle and adult relationship and understand compromise. (you can't tell this until you've invested some time) 4) Girl takes care of herself physically & mentally. 5) Girl and I interact well. I feel that 99.9% of women are emotionally unavailable or otherwise distracted.
jcster Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 Here are my main "standards" not in any particular order. 1) Girl is employed, in school or DOING SOMETHING 2) Girl is emotionally available (you can't tell this until you've invested some time) 3) Girl is MATURE enough to handle and adult relationship and understand compromise. (you can't tell this until you've invested some time) 4) Girl takes care of herself physically & mentally. 5) Girl and I interact well. There's nothing wrong with this list - it's just very vague. What about similar interests? Political views? Goals in life? Methods for resolving differences? Life history? How do they deal with difficult situations? These are the make or break issues. It's great to meet someone that has their sh*t together - but that doesn't mean that you'll get along with them in the long term. I feel that 99.9% of women are emotionally unavailable or otherwise distracted. That's largely going to be the case - especially if they meet the criteria that you've listed above. A woman with a great job, lots of friends and good self-esteem doesn't spend a lot of time feeling lonely. These are people that you become friends with first - if attraction is there, it will grow - they're not just going to jump in the boat. I realize that I sound like a broken record, but desperation is not good bait. If you are happy with your life, and view relationships as a wonderful spice - and not the meal - then you will have much more luck attracting the type of people that you listed above. And in the end, that's more than half the battle - being the type of person that is attractive to the women on your list.
Author peace_pipe Posted January 28, 2008 Author Posted January 28, 2008 (edited) I realize that I sound like a broken record, but desperation is not good bait. If you are happy with your life, and view relationships as a wonderful spice - and not the meal - then you will have much more luck attracting the type of people that you listed above. And in the end, that's more than half the battle - being the type of person that is attractive to the women on your list. I am happy with my life. And I am frustrated with women. After you don't feed a man for a while, he gets hungry. Edited January 28, 2008 by peace_pipe
jcster Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 I am happy with my life. And I am frustrated with women. After you don't feed a man for a while, he gets hungry. Find something else to eat. Women aren't sustenance.
Author peace_pipe Posted January 28, 2008 Author Posted January 28, 2008 Find something else to eat. Women aren't sustenance. Yeah, and no one needs strong bonds with other people either. No one needs or desires a loving relationship.
Star Gazer Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 I'm pretty damn good about apologizing in a relationship, sometimes to a fault - I often accept responsibility for my SO's actions when THEY should really be the one apologizing. But there are plenty of times I'm in the wrong too. I might not always recognize it and might need someone to pipe up about what bothered them, but if/when they do say something, I always apologize (and also explain myself, if necessary).
lovesparis Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 Thanks, Paris. Sometimes all it takes is an "I'm sorry" to resolve and continue on. Is your desire not to admit that you were wrong so strong that you would throw a good man away over it? Just wondering... yes, i understand that swallowing one's pride is frequently enough to end whatever arguement/disagreement has occurred. however, i have felt that apologizing is showing weakness, and since i have been a control-freak in past relationships (i've seen the hazards of my ways) showing weakness was not an option. it's still hard to let go of certain aspects of being controlling, and that has been one of the hardest for me: admitting i'm wrong. and yes, i threw away a good man for it. it's a choice that i regret every day of my life. i had contorted and distorted the reality of the situation so drastically, that i had pinned the failure of the R on him having a problem with my behavior/actions rather than on my actions/behavior. i'm a class A effing genius. i'm a recovering control-freak. i've seen the error of my ways and i'm doing the best i can to replace that behavior with non-controlling ways. i guess the ability to see that i had hurt someone that i cared about so much was the force that brought to light how i was wrong. and how i needed to change. and the first step to solving a problem is admitting that you have one. i even spoke to all of my friends/family and apologized to each of them, separately, for distorting the same situation to them. it was so hard for me to do, that i almost at the time. but i believe i needed to learn the value of humility.
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