Are my feelings normal?

[StillSame]

I got the STD message, thanks.

 

Good. But are you still going to coninue the affair?

 

She doesn't have to be a slut; all she need is to have slept with one play boy while being in this business.

[IM5150]

Good. But are you still going to coninue the affair?

 

She doesn't have to be a slut; all she need is to have slept with one play boy while being in this business.

 

Can't say I will right now. it's like losing a friend. I rather remain strictly friends than lose touch with her. Most people will say that you can't be just friends with someone but I really feel that I could with her. We work closely in the biz together so it's almost a given that we'd have to.

[Mustang Sally]

I'm sick i the head, I can't help it. Sorry guys.

Yeah, well, that's the thing.

I don't know that you are really "sick in the head," per se. You sound more to me like a confused middle-aged guy who could use some real ego stroking and the excitement of a new infatuation is providing just that. This, alone, does not - in my opinion - make you a bad or sick person.

 

To be truthful, you are plenty like probably half the men (and women - ask me how I know! ) your age.

 

What really counts, in my opinion, is not that you find yourself having these feelings, but whether you are interested in getting to the bottom of what is going on (or NOT going on) in your primary relationship that has facilitated the development of these feelings, and, of course, what you are going to do (or NOT do) about them.

 

Sounds like you have made your choice.

[Mustang Sally]

Now why did you have to bring reality into this fantasy?

 

Men do not want to think of these things yet they are so true. While STDs are a small percentage of the general population, the risk goes up incredibly when people become promiscuous. I never forget my wife's roommate before we were married who caught warts from a one night stand. He left her life, but the warts never did.

 

Wives can forgive infidelity, but if they think you had such low respect for their lives in putting them at risk for STDs, they get furious and even more hurt.

Yeah, and if not the STDs, then please don't allow her to be the "responsible" one for making sure no child is conceived from this endeavor...

[whichwayisup]

I got the STD message, thanks.

 

Well, let's hope she doesn't have a coldsore or is close to an outbreak with a coldsore.......... I'm just sayin'...

 

Can't say I will right now. it's like losing a friend. I rather remain strictly friends than lose touch with her. Most people will say that you can't be just friends with someone but I really feel that I could with her. We work closely in the biz together so it's almost a given that we'd have to.

 

Wouldn't you rather lose a friend than lose your wife?

 

No, you two could never be 'just friends' because of the sexual tension, and if you do go ahead and make this EA a PA, then the A will never really end if you try to go back to being just friends. Neither of you know what feelings will blossom, let alone already she's shown she's a jealous type.

[SerenityX2]

You are so positive your W won't leave and/or find out about your affair...how?

 

If you are as self absorbed and obsessing during family time as much as you appear...do not kid yourself that she is too stupid to figure it out.

 

Here's the point...I was the type that was also seen as someone that would also be there, would never leave etc...i.e. took my vows seriously. He was/is a private detective. PRIVATE DETECTIVE since you're in the fog... Not some jackazz chump p.i. either. He is actually internationally known...travels, puts on trade shows...etc... so you think he didn't know how to cover his tracks? I still was able to bust him, in fact mos later he was amazed that I was able to pull it off and do what I did. You see, I ended up leaving him no choice. I left... Yes, I left... the house, money etc...even though he was to blame wasn't my concern, my dignity was...my son was barely a year old...I still wasn't about to stay with a cheater.

 

You've been given great advice here about doing the right thing by your W...if you don't feel that passion/spark. I get that...I have that now in spades with my current H...so I do get how that feels...but you are being so unfair to someone that you made promises ...that's PROMISES to. If you don't feel that GET OUT!!! Rather simple.

 

Seriously dude,the way you describe the OW what is so great? I dunno, b/c I was in my early 20's (in the 80's) ...being a "barbie" was the norm back then I guess...though I never cared for the attention, it was degrading to me...the way you describe this chick...sounds like a paris hilton....i.e. somebody many f*ck so what's so special? Course you sound insecure I mean, if you can't handle some drunk drooling..."you better be tapping that azz"...geez....you are seriously f*cked up if you think that's flattering to anyone.

 

In one sense I hope you wake up. However several years back I dealt with dating someone that was leading me down a dark side as well...so I know all too well how attractive and alluring that can be. In the other sense I hope your W sees you for what you are if this is indeed who you are. (You can't imagine yourself committed to f*ing just one person for the rest of your life????? c'mon!!!!) and has the courage to leave you.

