someone2 Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Not so long ago, I made the decision that I want to continue life childless. With all the cruelty in the world right now, I feel it is very unfair for my future kids to even bring them into this world. Now, regardless of whether the above makes sense or not, i was curious what do you think about how I should be approaching women? It looks like, naturally, women assume that when you are dating them, you are interested in having a family (or is this not true?) I have limited myself to FWB relationships till now, but in more than one occasion, the girl ended up confessing that she really wants more. I also said no to really nice girls that asked me out because I sensed they were interested in something serious. What do you think should be the ethical thing to do? Should I just avoid women altogether? Should I stick to FWB relationships? Should I be very frank with the ladies upfront that I don't want to ever have kids? Are there any ladies out there that are intentionally not interested in having kids as well? How do I find them?
whichwayisup Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 If you really are 100% sure you don't want kids, would you get a vasectomy right now? Not sure how old you are, but if you met the right woman, you could change your mind about having children one day... Anyway, just continue being honest and upfront with the women you date, (when the topic of kids comes up). There are lots of women who aren't interested in having kids, or they already have children and don't want more.
amythan Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 I guess this is the kind of thing which should be very clear from the beginning - I mean before being exclusive. I personally do not want children and i am not interested in marriage but i want a serious relatioship .. I had problems with my ex bf for this reason and we finally broke up. I was very clear about this but he thought i will change my mind and .. i didn't.
spookie Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 There are lots of women who aren't interested in having kids, or they already have children and don't want more. Yup. I don't know how old you are but amongst women my age, not wanting kids seems to be norm rather than the exception. (I don't know anyone who wants them.) Perhaps it's common for women in their twenties to feel this way only to later change their minds. Perhaps my observation is biased by who my friends are (highly-educated, ambitious, non-religious, liberal, existentially challenged women). But even so, they're out there, the human extinctionists. And many are female. Personally the argument that the world is too sad a place for a child to be born into has never made any ****ing sense to me... but that's a different thread, and it has nothing to do with your question. Just be upfront and honest. I'm surprised you even see it as an issue.
Star Gazer Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Yup. I don't know how old you are but amongst women my age, not wanting kids seems to be norm rather than the exception. (I don't know anyone who wants them.) Perhaps it's common for women in their twenties to feel this way only to later change their minds. Perhaps my observation is biased by who my friends are (highly-educated, ambitious, non-religious, liberal, existentially challenged women). But even so, they're out there, the human extinctionists. And many are female. But you are YOUNG. Very, very young, and in your most selfish of years. Trust me, your attitude will likely change. I had many, many friends when I was in my early 20's who didn't want children either, and as they hit 30 they are all now desperate to be mothers.
Lucasarts Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 um. . . unless you're in a very serious committed relationship thats going into the thoughts of marriage, i dont think the issue of having kids would come up. . .I would just approach girls w/ the attitude of whether or not you want to be with this girl and see where it goes from there. I honestly don't want to have kids for a long time, but rarely have I had to talk about that with any of the girls I have been with; nor do i expect to have the conversation unless the relationship is serious that it leans towards that direction. Also many girls don't want children either, its not a problem, so I wouldn't really worry too much about it at this stage.
O'Malley Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 I would discuss this (if the topic doesn't come up) before getting exclusive or having sex with the person. Don't say "I don't want kids right now" or "at this point in time" because it could lead to misinterpretation - that you might want kids in the future or in the right relationship. Some people do change their view; some, like me, haven't. Wanting or not wanting children is something both people have to agree on right now, not four years from now.
Micke81 Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 I'd say that you should go about your life like you normally would, but discuss this with any potential mates. If your reasons for not wanting kids is true, would you consider adoption? That isn't "bringing them into the world"...
EYECANDY000 Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Believe it or not some women feel the same way that you do. I am terrified to get involved with someone seriously because i think in the long run they are going to want a family. And I just dont see myself with munchkins. I dont think there is to much you can do as far as telling the women who you meet. I can tell someone in the beginning that I am not interested in having kids and they would say thats fine. But almost a year later the question comes up about how do I feel about kids.
Capricciosa Posted January 26, 2008 Posted January 26, 2008 Don't know how old you are, but there are plenty of women who already have children (unless you don't want to be around kids at all), and lots of women in their 30s and 40s who simply don't want any either. The world is not so predictable that a relationship means having kids. As an extra tip, it seems that women who are only children are less interested in children. Maybe find one of those...
LoveLace Posted January 26, 2008 Posted January 26, 2008 I know with online dating you see that question right there on their profile: "Want kids?", where you see if the person chose yes or no. There, your more likely to weed out the women who DO want kids and keep the women who don't. I say approach women just like you would if you did want kids. Ask her out on a date, and the subject will come up more than likely (in casual terms, not directed towards your date); sounds like it could be a waste of time but not really. You'll find out right then what she wants and like someone said already, some women have kids already and don't want more. But if that's not a situation you want to be in, it makes your pool more narrow. Probably more women want kids than not. So basically it narrows your standards and finding ms. right may just be harder work for you but certainly not impossible.
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