Broke NC.... oh well back to the drawing board

[NiceGirlcomeslast]

I text my ex this evening, I've been 11 days NC and I just missed him, I talked through a lot with my best friend and realised that my relationship was shielding me from being affected by some major changes in my life and now without it I have to deal with them and it's hard, Like someone took off the brake and now I am being hit by the massive train.

 

Also I changed myself today, got a new hairdo and I looked good, and for 6 months now everytime I have looked good it's been for him, and if I wasn't seeing him a day I was looking good I'd feel like it was wasted and engineering a way of seeing him (even though he complimented me most when I tried the least). So I wanted to see him.

 

In the end I just text him a joke that I knew would make him laugh and put "I don't ever want to be a stranger to you and I hope that one day we can be friends" at the end.

 

It's not a replier, and we agreed NC so 90% of me is cool that he hasn't replied actually feels relieved and like I can move on with my life.

But 10% of me thought that maybe he would forget being sensible, forget that he can't do relationship and text me back... just because, well just because he said that he loves me and if I loved someone and hadn't heard from them in over a week and they text me I would text back, but then again I wouldn't have broken up with me so I guess we are all different....

 

Not the worst NC breaking story, but then again the S**t tends to hit the fan 24 hours later... watch this space.

 

Goodnight Chaps

[FLOWERYSTARS]

I know what you mean about the looking good thing. Whenever I am looking my best I find myself loitering where the ex is likely to pass by, and previously I would contact.

Nowadays I dont bother, its been a while and after being ignored a few times, you get bored.

Its really hard breaking up, and you are doing well. Emotionally you go from feeling you're in a team, to suddenly being alone, and many more emotions. It takes a little while to feel strong again.

A good idea is to strengthen other areas in your life so that you feel more independent, even if you are in most ways.

[NiceGirlcomeslast]

He didn't reply, surprise surprise. I was feeling rubbish on Sunday and decided to text him again. I said

"I am not alcohol, I am not take away, I know you live your life with only two options feast or famine but can't you try moderation. I would rather hear about your new

gf

who you love and can be happy with than not hear from you at all. I am sorry that I'

m

weak but I miss you. I am deleting your number

so

you don't ever have to hear from me, but if you ever do I am here."

 

He didn't reply to that but I had a call from a witheld number that night at 10.30 I didn't get to my phone in time, I had a strong feeling it was him, but witholding his number is a bit weird, maybe he doesn't want me to ever have his number again. I don't know.... maybe it wasn't him.

 

I am feeling a lot stronger generally though.

[Always Wrong]

I had a call from a witheld number that night at 10.30 I didn't get to my phone in time.

I just hate it when that happens. I have been considering the useful messages I recieve on my private phone, and have considered turning off call notes/messaging, after weighing the frustration over missing a call that doesn't leave a message against the useful messages I get. That way the phone keeps ringing until the calling party hangs up, giving me more time to get to the phone.

[jdeedee]

When I called my ex on Weds to try and open up a line of communication I had a missed call from an Unknown Number about 30 minutes later.

 

I swear that no one ever calls my cell but along the same lines I don't know why she would ever go through the trouble of blocking her caller ID. It isn't something she would do or think to do.

 

Weird

[NiceGirlcomeslast]

Why does this man have a direct line to the crazy part of my brain!! I have spent the morning wondering whether to email him and ask if it was him (what have I got to lose apart from a little dignity).

 

Also looking up codes you can type into your phone to see withheld numbers, shouldn't work but my phone gives a "Callers number displayed" message after I put it in so we will see.

 

I feel like maybe that call was my chance, if I didn't pick up then he wont contact me again. I make rationalisations like that before I phone people, like fate will mean they either pick up or not and if not it's not meant to be, I doubt my ex does but you never know.

 

I hate unknown caller calls they always make you think that they are from the person you want them to be from, and there is no way of you finding out if they are.

 

I don't know how to turn off my voicemail or make it come on later, my ex's number can ring for ages before VM kicks in, mine kicks in within 5 rings. Might have to make a call to customer services....

