ABrokenWing Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 If you start seeing someone, how long would you wait for sex if one of the ppl wanted to take things slow? a week, a month, 3 months? How long have you waited in the past? Was it worth waiting for?
ElvenPriestess Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 You can't really gauge it, as people are different. Some believe in waiting for a variety of reasons. Some believe in the "you only live once" theory. But it just depends on the people involved. You can't really stereo type something like this. I have however wondered if it would be different to wait a long time, as I have never waited the let's say, many months, or a lengthy time to have sex. Now I don't regret it, but there is the chance it would bring a different experience. But truly, it all depends on you and the person.
amerikajin Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 Each person is different. I don't mind waiting a while. I can certainly wait a few weeks and perhaps even a few months if I feel the relationship is progressing well otherwise. I would begin to wonder, though, if there weren't some real issues if I were in a committed relationship for more than three months. Mind you, that doesn't mean I would bail; it just means that I would start to raise questions in my mind and I would probably feel compelled to probe as to why someone didn't feel comfortable with intimacy. I'm assuming, too, that religion wouldn't be an issue with me because I probably wouldn't date someone who is super religious to begin with. I don't think I could continue indefinitely without a physically intimate relationship, but I wouldn't have deadlines necessarily. I guess if three months had come and gone I would probably talk with her about why she doesn't want to have sex, but not in a way that pressures her. I would just listen and try to feel the situation out. Chances are she's got a lot of anxiety about it and needs reassurance about your commitment to her. If talking didn't work, then I guess I'd probably move on. At the end of the day, I think relationships should include physical intimacy. But that's just the way I see it. Some couples actually function just fine without it. You just need to make sure that your needs and expectations match hers.
MystifiedByMen Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 If you start seeing someone, how long would you wait for sex if one of the ppl wanted to take things slow? a week, a month, 3 months? How long have you waited in the past? Was it worth waiting for? are you male or female. Are you dating someone and for how long?
AllInOne Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 I cannot give an exact deadline but I could wait a long time. It seems like to me that realationships are mostly likely to end due to non sex issues. So, I focus on getting those sorted out first.
EYECANDY000 Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 Everyone is different. It depends on how comfortable you are with that person. I personally dont have a set time line. I get to know a person and when the tme feels right, then thats when i take it from there
Nightwolf_58 Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 I think the last 2 relationships I had waited for 3 months. Call me weird, but I really couldn't have sex with someone until I knew that I did love them. Once they said it and I said it, I knew I was ready and it probably was much better because of that.
SamZamboni Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 I'd wait three, maybe five dates before I'd wonder why we weren't clicking in a good and healthy, nekkid kind of a way. Where's the passion?
Lauriebell82 Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 I generally prefer to wait to have sex with someone in a relationship. Relationships progress at different paces but generally I don't like to sleep with a partner unless we are in an exclusive relationship and it's getting more serious, as in I feel as though I'm falling in love with them. I could never sleep with anyone I barely knew and would hate the thought of sleeping wtih someone once and then never talking to them again (like a one night stand, never have had one, never will). So like the other posters said, everyone is different. I prefer to wait, but that's just my preference.
mortensorchid Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 Hmmm ... There's no one answer to this one. But, a general rule of thumb is after at least 4 to 5 dates, if you have already established the fact that you feel that certain something of attraction. If you don't feel that certain something, then chances are you won't feel it ever.
Citizen Erased Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 It really depends on the person. My current boyfriend, it was less then a month. The one before that, it was almost a year and my first was before I had even started dating him. It really does depend on the person, how comfortable you feel, how attracted you are etc. I think having a set time would be a bit of a turn off.
johan Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 Two weeks seems to be pretty standard in my relationships. 2nd or 3rd date. I don't know that having sex too soon is a problem so much as it can be a symptom of a problem. How long would I wait? Well, assuming it was someone who lived nearby, I'd wait differing amount of time, depending on the person. If it was a matter of strong beliefs or some kind of personal standard, I'd wait quite a while. If it was an unexplained stiff arm or some kind of hangup with sex itself, I'd probably not wait as long before moving on.
Nemo Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 more than 3yrs and pretty darn proud of it Congratulations. The marriage night will be one to remember forever. Anyway, back onto the topic. I would wait almost forever. I say "almost" forever because I would want to stick it in just before the end. So when the end comes it will be in. And that sounds like a fitting end.
Author ABrokenWing Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 are you male or female. Are you dating someone and for how long? female, and I'm not dating anyone.
ahah2322 Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 haha Nemo, marriage night? oh no- i'm definitely not saving myself up. (i have no religious or cultural hangups whatsoever) i just have to feel ready.
reliance Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Everyone has different views on sex as they do other things and i think that everyone's view is respected. After all there really is no right or wrong in this case. It's how you feel about it and what makes you happy. Personally I am a vert sexual person and like to have sex often. When starting a new relationship i usually have sex with that person within the first month. That's long enough wait for me and i have never had a guy complain but thats my personal choice.
oppath Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 After about 6 weeks, I'd be thinking "where's the sex?" If she's a vegetarian, it's cool if we are out eco-terrorizing suv's and what not, but if she doesn't want my meat in the bedroom, it raises some questions for me. Mostly, it makes me feel like she is not attracted to me and that I'm doing something wrong, that she doesn't really like me. Also, usually when sex is not happening, it's felt like other things aren't happening too. Screw the woman being comfortable. It's all about my comfort too. If I'm ready to have sex -- not in the physical sense -- but in the emotional sense where I'm really ready to explore greater intimacy with her, and she is not ready, that's a big incompatibility. I can wait until the point I decide "I actually really like this girl and can see a future with her." If I reach that point, but we aren't exclusively dating, and we don't have a sexual component to our relationship, I'm going to bail, because if I just wanted to hang out once a week and hold hands I'd buy a Dolorean, punch the gas to 88mph, and go back to the 5th grade. My view is if I've decided "I want to date her and only her," if she still doesn't want to have sex with me and wants to wait, I'm probably going to bail. Why? It would signify incompatibilities in some way, as I feel it's not a bad idea to have sex before committing so you know how sexually compatible you are. However, if I am really compatible with someone, the sex is going to be good because I'll be able to ask for what I want. But if things aren't progressing sexually, most often things aren't progressing otherwise. When the emotional connection is getting deeper, usually that's when sex starts happening. If we aren't having sex, and I don't feel we are heading in that direction via the emotional connection, I bail.
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