JamesM Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Don't quit posting. Even if its is bad news, the advise may actually stick. Ignoring the advise won't do. As for being weak, it is not easy. But still...it is good to keep talking. At least, keep US updated. We are now involved in your life.
justice Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Ok, so I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere here. I appreciate all the advise that has been given to me but i guess it's not helping. OW asked me to meet her for lunch today and I did. It was a typical friendly lunch. Well, except for the kissing. She also asked me to go see her at work tonight. I asked her to dance to one of my favorite songs, Sanitarium by Metallica. Would i want my family to leave me for a piece of ass? Of course not. Do I think I can have that piece of ass without W ever knowing. YES. Hence why I'm taking the risk. Call me cruel but I don't feel the guilt of what I've done so far. I feel more guilt in lying to W than I do have physical contact with OW. I don't think I'm going to conitnue posting because I'm getting great advise, waisting your energy and nothing is coming out of it. It's not stopping me. I'm sick i the head, I can't help it. Sorry guys. You don't care about your wife or marriage. Or at least that's how it seems. Also you aren't being fair to your wife. At all. You don't love her, why not let her go so she can find someone who won't cheat on her? JMHO. Get professional help immediately, it sounds as if you need it. I'm done on this thread.
LifesontheUp Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Do I think I can have that piece of ass without W ever knowing. YES. Hence why I'm taking the risk. You are living in cloud cuckoo land if you think you will be able to get away with it, its only a matter of time. I can imagine the scene in the not to distant future............... OW (in her own appartment) - texting and playing games with her next target, someone who can help her get on the next rung with her "career" ladder. Wife (likely ex wife) in a new home - happy with a new guy who looks after her and treats her well IM5150 - sad and sat in his own empty appartment wondering why his life is so f^$%ed up But you think it'll never happen IM5150........but it does I can assure you. Sort yourself out before its too late.
whichwayisup Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Do I think I can have that piece of ass without W ever knowing. YES. Hence why I'm taking the risk. Then do it. Be a selfish fool by your own choice. NOONE is holding a gun to your head and making you cheat. This is a choice you're making on your own. When D-Day happens (discovery day) OWN up to it and don't blame your wife for your actions. If your marriage sucks and you don't love your wife, you have other choices, fix things or walk away...Cheating is NOT going to make your marriage better. Though I know this is falling on deaf ears as you don't care about anybody but yourself. Let's hope you don't get an STD and bring it home to your wife....................
sarme Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Hey IM I just read your last post about how you met her and feel you can get away with having her and being with your W. You're not sick in the head, or maybe you are I don't know what I see is a someone who is determined to do what he wants to do and when you originally said you don't want advice you meant that. No amount of good or bad advice for that matter, is going to stop the course of action a person will take when they are determined to do something. What you have in your hands right now is too powerful of a pull and until you hit your own rock bottom there is no chance changing that course and there is no one that can stop that but yourself. I agree with Wichway she is right, do it but be man enough to stand up for your choices and don't cry when your world comes crashing down. If you want out get out, if you don't cut the A from happeing out but rest assured you can't have both worlds, you may be able to pull it off that I don't doubt but you can't have them both sooner or later something will give. The more I read about these cases the more I am convinced the types of men who after reading all about affairs on here still proceed to do so do it are they ones who know they can get away with it. I think deep down they know their spouses will never leave them and they have convinced themselves "no harm done", on themselves of course.
Author IM5150 Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 Sarme, Thanks for your post. You know, I'm not really sure what drives me to proceed this when I know all the consequences at hand. I guess I'm being overly selfish. Looking after myself with no regards to the circumstances that lie ahead. Or maybe it's looking at what my father did. He had a couple of A's that he never told my mom. Lives with them till this day and doesn't look like he feels guilty at all. I never felt an remorse towards him either. I just saw it as my dad wanting something/someone new for a while, and i just couldn't blame him for it. Vows aside, it's hard to muster that we will be with only 1 woman for the rest of our lives. Quite frankly I don't know if i can deal with that but i feel these thoughts are magnified right now because of my situation. I don't think I was feeling this way before the A. I didn't think about other women. I just carried on with life, doing things that made me happy, spending time with the family, etc. The sex and passion with W wasn't great but heck it didn't put a burden on me. My feelings for OW at this point are probably at an all time high. She opened up more last night. She admitted to her jealousy towards other women around me. It was pretty bad last night too. I couldn't have my phone in my hand without her wanting to know who I was talking or texting. I tell her these are clients that I need to deal with. I'm not convinced that she's using me for a joyride.
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 I'm not convinced that she's using me for a joyride. Well, that's sort of the idea, IM. It won't work for her otherwise.
