PoohBearsHunny Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 Hi everyone, I have been reading a lot of these posts and everyone seem so nice and supportive here! So I decided to write. Sorry I know it's really long! So my story is My now ex fiance and I have been together for 5 yrs. on and off a few times, one time he actually got with another woman for a few months, but then came back to me, cause he said he couldn't stop thinking about me, and realized how much he loves me, anyways from then on things seemed great, we moved in together and he always expressed how happy he was and how much he loved me, and to be honest I always felt he loved me and was more attracted to me than I was him, he just always seemed so crazy for me, well here we are a year and 7 months later, and he has broken up with me again, it happened in like a month, he went from loving to distant! So, one day I asked him, I said are we together or not??He said I dunno are we? Then he said Maybe we shouldn't be, I said are you breaking up with me and he said, I guess so, and that's how it went! Made no sense really! I told him to look me in the eyes an dtell me he don't lov eme anymore, and he said I can't! So a few weeks later he says he loves me and finds me very sexy and gorgeous and has a real hard time keeping his eyes and hands off of me. But here he is breaking up with me, saying he is not IN love with me anymore, I asked him what does being in love mean to you and he said well just wanting to be with that person all the time and not being able to get them out of your head and personalities being alike. Well we were living together so we have been broken up for 3 months now, for 2 of those months we still lived together, and he was still affectionate with me and wanted sex. Well, 1 month ago I packed my stuff and moved out, reason being he kept staying out really late, and I found out it was girls he was hanging out with! So I moved out! It has been a month since I moved out. Well, I do not call him, or suggest anything to him, I have not cried to him, I have not begged or pleaded, I just let it go as far as he knows, but inside I'm dying inside!!!!! Well, in the past few weeks he has been calling me once everyday, usually at night, basically he just tells me what he is up to and what is going on with him. He has also been trying to convince me that the girl he has been hanging out with is nothing but a friend, and will never be anything more, he says he don't want anything at all from her. I want to believe him! Well, like a week ago he calls me at night saying, how she is just a friend again and for me to believe him, I said ok I believe you, no worries, then he said goodnight beautiful and sweet dreams to you. He has been nice to me, and then 3 nights ago called me, I didn't pick up though, and he left a voicemail saying "Goodnight and sweet dreams, I wanted to call you earlier and have you come hang out with me, but my brother never left he stayed the night with me." Well we did hang the other night, and we ended up having sex, his doing not mine! Problem is the sex is very good, and goes on for hrs. and so intense! I'm so weak around him though. We had a great time hanging out, it was like old times! He says he just wants to be friends he does not want to get back together! He says that us being together is too complicated, I honestly don't know what that means. We did not fight or argue much, I let him have lots of space, I'm very easy going for the most part. My only complaint to him was, that he spent more time doing other things, like it seemed he started to put me last of his list of things. Also at first when we broke up he was trying to get me to move on quick and get with another guy, and I have been just talking to another guy, and he was like good go for it! But now he don't seem to be wanting me to, like he made the comment that night we hung out that, that guy probably just wants to use me and how could I wanna leave his place and go hang out with him, and said he seen him on my myspace and that he isn't that great looking, lol. This man has me so CONFUSED! AFTER 5 YRS TOGETHER! I just don't know what he wants!
sandflea Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 Awe man! Bummer. I know this guy - I've seen him in the mirror. There are times I don't like him very much. Hon, you need to make the break, and stick to your guns. Whenever this friend of yours can't score, or feels like he needs support, or whatever - he comes crawling back to you for re-assurance. You eventually cave, and the process starts over again. At this rate, there are no incentives for him to ever change, and right now he has his cake, and he's eating it too (OK - Terrible pun, but anyway..). Unless this is how you'd like to continue to live your life, I strongly suggest coming up with a great deal of willpower, stating up a serious and very stict NC policy, and getting on with your life. Block the calls, block the emails, and if he asks tell him you've met someone wonderful. This will immediately put him into survival mode and he'll tell you ANYTHING to get you back. And, if you cave, 3 weeks later he'll dump you again, etc. He's afraid of commitment, and he's afraid of being single. I've been there. Best of luck, and keep your head high. You'll be fine - there are like 4-5 billion people in the world, and I have it on good authority that HALF are men. SF
Jackieboy Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 Heartbroken I'm going to say things you don't want to hear. You have to get out of that relationship. That man is no good, he is using you and worse he is messing with your head and robbing you of your self esteem. You are worth so much more then that. It will be hard but have nothing to do with him anymore, when he calls (and he will) don't pick up, delete emails, rip up letters, you sound a good person, find someone who will see that and not play games with your head. I know you don't want to hear that and it is so hard when you have invested so much time in someone but you honestly deserve more. You will meet someone who will love you for who you are. It is always darkest before the dawn.