 

Yeah, I got your're not looking for advice...I tossed this around w/my H earlier this evening...and he figured that b/c of my experience in not being so stupid when it was thought I could be in terms of figuring out my exH's affair...when you've so blantantly declared you're wife will never...I could potentionally help someone...even a lurker not necessarily you.

[whichwayisup]

(You can't imagine yourself committed to f*ing just one person for the rest of your life????? c'mon!!!!)

 

This is why he never should have gotten married..Or he should have said from day ONE that some day he won't turn down a piece of ass that comes his way..

[IM5150]

This is why he never should have gotten married..Or he should have said from day ONE that some day he won't turn down a piece of ass that comes his way..

 

Not the kind of stuff I was thinking about in the early days but as you grow and the years pass things change.

 

Like I said before. This A fell into my lap. It's not like I was out hunting for it. Yes I made the mistake of accepting it and it's taken me for a wild ride. I fell prey, what can I say. Line up 1000 married men that this has never happened to, give them a hot ass girl and have her show interest, I will bet you that half of those men will take the bait. You may think it's sad but it's reality. I think alot of men have not had A's because for one they are not looking for it but for a bigger reason that it has not been presented to them.

[cj1988]

Not the kind of stuff I was thinking about in the early days but as you grow and the years pass things change.

 

Like I said before. This A fell into my lap. It's not like I was out hunting for it. Yes I made the mistake of accepting it and it's taken me for a wild ride. I fell prey, what can I say. Line up 1000 married men that this has never happened to, give them a hot ass girl and have her show interest, I will bet you that half of those men will take the bait. You may think it's sad but it's reality. I think alot of men have not had A's because for one they are not looking for it but for a bigger reason that it has not been presented to them.

 

 

HELLO, ALL A just fall into someone lap IF THEY chose to let it.....I am sure all or most do not go LOOKING for an A........I am in the middle of seperating from my loser H and have had several offers to go to dinner etc.....I WAS NOT THE cheater my H was, BUT I still tell these men NO right now UNTIL I am D.......you are what you chose, easy as that !

[SerenityX2]

Not the kind of stuff I was thinking about in the early days but as you grow and the years pass things change.

 

Like I said before. This A fell into my lap. It's not like I was out hunting for it. Yes I made the mistake of accepting it and it's taken me for a wild ride. I fell prey, what can I say. Line up 1000 married men that this has never happened to, give them a hot ass girl and have her show interest, I will bet you that half of those men will take the bait. You may think it's sad but it's reality. I think alot of men have not had A's because for one they are not looking for it but for a bigger reason that it has not been presented to them.

 

You're rather funny when you're in denial!

 

Um, yeah my H has been approached, (some ladies love the fact he's 6'3" and could go on just that..but he happens to be Italian as well ...so I guess they figure the sterotype is true about them his personality is FAR from it:love:..but the looks are not)..so they've approached "tried" and been shot down imm...he doesn't engage in meaningless flirtations either...it's not in his character..neither is it in mine when approached....sooooo some either have that character strength or they don't I guess...But I'm sure if you don't understand that, you'll have your doubts...it's an intangible, not easily explained...something you just know and have to experience to "get"...and well, like you said 50/50....interesting.

 

AND....the affair just "fell" into your lap??? :lmao: Hilarious...absolutely hilarious.

 

Well clearly you've made up your mind. 'nuff said there.

 

Just don't kid yourself your W won't find out...if she isn't on to it already. You'd be surprised in the justice that life will hand out...

 

...when you least expect it

[IM5150]

HELLO, ALL A just fall into someone lap IF THEY chose to let it

 

I disagree. It's either the man or the woman that needs to initiate interest. Then it all starts falling into place from there. My point that I'm trying to make is that i was not the initiator of this A. I'm not taking any less blame for it because your right, I could have said NO. I chose to proceed with it but if this OW would not have shown interest in me, seduced me, kissed me, whatever you want to call it, I would not have been the one searching for a woman to have an A with. This was not premeditated. I fell into it, and i reacted.

[american-woman]

I disagree. It's either the man or the woman that needs to initiate interest. Then it all starts falling into place from there. My point that I'm trying to make is that i was not the initiator of this A. I'm not taking any less blame for it because your right, I could have said NO. I chose to proceed with it but if this OW would not have shown interest in me, seduced me, kissed me, whatever you want to call it, I would not have been the one searching for a woman to have an A with. This was not premeditated. I fell into it, and i reacted.

