doubtinglove Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Hello Everyone, this is my first post on here. To make a long story short my ex BF of 6 years and i broke up almost 4.5 months ago. It was a great relationship with normal ups and downs and after 5 years we finnally moved intogether and everything seemed great. we had talked about marriage since our first year, but he was always scared of being able to afford a huge ring and huge wedding ( which at the time we both thought that is what i wanted) A week before we broke up we started really talking about marriage, he would bring it up, and about budgets and how much we should spend how long we should be engaged ect. I was excited I thought it was finnaly going to happen!! then the next week we got into a fight because I got upset that he stayed out late with his friends ( he is 29 they are all 21, he has a new group of friends now because of his job, so he hangs out with them more than he does the friends that our our age) this was just that last straw he was acting like he was 21 and wanting to go out every weekend, and while he always invited me, I was just not into that whole scene. Our fight turned into him thinking i was trying to control him, and him not being happy and needing some space. after 2 nights of him staying with his dad, I texted him that I was leaving, and moved out that following day. I assumed he was scared of the commitment but i couldnt wait around forever. we didnt talk for 2 months untill he saw me out and texted me the next day to "see how i was doing" we talked but since he mentioned nothing about getting back together I asked him not to call anymore. fast forward to last week, we ran into each other out he was with his new girlfriend and i was with a guy i'm dating. He didnt seem happy and was shocked to see me, though we never talked to each other, he would only hug her or hold her hand when he saw that i was around. After seeing this I thought "great i can tell he isnt happy, so maybe he will come back soon, and swollow his pride." but then a few days later i got a call from a mutual friend that he is ENGAGED to that girl!! he started dating her 2 weeks after we broke up and they got engaged after less than 3 months of dating. I was crushed. of course he made everyone swear not to tell me. She is 21 and friends of one of his other 21 yr. old friends girlfriend. Then i find out he is doing all the same things we used to do together with her, the same camping trips, right down to the same Halloween costumes we wore a few years ago. Its like he is just replacing me. While it hurts like hell i dont ever wont him back, he is not that same person I loved. but my question is, how can he forget about me so fast? a week before we broke up we were going to look at houses and so excited for starting our life and family together. How is it possible that less than 3 months later he is engaged and its as if i was never anything to him?? Sorry for the long post!!!!
Confused9 Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 I have no idea why or how someone can replace us or forget about us in such a short time. I struggle with this everyday. It seems like it doesn't really matter to you in terms of him wanting to get back together with him so if I were you I would just move on and stop dwelling on it. I unfortunately still want to be with my x so these questions just crush me. Who knows if what they have is real or true love but if you don't want to be with him anymore...you should stop worrying about it don't you think that will be easier for you?
norajane Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Sounds like he wants to re-live his early 20's - can't seem to grow up. This does sound like a rebound, and it is not likely to last. A good marriage is based on far more than a few months of dating and Halloween costumes. Are you certain he wasn't dating her (or wanted to) when he was still with you? That could be the reason he was so quick to end your relationship - he had probably met her along with his other 21 year old friends, and she fits into that lifestyle he wants to relive, going out all the time, etc. IMO, you've outgrown him. He still wants to be a 21 year old guy, while you have grown into adulthood. Regardless of what happens with this new girl, he's far too immature for you anymore. I'm sure you will be far happier with someone who is on your wavelength as you. Forget this guy with his little Peter Pan complex.
Confused9 Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 hi norajane...haven't 'seen' you in a while. hope you are well.
oppath Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 This is not likely to last. And don't for a second question yourself. You being upset with his lifestyle change was not controlling. If it happened a lot, maybe, but one fight over it is not controlling. I had a buddy who dated a girl 6 months. She was a single mom. She got mad at him because he was going to Mexico with some friends, spur of the moment, and wouldn't get to see her. She wasn't invited. His reason for the breakup "I don't want someone controlling me or telling me what to do?" It was just an excuse. Weekends were valuable to her. She wasn't invited. She wasn't controlling being upset, she just wanted affirmation she was a priority to him. You weren't controlling at all. It sounds like you had 1 fight and even if you are manipulative in how you ask, 1 fight does not make you controlling or manipulative. That is just an excuse on his behalf. I'm sorry you have to endure this but it does sound like a rebound. Maybe it will work out, but I envision a divorce. I've seen a few spontaneous engagements work well but never when people were so far apart in their lives. She's 21. She will be a different person when she is 25. Pity him.
Author doubtinglove Posted January 26, 2008 Author Posted January 26, 2008 thank you all for your replies, it really does help!!! its hard i miss him and truthfully I do want him back but he is not the same person I loved. That is one of the hardest thing to except, that the person I love/loved is not longer there. this was the person i thought i was going to marry and have kids and Its hard for me not to throw myself a pitty party and think why was she so special for him to want to marry and I wasnt. I'm so thankful for these boards, posting has really helped. I thought I was doing so well in trying to move on and this whole engagement thing just set me way back.
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