carrotgirl Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 I'm having a nutter of a day today. Recently a few friends suggested I should take my own advice and date some new men. I've been thinking about that. I don't really want to date. Though I am feeling hard up frustrated sexually despite good times with GD this week, or is that because of them? So mentally I am thinking some sex would be a fun diversion in more ways than one but I am not in the mood for romantic dating. So I started thinking about what would it mean to me to have sex with someone else that isn't GD. I think I could do it. I mean, I think it wouldn't bother me because I wouldn't love whoever, it would just be sex. I'm not a strong believer in you only have to have sex with people you love. I'm very big on personal safety and I don't have these issues with separating romance from sex like say, GD does. If I were talking to me as a friend, I would tell me to do what I like, be safe, physically and emotionally and take care of what I need to. I would say it's none of GD's business what I do. I would ask why should I care what he thinks anyway. I would think it's not cheating because as of now we're not in a committed relationship. We're just seeing what happens. I don't think it's a problem if I want to have sex with more than one partner as long as I'm safe. I would say go have fun. That's what I would say to anyone else. I'm saying it to myself. It's not really working for me. I think I know that at this point in our trying things out, if I had sex with someone else, despite being careful, despite not being committed, despite being discreet and considerate ...... GD would never forgive me. He would lie and tell me he didn't care and he would hate me truly. He doesn't separate love from sex. He knows I do. It's one of our few disagreements that never really mattered to me because we were together. Maybe I'm looking to sabotage any chances for being together because this is a place that is scaring me? It would be so easy to do that. I know these are important steps we're taking. I know we have to go slowly. What is wrong with me? Carrot
amaysngrace Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 So what's your deal? Are you on a break from your relationship or is it over? Is he seeing anyone? I'm confused.
Nemo Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 I'm confused. That's hardly surprising. Maybe if you were frustrated sexually you could relate better? Anyway, it's something of a relief that you are confused, too. I was a bit worried about what I should do about my own confusion. Thank you.
amaysngrace Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 I was a bit worried about what I should do about my own confusion. I don't know why I can't understand these things. I was thinking there was something wrong with me but it's nice to know you are like me so now I feel more normal. Thank you.
amaysngrace Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 And on a side note, I don't think that Carrot wants to reply because she will have an evil number. That creeps me out too. Just post another reply really quickly Carrot and hope that the mods don't squash a post you wrote yesterday or else you get that evil number again. PS There's nothing wrong with you.
cant let go Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 carrot, i feel your pain. i too was feeling the sexual frustration. and although my situation is not entirely reflective of yours since my ex has fully moved on to someone new and i will assume this includes sexually, i found the sex with someone else to be completely unfulfilling. perhaps that was because the sex was lacking and not necessarily because the love was lacking, but all the same, after truly experiencing sex with someone that i love completely, the sex for sex's sake, was such a disappointment. honestly, my ex wasn't the world's greatest lover, but a million orgasms couldn't replace that emotional connection that i felt with him. i say this to you because, before my ex i had been able to have sex for sex's sake and now, i just don't know if i can ever get back to it. i will say that it wasn't a complete loss though. it was fun, just not enough. and he wasn't lacking in size either, so it wasn't that! all that being said, this is ultimately a decision about your wants and needs and not about GD. what will make you happy in the long run?
jdeedee Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 It may be sabotage? I don't know. You know that things have to move slowly is self gratification not an option? Something to keep you grounded and satisfied? I know I long for the interpersonal being with someone else but I know that like GD, I could never just have sex so unfortunately it's not an option for me. Will your world be over if you are celibate for some time while things are worked out between you and GD?
jdeedee Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 all that being said, this is ultimately a decision about your wants and needs and not about GD. what will make you happy in the long run? I don't agree with that. I think that at the current state of relations between GD and CG, where they are working through things (albiet slowly) it is important to keep the other in mind when making decisions. No they aren't exclusive but they were exclusive and are working towards being exclusive again. Just my two cents.
amaysngrace Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 Will your world be over if you are celibate for some time while things are worked out between you and GD? Who is GD? You guys talk like you know what that means. All I think of is hot damn, except it's not hot.
jdeedee Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 Who is GD? You guys talk like you know what that means. All I think of is hot damn, except it's not hot. GD stands for Giant Douche, he is CarrotGirl's ex (It was very confusing for me too until I began following her threads more closely)
Nemo Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 Who is GD? You guys talk like you know what that means. All I think of is hot damn, except it's not hot. Close, but no cigar. It stands for Giant Dick.
Author carrotgirl Posted January 27, 2008 Author Posted January 27, 2008 Close, but no cigar. It stands for Giant Dick. OMGROTFL!