Food for thought......How do you know your wife does`nt have a PI on you? a GPS tracker in your car? A keylogger on your computer? Women can be very sneaky ya know. You will get caught it may not be this week. next month. next year but it will HAPPEN

[IM5150]

Food for thought......How do you know your wife does`nt have a PI on you? a GPS tracker in your car? A keylogger on your computer? Women can be very sneaky ya know. You will get caught it may not be this week. next month. next year but it will HAPPEN

 

You don't know my wife, trust me, she doesn't do that kinda stuff. She would rather it come from my mouth. If she ever found out, it would be one of her friends or coworkers seeing me and OW out somewhere.

 

Local friends my wife has 2.

[american-woman]

You don't know my wife, trust me, she doesn't do that kinda stuff. She would rather it come from my mouth. If she ever found out, it would be one of her friends or coworkers seeing me and OW out somewhere.

 

Local friends my wife has 2.

 

 

 

BIG BIG EYEROLL

[JamesM]

 

Like I said before. This A fell into my lap. It's not like I was out hunting for it. Yes I made the mistake of accepting it and it's taken me for a wild ride. I fell prey, what can I say. Line up 1000 married men that this has never happened to, give them a hot ass girl and have her show interest, I will bet you that half of those men will take the bait. You may think it's sad but it's reality. I think alot of men have not had A's because for one they are not looking for it but for a bigger reason that it has not been presented to them.

 

What it comes down to is this...when the opportunity arises for an affair, what is the MM's response?

 

Opportunity and desire have to combine to have an affair. Having had a couple women make passes at me that could be construed as invitations for affairs, I can say that the desire was not there. It was not that the opportunity wasn't falling into my lap...it was. But the fact is, I thought with my head...well, actually my brain.

 

Truthfully, I take offense that the only reason all men are not in affairs is because the opportunity has not been presented to them. No, the reason is that most men decide to remain committed to their wives. They think of the long term ramifications that the affair would have on their children, and they think of the hurt that it would cause their wives.

 

Another phrase I have used: "Is today's moment of pleasure worth tomorrow's hours of pain?" And thankfully, the answer is no.

 

It's either the man or the woman that needs to initiate interest. Then it all starts falling into place from there. My point that I'm trying to make is that i was not the initiator of this A. I'm not taking any less blame for it because your right, I could have said NO. I chose to proceed with it but if this OW would not have shown interest in me, seduced me, kissed me, whatever you want to call it, I would not have been the one searching for a woman to have an A with. This was not premeditated. I fell into it, and i reacted.

 

Well, said. Fact is...men also give out vibes that they are interested in affairs. I think many of the women here can attest to that. When I met this great looking woman last year who seemed to be coming on to me (and was my type), I asked her what she did for a job, and she said, "I am a nurse." And WITHOUT thinking...I kid you not, my reaction was "Oh, that is neat, so is my wife." Now WHY did I go and do that? Funny thing is...part of me wished I hadn't said that, but the part of me that remained committed reacted before my desire could kick in.

 

Obviously, this woman changed her attitude and became quite friendly...and respectful. Somehow this one comment gave her enough about me to know that I was off limits.

 

Reactions are based on thoughts and decisions. They are not simply an uncontrolled impulse. As athletes will tell you, one has to be good enough at the game to react in times of competition. How does one get there? By practice and by knowing what the decisions or techniques will be when faced with the situation.

 

Marriage takes work and commitment. Affairs don't just happen. They happen to the unprepared.

[jj2007]

I wish your W could read this thread so she will realize what kind of person her husband really is and can move on and find some one that deserves her.

[IM5150]

Truthfully, I take offense that the only reason all men are not in affairs is because the opportunity has not been presented to them.

 

James, you are the other half. I didn't say all men. And I based that statement from these statistics:

 

[FONT=Arial][sIZE=2]Studies which were conducted recently revealed that 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship (Atwood & Schwartz,2002 – Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy).

 

It really doesn't matter though, it's just comforting to know that there are many people out there in my shoes and I'm not the cruelest person on the face of the earth.

