thewolfman Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 I have been in a serious, 4 month long, long distance relationship with a girl across the country. I am 16, she is 17. We've never had a fight, and only minor relationship problems, nothing even close to causing an end to our relationship. We have had plans for a while now for me to go visit her this summer, and be physically together for at least a month before I need to return. We met online and have never gotten together before. But 2 nights ago, she told me that she couldn't take the pain of us being across the country, and that she "couldn't see us together" and that she wanted to break up. This was a complete surprise to me, as it came out of nowhere. The last time I had talked to her before this, we were both perfectly fine, talking like we normally do, saying we loved each other, etc. But she said she had been thinking about it for weeks now. We talked on the phone for hours (both of us crying for almost the entire time) and at first she was saying that she wouldn't change her mind, that we were definitely breaking up. This whole time she was still continuing to say that she loved me, and that maybe in 3 or 4 years, when we would be able to be physically together, we could definitely try a relationship again, and until then we would just be friends. After a few hours of this, and me telling her that I thought that the fact we loved each other, and were happy together were far more important than our distance apart, she eventually started saying that she felt stupid and that she "ruined a good relationship". She then said she wanted to keep trying the relationship. She has promised me that she genuinely does want to continue dating me, that she is not just continuing because she doesn't want to hurt me. For 2 days now she's been saying that all she wants to do is forget it ever happened, and try to continue on with our relationship the way it was before (which we have had some minor success with doing that so far, having had a few brief happy conversations about unrelated topics like we did before). She says that she's no longer worried about the long distance aspect after discussing it with me. I love her, and I'm happy that we're together still. But I'm scared that this might happen again (even though she promised me that it won't), and even though I'm not mad at her (I truly do forgive her), I'm still hurt from the entire experience. I've told her both of these things already. How do I move on from such a thing? Is there anything I can do to improve the situation? Does anyone have any other general advice?
mylovegrowsdeeper Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 Be realistic about what you're going through. Young love isn't really meant to last forever. I know I must sound like the grim reaper of romance there but it's true...when we're young and as we grow we go through many changes,adaptions- and partners. We fall in love, out of love, back in love, have our hearts wretched...and from it all we learn until one day we're at the point in our life where we meet that person we do settle down with.
Author thewolfman Posted January 28, 2008 Author Posted January 28, 2008 Well, now she's ended it again... I'm going to try one more time to try to fix it though...
TMichaels Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 Well, now she's ended it again... I'm going to try one more time to try to fix it though... wolfman, From what you've posted, as much as she would like to have a relationship with you, your g/f is having serious doubts about her ability to sustain a LDR. Some people are better suited to a LDR than others. As much as you'd like to continue your LD relationship, you can't make her do so. You might be able to get her to reconsider a second time, but my guess is that this is not the last time she'll be telling you she wants out. Don't waste your time chasing someone who's not willing to put in what it takes. The heartache, frustration and angst is not worth it -- besides, wouldn't you rather be in a relationship with someone who wants to be with you as much as you do, them? Best, TMichaels
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