sakeeta Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 I am really beginning to wonder if I am ever going to be able to get off this roller coaster. It has been 4 months, and I am still not ok. I have times where I think I am going to be fine, and then I lose it somehow and I feel like I am back to square one. It doesn't help that I am staying with my daughter and that my ex is right across a field from me. I can see part of his house from the living room window. At times I almost feel like a stalker, because I can hardly stop myself from watching to see when he comes home, to see if anyone goes over there, etc. I'm beginning to think I am crazy. Intellectually I am fully aware that I am better off, less stressed, and so on, but my heart just freaks out and wont agree with my brain. If anything, that struggle alone is driving me nuts. My heart hurts so bad, and while I don't miss the man I left, I very much do miss the man I fell in love with. Very, very much. I am so tired.
screwedup55 Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 I understand. I know in my head everything I need to do, but my heart just isn't following along. It's very frustrating and I wish I could just get a good night sleep.
PinkRibbon Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 I understand your feelings. It has been 4 months for me also and my heart hurts more today than when it first happen. I don't see how I am going to get any better. I am tired also. Tired of crying everyday, tired of hurting, tired of having to get up and face another day without him. Just plain tired of life. I can't offer any help but there are some of us out here who feel the same and you. I do hope it gets better one day of all of us.
Issues & tissues Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 (edited) Same scenario here -- so can't really offer any constructive advice -- but at least I can take comfort in the fact that I am not the only one who feels this way. Hang in there! I know people who I thought would never make it through a break up but who have come out stronger the other side. Edited January 27, 2008 by Issues & tissues
FLOWERYSTARS Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 I am really beginning to wonder if I am ever going to be able to get off this roller coaster. It has been 4 months, and I am still not ok. I have times where I think I am going to be fine, and then I lose it somehow and I feel like I am back to square one. It doesn't help that I am staying with my daughter and that my ex is right across a field from me. I can see part of his house from the living room window. At times I almost feel like a stalker, because I can hardly stop myself from watching to see when he comes home, to see if anyone goes over there, etc. I'm beginning to think I am crazy. Intellectually I am fully aware that I am better off, less stressed, and so on, but my heart just freaks out and wont agree with my brain. If anything, that struggle alone is driving me nuts. My heart hurts so bad, and while I don't miss the man I left, I very much do miss the man I fell in love with. Very, very much. I am so tired.Throw yourself into something else. A course of education, learning to dance, a whole new lifestyle change....
BrianG Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 just wanted to add your not alone. 3 plus months for me. I cannot provide that much advice either since I have not been able to accept it and let go yet either and dont know how i am going to get past it. The only thing i can suggest is to take it one day at a time and after a significant time has passed you will begin to feel better, even if its just a little bit.
Jmina Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 4 months really isnt that long when you were very much in love and had strong future goals and plans together. even if you didnt have the latter, its still not that long. sounds like your trying to rush yourself to get over it and your fighting it which is making you tired. you need to go with the flow of the breakup. accept you feel the worst youve ever felt, breath through your feelings instead of giving them words for fuel to make you feel worse. Just know that your in the exact spot youre meant to be in right now because you will gain a lot from it. and that is why you must flow with it. Life is hard when we fight against the current, it is much easier to go with it. it doesnt mean give up, loose hope, or stop trying. it means accept as much as you can about the situation, accept how you feel and know that it is actually 100% o.k that you love your ex still. it shows how open and loving your heart is. you are allowed to love him from afar. eventually you will sort this out through a natural process. the more you surrender to the hard parts and just say, okay. shrug your shoulders if you dont understand why something has to be a certain way, cry it out, but dont fight it with all the questions in the world. just know it has to be how it is. this too shall pass. it did for me and i was just like you. for months and months and months. Love Jmina
Author sakeeta Posted January 29, 2008 Author Posted January 29, 2008 I want to thank you all again for your input. I really do love this place...and the support I find here. It is nice to know you are not alone, because most of the time I feel that I am. I would love to take FLOWERYSTARS suggestion, and I actually have made plans and am preparing to move to another part of this country that I have never been to...totally new scenery, new life, new everything. I couldn't be any more alone than I am right now. While I do have friends here, I don't see them that often. I am, however, having to put my plans on hold for now. My daughter has decided to join the Army, and while she is in training I will be in charge of her two children..my grandbabies both under 3 years old, 24/7, not leaving much time or energy for anything else. When she is done, my truck and I will both be ready to go. Thank you all again so much for being there again!
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