Author BetrayedMM Posted February 24, 2008 Author Posted February 24, 2008 OK, well maybe this will help you understand- one daughter is 18 years old and the other is 14. They are both old enough to make that descision themselves. If they REALLY want to live with her, fine, that's what THEY want. The 18 year old is a legal adult and at an age to be thinking about how to feed herself anyway. At the age of 14, any potential custody hearing about the younger one(the one who received a concussion for talking back) will take her desires into account regardless of what evidence I present, so the LAW basically says it's up to her. My son has made his position clear. With my 18 yr old, it's basically irrelevant, there is no custody to fight for. So, really it comes down to what my younger daughter wants, which has not yet been determined(that I know of). NOTHING is about what the STBX wants at all. That 'who am I' thing was just me being sarcastic about the whole thing. I think someone else said something similar earlier in the thread, I was rubbing it in.
OpenBook Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 OK, well maybe this will help you understand- one daughter is 18 years old and the other is 14. They are both old enough to make that descision themselves. If they REALLY want to live with her, fine, that's what THEY want. The 18 year old is a legal adult and at an age to be thinking about how to feed herself anyway. At the age of 14, any potential custody hearing about the younger one(the one who received a concussion for talking back) will take her desires into account regardless of what evidence I present, so the LAW basically says it's up to her. My son has made his position clear. With my 18 yr old, it's basically irrelevant, there is no custody to fight for. So, really it comes down to what my younger daughter wants, which has not yet been determined(that I know of). NOTHING is about what the STBX wants at all. That 'who am I' thing was just me being sarcastic about the whole thing. I think someone else said something similar earlier in the thread, I was rubbing it in. Is the 14-year-old in IC? I hope so. She needs someone who would advocate for her cause alone. My heart is just aching for her, BetrayedMM. What an awful situation she's in. And 14 is such a vulnerable age for a girl. Is she close to her brother and/or sister? Does she have any support at all outside the immediate family? (Friends? Teachers? Coaches?) You don't have to answer any of this, as it may put too much of your personal details on a public forum. I just hope SOMEBODY is looking out for this child.
Author BetrayedMM Posted February 24, 2008 Author Posted February 24, 2008 She has several sources for support, but, no, she's not in IC. I had talked to her about that a while back, but she doesn't want it(or didn't, I should say). I know that forcing therapy won't do anybody any good at all. And, yes, I'm worried about her too.
Author BetrayedMM Posted February 24, 2008 Author Posted February 24, 2008 The kids are physically safe. The 14yr old shot up like a weed, is now quite a bit taller than mom, and has learned how to handle herself physically(she's a brown belt now). My son (16 years old) is 6 foot, strong as an ox, and really was seldom physically abused to begin with. It was always the girls that got under her skin. My 18yr old is actually rarely home anymore, but she's had the STBX afraid of her for years, because she learned to hit back. Hard. Emotionally? Another story, and there will no doubt be quite a bit to sort thru in the coming years.
Darth Vader Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 The kids are physically safe. The 14yr old shot up like a weed, is now quite a bit taller than mom, and has learned how to handle herself physically(she's a brown belt now). My son (16 years old) is 6 foot, strong as an ox, and really was seldom physically abused to begin with. It was always the girls that got under her skin. My 18yr old is actually rarely home anymore, but she's had the STBX afraid of her for years, because she learned to hit back. Hard. Emotionally? Another story, and there will no doubt be quite a bit to sort thru in the coming years. Very Good that your children are able to hit back(that musta been a sight!), it's not like anyone could blame them, considering what has been done to them. As far as your STBX being illiterate about technology, that could be just a ploy, you know, to throw you off guard. It's good that you're taking no chances. Vader Out.
mrmaximum Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 Wow, what a sitch to be in. the more I read about things like this, the more I realize that truth is indeed stranger than fiction. Now, about your daughters, your wife is filing their heads with crap. Not really a surprise, my BIL's daughter is bi-polar and his ex probably is too so I can somewhat see where you are coming from. The thing is that you need to keep things on an even keel for them as much as possible. As my wife says, not matter how much crap your STBX fills their minds with, do not stoop to her level. This will be hard as it does sound like they are getting confused and you may want to defend yourself. The key is try to be the one constant in their lives, NOT to make them the stakes in a war, but to clear things up in a neutral way with no bad guys (her) or good guys (you). Let them make their own choices in the matter. My wife had to do this and she still is in this process with her no good ex who doesn't give a monkey's rear about the kids but she rarely bad mouths him unless she is really pushed by the kids which seldom happens anymore. Anyway, let them come to their own conclusions, let them see here for what she really is, which will indeed come in time. You children are older now, this actually may help you as they will see thing less in black and white as younger kids do, yeah? I also agree with Darth Vader that had you left this woman 2 years ago, chances are she would have the kids and how does that help them? I can attest to how the laws even here in Canada favor women as a good friend of mine is getting hosed REAL bad by his ex wife and his lawyer's advice was somewhat similar to what woggle had said. It is war and you as a man are on the losing end of it so tread carefully. I hope there is a good resolution for your kids and you. There is a chance that they may want to see her after the divorce, if this happens do not hamper any contact they may want. Let them see her and do as they wish. I wish you good luck in this trying time.
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