[bustertypsy]

Nicegirl,

Your reactions are a classic example of why we strongly recommend not breaking NC.We drive ourselves to distraction.If we get no reply we question if they actually got the text msg,maybe it didn't send,blah blah blah.Then when our phone rings we dash to pick it up hoping it's them.If we get a call and the caller ID is witheld we wonder was that them.

 

This is a terrible thing we put ourselves through.We have to revert back and remind ourselves that if they want to be with us,they will make the move(assuming you are the dumpee) Making contact has no positive effects whatsoever.If you dumped someone and later realised it was the wrong decision,would'nt you be sure to try and get that person back? Well so will they.NC is not easy,but it is easier than driving yourself to the edge of insanity,texting,hoping for replies.Move on and if they do realise they made a grave error,they will be back,guaranteed.

[NiceGirlcomeslast]

You are right buster,

 

Me and my ex had a 6 week break up which just involved going NC then breaking it and then doing the same thing again and every time I saw him/spoke to him it was bad news, either it would be great and give me false hope or it would be clear that we couldn't do it and so it would feel like a break up again.

 

This time feels different, I am curious about whether it was him that called, I hope it was and I still care about him but I think that part of me just wanted to have the last word.

 

Despite my frustration yesterday, today I feel something I haven't felt in 6 months indifferent, if he doesn't call me ever again I will live. I don't even miss him. I don't know maybe I am fooling myself but it feels pretty real, I feel like I might be getting over him.

 

I was the dumpee and he is not the type to change his mind. I used to wonder how he could say he loves me and then not be with me, how he can not miss me but he is used to feeling empty and lonely, when he started to feel happy with me was when he decided that he had to bail.

 

The break up wasn't about me it was about him so without a hell of a lot of counselling our ship has sailed.

 

I am taking your advice, I am moving on, whether he realises his mistake or not I am going to be happy

[Always Wrong]

NG,

Putting in his number is a good idea, my phone does that too. I can also set mine to tell incoming callers that I do not accept blocked calls. Then the caller can unblock the number and try again if the call is important to them.

[FLOWERYSTARS]

If he was having second thoughts you would get more than one chance. As the last poster said, if he wants to contact you he will.

[Meaplus3]

I text my ex this evening, I've been 11 days NC and I just missed him, I talked through a lot with my best friend and realised that my relationship was shielding me from being affected by some major changes in my life and now without it I have to deal with them and it's hard, Like someone took off the brake and now I am being hit by the massive train.

 

Also I changed myself today, got a new hairdo and I looked good, and for 6 months now everytime I have looked good it's been for him, and if I wasn't seeing him a day I was looking good I'd feel like it was wasted and engineering a way of seeing him (even though he complimented me most when I tried the least). So I wanted to see him.

 

In the end I just text him a joke that I knew would make him laugh and put "I don't ever want to be a stranger to you and I hope that one day we can be friends" at the end.

 

It's not a replier, and we agreed NC so 90% of me is cool that he hasn't replied actually feels relieved and like I can move on with my life.

But 10% of me thought that maybe he would forget being sensible, forget that he can't do relationship and text me back... just because, well just because he said that he loves me and if I loved someone and hadn't heard from them in over a week and they text me I would text back, but then again I wouldn't have broken up with me so I guess we are all different....

 

Not the worst NC breaking story, but then again the S**t tends to hit the fan 24 hours later... watch this space.

 

Goodnight Chaps

 

Don't be so hard on yourself..the early day's of NC are so tough.. and it's very tempting to want to break NC.. You just have to stay focused and strong. If you can try real hard to direct your attention to something else like a good friend or hobby..this can be lifesaver in those early day's. Best of luck! you can do it!

 

 

AP:)

[CalamitousJane]

Despite my frustration yesterday, today I feel something I haven't felt in 6 months indifferent, if he doesn't call me ever again I will live. I don't even miss him. I don't know maybe I am fooling myself but it feels pretty real, I feel like I might be getting over him.

 

Hey, same here! It's a crazy feeling. I NEVER thought I would get to this point.