Always Wrong Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 (edited) Carrot Be safe... have fun... and it's fun to listen to you talk to yourself! You gave you some pretty good advice! Edited January 27, 2008 by Always Wrong
Author carrotgirl Posted January 27, 2008 Author Posted January 27, 2008 Yah. Was trying to figure out the evil number thing. Whoosh. amaysngrace, Nemo, We're testing the waters. No labels. No pressure. cant let go, Campbell's Soup sex. JDD, no sir. Self gratification isn't helping things. I was coping just fine with the lack of sex (well I wasn't FINE but you all understand) until there was physical intimacy and now I'm out of my mind horny and also, a little bewildered what with the same old question of is it supposed to mean something because everyone else says it means something for them or is it okay to simply enjoy really great sex with the man I love? Of course, now I want a WHOLE lot more. And so, problem. Carrot
cant let go Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 I don't agree with that. I think that at the current state of relations between GD and CG, where they are working through things (albiet slowly) it is important to keep the other in mind when making decisions. No they aren't exclusive but they were exclusive and are working towards being exclusive again. Just my two cents. your point is very valid JD but i never meant to insinuate that carrot shouldn't consider the consequences of her decision. i only meant that if she is okay with what may happen in the long run, she should do what will make her happy. it may not make her happy knowing that she could hurt GD, and that is the point that I was trying to make.
Author carrotgirl Posted January 27, 2008 Author Posted January 27, 2008 Be safe... have fun... and it's fun to listen to you talk to yourself! You gave you some pretty good advice! My self tells me that the only way to know for sure if we can build a new relationship is not to do things that will harm it. If someone could hand me a guarantee that GD would never find out I was having sex with someone else, I'd call a buddy and work out some kinks. But GD would eventually learn of it and he would be hurt. Even if we're not exclusive, there isn't anyone else. Not for him or me. So screw someone else for some release and clear my head so as not to screw myself over with GD by acting like an idiot vs. screw myself over by engaging in activity I think is harmless but will nonetheless hurt GD? My self would tell me that 50 years from now I'll wish I'd had more fun. My self would tell me to shut up Carrot. Carrot
Author carrotgirl Posted January 27, 2008 Author Posted January 27, 2008 And OH my god! He totally knew I hadn't been with anyone anyway. I'm hurting you. You're big. Have to get used to you again. Should I stop? Shut up. Seriously oww while still so damn amazing! I know exactly what he's like but it's been four months and I forgot what he's like. I did get to see him completely limp for the first time ever. That was kind of cool. It didn't last long though. I'm waiting. I hate waiting. I'm picking belly button lint and refusing to charge my phone so I can't call him and tell him to GET OVER HERE! I hate passivity. I hate games. This is so stupid. Carrot
FLOWERYSTARS Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 I'm having a nutter of a day today. Recently a few friends suggested I should take my own advice and date some new men. I've been thinking about that. I don't really want to date. Though I am feeling hard up frustrated sexually despite good times with GD this week, or is that because of them? So mentally I am thinking some sex would be a fun diversion in more ways than one but I am not in the mood for romantic dating. So I started thinking about what would it mean to me to have sex with someone else that isn't GD. I think I could do it. I mean, I think it wouldn't bother me because I wouldn't love whoever, it would just be sex. I'm not a strong believer in you only have to have sex with people you love. I'm very big on personal safety and I don't have these issues with separating romance from sex like say, GD does. If I were talking to me as a friend, I would tell me to do what I like, be safe, physically and emotionally and take care of what I need to. I would say it's none of GD's business what I do. I would ask why should I care what he thinks anyway. I would think it's not cheating because as of now we're not in a committed relationship. We're just seeing what happens. I don't think it's a problem if I want to have sex with more than one partner as long as I'm safe. I would say go have fun. That's what I would say to anyone else. I'm saying it to myself. It's not really working for me. I think I know that at this point in our trying things out, if I had sex with someone else, despite being careful, despite not being committed, despite being discreet and considerate ...... GD would never forgive me. He would lie and tell me he didn't care and he would hate me truly. He doesn't separate love from sex. He knows I do. It's one of our few disagreements that never really mattered to me because we were together. Maybe I'm looking to sabotage any chances for being together because this is a place that is scaring me? It would be so easy to do that. I know these are important steps we're taking. I know we have to go slowly. What is wrong with me? Carrot I havent read the replies because I am too furious with my own situation at the moment to be patient enough. My reply to you though is: Throw the idea casually into a conversation with him. Say something like "Well since we are not in a relationship, I guess that makes us free agents." I would even add in, "which is great because I have a date Saturday" If he wants you, he should commit to you. If he doesnt then you can do exactly as you please. If you do whatever you please he has a great excuse to carry on not commiting. So dont DO it, just act as though youre planning to. It isnt a game, its just setting your own standards for what deserves that kind of loyalty from you and making those standards known.
underpants Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 Oh, Are you considering sabatoge? The thing is ...you love GD. So even if you did find a physical release with someone else. You run the risk of beating yourself up later because of an action. Also if he did find out, it would be an 'easy' out for him as far as a reconciliation is concerned. Does that sound close? You two reconnected physically again just a few days ago right? He sounds like a huge introspective type of person (perhaps a little too introspective). He might need a few days to process what that means to him. At some point you will have to lay out what you want Carrot. That is scary. If you want an exclusive relationship with GD then don't settle for fwb with him. Also, I would not get involved with that Exlax person if they have a girlfriend. That is just silly. I'm still rooting for you. GD needs to man up and love you properly.