Owl Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 If she's jealous about other women around you... how does she feel about your wife?!?!?
cj1988 Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 So, YOU are now explaining and justifing whom is calling you or texting you to the OW, you need help ! You need to leave your poor sweet W and go for the crazy jealous one who will throw you away so quick it will make you head spin......It is all a big GAME to her and if and when she thinks he has you, you are HISTORY !
Author IM5150 Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 If she's jealous about other women around you... how does she feel about your wife?!?!? Same as i did about her boyfriend when we started the A. It was part of the package, almost like he didn't count. He had been with her already. Experienced her. It didn't bother me.
sarme Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Sarme, . Vows aside, it's hard to muster that we will be with only 1 woman for the rest of our lives. Quite frankly I don't know if i can deal with that but i feel these thoughts are magnified right now because of my situation. I don't think I was feeling this way before the A. I didn't think about other women. I just carried on with life, doing things that made me happy, spending time with the family, etc. The sex and passion with W wasn't great but heck it didn't put a burden on me. My feelings for OW at this point are probably at an all time high. She opened up more last night. She admitted to her jealousy towards other women around me. It was pretty bad last night too. I couldn't have my phone in my hand without her wanting to know who I was talking or texting. I tell her these are clients that I need to deal with. I'm not convinced that she's using me for a joyride. You're welcome, I guess... LOLIf you don't think you can realistically be with one woman for the rest of your life why did you get married?she is not using you for a joyride just as much as you are not using her for a joyride OR you are using her for a joyride just as much as she is using you for a joyride. However you want to look at it.... ;-) I think you LOVE the idea that she is now jealous of you. This puts your doubts at ease and takes away all the insecurities you had about her, and puts you in control. Now that's a mighty powerful aphrodisiac. So now you have clearly stated there are emotions involved on both ends, your stomach goes into knots and she gets jealous, sorry but if you think you are both leaving emotions out of it you are seriously mistaken. Your EA is full of E.It's amazing how many people kids themselves that emotions can be left aside in an affair.
JamesM Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 So your father had affairs and you know but your mother does not? I am guessing that they no longer are married. Do you suppose that he is your role model in the commitment area? If this OW is jealous about other women already, do you suppose the day will come fairly quickly that she will ask you..."when are you leaving your wife?" Have you thought about a future with her, or do you suppose this will be a fling that is for awhile, and then you will return to your wife?
Author IM5150 Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 So, YOU are now explaining and justifing whom is calling you or texting you to the OW, you need help ! You need to leave your poor sweet W and go for the crazy jealous one who will throw you away so quick it will make you head spin......It is all a big GAME to her and if and when she thinks he has you, you are HISTORY ! hehe, not that simple. We're shooting a campaign for a clothing line in the next couple of weeks that will last a few weeks. We are too involved in the biz to just chuck each other out the window. There's alot more to it.
sarme Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Same as i did about her boyfriend when we started the A. It was part of the package, almost like he didn't count. He had been with her already. Experienced her. It didn't bother me. That's true, I never felt jealous of my ex's wife (at the time) he had been there done that, don't know if it was psychological or what but it posed no threat. I sensed he was true about no longer having feelings for her.
BetrayedMM Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 That's too bad. What a disappointment when you feel that you are not in control of your life. You know that getting her out of your life is the only way you feel confident again, yet you don't have the confidence to take control of the situation to begin with. Your troubles will only grow, and you know it. I guess this is what they mean by the downward spiral, it's like watching a life go down the drain right in front of me. It's sad to watch, I see it all too often. Good luck, my friend. I have to move in another direction, I no longer want to understand your situation. I have enough sadness to stave off now, I can't help you. Only you can help yourself, but you must allow yourself to do what you know you must, if only for your own sake.
Author IM5150 Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 So your father had affairs and you know but your mother does not? I am guessing that they no longer are married. Do you suppose that he is your role model in the commitment area? My father had a total of 3 A's that he told me about. The last one he had he was caught. The first 2 my mom never found out about. My mom was pretty hurt by finding out. Really messed up my dad too. He left the house for a while and realized he couldn't live without my mom and asked her to take him back. She must have felt bad for him or concerned for his health and she took him back. Things have never been the same with them. I don't think she trusts him anymore. My dad chose to do this because he lawyas told me that my mom was never into sex, she actually didn't like it. Dad would go months without it until he snapped and went looking for it elsewhere. i can't blame him for that. They are still married, I don't think anything would break them apart. Unless of course he gets caught again. If this OW is jealous about other women already, do you suppose the day will come fairly quickly that she will ask you..."when are you leaving your wife?" I don't think this day will come. If it does I would probably say NO. Have you thought about a future with her, or do you suppose this will be a fling that is for awhile, and then you will return to your wife? This is a temporary fling. A phase in my life that will pass like all other phases in my life. I don't believe we can have a future together. There are many things about her that I don't really care for. A big plus is that she's HOT but the big negative about that is that every guy that she walks by lays eyes on her. From young kids, to old farts, to married men with wives in tow. Knowing that she can have any man she wants at the snap of the finger leaves me feeling very insecure and vulnerable. When I see her at the club and people see me with her, they come up to me all the time and say things like "Dude, I can't believe your with that girl man!" Last night even, some drunk guy walks up to me as I wait for OW to come out of the changing room, "Dude! Are you tapping that ass? You better be man!" I don't know if I could deal with that. Especially when I know she would be bound to cheat since she's doing it with me. I already have plans on what i will do when this is over to keep me distracted. I will become a flight instructor and teach kids to fly. I'm already close to having that certificate.
