shadowplay Posted January 26, 2008 Posted January 26, 2008 (edited) I've always had major social problems. I'm painfully shy. I also tend to assume people don't like me, and people tend to assume I don't like them. To the best of my efforts people always get bad vibes from me. I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong. The friend of my bf's who I have a crush on told me that he was shocked I like him because he always thought from the first time we met that I didn't "like [him] in any capacity." My bf told me the same thing when we first started dating, and other people throughout my life have echoed this sentiment. It's bizarre because inside I'm like a little scared animal around strangers, but somehow on the outside I must come off as bitchy. If even people I like think I hate them I can't imagine what people I'm neutral to think... I'm very quiet, but I can't figure out what else I'm doing wrong. Being quiet alone shouldn't send off bad vibes. I'm also not a big smiler. What can I do to improve my demeanor? Edited January 26, 2008 by shadowplay
klee Posted January 26, 2008 Posted January 26, 2008 I used to be painfully shy. But, I am not sure what happened, because at some point, I loosened up and decided not to care as much what others were thinking about me. I know that my own insecurities made me feel like I had to be shy, or that I would not speak up in certain social situations because I was worried that people would think I was dumb or whatever. So maybe you just need to start thinking about yourself differently. Others perception of you might change. I have no idea if I actually answered your question.
Author shadowplay Posted January 26, 2008 Author Posted January 26, 2008 (edited) I used to be painfully shy. But, I am not sure what happened, because at some point, I loosened up and decided not to care as much what others were thinking about me. I know that my own insecurities made me feel like I had to be shy, or that I would not speak up in certain social situations because I was worried that people would think I was dumb or whatever. So maybe you just need to start thinking about yourself differently. Others perception of you might change. I have no idea if I actually answered your question. How old are you if you don't mind my asking, and at what age did you overcome your shyness? What was the catalyst? Edited January 26, 2008 by shadowplay
klee Posted January 26, 2008 Posted January 26, 2008 How old are you if you don' mind my asking, and at what age did you overcome your shyness? What sparked the change, was there some turning point? I'm 28. I don't know exactly what happened, other than I have recently in the last few years started to feel better about my self by making changes in my life. I know that 10 years ago at 18, when I had no clue what I wanted or how I was going to achieve it, or anything for that matter, I felt more self-conscious, and consequently kept to myself more often than not. So maybe it is just growing older (and I am still growing, ) that did it for me.
Author shadowplay Posted January 26, 2008 Author Posted January 26, 2008 I'm 28. I don't know exactly what happened, other than I have recently in the last few years started to feel better about my self by making changes in my life. I know that 10 years ago at 18, when I had no clue what I wanted or how I was going to achieve it, or anything for that matter, I felt more self-conscious, and consequently kept to myself more often than not. So maybe it is just growing older (and I am still growing, ) that did it for me. Did you find that people assumed you were rude a lot of the time?
klee Posted January 26, 2008 Posted January 26, 2008 Yeah, totally. And it sucks, because YOU know that you aren't a biatch, just nervous, don't know what to say, etc. And I am not a big smiler either because I also don't like my teeth, but I have found that it does help a little. I usually smile now out the side of my mouth or just smirk a little. Kinda like that.
spookie Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 I used to be the same way, and people also thought I was rude/snobby. Even though social situations made me REALLY uncomfortable (to the point where I might start shaking) I forced myself to get over it by putting myself out there, again and again, to face the fear. For me, it helped to realize how irrational it is to constantly be wondering what other people think, since people are are too self-centered to pay anyone any attention whatsoever. Also, it helped to be able to laugh at myself. I relax myself now in awkward situations by telling myself remembering I need to pay attention, so I can write about what is happening when I get home. Develop a slightly self-deprecating sense of humor. It'll work wonders.
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