ElvenPriestess Posted January 26, 2008 Posted January 26, 2008 Hey guys, so I have a question about divorce. My STBXH is saying he's going to pull this equal property thing on me, and take half of everything. Problem is, 70% of everything is mine, and was so when I came into the relationship. He says he wants to sue me for mental abuse? wtf? He says he wants to take things I paid for with my own money? For those who have been through a divorce, TELL me I won't lose my things?
Author ElvenPriestess Posted January 26, 2008 Author Posted January 26, 2008 btw, I live in Okinawa but was married in California, to which I will return to.
Pyro Posted January 26, 2008 Posted January 26, 2008 What a chump. He is just being a baby/sore loser. I advise you to contact your lawyer about this stuff. You do have a lawyer don't you?
Ocean-Blue Posted January 26, 2008 Posted January 26, 2008 Hey guys, so I have a question about divorce. My STBXH is saying he's going to pull this equal property thing on me, and take half of everything. Problem is, 70% of everything is mine, and was so when I came into the relationship. He says he wants to sue me for mental abuse? wtf? He says he wants to take things I paid for with my own money? For those who have been through a divorce, TELL me I won't lose my things? You need to contact a lawyer ASAP! In most jurisdictions, property that was accumulated DURING the marriage is split in half (this is a very general statement...). What you bring into the marriage, things held in trust, etc. usually isn't considered part of the matrimonial pot. Don't let him screw with your head. Get yourself a good lawyer and find out where you stand.
Author ElvenPriestess Posted January 26, 2008 Author Posted January 26, 2008 My parents do, and they will seek advice for me. It's the same lawyer that was used to help my brother. And to help in my sep dad's previous marriage. He's good.
Pyro Posted January 26, 2008 Posted January 26, 2008 My parents do, and they will seek advice for me. It's the same lawyer that was used to help my brother. And to help in my sep dad's previous marriage. He's good. Better ask the lawyer. Stargazer is a lawyer, so hopefully she catches a glimpse of this thread.
Author ElvenPriestess Posted January 26, 2008 Author Posted January 26, 2008 Oh I hope she does! Yeah, tomorrow I'm gonna have my parents call the lawyer. Equal split from what was brought in during the marriage huh? Hmmm, that would suck for me. Good thing he can't take the fourth tat off my back. I wonder how it's decided who gets what if nothing is agreed on.
Ocean-Blue Posted January 26, 2008 Posted January 26, 2008 Oh I hope she does! Yeah, tomorrow I'm gonna have my parents call the lawyer. Equal split from what was brought in during the marriage huh? Hmmm, that would suck for me. Good thing he can't take the fourth tat off my back. I wonder how it's decided who gets what if nothing is agreed on. The division of assets is a big time sucky part of Ds. I wouldn't worry too much about losing things that were yours before you married him...mind you, if you lived with him for a while before getting married, it could get a little sticky. But really EP. Don't worry so much about it. You'll just stress yourself out. Wait till you talk to this lawyer and then think about it. I hope the guy's a shark.
Author ElvenPriestess Posted January 26, 2008 Author Posted January 26, 2008 Let's just say the whole child support thing with my step dad's ex was turning into something fraud, she was collecting when one didn't live with her, and things like that, trying to get more and more money, though she doesn't need it. He fixed that right up. We only lived together like a couple of weeks before the actual marriage. Hopefully it will help my case. And I paid the rent.
Ronni_W Posted January 26, 2008 Posted January 26, 2008 Yeah, tomorrow I'm gonna have my parents call the lawyer. Hey, EP. Sorry to hear of your troubling times . Might I suggest that you call the lawyer yourself? - that way you can ask questions and be sure nothing gets missed, misinterpreted or lost in translation. In my own case, I decided that dignity (and sanity!) are priceless, and I was not going to lose either over "stuff" ... and then you just pray and believe and have faith that Karma will take care of 'em . Sending hugs and strength and wishes for good news from the lawyer.
Author ElvenPriestess Posted January 26, 2008 Author Posted January 26, 2008 Hey, EP. Sorry to hear of your troubling times . Might I suggest that you call the lawyer yourself? - that way you can ask questions and be sure nothing gets missed, misinterpreted or lost in translation. In my own case, I decided that dignity (and sanity!) are priceless, and I was not going to lose either over "stuff" ... and then you just pray and believe and have faith that Karma will take care of 'em . Sending hugs and strength and wishes for good news from the lawyer. Thanks so much! Yeah, I'll ask my parents to have him call me. I believe in Karma whole heartedly.
Curmudgeon Posted January 26, 2008 Posted January 26, 2008 It's going to depend upon where the divorce is filed. Here in CA, assets you own prior to the marriage are not considered joint/community property, nor are gifts, inheritances, bequests, etc. received during the marriage. Anyone can sue for anything but it doesn't mean they'll win. If it's part of a divorce filing here, it doesn't resonate with the court. CA is a no-fault divorce state. Irreconcilable differences is the only declaration used unless you're going for annulment.
Author ElvenPriestess Posted January 26, 2008 Author Posted January 26, 2008 The filing would be done here on base in Okinawa but I don't know how that will effect it. What about a gift that is considered "our" but that I paid for myself? Any legality on that?
amaysngrace Posted January 26, 2008 Posted January 26, 2008 What about a gift that is considered "our" but that I paid for myself? Any legality on that? I think if it was acquired during the marriage it doesn't really matter who paid for it. But if you can get your hands on it without notifying him I would do it. Put it into someone else's name if it's worth a lot. Possession is nine tenths of the law. Not quite sure if it applies here but I do know that my ex and I both got to keep whatever we were in possession of at the time. I live in an equitable distribution no fault state too. So take what you want. Get a storage unit if you have too. But be reasonable. If he has a Harley and you don't know how to ride it leave it alone.
