Ruby Posted January 26, 2008 Posted January 26, 2008 Can anyone help me My 11 year old daughter told me and my mom 2 weeks ago that she was refused a school dinner as she forgot her card. The thing is that the woman that she said refused her was a friend of mine. Now let me tell you my daughter has NEVER lied to me. Not ever. I can always trust what she says. She is even honest when she knows she will get into trouble. I went and saw my friend and asked her why my daughter was refused lunch and she told me it never happened and that my daughter was telling lies. I was really upset over this and arranged to meet her with my daughter so that they could discuss this as I was not there when it happened. My friend was not there at the arranged time and left a message with my daughter fo rme to make an appointment with the school. I did this and spoke to the vice principle about it also. I was so upset that she called my daughter a liar. Only today, my daughter tells me she has JUST realised she made a mistake and she wasnt actually denied a dinner, she was told she could not swap an apple for a biscuit. She said that she had not gone on for dinner one day as she was not hungry and got confused. I believe that my daughter was confused but my problem is what I do now. I think the right thing is to go and own up and apologize to my friend and make my daughter apologize too. I feel my daughter will now get labelled as a liar Help!
Ariadne Posted January 26, 2008 Posted January 26, 2008 Can anyone help me I believe that my daughter was confused but my problem is what I do now. I think the right thing is to go and own up and apologize to my friend and make my daughter apologize too. I feel my daughter will now get labelled as a liar Help! Well, Kids don't get the facts straight like adults do. Say, she wanted to eat a muffin for dinner and cafeteria woman didn't let her. Means, went without dinner. They make thinks simple, that's all. In her mind, the cafeteria woman didn't let her have dinner and was upset (since she wanted the muffin). Just tell your friend that, kid's stuff, and say sorry. The one that made the whole mess was you, so you are the one that should apologize to your friend, not your daugther. Ariadne
Author Ruby Posted January 26, 2008 Author Posted January 26, 2008 I do not see it as me making a mess and I will apologize, but please remember that I thought my child had spent 8 hours at school with no dinner
Ariadne Posted January 26, 2008 Posted January 26, 2008 I do not see it as me making a mess and I will apologize, but please remember that I thought my child had spent 8 hours at school with no dinner You didn't understand what was going on, And went and accused your friend and talked to the principal. The kid is just a kid. You blew it, you should apologize if that's what you want. Apologize to your child too for stressing her with this nonsense.
Ariadne Posted January 26, 2008 Posted January 26, 2008 Do you have children? I bet not! I do, a teenager. Every single day he tells me I'm the best mother in the world.
Ariadne Posted January 26, 2008 Posted January 26, 2008 Do you have children? I bet not! Oh yeah, His picture is in the profile in a photo album. lol
klee Posted January 26, 2008 Posted January 26, 2008 This has nothing to do with the question at hand, but... Are school days that long nowadays that you eat dinner there too? Wow. I would comment on the topic at hand, but since I don't have kids you probably don't want to know what I think.
quankanne Posted January 26, 2008 Posted January 26, 2008 My 11 year old daughter told me and my mom 2 weeks ago that she was refused a school dinner as she forgot her card and Only today, my daughter tells me she has JUST realised she made a mistake and she wasnt actually denied a dinner, she was told she could not swap an apple for a biscuit. She said that she had not gone on for dinner one day as she was not hungry and got confused. and I went and saw my friend and asked her why my daughter was refused lunch and she told me it never happened and that my daughter was telling lies. your daughter probably realizes she misrepresented what took place, and has admitted it, but the cafeteria lady only knows what she saw from her end, and that can easily be misconstrued as a "lie" because she doesn't have the same information you or your daughter does about her "mistake." It happens. as for your kid being labeled a liar, if you want to nip that in the bud, take the girl with you to visit your friend, the cafeteria lady, and explain about the misunderstanding and do what you originally proposed: "I think the right thing is to go and own up and apologize to my friend and make my daughter apologize too." this will clear up any further misunderstanding and it'll give your child an idea of how sometimes even the simplest things can lead to uncomfortable situations when you're not clear about what you're saying. It happens, but it can resolved with patience and understanding. ... and no, I have no children, just am in a professional position where words matter ...
nittygritty Posted January 26, 2008 Posted January 26, 2008 First of all, your fortunate that your daughter goes to a school that serves apples. Find out what the school's meal policies are and go over them with your child. Hopefully, the school has a website or handbook that will provide that information so you both know exactly what the school cafeteria policies are in regards to food exchanges, cafeteria rules and expectations. If the issue of exchanges is not addressed in writing than your friend was just being a controlling cafeteria nazi. Furthermore, I'd be upset and concerned about the fact that your friend is working with children and should know better than to accuse your daughter of "telling lies" and chose to completely omit the part that she had refused to let your daughter exchange an apple for a biscuit that day. I would write a letter or send an email to both the vice-principal and the cafeteria monitor (friend) explaining all of what happened including the part about cafeteria monitor (friend) telling you that "your daughter is telling lies" and that it would have been helpful if cafeteria monitor (friend) had told you about the exchange refusal.
nittygritty Posted January 26, 2008 Posted January 26, 2008 (edited) Also, You need to ask your daughter why she thought she could exchange the food that was served? Has she been able to exchange food before? Exchanging an apple for a biscuit is not a healthy nutritional choice but if the school is allowing exchanges without restrictions than it would be understandable why your daughter was confused. However, when your daughter told you and your Mom two weeks ago, on the day that it happened, your daughter had said that she was refused the lunch because she "forgot her card" and while its perfectly natural that you would want to believe that your daughter "JUST" remembered its also possible that your 11 year old precious, sweet angel may have been very upset the day she did not get the biscuit she wanted and embellished or stretched the truth a bit. Unless I was 99.5% sure that my child was being completely honest about the whole situation, I would not risk further embarrassment and would just apologize and explain the miscommunication. Edited January 26, 2008 by nittygritty
Author Ruby Posted January 27, 2008 Author Posted January 27, 2008 Thank you everyone for your replies I will be seeing her tomorrow and I will apologize.
whichwayisup Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 Unless I was 99.5% sure that my child was being completely honest about the whole situation, I would not risk further embarrassment and would just apologize and explain the miscommunication. Yup and make sure that the lunch lady doesn't hold this against your daughter. I mean an adult calling an 11 year old girl a liar (she told me it never happened and that my daughter was telling lies) could have been handled better. She could have said, "there must be a misunderstanding, miscommunication" or something like that. Just hope this woman doesn't label your daughter a liar when infact she isn't. Kids do exaggerate and bend the truth at times. Though I'm sure now your daughter understands the consquences of telling little fibs/white lies..They always come back in some way and bite ya.
Quinch Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 (edited) I used to skip school dinners and spend my dinner money on sweets on the way home. What a scamp I was I was always lying about getting detentions though. I would do the detention without telling my parents and then lie about why I was late home or I wouldn't do the detention and then lie about why I wasn't there. It just spiralled into bigger and more extreme lies and I always got caught. What a lying little bastard I was. Edited January 27, 2008 by Quinch
nittygritty Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 I thought this was a funny, cute kid story and hopefully, with time Ruby will feel the same way. Other than the "telling lies" part.
Author Ruby Posted January 28, 2008 Author Posted January 28, 2008 I did it! I apologized and she was fine It was not that painful! Phew!
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