 

I don't need to worry about contacting my ex because he still contacts me every day. I asked him not to call, so he hasn't done that since Friday, but he's still sending email all the time.

 

In the past (like last week) I would have worried about when, whether and how to reply. Now it doesn't really matter. He made it absolutely clear that he doesn't want me as a partner - what he seems to want is some kind of weird emotionally dependent best-friendy thing with me. I can't have my time taken up with that sh*t anymore. It has gotten boring.

 

Yay!

[NiceGirlcomeslast]

AW - I hate blocked numbers but I am too much of a chicken to automatically block them, I am even too much of a chicken to not answer them, I always answer and then wish I hadn't.

 

I am sure if sometime is important they will call again but it's not a risk I feel comfortable taking, you never know when someone is going to call to tell you that you have won something.

 

FloweryStars as much as I know that what you are saying makes sense. I still feel like my ex is a one shot kind of guy, he is someone who is constantly battling with his head and his heart and his heart only ever wins 1 in a million times and if you don't take those chances then you don't get another, trust me.

 

 

But at the end of the day I don't want to be with someone who can only be true to their heart once in a blue moon and the rest of the time lives this "sensible" but basically lame existence.

 

Thanks for the luck Answerplease I have come to realise that I am not very good at strong or focused, I am good at deleting numbers so that is what I have done.

 

Also I think I have found it easier since I broke NC and he didn't respond. I don't really enjoy rejection (who does?!) and as soon as rejection is on the cards I turn off, funny how being broken up with wasn't rejection to me (it was his issues not me that caused the break up) but an unanswered text just turns off my heart, or at least turns down the volume.

 

CJ - I think that what has helped me through the tough times, like just before I go to bed was stealing your imaginary husband idea, I think one of my problems is my extremely active imagination. I was heartbroken not only for the relationship I had but for the future I had started imagining. Thinking about my imaginary husband lets me have my imaginings in a safe way.

 

Sometimes I wish my ex was like yours, contacting all the time and happy to sit with me and pick at the scab, but I guess in the end you have to leave it to heal otherwise you end up with a big old scar.

Edited January 29, 2008 by NiceGirlcomeslast

[Always Wrong]

NG,

You sounded a little down. I hope this weekend went better for you. Did he call?

[NiceGirlcomeslast]

Hey,

 

Thanks for checking in, it means a lot. I have been ok this weekend, how are you doing AW

 

This week has been fantastic I have been back to weightwatchers, going rollerdiscoing, went to spend a few days with my uni friends in the country, been to 2 parties!

 

Even been set up on a "blind" date (he has seen my picture and is keen to meet me)! I have felt like me, Single me, not heartbroken dumped used to be with him me, even with the copious amounts of alcohol I consumed I was cool no crying no sighing

 

Then on Friday he text me and it was crazy because for the first time in a long time my stomach didn't tense at the message beep I didn't even think of him. When I saw it was just a +0044 number still didn’t register

 

His text said “how are you?” – I don’t remember sounding like someone who needed to be checked on in my last text to him (you can scroll up and judge for yourself) and I do remember him going on about me needing to not talk to him for a few months so I can get over him and meet someone new, someone who deserves me and him not contacting me until my birthday in June.

 

Anyway I didn’t reply and five minutes later he text saying “sorry – maybe I should leave alone. On way home 4 weekend. No need 2 reply... just hope alls well”

 

I haven’t replied ,I don’t really know what to do to be honest.

 

I have said to myself that I will reply on Tuesday after weightwatchers only if I manage to lose 2 pounds, I think I might reply with “You don’t need to apologise for contacting me! I am well, went away this weekend myself and am just recovering. Hope you had a good time at home, and that you are well.”

 

I think that message is suitably casual and stuff. But my real problem is that I don’t know if I can reply and not secretly hope that he wants me back. I don’t know if I can not reply and not secretly hope that my non response makes him want me back.

 

He has just cleared his facebook relationship status and I do think it’s probably because he doesn’t want to be pronounced as single to all his “la da da” work colleagues, but it bothers me not only because it comes up with “Stupid McStupid is no longer listed as single” but also because he was “single” for our entire relationship!!!