Author carrotgirl Posted January 27, 2008 Author Posted January 27, 2008 Since words are beyond the comes when called team.... http://custom.cavemanagement.com/dropbox/k/Peaches_ImpeachMyBush/09%20-%20Peaches%20-%20Slippery%20Dick.Mp3 Unders, what would I do without your heart and head on my side? There's so much we have to catch up on. Sabotage. Yah. Takes one to know one huh? I'm not calling. I'm not fwb-ing. I'm not anything-ing until further notice. As far as I'm concerned this is a whole new situation, except for obviously, it's not. He'll call me. He'll approach me. He needs to be dominant for his own sanity (even though it doesn't suit him) and I need to let him (even though it doesn't suit me). Man up. That seems unfair. He faced as much fear last week as I did. Maybe more. I'm on my honor to love him properly and get over my bad self wanting him to eat shh*t before he can be with me. It's hard. Carrot
Always Wrong Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 My self tells me that the only way to know for sure if we can build a new relationship is not to do things that will harm it. If someone could hand me a guarantee that GD would never find out I was having sex with someone else, I'd call a buddy and work out some kinks. But GD would eventually learn of it and he would be hurt. Even if we're not exclusive, there isn't anyone else. Not for him or me. So screw someone else for some release and clear my head so as not to screw myself over with GD by acting like an idiot vs. screw myself over by engaging in activity I think is harmless but will nonetheless hurt GD? My self would tell me that 50 years from now I'll wish I'd had more fun. My self would tell me to shut up Carrot. Carrot You are so freek'n funny! You gave yourself excellent advice and came back with a valid argument! The 50 years from now thing... AW
underpants Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 (edited) Man up. That seems unfair. He faced as much fear last week as I did. Maybe more. I'm on my honor to love him properly and get over my bad self wanting him to eat shh*t before he can be with me. It's hard. Carrot I did not mean that to sound as harsh as you (or others) may have read it. It has to be hard to be uncertain where each of you stand in regard to the other. The waiting game is no fun either. I don't want to see you get hurt. I don't want him to 'cave' away into not properly dealing with things. You can lead a stubborn and scared mule to water......and all that jazz. At least you can find the humor in things. I hope he can cut the mustard to get to the custard or whatever the message of that song was. Edited January 27, 2008 by underpants
Author carrotgirl Posted January 28, 2008 Author Posted January 28, 2008 (edited) I did not mean that to sound as harsh as you (or others) may have read it. It has to be hard to be uncertain where each of you stand in regard to the other. The waiting game is no fun either. I don't want to see you get hurt. I don't want him to 'cave' away into not properly dealing with things. You can lead a stubborn and scared mule to water......and all that jazz. At least you can find the humor in things. I hope he can cut the mustard to get to the custard or whatever the message of that song was. Not harsh in the slightest. It was exactly what I was thinking and saying myself. Then I realized that GD had to [cough cough] come a little bit farther than I did last week. He had submit to himself. He had to be right with himself. He had to be responsible to himself for something he'd previously said he couldn't handle. That's a pretty big deal. My issues, aside from plain old fear, are having patience and releasing resentment. Because I really do know where I stand with him. I know he loves me. I know he desires me. I know he did all along. I also know that he walked away once. And now I know he walked back. There are no guarantees. I don't want to hurt either. I think a lot of that is up to me. It's time for me to choose what is important to me. A lot of people have said, Oh Carrot, you can have it all. You deserve it all. I'm not sure I believe that about me or anyone. I think if I want GD, I have to let go of some things and adopt others. For instance, if I want GD I am going to have to accept that the kitchen is not going to be my domain. I may always be a guest in GD's kitchen. I'll have to get over my gender identity issues. It's not like I get nothing out of it. GD will be the nurturer. He cooks. He cleans. He takes care of me when I'm sick. He doesn't want those things from me. It's hard to argue. GD is much better at these things than I am. He's more efficient. It pains him to watch me try. But I still want to cook anyway so he let's me bake cookies and stir things. I get to select the wine. I build the fire in the fireplace. [scratch] [grunt] [swagger] I am really understanding why in recent (the last 50 years) times men have had so much trouble with women who don't let them express themselves this way. What can I provide? What will be the draw? We each can earn a good living so that's not it. I provide other things. Intangible things. And they are, I am, valuable enough on my own. I don't need to do anything to earn GD's love and companionship except for loving him the way he wants to be loved. You'd think it would be as easy as it sounds. Sometimes it's really easy and then I'm surprised. Sometimes I forget and I act like an a$$$hole. Sometimes I forget that GD doesn't want a pale lily. He knows perfectly well who I am inside and out. He doesn't want me to change. He never did. He just wanted me to get a grip and accept that this is good the way it is. And sometimes I need to be gentler with him. I have to admit, it was fair because now I want the same thing from him. http://custom.cavemanagement.com/dropbox/k/Peaches_ImpeachMyBush/02%20-%20Peaches%20-%20Tent%20In%20Your%20Pants.Mp3 Oh yah. I can find the humor. Edited January 28, 2008 by carrotgirl
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