sk8erboyla2004 Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Hi everyone I joined forum in hoping just some support on my situation and any advice. Here the problems in a nutshell: In the beginning I met this wonderful girl. Im not going to lie I didn't think she would sweep of my feet but she did. I feel madly in love with her and still am. Some of y'all may say im just a young kid im 18 and ive had something close to this before but this time my love for this girl was real. And so on she returned my love for her with the same love for me. Why I fell for this girl. She was almost amazing in every way possible to me. She was smart, #1 in her class, straight A's all that jazz. She was pretty not the hottiest but thats what love is not about. She was still gorgeous even when I would go to her house and wake her up in the morning she was still gorgeous to me. She was sweet as can be not a mean/bad emotion in her. She was fun to be around and hang out with. I loved having her in my arms and just being right by her staring into her big brown eyes for hours. She even laughs at me when I would fart on her and not think its gross come on how can you not pass that up. Error on my part I. I broke up with her over the summer. Idk why it was just something that keep pushing me i knew I loved but she was smothering me to the point of pushing me away. I just need a break and I regret because this made her put a wall up and she wasnt as "emtional" when I first met like she had a wall up but she still showed a great deal of affection and love for me. We eventually went back out well a month into she got punished for some reason I cant remember and she also involved in student council,beta,choir,volleyball, key club, and any club in school you can imagine. Well she got punished it was hard because now she couldnt go anywhere yet alone talk on the phone. Well she did something to lose her moms trust and got punished again and still is. Things just start going down hill from there. She was fine at first but we would start to argue because I would see all this stuff that would make me mad like guys leaving comments on the net about her and alot of other stuff we would argue everyday. We were both tired of but I held on because I loved her and I didnt want to lose anymore of her than I did. Well last night she told all this is not working out and its over between and i asked if she was still in love with me and she said a little i asked her again and she said the mumbo jumbo back around was noisy but sounded like it wasnt a yes. I told her I want another chance but she said things are different now and she would feel uncomfortable or weird about something. How can in love turn into absolutely nothing I dont want to give up im still fighting to be with her even tho theres no hope. Now Im depressed and moping around all day with a sick feeling in my gut and on the edge
CalamitousJane Posted January 26, 2008 Posted January 26, 2008 sk8erboy, real love doesn't turn into absolutely nothing. If there is some there you can help it grow again. It can be really tough on someone when you break up with them. It can take a long time for them to be fully trusting again. If you imagine yourself in her place, you can probably understand how hard it is for her to go back to the way it originally was. When you talk to her, speak as gently as you can, and do your best to understand her point of view. If you need to leave the room for a moment and catch you breath and think, that's fine. Do everything you can to keep your voice warm and loving. That will help you not argue. Then you can understand better what's going on with her, and maybe understand what you can do to help.
Author sk8erboyla2004 Posted January 26, 2008 Author Posted January 26, 2008 Thanks Jane People have been asking the same thing "How she felt after you broke up with her the first time?" strangely I said the same way I do now so part of this is my blame I feel part of this is pay back but dont see it that but if ever allows me in her life again I will take your advice
CalamitousJane Posted January 26, 2008 Posted January 26, 2008 I prefer to think of it as "karma" rather than payback. It's wonderful that you're thinking of how she might feel. That ability is the very essence of love, I think. My guess is that you'll get a chance to have a real talk with her, sooner or later.
Author sk8erboyla2004 Posted January 26, 2008 Author Posted January 26, 2008 This girl will always have a big spot in my heart even tho Im hurting im sure I would take her back with some talking and time working things out but Im just in awe after months and months of telling me she loves me and how much she wants to be with me she just throws it out the window like she doesnt or even thinks about me or how i feel
CalamitousJane Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 I'll tell you one secret about chicks, and that is that we're attracted to nobleness. You told her how you feel, right? Now it's time to back way off, and wait for her to wonder. The more you can honestly feel happy in your own life and honestly wish her well in hers, the better off you'll be. There's no way to know for sure that things will work out with this particular girl, but by practicing nobleness with her, you will be learning a skill that you will value for the rest of your life.
