Jump to content

What is wrong with me?


While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Posted

Not contacting for a few days is one thing, barely making eye contact, quite another. If you really want to allow him to be a man, stop treating him like a kid and protecting his feelings at all costs. If he wants to be a real man, he can deal with a real woman, and one who gives a f*** about being ignored after sex.

  • Author
Posted
Not contacting for a few days is one thing, barely making eye contact, quite another. If you really want to allow him to be a man, stop treating him like a kid and protecting his feelings at all costs. If he wants to be a real man, he can deal with a real woman, and one who gives a f*** about being ignored after sex.

He is doing his best. This isn't easy for him. If he could do better, he would do better. Just like I would if I could.

 

Carrot

Posted
He is doing his best. This isn't easy for him. If he could do better, he would do better. Just like I would if I could.

 

Carrot

 

Tough sitch Carrot.

 

Sometimes when I read I feel more like GD then you. For the record the GD way is not so good.

 

He is the aloof one, I take it, and you are mirroring this?

 

This is day 3 of his silly behaviour?

  • Author
Posted

Silly is the word. Yah. He's not ignoring me. Tonight he surprised me by bringing my favorite takeout to my office. Of course it was on some some ridiculous business pretense.... And then he ducked out. So I ate alone in my office while I worked. At least I wasn't hungry.

 

Carrot

  • Author
Posted
He is the aloof one, I take it, and you are mirroring this?

Yah. GD is getting loads of aloof. He flirted with me tonight. I don't care. He's going to have to make the first move.

Posted
Yah. GD is getting loads of aloof. He flirted with me tonight. I don't care. He's going to have to make the first move.

 

Well, we may have stummbled onto a source.

 

I will think about this as I am the queen of aloof. So I might have a challenge for him.

 

He obviously cares and you have stated yourself that you do not doubt that. It is just infuriating the indecisive wind that he carries.

 

I will get back to you, but I want to give it some thought.

  • Author
Posted
He obviously cares and you have stated yourself that you do not doubt that.

He more than cares. I know it. I still want more.

Posted

...and you deserve more Carrot. You do.

 

How far are you willing to go? Are you willing to 'carrot up'? and make a stand/fool of yourself?

 

Just gauging the scenerio from afar.

 

I would like to know how long you two have been 'together', and really, how much you do care.

 

If you don't want to answer publically, you know I am always a pm away.

 

I am so rooting for you. However, as a hard nut to crack myself I want that stupid GD to realize what he has.

  • Author
Posted
How far are you willing to go? Are you willing to .... make a stand/fool of yourself?

I think I've already done that.

  • Author
Posted
how much you do care.

I'm popping in the shower before I fall asleep. .

 

In answer to what you want to know - years, and I care.

 

Carrot

Posted
I'm popping in the shower before I fall asleep. .

 

In answer to what you want to know - years, and I care.

 

Carrot

 

[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]

 

Everyone has said what I wanted to - can't think of anything better. Just thought I'd drop by and give you lots of hugs!

Posted

I know you care Carrot. You would not post if you did not.

 

It is his issues that I have problems with. Or how you two deal with each other?

 

There is a stand in the future. I just want to give you the upper hand.

 

He likes things undefined and relaxed...is that a fair assumption?

  • Author
Posted
He likes things undefined and relaxed...is that a fair assumption?

I'd say GD is far less comfortable with what is undefined than I am.

Posted
I'd say GD is far less comfortable with what is undefined than I am.

 

Really? If you had to ponder then how would you muse him to define?

  • Author
Posted
Really? If you had to ponder then how would you muse him to define?

I'm not sure I understand this. What are you asking Unders?

 

Carrot

Posted

Yes, I understand now.

You are confident in his love for you.

You are both taking it slow because of past problems. He is unsure how to behave with you, and you dont want to push him.

Just wondering, how confident you are, if you are afraid of making the next move. Isnt waiting for him to make the next move, waiting for proof in some sense?

It is a question.

It is important to not play games but, be aware of how much of your own behaviour is simply reassurance seeking, and stop yourself from going wild now and then. Its also important to be able to go wild now and again without fear.

Posted
Yes, I understand now.