 

I HATE HATE HATE this feeling. The constant highs and lows of this drug is taking a toll on me. I saw OW on Wednesday night. The experience was amazing. Driving her home at night after her shift at work, it's late, 2:30 in the morning. We're the only car on the freeway, she unbuckles her seatbelt and proceeds to kiss me as if she's held this feeling in her for days. I can't keep my car on in my lane, but it's ok, no other cars around. This happened for most of the ride home. The drug was injected into me, deep into my veins. I was at an all time high. fast forward to today and now I'm at my low again. Thinking about her every minute of the day.

 

I can also sense that our relationship is changing, this must be the emotional part getting stronger. Our phone conversations are going from being cheerful, playful, jokingly, to being more on a serious note, not lasting as long, getting to the point. What is causing this? Is it because of what we have done in the recent couple of last visits? (We were very intimate, moreso than ever before).

[/sIZE][/FONT]

[IM5150]

I wish your W could read this thread so she will realize what kind of person her husband really is and can move on and find some one that deserves her.

 

Hmm, maybe I should delete my post and high tail it outta here.

[cj1988]

I disagree. It's either the man or the woman that needs to initiate interest. Then it all starts falling into place from there. My point that I'm trying to make is that i was not the initiator of this A. I'm not taking any less blame for it because your right, I could have said NO. I chose to proceed with it but if this OW would not have shown interest in me, seduced me, kissed me, whatever you want to call it, I would not have been the one searching for a woman to have an A with. This was not premeditated. I fell into it, and i reacted.

 

 

From what you have posted you may not have been looking for it, BUT in time it would have happened with someone eventually. You sound as if you need to be single again and you are bored and do not need or want to be married, just get a D......better for you and all involved. You are not going magically at the rate you are going.....wake up and be happy with your W or life now ! You have to want it or you will always be this way !

[whichwayisup]

Women can be very sneaky ya know.

 

A suspecting spouse can be sneaky. It's not gender related when a spouse suspects their partner of having an affair. Though women seem to have very good sixth senses...

 

You don't know my wife, trust me, she doesn't do that kinda stuff. She would rather it come from my mouth. If she ever found out, it would be one of her friends or coworkers seeing me and OW out somewhere.

 

Local friends my wife has 2.

 

Your wife knows you well, so don't you think she has noticed that you've been distant, in your own little world? The little things that you may have done for her, or paid attention to her needs, have slipped because you're so focussed on the OW.

 

It really doesn't matter though, it's just comforting to know that there are many people out there in my shoes and I'm not the cruelest person on the face of the earth.

 

No, you're not cruel, you're just being selfish, lying, deceiving and betraying your wife to sneak off to be with another woman. You're letting down your family unit.

 

I HATE HATE HATE this feeling. The constant highs and lows of this drug is taking a toll on me.

 

You can stop ANYTIME you want. Part of those feelings you are experiencing IS the dramatic part of having an affair, that's what keeps you intertested and wanting more..

 

I saw OW on Wednesday night. The experience was amazing. Driving her home at night after her shift at work, it's late, 2:30 in the morning. We're the only car on the freeway, she unbuckles her seatbelt and proceeds to kiss me as if she's held this feeling in her for days. I can't keep my car on in my lane, but it's ok, no other cars around. This happened for most of the ride home. The drug was injected into me, deep into my veins. I was at an all time high. fast forward to today and now I'm at my low again. Thinking about her every minute of the day.

 

Yup, addicted!

 

Trust me, it won't be long before you slip up or your wife catches you. Or someone who knows your wife sees you with the OW, making out in the car at 2am and lets her know wtf you've been doing behind her back. WHEN that happens, you think you're messed up now??? Just wait...

 

I can also sense that our relationship is changing, this must be the emotional part getting stronger. Our phone conversations are going from being cheerful, playful, jokingly, to being more on a serious note, not lasting as long, getting to the point. What is causing this? Is it because of what we have done in the recent couple of last visits? (We were very intimate, moreso than ever before).

 

What's causing this? That has to be the stupidest question in the world. If you have to ask that, then you really are in deep and in a crapload of trouble. Your life as you know it will never be the same...Your choice though.

[Trimmer]

Studies which were conducted recently revealed that 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship (Atwood & Schwartz,2002 – Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy).

 

It really doesn't matter though, it's just comforting to know that there are many people out there in my shoes and I'm not the cruelest person on the face of the earth.

How wierd it must feel to be comforted by the thought that half of married people will eventually betray their spouses.

 

I HATE HATE HATE this feeling.

