MystifiedByMen Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 I have been with my current boyfriend for a total of 3 months including the ‘dating’ stages. I’m very happy, he loves me, and we have a lot of fun together. It’s a very healthy relationship. But, there is one reoccurring problem. His ex girlfriend can’t let go and I’m not sure how to handle this or how to act about this. Last month, she hacked into his facebook and deleted me and I’m sure she was snooping around on my page. He changed his password and ignored it. Just two days ago, she somehow got into his facebook again to snoop around. She changed his password to try and lock him out of his own facebook. The night before she did this she was calling him again. She also called his brother that same day to try and get info on him. She calls and texts him frequently, about a few times every couple weeks, sometimes more. He tells me that he never responds to her and hasn’t talked to her except for one text in which to tell her to stop hacking in his facebook the second time she did it. Well, that one response brought on a flood of texts which he says he didn’t respond to. His friends tell him she calls them to get info on him as well. Why isn’t this girl leaving him alone and why is she trying to continue to hang on to his family and friends? Will this ever end? They broke up about 5 or 6 months before we started dating. How much time should I wait around for her annoying pranks and snooping to stop? He says he loves me and I believe him. I also believe him when he says he doesn’t respond to her. He’s honest and tells me every time she calls, texts, or hacks into his stuff. How do I conduct my behavior in a way where I know it’s not his fault, but yet let him know I’m very uncomfortable with this and don’t want to tolerate this forever? Would anyone ever leave their bf/gf for these reasons? I want to be understandable and patient, yet I don’t want to wait forever on her moving on. I do not feel threatened in anyway where he’d leave me, nor do I feel jealous. I just want her to leave us alone and I feel very frustrated. I told him how I feel and he’s stressed because he doesn’t want to lose me over her craziness. He says he has no idea why she’s doing this and he has no idea how to get her to stop. Any ideas that I could recommend to him to get her to stop? Thanks in advance for your responses.
EYECANDY000 Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Its nothing that you can do. Your bf needs to start picking up the phone and letting her know that he has moved on with his life and so should she. If you get involved she will just take all her anger out on you , because she will feel like you are the one to blame. She will come at you 10 times harder. Let your b/f handle it.
StartingOver07 Posted January 26, 2008 Posted January 26, 2008 BF needs to tell her once in no uncertain terms that she should never contact him again. From then on, he should have no interaction with her. Any response she gets, even a negative one, will fuel the fire. She is a stalker and he may need to get a restraining order. Hacking someone's account is a crime and unwanted texts and calls are harrassment. BF should make a note of the day and time he tells her not to contact him anymore and then keep a log of any future calls/texts so that if/when he seeks a restraining order, he will have records. That said... why would you leave him for this? If you believe he is not encouraging her, why would you leave him for something that he does not control? Would you expect him to leave you if your ex-BF was a stalker? I understand that the situation is unsettling but it sounds as though your BF is not happy about it either.
Author MystifiedByMen Posted January 27, 2008 Author Posted January 27, 2008 (edited) So since Thursday night, I just can’t seem to get myself to click with my boyfriend in a way I was before. Thursday night was the last time his ex caused that drama. I am to the point where I don’t even want to sleep with him. I just broke plans with him. Me, him, his brother, and his roommate were all going to go out tonight. I told him to go ahead without me saying I just wasn’t in the mood to go to downtown bars. I just told him to take a boys night and have a good time. Usually our sex life is really great too. We have sex at least once every 24 hours and I don’t seem to be turned on by him right now. I feel myself pulling away or making kisses really quick. I’m not sure if he even is really noticing the kissing and hugging thing with me pulling away (maybe because he’s a dude) but he’s definitely noticing the me not wanting sex part. Ever since his last ex drama, I’m pulling away. The night after we last talked about it, I offered him a separation to go back to the ‘dating’ status to deal with his ex so I don’t have to feel this wedge between us. He told me he loves me and is crazy about me. He said that that would be taking a step back and that’s not what he wants. So, I stuck to the ‘relationship’ status. He has told her a million times even before we were dating that he wasn’t interested and he didn’t love her but yet she still continues. Based on her history on not listening to him, this makes me nervous. He does not ever seem to really put his foot down on this issue. I think I’ve been understanding and patient. I would never have any contact with her and I feel I have let him do his thing to exterminate this problem and it’s not working. I just don’t want to let this keep going and then it continues to be a chronic problem. Eventually, I feel I deserve this relationship to be just him and I. Not me, him, and her craziness. Sorry, I just needed to vent and I welcome everyone’s feedback. Thank you Startingover and Eyecandy for your replies. I’m bearing in mind passing on your advice to him. Edited January 27, 2008 by MystifiedByMen
indohouze Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 you shouldnt be pulling away from your bf like you are. It's not his fault that the chick has them feeling for him but you have to tell him firmly to figure out the problem soon and end it. Pulling out of kiss's and sex could hurt you if he was to ever figure that he could get a better deal with her. Im not saying he could be unfaithful or that he doesn't love you enough to commit such a act but i wouldn't be giving him the opportunity to ponder about it either
KunFuZed Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 I would suggest he change his ph# his fb password his email passwords and any other pw she might have. He has to make it so there is no way for her to get intouch with him. Tell him let his friends know if she calls don't answer or tell her they don't know anything and hopefully she will disapear and yall can be happy together
ElvenPriestess Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 I don't get how she's hacking into his facebook al the time. But anyhoo. I agree, he needs to block her on all internet fronts, lose the phone number. He needs to be firm. He needs to put her in her place and tell her to back off. She's crazy, seriously, obsessive and stalker type. And neither of you needs it. Tell him he needs to put his foot down, that you know the type, and she won't go away otherwise, if she goes away at all. I'm sorry you're dealing with the crazy ex, I can relate. She wasn't as bad as this one, but she was very jealous of our relationship, and she would call all the time. And I was patient, but I did tell him she needs to back off. Once she did, that part of the relationship was solved. My point being, she's not over him at all, she can't stand that he's with you, and he needs to be a man and deal with her the RIGHT way.