TigerCub Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 First of all...I just love the name you're going by (I meant poohbearshunny) .. its so cute. second..I agree with the rest, you deserve better and he's just wasting your time. I know that it must be hard to be with someone for as long as 5 years and then have to cut them out of your life, but that is what you need to do to be able to get over him and not be used and hurt by him. You definitely need to put an end to the phone calls/emails/visits, etc. because if you still love him having those little glimpses of him and feeling "how things used to be" will keep you stuck in limbo. He doesn't seem to want any commitment from you, but you want a relationship, so do yourself a favor and don't allow him to get to you. It will suck at first, but after some time passes, you'll be glad you did it. Best wishes
Author PoohBearsHunny Posted January 28, 2008 Author Posted January 28, 2008 Thank You all for your replies. You are telling me what most everyone else has been. Well actually I did get away from him for about a year, and he got with someone else and I started dating. But we ended up back together again. It was great like I said for 1 year and 7 months, then out of no where he decides he don't wanna be with me anymore. So our relationship was not bad on all these yrs. they were bad once we broke up for almost a year, and now again here recently. So, I dunno, I am so in love with him, he has been my everything for so long. Cause actually I have known of him for like 11 yrs. We met cause I just moved to a new town and he was my neighbor, he is 4 yrs. younger than me and I was only his neighbor for like 1 yr. and I ignored him mostly! He always liked me but he was 18 I was 22, so I said NOOO lol TOO YOUNG! Well, I ended up moving, and I later found out that he went in to the Marines. Well about 4 yrs. later, an old friend of my brothers was in town and he said stop by and say hi, so I did and who was there??? HIM! But it had been yrs. and he had really grown up, was VERY good looking!! I did not recognize him I thought he looked really really familiar though! So we clicked and talked that whole night, and started dating! Well about a week later he was like oh ****! Did you used to live at so and so address, I said yes, he was like OH MAN I used to be so in love with you! I had the biggest crush on you! lol who would have thought it, that me and the kid down the street would have ended up together and engaged! Anyways, I love him so much and I don't understand what has happened! As far as us being engaged for 2 yrs. that was totally my fault he tried to get married and I never would go through with it, for some reason I was scared!! Even just 4 months ago, he said lets get married as soon as possible I can't wait to make you my wife. I got caught up in other things that I just never planned it! But I know that if he truly loved me none of these things would make him decide he don't love me anymore. We just have gone through so much together! We lost a few pregnancies which really hurt both of us so much, we wanted kids so bad. I don't know, I just have soooo much running through my mind, and I keep blaming myself for wanting to break up. Oh Thanks most of my screen names and such are Pooh Bears Hunny, because he said he was my pooh bear and pooh can't live without his hunny! LOL I know I know! But, yea I called him my pooh bear and he called me his hunny!
BrianG Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 (edited) just wanted to let you know you have to cut this guy out of your life because it will only end up hurting you more and more. Trust me I have was just dumped out of a 5 year relationship. We were not engaged but it hurts like hell trust me. This guy just wants you around when he wants something like sex, etc. You deserve someone that will be able to give you all of himself to you, not just some and whenever he wants too. If you read a lot of threads on here you will realize that No contact is what is best for you and what you need to do. Its really hard at first and will hurt a lot because just like you i love my ex, but if they broke up with you you need to make them aware of their decision meaning you no longer being a part of their life. NC is hard, but anytime you want to talk to him, vent, etc. post here instead. There are a lot of intelligent and compassionate people on this site. Btw if that is a picture of you on your avatar your gorgeous and will not have any problem meeting tons of eligible men that will treat you the way that you deserve. Edited January 28, 2008 by BrianG
Author PoohBearsHunny Posted January 28, 2008 Author Posted January 28, 2008 Thank You Brian, I know everyone is telling me the same thing. It's like he isn't worried about really losing me, cause I'm always there for him! I never call him, he calls me but I know I need to just not answer the phone. Another problem is we work at the same place! So I see almost everyday, never really much time to hang out or talk, usually just a hello or whatever. But that does make it so much harder! Plus, I'm close to his family, the ones that adopted him, and about a year ago he met his real mom and siblings so I am now close to them, uhm and his sister from the family that adopted him, well she is like my best friend and is married to my oldest brother! No, I'm not kidding! Me and Luke had been dating a year before they met,so one day my brother came to hang out with all of us, and him and his sister hit it off, and they ended up getting married 8 months later! It is so hard! But, it's true I have to stop being so available to him, cause it's like he knows, he has me hooked and I'm not gonna go anywhere! So I gotta just not be there anymore. Oh and Thank You, for the compliment Brian! That is me in the picture.
BrianG Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 Your welcome for the compliment, its always good to hear something nice especially in times like this. Your making me wish I lived in FL, ha ha. Wow, seems like your life is very intertwined with your exs, which I know will make it very difficult. Your right he knows that you are hooked on him by a string with him holding the other end. You need to take charge of your life now and ignore any phone calls and emails. It is going to be hard, especially at work, try to avoid him as much as you can and if you cross paths just keep on walking by. That is my advice, stay strong and take control of your life. If you need to vent come on here and do so, a lot of people are in the same boat and are sympathetic and compassionate about your situation.
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