Signs of him are EVERYWHERE!!!!!!

[CJ77]

So either I am losing my mind, which i know im not, or its just one of those things.

so i have basically gone no contact with the ex

All of a sudden I can NOT go a day without having some memory of him surface due to something that i see.

As examples:

1. so i go to the grocery store and go to the bin of marked down dvds. pick up one and its one of his movies. see a few more and then BAM another one of his movies. go a little more and BAM another one. and mind you there were only like maybe 20 dvds in this bin and at least more than half of them were his movies, not only movies he likes but HIS FAVORITES.

 

2. get in my car, turn on the radio and his FAVORITE song from rolling stones is playing, the one he used to blast in his car, that we would be dying laughing as he sang along to it.

 

3. go home and on tv they play the same rolling stone song for the ugly betty preview

 

4. check my email. got an email from build a bear. we went there last v-day. the email said to click here to see our v-day special edition. i cllick and on my screen is this HUGE pic of the bear we made last year

 

5. at work doing my thing and i look up andi see this guy coming toward me smiling.my heart stopped bc i thought it was my ex.they could have been twins!!! then as he got closer i saw it wasnt him

 

and these are just a few of the examples.....

 

this is soooooo AWFUL

 

never in my life have i had anything like this happen to me..totally freaky

[amaysngrace]

Yeah, I've had that happen before. Hopefully thoughts of you are all around him too.

[jtipouikidis]

The same thing is happeneing to me right now. My wife and I were together for 4 years and we used to go out a lot. Everything in this city reminds me of her. I drive by where i proposed to her everyday on my way to work. Random dinners, and every emotion goes through me. I loved my wife with ever ounce of myself. To get through it I am getting a job that moves me half way around the world for a year.

[Zolie]

BTDT with my ex bf of 2 years. Here's how I handled it.

 

I requested to stop receiving advert emails from the winery he and I went to one weekend. For 6 months after the breakup I would get those damned emails from them every single month, and it would make me cringe every time. Finally got smart and stopped them from coming.

 

I changed the channel instantly when I would hear a song that reminded me of us. I forced myself to sing aloud the next song I heard, even to the point of making it an ear-worm, just to get the other song out of my head. (this one is a slippery slope, though - it can backfire on you, making the second song a bad memory by association, lol)

 

I made sure to remove any and all reminders I had of him, even innocuous ones. This meant throwing away certain things I had purchased for myself on various sightseeing trips we took together. Perfectly innocent trinkets, decorations, t-shirts, etc, but they all reminded me of him, so I got rid of them. Another trigger for me was the sweater I wore on our first date. I loved that sweater, but I couldn't look at it without remembering him. So, I threw it away. Perfectly good sweater. But, I didn't want to look at it anymore.

 

I just forced him out of my mind. It worked. Eventually I didn't have to force anything - my mind finally stopped automatically thinking of him when I would see a trigger. The day I realized I hadn't thought of him when seeing something that used to be a hobby of his, I realized I was home free!

 

You will get there, too.

[PinkRibbon]

To get through it I am getting a job that moves me half way around the world for a year.

 

What I wouldn't give to be able to do that.

[CalamitousJane]

That exact thing happened to me with my ex, just as I was starting to heal.

 

At the time, I took it as a sign that maybe we actually SHOULD be together.

 

Now, in retrospect, I'm more inclined to think that it was nature's way of helping me mourn all the thousands of tiny memories that I would need to let go of in order to free up my heart.

Edited January 27, 2008 by CalamitousJane

[lbj123]

all of those little, seemingly irrelevant moments and memories are the hardest to get past. I still cannot bring myself to refill a picture frame that once had a picute of me and my ex. I have all of these empty picture frames just sitting at the bottom of a drawer because looking at that picture frame will always remind me of the picture that used to be in it, no matter what.

 

It is totally normal and you should know how difficult it is to separate yourself from those things. You may never separate yourself from the emotions that you feel when a certain place or movie or song or word reminds you of a person you once shared a special bond with, but I think that it ok. It may make you feel really sad and nostalgic, but that is the thing about memories...without them we would feel and be nothing. Memories are the root of who we are, so you should cherish all of them as best you can, both good ones and not so good ones, because all of those little things have played a part in shaping who you are and what you have experienced. Hang in there, and rather than wallow, try to focus on the goodness of that memory and remind yourself of all of the new and exciting memories you are about to make!

[smileysmile]

Hmmm I guess you guys don't have any kids with your exes?

 

Of course it will get easier for you if you don't have a "connection" with them.

 

So think of it this way. It WILL get easier for you. 'Out of sight, out of mind.'

 

As for me I have a 14 mth old daughter and they both live just 10 minutes away. I have my daughter this Monday and Wednesday for 10.5 hours whence the STBX is in work and also the following Saturday for 7 hrs and the following Wednesday for 10.5. All according to my shift pattern. Devised by my ex.

 

So, I can't EVER get closure with my ex. I am hurting so bad that when my ex opens the door to me to pick my D up I have to appear upbeat. To show her I am getting on with my life. It is so hard.

Yes, by getting to see her because of our D I would think I would have a better chance of reconcilation. Maybe in a few months time her anger might melt towards me. Maybe she might see some 'changes' in me. Maybe not and she will never come round EVER!.

I think she has this personality that is either black or white. She gives you so many chances and then after that she cuts the cord and thats it.

Ruthless!!

But Like I said. If I improve myself 'for myself' and not just to get back with her and 'get a life' myself then you never know.

I mustn't keep thinking of 'us'. But it is so hard sometimes.

I don't want anybody else. I don't want to get married in the future to somebody else or have another child with somebody else. Or even go date somebody else with kids. My STBX is my family.

 

So on one hand I have the miniscule of hope and the other hand having to see her and not get closure because maybe I just don't see it, she is never coming back. I am afraid I have to endure this pain for a while longer.

Edited January 27, 2008 by smileysmile

[Whey2Big4u]

I have a dog with my ex and I am the onw taking care of it...........tried to remove all memory, but one still sleeps with me at night!!!!

[Kamille]

I know how you feel, it's happened to me after a perticularly bad break up. I don't remember the chain of events, but I know it involved something like 4 weird coincidences in 24 hours. I think it was unsettling for me because it made me wonder if there was some kind of deeper meaning to it.

 

In my case it didn't really. I ran into that ex last summer and almost felt repulsed by him. I am now with someone else and very happy.

[s_n_d]

That happens to me a lot.

When it used to happen before, I used to get angry at him and angry at myself for messing things up and giving him a reason to breakup with me. But now, I actually find myself smiling SOMETIMES whenever I see a reminder of him.

I take comfort in knowing that he is constantly reminded of me. His car for example. Whenever we had nothing else to do, we would just sleep in the backseat of his car and listen to music or listen to a hockey game.. My favourite band is one of his favourites also so whenever he listens to them I KNOW hes thinking of me.