Author MystifiedByMen Posted January 27, 2008 Author Posted January 27, 2008 First, thanks for everyone’s thoughts. I appreciate them. Basically everyone here thinks he needs to put his foot down. This is what I’ve thought but I haven’t told him this in these words yet. I think the next time she pulls her crazy behavior I’m going to suggest the things you guys have said. I’m going to do it in a calm and understanding way where I don’t sound pushy. I don’t want him to feel as I’m telling him what to do. I’m going to try and change my thought process on this when it comes to pulling away. I’m only giving her what she wants when I pull away. I really do want him and our relationship to work, I’m starting to fall in love so I think her doing this affects me more than it did before.
Author MystifiedByMen Posted January 27, 2008 Author Posted January 27, 2008 I don't get how she's hacking into his facebook al the time. . The first time she hacked in, he only changed his Facebook password when he found out. He didn't change his email passord as well. He thinks she sent a request from facebook to change his password to somthing else, then she verifed it thought hotmail and locked him out of his own facebook account. This time he changed both hotmail and facebook passwords. This way, there is almost no chance she can get in. Unless she knows him well enough to guess his new passwords. Watch, I bet this chick will get in again. She's that persistent!! Sadly, I wont even email my own boyfriend or leave him comments on facebook because I'm afraid she's reading them. How sick is that?!?!
Replicant Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 I think waiting for the issue to surface again is just asking for more trouble. If this girl is kept in the loop making herself believe persistence will have it's rewards in the future. It is just going to cast a dark cloud over the entire relationship. If you do not see the effects (pulling away, turned off etc..) already. Telling him to deal with this is rather important i would think, otherwise he is disrespecting you by keeping her at arms length communication wise. Time for your boyfriend to grow a spine and deal with the problem at hand, even if it means police involvement so be it. If he cares he will respect such wishes and deal with the "Psycho ex-girlfriend" for the betterment of your own relationship. Actions speak louder than words.
Author MystifiedByMen Posted January 28, 2008 Author Posted January 28, 2008 Well, I offered the advice to my boyfriend that you guys offered me. I said I may have some ideas to deal with his ex. I told him that the next time she calls, perhaps he should answer and explain to her that he’s happy in a new relationship and that he’s moved on and she should also move on and stop calling. I told him he shouldn’t be rude or mean about it but be firm. I mentioned that if she would continue contact and hacking, to consider a restraining order and maybe change his phone number. He right away snapped back, “I’m not changing my F-ing number because of her.” He said he would consider getting a restraining order though. Now he knows exactly how I feel so we will see if he handles this the right way the next time she contacts or hacks in anything of his. If he doesn’t start really putting his foot down, I will consider it disrespectful to me and we will have major problems in our relationship. Time will tell though. I can see this turning into a cycle. She causes drama and problems, then it dies down for a week, then it happens over again. I want him to put his foot down her next attempt at contact. You are right Replicant, actions do speak louder than words.
ElvenPriestess Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 Good for you MBM! way to get it out there, let him know it needs to stop. You're right, actions speak louder than words and only time will tell. Hopefully He will own up and do what needs to be done. I wish the best for you.
Author MystifiedByMen Posted February 5, 2008 Author Posted February 5, 2008 So last night my boyfriend and I were just hanging out. I was thinking to myself, “wow, things have been kind of quiet with his ex.” So I asked him if he has heard from her lately and guess what? Yes he has. She tired calling him two days ago. He said he didn’t answer. Then she sent him a text message saying, “I really want to talk with you and I know you feel the same way and want to talk with me.” He didn’t respond so then a few minutes later, she sends another text saying, “Why did your girlfriend (my name) come to my house the other day?” What the hell!? Why is this girl making up crazy lies now? I never did such a thing and I honestly have no clue who she really is. I’ve never met her or even seen her out. I just saw one picture of her in an album she was in that he was showing me of his friends and family. I’ve never had contact with this girl. She made up this crazy lie so who knows what else she is capable of and will do next. I told him all the things you guys have suggested, but he has continued to just ignore her calls and text messages. He won’t change his number too. I feel she will try and sabotage our relationship somehow. I asked him if he was going to tell me and he said he didn’t want to upset me so he didn’t want to bring it up. Now I’m afraid I may be left out of the loop out of his fear to upset me. Is that fair? Do you think this is just a pathetic attempt to get his attention or a red flag she is truly crazy and something should be done about this? Should we just ignore her completely even though she continues to text. How should I, on the other end of this. handle this fairly and in a way to not sound bitchy because I know it’s not his fault. Yet I’m really getting mad. Help me!
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