StillSame Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 IM5150, I hope you get tested after you get physical with her. Even if you use protection, chances are, you can still catch something from her. Girls like her must have been around with some play boys. You wife will found out if she catch any STD from you. Good luck, because you will need it.
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 I agree with the above about STD's. If you can't be sensible about anything else, at least be sensible about using protection. As I've heard it said, an erect penis has thousands of capillaries and not a single scruple. Don't let your little head convince you that she is clean. I highly doubt she is. HPV is rampant, and can cause cervical cancer. I have read on one infidelity board I go to about a couple of women who not only contracted HPV from their WH's druggie or "dancer" OW but ended up with full blown cervical cancer. I can tell you from experience that cancer sucks. Horribly. Don't put your wife at that risk because of how infatuated you are with this OW. If you can't be smart, at least be safe. Or as safe as you can, anyway. There are many strains of HPV, and at least two of them can cause warts and oral cancer in your mouth as well.
JamesM Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 I agree with the above about STD's. If you can't be sensible about anything else, at least be sensible about using protection. As I've heard it said, an erect penis has thousands of capillaries and not a single scruple. Don't let your little head convince you that she is clean. I highly doubt she is. Now why did you have to bring reality into this fantasy? Men do not want to think of these things yet they are so true. While STDs are a small percentage of the general population, the risk goes up incredibly when people become promiscuous. I never forget my wife's roommate before we were married who caught warts from a one night stand. He left her life, but the warts never did. Wives can forgive infidelity, but if they think you had such low respect for their lives in putting them at risk for STDs, they get furious and even more hurt.
Author IM5150 Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 I appreciate the comments on the STD's. yes that would be a terrible thing. Quite honestly we could have had sex last night. I would not have done it because I didn't have protection. That stuff scares the wits out of me. I would never take the chance. I hope you guys don't perceive this girl as a slut. She is not. She might be Miss Flirty (to her good friends) but she knows her own limits. Surprisingly she doesn't like small talk at bars. Rather be alone. She only took the dancing job because of the money. Her roomie had to convince her to do it. She doesn't like it. She doesn't like showing off her body but she says she has to do it to pay the bills. Theres one night a week where the girls are required to take their top off and shows boobs. She refuses. They won't fire her because she's a favorite there. I can't be for certain that she's clean as a whistle but i don't want you guys to think that she sleeps around either.
Trimmer Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 I can't be for certain that she's clean as a whistle but i don't want you guys to think that she sleeps around either. Well I, for one, feel much, much better about the whole situation now.
whichwayisup Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Your OW is jealous and freaking out because you're cheating on your wife WITH HER. She cheated on her bf to be with you, dumped him and now she's single and free to do what she wants..Which is have an affair with you. Neither of you are fully trustworthy and THAT is why she's jealous. You've proven to her that you are a cheater, it's that plain and simple. I can't be for certain that she's clean as a whistle but i don't want you guys to think that she sleeps around either. You only know what she tells you.....
StillSame Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 I agree with the above about STD's. If you can't be sensible about anything else, at least be sensible about using protection. As I've heard it said, an erect penis has thousands of capillaries and not a single scruple. Don't let your little head convince you that she is clean. I highly doubt she is. HPV is rampant, and can cause cervical cancer. I have read on one infidelity board I go to about a couple of women who not only contracted HPV from their WH's druggie or "dancer" OW but ended up with full blown cervical cancer. I can tell you from experience that cancer sucks. Horribly. Don't put your wife at that risk because of how infatuated you are with this OW. If you can't be smart, at least be safe. Or as safe as you can, anyway. There are many strains of HPV, and at least two of them can cause warts and oral cancer in your mouth as well. Unfortunately, condoms don't protect against contracting certain STDs including HPV. His wife will not get tested because she thinks that her husband is faithful. I wonder how IM5150 will feel if his wife and mother of his kids is dying of HPV cancer.
Mr. Lucky Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 I Theres one night a week where the girls are required to take their top off and shows boobs. She refuses. Trimmer, you're too hard on her. She does have standards ... Mr. Lucky
Recommended Posts