Yeah, that's more how I would expect it to feel.

 

Driving her home at night after her shift at work, it's late, 2:30 in the morning. We're the only car on the freeway, she unbuckles her seatbelt and proceeds to kiss me as if she's held this feeling in her for days. I can't keep my car on in my lane, but it's ok, no other cars around. This happened for most of the ride home.

This sounds like the setup to one of those high-school drivers' education scare films that ends with dead, bloody bodies splayed all over the asphalt.

 

Metaphorically, in the end, the emotional result may be the same.

 

I can also sense that our relationship is changing, this must be the emotional part getting stronger. Our phone conversations are going from being cheerful, playful, jokingly, to being more on a serious note, not lasting as long, getting to the point. What is causing this?

Maybe you are getting bored with each other...

[SerenityX2]

James, you are the other half. I didn't say all men. And I based that statement from these statistics:

 

[FONT=Arial][sIZE=2]Studies which were conducted recently revealed that 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship (Atwood & Schwartz,2002 – Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy).[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=2][FONT=Arial][/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=2][FONT=Arial]It really doesn't matter though, it's just comforting to know that there are many people out there in my shoes and I'm not the cruelest person on the face of the earth.[/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=2][FONT=Arial][/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=2][FONT=Arial]I HATE HATE HATE this feeling. The constant highs and lows of this drug is taking a toll on me. I saw OW on Wednesday night. The experience was amazing. Driving her home at night after her shift at work, it's late, 2:30 in the morning. We're the only car on the freeway, she unbuckles her seatbelt and proceeds to kiss me as if she's held this feeling in her for days. I can't keep my car on in my lane, but it's ok, no other cars around. This happened for most of the ride home. The drug was injected into me, deep into my veins. I was at an all time high. fast forward to today and now I'm at my low again. Thinking about her every minute of the day. [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=2][FONT=Arial][/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=2][FONT=Arial]I can also sense that our relationship is changing, this must be the emotional part getting stronger. Our phone conversations are going from being cheerful, playful, jokingly, to being more on a serious note, not lasting as long, getting to the point. What is causing this? Is it because of what we have done in the recent couple of last visits? (We were very intimate, moreso than ever before). [/FONT][/sIZE]

[sIZE=2][FONT=Arial][/sIZE][/FONT]

 

Wow! are you for real?

 

She's injecting her venom i.e. sinking her claws into you and you don't get the change of how you're getting played and strung along...you sound like a puppet, like YOU are no longer in control. Sad.

 

Why don't you initiate that sort of exchange that you had in the car with your wife? Seduce her...see how that can take you on new levels...why does it have to die? and if it was never there...you should have the decency to end it.

 

You may not be THE cruelest person on the face of the earth but you are ONE of the cruelest...also contributing to it. Sad you don't get that.

 

Like I said, I believe it was Sarme, and WWIU that gave you excellent, heartfelt input and you don't want to get it...but you claim to not understand the whirlpool you now find yourself being sucked in

 

If you think your W hasn't picked up on your off behavior, you're more in the fog than you think you are. NO ONE is THAT clever...you may think so, but you will be proven wrong in time.

[IM5150]

OK, I can see that the hatred towards me is starting to grow in this community. I better stop now before it gets worse.

 

I'll let you guys know what ever comes of this fantasy world of mine. I'll come back with an update when I have one. Either:

 

1. I end it

2. OW ends it.

3. W finds out.

 

Thanks for everyones advise! I greatly appreciate all the time you guys have taken to write. Some of the advise has stuck with me and I hope it will push me to do the right thing in the near future. Thank you all.

[whichwayisup]

Hatred? I don't think so...Harsh advice and tough words, yes. But, I understand if you need to leave and not want to feel heat you're getting here. It's your life and you're going to do what you're going to do.

 

I hope for #1. That you end it before you and the OW get in too deep. OR that the OW ends it. If #3 happens, well, that is something I guess you'll also have to go through and deal with the consquences of having an affair and having to face your wife.

 

Good luck and I hope you wake up before it's too late.

[Owl]

I'd agree with WWIU.

 

Its not that anyone here hates you.

 

Its that you're basically trying to ask for understanding and support for continuing your affair from a forum predominately made up of BS's or former WS's who vehemently disagree that conducting an affair is in anyway justifiable or supportable.

 

Looking at it from that viewpoint, does the responses you've received so far surprise you?