Author ElvenPriestess Posted January 27, 2008 Author Posted January 27, 2008 Good point right there. Haha. Really, it's just movies and a game system he's bugging me about. He hates the fact that the TV is mine, and he even said to me once "you leaving means I lose all this stuff, it's mostly yours, that sucks." Great reason to stick around. Thanks for all the advice, we'll have to hope for the best and see what happens. Supposed to talk to legal tomorrow.
dgiirl Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 Really, it's just movies and a game system he's bugging me about. Wow, how petty of you both to be worrying about such trivial insignificant things.
Author ElvenPriestess Posted January 27, 2008 Author Posted January 27, 2008 Wow, how petty of you both to be worrying about such trivial insignificant things. I know it sounds petty, but it is a part of the legal process. And if you understand my background from other threads, it's a big thing that I'm going back to the states with nothing. I left my job, my own place to live, sold my car and all that. I wanted a clean break. He keeps what's his, I keep what's mine, no alimony, nothing. Just a clean break. HE is the one that said he would try and take me for all I have here. It's not petty to me as if may complicate the legal process if he's playing hard ball like this.
dgiirl Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 I know it sounds petty, but it is a part of the legal process. And if you understand my background from other threads, it's a big thing that I'm going back to the states with nothing. I left my job, my own place to live, sold my car and all that. Yes, but you gave up everything you had willingly no? You choose to move to be with your husband. Just because it did not work out in the end doesnt mean you can escape the consequences of your actions. It's not petty to me as if may complicate the legal process if he's playing hard ball like this. Hmm, you are fighting over movies and a game system? You have to calculate how much those movies and game system are worth and then calculate how much a lawyer will cost to drag this through the courts in HOPES that you might win. A very simple easy going divorce can cost anywhere between 1K to 4K. And that's if you guys agree on everything and do most of the negotiating without lawyers. If you guys fight over it and drag this out, it can easily go up to 10K and higher. I highly highly doubt your movies and gaming system cost anywhere near either of those figures. Plus, the cost of the stress to be fighting over such stuff is definitely not worth it. If your husband wants them THAT much, I'd just tell him to choke on it and give it to him. Otherwise, you'll have a bad taste in your mouth every time you look at those things. Who wants to live with memories of your ex and how lame you both were fighting over useless crap. Besides, if you were a MAN saying you didnt want to give your wife half of the _marital_ assets, I highly doubt you'd be getting the same advice and support you are now simply because you are a woman. You chose to marry this man and chose to build a life together. To me, marriage means sharing everything. And just because you might have earned more money than him, does not mean he did not support you in any way to be able to make that money.
Author ElvenPriestess Posted January 28, 2008 Author Posted January 28, 2008 I entirely agree, the support went both ways. And I don't want to drag this thing out. I don't want a bad taste in my mouth. All he ever talks about is not having my things when I leave. I think it petty of him, and I really think it nothing that should take priority. I know, game systems, movies, entertainment basically, is stupid to fight over. That's why I want to keep it fair. I have no wish to fight. I do thank you for your words, and I agree. I was willing to give up what I had in the states, as I have the mind set of being willing to give up anything necessary in a marriage. It's just sad to me that he would want to pull this on me. I'm the one losing the most, and I've accepted that. Threats of taking my things or suing me are unprovoked and not needed. I was hoping for a peaceful resolution. I came on here hoping for answers to the legal aspect of it. That's all. But thank you again for your input.
dgiirl Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 All he ever talks about is not having my things when I leave. I think it petty of him, and I really think it nothing that should take priority. I agree. It is very petty and shallow of him as well. But he's not on here, so I cant tell him that Sadly, some people are petty. You can either choose to act in a similar way, or keep your own respect and look at the situation objectively. I think it's a very smart move to get legal adivce and to have your own lawyer. But before hiring a lawyer, realize that they are working for YOU. It is in their best interest to drag this out, and if you go in there saying you are ready to fight over dvd's, he's going to work for you, but also see an opportunity to exploit you if he's a shark. When I got divorced, I called 3 lawyers before my final one. All three of those were trying to tell me how much of a scumbag my husband was and how much money I could walk away from this marriage. Basically trying to get me upset so that i'm distraught enough to fight for everything which would have cost a lot of money and the only ones who would have won were the lawyers. That's why I want to keep it fair. I have no wish to fight. Then try and pick your battles wisely. You have to think of this as a game of chess. You might have to sacrifice a few things in order to get what you really want. Try and keep the lines of communication open and friendly with your husband. Dont get frustrated nor mad when he threatens you. Obviously, he's trying to hurt you, and you are allowing him too. He'll continue to do so as long as you are his puppet. You say you own 70% of your marital assets. So basically you are fighting over 30% of the stuff you own. Look at the stuff you are fighting over and truly ask yourself if this is something you want in your new life. Some of these things might hold memories you do not want in your new life. Sometimes, it's healthier to start a new with brand new things. If I were you, I would even try and give him as much as possible and in turn get monetary reward back. At least then you have money to buy brand new things. It's just sad to me that he would want to pull this on me. I'm the one losing the most, and I've accepted that. Threats of taking my things or suing me are unprovoked and not needed. I was hoping for a peaceful resolution. It is indeed sad. Divorce is never easy, even when both parties are trying to keep things amicable. Emotions are strong and tense, and it's very hard to remain objective. But just realize that he's probably having just as much of a hard time (if not more, I dont really know your story, nor who made the decision to divorce) as you, and he will have good days and some bad days. When you can, try not to react to his emotional outbursts and just take a breath away when things get heated. It's in YOUR best interest to keep him in a good mood. He who has control over his emotions can think clearer. If you can remain calm when he's emotional, you can manipulate the situation to your best interest.
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