DayDreamer75 Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 I've been doing lots of soul searching these days... Thought of all my ex relationships... My current one. And I have asked myself a question: is it possible to be unbearably unhappy with a person you love a lot and be extremely happy in a relationship with a man that you don't feel as much passion for but that seems to care for you a lot and give you everything? I am asking this question because I think to have experienced this and am wondering how common this may be... Before my current relationship where I am not totally happy although I've resisted 6 years because I loved him, I've been in different relationships, even long term, where I could feel I could stay for the rest of my life because I felt loved and cared for. I guess my question stems from the fact that at this point in my life I'd like to understand inside myself whether I want to be with a man that I love (although not so passionately) and that treats me well or with a man who I love passionately but with whom I don't feel to be so much loved. At this point in my life I seem to choose the first option. Are there risks with this option? Anyone who has similar experiences? Thanks
lbj123 Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 I fully understand what you are asking, this is a question I struggle with a lot. I constantly feel that when I feel my strongest, most intensely happy feelings towards another person, they end up not giving me what I look for in a companion. but on the other side, most relationships where the man goes above and beyond and showed me his feelings and cares for me, they seem to not "feel" right. I sometimes beat myself up for being selfish, or glutanous even. I try to access realistically what I want and need from a SO, but question whether I am chasing the impossible. I guess I can't provide an answer, but I can offer support, understanding and the comfort that you are not the only one who feels this way. I constantly ask myself, how will I really know that this guy is the right one? What will it feel like? Will it be blaringly obvious, or is it much more difficult to figure out? have I already passed up on a person who could have been my right person, or will I know for sure when I meet him?
PerfectLee Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 DD75-I read your previous post yesterday, didn't have a chance to respond, but I was thinking about how to simplify this whole situation for you. In a nutshell, I think that if you're even thinking outside of this relationship 1 of 2 things are happening. One, you are changing, and spending time w/yourself, rediscovering you, wondering what you will want once this journey is over. Or two, he has forced you into a point in your life where the decision to end it is up to you. Decisions in a relationship take two people, and by the sound of how things are going w/him, he's relinguished his duties as a partner. Or both. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. If you end things w/him, and some time passes, will you wonder if you tried? Will you regret any decisions? Those are hard to answer right now, but you also have to take a look at your ex relationships and how they ended, what part you played in it all, and if this is a pattern. I hope this helps a little in terms of perspective. You should be able to talk to him about things like this, but apparently his ears fell off. lol
Meaplus3 Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 I've been doing lots of soul searching these days... Thought of all my ex relationships... My current one. And I have asked myself a question: is it possible to be unbearably unhappy with a person you love a lot and be extremely happy in a relationship with a man that you don't feel as much passion for but that seems to care for you a lot and give you everything? I am asking this question because I think to have experienced this and am wondering how common this may be... Before my current relationship where I am not totally happy although I've resisted 6 years because I loved him, I've been in different relationships, even long term, where I could feel I could stay for the rest of my life because I felt loved and cared for. I guess my question stems from the fact that at this point in my life I'd like to understand inside myself whether I want to be with a man that I love (although not so passionately) and that treats me well or with a man who I love passionately but with whom I don't feel to be so much loved. At this point in my life I seem to choose the first option. Are there risks with this option? Anyone who has similar experiences? Thanks I think in order to decide this your really do need to look deep within yourself to figure out what will make you happy in the long run.. The way I see it is that either one could, the choice is entirely up to you...I would think there is a risk with both opiton's here, however by really doing a little soul searching...you can find your answer. Good luck. AP:)
whichwayisup Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 Just remember, over time that passion and intensity fades...What you're left with is what counts.
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