 

I have to admit that I did send him an anonymous gift on facebook on Wednesday but he couldn’t have known it was me.... unless he lurks on this site.... wow that would be embarrassing.

Edited February 3, 2008 by NiceGirlcomeslast
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[Jackieboy]

Don't be tempted to contact him again. Men sometimes play games (being one I am reasonably knowledgeable in this area). He may be bored, he may be feeling er... amorous, he may be feeling guilty, he may be using you as an emotional crutch to wean himself off the relationship, he may.....blah blah blah. Simple thing is you don't know and you shouldn't care, its SEP (someone elses problem).

 

All this 'how are you' stuff is only going to prolong your pain, if he really wants you he will let you know, after all he never held back when you split up. But don't live in false hope, heal and move on for your own sanity, and don't chase, if something is chased it runs away! You were clearly doing really well before he contacted you so be strong and get rid of the loser!

[Always Wrong]

Don't reply NG. You are in total control now. Keep the ball in your court. You are doing great!

 

Keep the alcohol usage low, pretty please. It's really hard on your liver and makes the aging process accelerate dramatically. Just look at some of the middle aged movie stars.

 

They have all of the very best makeup pros money can buy and the ones that were known for drinking still look older than their years.

 

I'm glad to hear you are feeling better. Keep us posted. Lots of great people here.

 

PS... I meant to ask, do you enter and win a lot of contests? You said you never know when someone is going to call and tell you that you've won something. I use to enter lots of contests and drawings. All I got was junk mail and irritating phone calls. lol

Edited February 4, 2008 by Always Wrong

[NiceGirlcomeslast]

I don't enter a lot of competitions but I am very optimistic and so live in hope of winning the few I do enter.

 

Jackieboy - Thanks for the male perspective, sometimes I forget that male brains work in a totally different way. I think he was more likely bored than amorous considering he was on a Ferry/Train either way on his way to the Emerald Isle which would make a booty call pretty impossible. You are right, if he wants me he should let me know.

 

I will try to cut back on the alcohol it isn't the smartest idea, I think part of it was that he didn't drink and couldn't drive so I never drank much when I was with him so now I am like whoooo hooo I'm young free and single!

 

I'm going to try not to reply... it feels soooooo rude, I reply to everyone even perverts, seriously one guy got my number and turned out to be a weirdo, I still replied suggesting therapy and generally being nice. Guess I need to stop being the nice girl who comes last!!!

[NiceGirlcomeslast]

I just went on facebook to innocently check out my social happenings.

First I changed my status to "nicegirl doesn't like to be rude but feels it may be for the best"

 

Then I was just about to sign off and I checked who was online and he was.... so I messaged him! I don't know why it was like a paranormal experience, I don't think he will reply because "Mr Sensible" would have surely started his shift of running things by now.

 

I just wish I hadn't I was so determined then he was online and it's like his picture was looking at me saying hello LOL

 

It's not the end of the world I know but jeez I wish I hadn't checked who was online!

[NiceGirlcomeslast]

he replied and guess what I did, I replied back!!!

 

I am off to drown my sorrows in a salami sandwich!!!

 

I guess he is my weakness

[Always Wrong]

he replied and guess what I did, I replied back!!!

 

I am off to drown my sorrows in a salami sandwich!!!

 

I guess he is my weakness

Oh boy, here we go again. You must just be a glutton for punishment. lol

Well, I thought your thread was going to be a short one... apparently not.

 

Go to the thread "No Foolin" started called,"Do you really think contacting the ex is going to help you? Guide for the long walk." It condenses just about everything positive that can be said about the subject, and will make you feel a lot better if you're bummed out.

 

It's not easy for sure. I couldn't make the decision and stick to it for a long time, but finally I overcame the urge. It's all about feeling good without someone elses help.

 

I'll never let myself get emotionally overdrawn again. It just wasn't healthy.

Edited February 4, 2008 by Always Wrong
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