Author sk8erboyla2004 Posted January 27, 2008 Author Posted January 27, 2008 Yup ive told her how i felt and it just soooo hard to back off ive called her 2 times and hour since 11 and its 11 now so that about 22 times im so weak
CalamitousJane Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 (edited) Don't worry - it's even more impressive when a weak-seeming man suddenly becomes noble. Edited January 27, 2008 by CalamitousJane
Author sk8erboyla2004 Posted January 28, 2008 Author Posted January 28, 2008 i need some sort of closure to get this out of my system
Author sk8erboyla2004 Posted January 28, 2008 Author Posted January 28, 2008 Jane you have been comforting help to me i was thinking about how you said nobleness is a great thing and i want this girl to know what im excatly sorry for what you think of this slight rough draft just some ideas put into words I dont know where to start. I had this girl almost perfect and I messed things up. First time I messed was when I broke up with her over the summer I dont know why I did it I was afraid of the comittement and of getting hurt but in the end I just hurt myself even more. Because of this she put up this big wall I guess because she didnt not want to get hurt anymore. I regret doing this **** soo much to the point of insanity. I know I screwed up a long time ago which ****ed me over right now. Im a jealous dude only because im scared to lose something that meant so much to me to someone who doesnt deserve I think I do I treated her like my everything. Basically I ****ed up a long time ago and it ****ed me over and i know she felt the same way im feeling now when i did it the first time and If she was ever to read this again I just want her to know Im sorry and the i love her no matter what. That we should try to work things out because now im miserable and my heart get ripped to a million pieces everyday knowing she is not going to call me or talk to me again
MakeLemonade Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 This is almost identical to an experience I had years ago so thought I would share it: I met a guy in college, we sat next to eachother in algebra, and started doodling notes back & forth, it really was a love at first sight kinda thing. We were together for a year and then he broke it off, suddenly, for no better reason than he thought if you had been with someone a year, you should know if you want to marry them or not, we were 19 and 22 at the time, hardly needing to be in a rush for the alter, his feelings were scaring the crap out of him and he needed some space essentially. I was numb for a few days, then very upset for a few weeks. He ended up coming back a couple months later, "I made a huge mistake", etc. etc. I was really in love with him before he broke up with me, we were best friends, inseparable, had other couples we did things with all the time too, sex was great, hardly ever fought, or even disagreed, we were like 2 peas in a pod, it was an all around fab relationship. But, for some reason, when we went back together after the break up, I just didn't feel the same, I tried, oh - how I tried, for 3 months to get that feeling back, but he had broken my heart when I trusted him with every last little piece of it, and I couldn't forgive him and I couldn't get that trust back, I felt like I was always waiting for it to happen again. We ended as friends but didn't really end up being friends. Though I still stay in contact with one of our mutual couples we hung out with, they ended up married and have 3 kids now. He got married a few years later and is still married. I guess the point of this, is at your age (and your girl's) love is new, exciting, pure, it is also very painful when love is broken as that is also usually new, you don't know how to deal with it as well as you will when you are older. I don't think I have ever really loved anyone as completely again since then, and that is sad. I am just saying - she probably really wanted to be back with you, but you broke her heart and broke her trust when you broke it off suddenly, and I am thinking she just can't get that back. Next time, just make sure you really want to break up before you do - you can have a talk and get some space from someone if you are feeling "smothered" without breaking up.
Author sk8erboyla2004 Posted January 28, 2008 Author Posted January 28, 2008 Yup that excatly what happened now i dont think ill ever get her back:sick:
Author sk8erboyla2004 Posted January 29, 2008 Author Posted January 29, 2008 i was slowly healing but now im on the edge of ending it all i just found out she is already talking to someone else
CalamitousJane Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 Hey skaterboy, hang in there. You're going to be more than alright. I know you can't feel it very well right now, but once you make it through this you'll be much more capable of loving and being loved than you were before. Next time you're with someone she'll be lucky because you've been through this. It doesn't mean it's over because she's talking to someone. I'm talking to people, but my ex would still have a chance if he came up with something as honest and caring as your rough draft. I'm in favor of expressing how you feel to her, very decently and lovingly. There is a chance that she will respond, and even if she doesn't you will no you have done your best. My ex didn't respond the way I hoped when I put it all on the line for him, but I have no regrets at all. Next time around I'll be more honest and more loving from the beginning. Keep breathing, cry as much as you need to, and write down every thing you're feeling. It's good this is happening while you're young - you'll benefit from it for the rest of your life.
Author sk8erboyla2004 Posted January 29, 2008 Author Posted January 29, 2008 Thanks I had a friend sent it to her but it doesnt matter she said he feelings changed and she is talking to someone else lesson learned but Jane your awesome will you marry me lol
CalamitousJane Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 I would totally marry you but I can't cuz I h8 LA.
Author sk8erboyla2004 Posted January 29, 2008 Author Posted January 29, 2008 you hate Louisiana what!!!
CalamitousJane Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 No, I'm down with Louisiana! Let's do it.
Author sk8erboyla2004 Posted January 29, 2008 Author Posted January 29, 2008 Yes! we can travel the world hah
CalamitousJane Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 Louisiana, Los Angeles, Lithuania, Laos, 'laska... What fun!
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