You are confident in his love for you.

You are both taking it slow because of past problems. He is unsure how to behave with you, and you dont want to push him.

Just wondering, how confident you are, if you are afraid of making the next move. Isnt waiting for him to make the next move, waiting for proof in some sense?

It is a question.

It is important to not play games but, be aware of how much of your own behaviour is simply reassurance seeking, and stop yourself from going wild now and then. Its also important to be able to go wild now and again without fear.

Is FS close on that Carrot?

  • Author
Posted

Well, we talked about the elephant in the room without actually calling it an elephant. I went there. Yah. I did.

 

I went there because I felt like at that moment in time one of us should say something out loud. So I did. And as predicted he went the I'm superior and I don't know what your problem is route.

 

That didn't satisfy me very well. No it didn't. I wasn't interested in backing down. It would have been easier but I'd already started talking. I decided to follow through. He dealt. I told him to f*sk off. He started listening and talking like it mattered.

 

I kept it together the whole time we talked. We didn't fight. We disagreed. He got stupid and pouty. I chose not to walk on eggshells anyway. It turned out okay I think. We both kept it together. He stayed engaged. I didn't freak out. He really is trying and he really did get defensive which I didn't want but he dealt.

 

I told him what I wanted. I told him I didn't care if he didn't agree but that I felt badly so I wanted him to fix it by showing me some affection anyway dammit. He said I can't tonight. How predictable. How common. How very GD. I asked, you can't see your wai to being affectionate for two minutes?

 

I said get out. Get out now. If this is how we're going to end, over this? Fine. If it's going to be all business then let's start now. You don't have to see me anymore. You can send me email like everyone else. Oh wow. He REALLY didn't like that. I said well that's how it is. No one else acts this way to me.

 

He said he was trying to be playful and funny. I said I got that part. I really did but then you pushed it too far and it got weird. Then he asked me for a date tomorrow night. I don't know. I kept myself calm while we were together but I've been crying horrible anguished tears ever since and I really don't know why.

 

I realize I'm all over the place writing this. I don't know what I'm doing.

Carrot

Posted

You should go on the date tomorrow.

Posted

My thoughts are that you should not go on the date with him.

 

My thoughts are that you should tell him nicely to really think about whether he wants this or not before you have any further dates.

Dont date anybody when you are in a panic and dont know what you are doing.

  • Author
Posted

I got some sleep, though not very much.

 

I thought over our talk and GD had some fair points. It's true. I'm not patient. It's also true that he hasn't been ignoring me even if I feel that way. What was ignored was this reintroduction of physical intimacy, not me. And it didn't need discussing. It was what it was. GD acted much like he's been acting. He was keeping up his end. I let down my end.

 

GD did not say or imply any of what follows but this is where I woke up this morning. I knew I should have trusted it and instead I flaked. I reacted like a spoiled child even when I knew and and reminded myself that I knew this was going to be a very slow process and that we were moving in the right direction. I also knew he was trying and I was ungrateful. Yes, ungrateful.

 

I'm going to follow through with tonight's date unless something changes my mind. I have no idea where GD woke up this morning in terms of well being so I'm going to try and keep an open mind. You know, I kept telling myself I knew what was going on and I wasn't going to f*sk this up and what happened? I f*sked it up anyway.

 

We'll see where the day takes us. Thanks for being there. I'll come back and respond to FloweryStars later. I wish I'd seen that post yesterday before I stuck both feet in my mouth!

 

Carrot

Posted

One of my previous points was that you neednt feel that you have to be perfect. It is good to have self control, but in a relationship (I think) that its also good to know that youre accepted and loved even when youre less than perfect.

After reading your last post I do agree with Underpants and you about going on the date, and having trust and patience. What is it that is making you feel insecure? Is it because of the physical? Because I think thats just being female. You can see his point of view aswell, it is clear here, and that must be evident to him.

  • Author
Posted

Yah. I got confirmation from a friend in the know. I was wrong. GD was right. Oh well. Live and learn. I had a really spectacular day at work today so I'm feeling very good. And very tired.

 

Almost too tired for sex even.

 

But NOT QUITE!

 

Carrot

×
×
  • Create New...