whichwayisup Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 I hate the lies trust me. I tell her I'm going to a friends house that lives around the block. She's says OK. Its about 9PM when I left my house, The OW doesn't care if she strings you along, lies to you, or plays the puppet master with you! She knows you're married and she owes you nothing. It's fun, it's casual and she calls the shots not you...I don't agree with what you two are doing, what you are doing to your wife but it is kind of refreshing in a certain way to see the OP and in this case the OW not fall deeply inlove with the MM and totally feed his ego on his terms, his time frame. This woman has her own life and she isn't putting all her eggs in one basket and relying on YOU for her happiness. THAT is why she is acting the way she is. Think about that for afew minutes and remember how you feel, being dicked around by her next time she calls and you have to make up a LIE to your wife (again, because you WILL lie and go out with the OW when the dust settles, sorry, I don't believe you're going to end it as the OW has you wrapped around her finger) so you can sneak off.. OW standing you up is karma..You lied to your wife, saying you were going around the block to a friends house (can I ask why you drove around the block? See, if your wife is paying attention, that's a big red flag - Let alone what if she called you over there or came by to see you at this 'friends' house) and you say you feel bad about it. Honestly ask yourself how bad do you feel about lying to her? Not enough to really end the affair. I mean come on, if I'm gonna risk my marriage it might as well be with someone that truly wants to be with me and show me affection. I wasn't getting it tonight and that really put things into perspective. So, what are you going to do now? Ignore the OW? End it in your mind and next time she calls you tell her she blew it and you don't want to see her anymore? Or are you thinking of ending it, but when you start to miss the OW and have your withdrawals from her, and she calls you again, you'll go running back to her? You and Matty's situation IS very similar. Except that his wife knows about the affair and the OW. Your wife doesn't...Yet.
whichwayisup Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 "Thanks for calling me back. You asked me to come out tonight and I did, for what? To spend it by myself? I really don't think you give a **** about our so called friendship. I feel like an idiot. Thank You." That's because it isn't a true friendship. If it was, you wouldn't have said: I mean come on, if I'm gonna risk my marriage it might as well be with someone that truly wants to be with me and show me affection. I wasn't getting it tonight and that really put things into perspective. It's ALL self serving and selfish! You two are f*ck buddies, that's IT. Can you see that now?
Mr. Lucky Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 I mean come on, if I'm gonna risk my marriage it might as well be with someone that truly wants to be with me and show me affection. That sentence alone tells alot. Like many cheaters, it's all about you... Mr. Lucky
Author IM5150 Posted January 27, 2008 Author Posted January 27, 2008 The OW doesn't care if she strings you along, lies to you, or plays the puppet master with you! She knows you're married and she owes you nothing. It's fun, it's casual and she calls the shots not you...I don't agree with what you two are doing, what you are doing to your wife but it is kind of refreshing in a certain way to see the OP and in this case the OW not fall deeply inlove with the MM and totally feed his ego on his terms, his time frame. This woman has her own life and she isn't putting all her eggs in one basket and relying on YOU for her happiness. THAT is why she is acting the way she is. Think about that for afew minutes and remember how you feel, being dicked around by her next time she calls and you have to make up a LIE to your wife (again, because you WILL lie and go out with the OW when the dust settles, sorry, I don't believe you're going to end it as the OW has you wrapped around her finger) so you can sneak off.. OW standing you up is karma..You lied to your wife, saying you were going around the block to a friends house (can I ask why you drove around the block? See, if your wife is paying attention, that's a big red flag - Let alone what if she called you over there or came by to see you at this 'friends' house) and you say you feel bad about it. Honestly ask yourself how bad do you feel about lying to her? Not enough to really end the affair. So, what are you going to do now? Ignore the OW? End it in your mind and next time she calls you tell her she blew it and you don't want to see her anymore? Or are you thinking of ending it, but when you start to miss the OW and have your withdrawals from her, and she calls you again, you'll go running back to her? You and Matty's situation IS very similar. Except that his wife knows about the affair and the OW. Your wife doesn't...Yet. I drove around the block because it's a big block, it was raining last night and I also told the W that we'd probably be going out for a beer afterwards. I think my wife was surprised when I showed up "early" last night. She hasn't called me back yet, I'm sure she will as she seems to call me every single day. I'm not really sure what I'm gonna say. I will tell her that what she did was ****ed up but I don't want to screw anything up at the same time. We aren't **** buddies because we haven't had sex. I guess I really want to see her again because the last time we were together (Last Tuesday) we had the most intimate time together and I feel like we left it at To Be Continued.... and that's hard. She told me she accepted the room for rent and that might change things. She now has her own place and her own room. I think the true test is around the corner. I would like to end this soon though. She's not worth a ****ing affair.
Trimmer Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 We aren't **** buddies because we haven't had sex. You're fooling yourself. Whether you are there or not, WWIU's point is: that is the relationship that is developing, and it's a very unbalanced one, at that. She calls all the shots and you show up at the appointed time, sometimes get teased and led on with the hope of more, and other times to get demoralized and humiliated. I guess I really want to see her again because the last time we were together (Last Tuesday) we had the most intimate time together and I feel like we left it at To Be Continued.... ... and so she's got you right where she wants you, twisting in agony, ready to do anything to take it that one - last - step... Of course, there's no way I can be sure, but doesn't it sound like a setup for something? She told me she accepted the room for rent and that might change things. ...right at the point where she has your frustration and your horniness peaking, and you are probably feeling your least rational and most likely to do something stupid, right? That's where I see some kind of money coming into play here. I'm sure it would be just a "loan," and it will probably sound like it makes sense, at the time. She now has her own place and her own room. I think the true test is around the corner. I would like to end this soon though. She's not worth a ****ing affair. Surprise, buddy: you are lying to your wife to cultivate an intimate relationship with another woman. It already is an affair. Again, you are fooling yourself.
Mr. Lucky Posted January 27, 2008 Posted January 27, 2008 Which is it? This: I really want to see her again because the last time we were together (Last Tuesday) we had the most intimate time together and I feel like we left it at To Be Continued.... Or this: She's not worth a ****ing affair. If you could stand back and read your own contradictory quotes you'd see how badly you're being played... Mr. Lucky
Author IM5150 Posted January 28, 2008 Author Posted January 28, 2008 Which is it? This: Or this: If you could stand back and read your own contradictory quotes you'd see how badly you're being played... Mr. Lucky I know I sound contradicorty but that's how my mind is working right now. I say she's not worth the affair because of the crap that happened last night and also at the bar back in LA. It doesn't erase the feeling of me wanting to see her though. It's 4PM and she hasn't called. This is quite odd. She should be calling by now. Today has been somewhat depressing. It's raining and cold outside and it sucks being stuck in the house. I did go out with the family for a little while but I was in my own little zone just thinking about the OW. I decided to call up my friend and were gonna go have a beer in a little while. He knows what's going on so it'll be nice to have a conversation. I need this distraction. I can't stop wondering what she's doing right now. It's painful.
JamesM Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 This is an interesting thread, and I truly hope you keep us updated. In some senses, it IS like reading Matty's thread...except you are at the beginning, kind of like reading the prequel. When I read that you say she is not worth an affair, I read anger not resolution. What you seem to be saying is that if she proved worth it, then an affair is imminent. You may be mad at her for not running to you as you feel like doing to her, but you still want that affair. I disagree that you are in the affair. I know that your wife would disagree with me, but you are in the infatuation stage. You yearn for the fulfillment, which in this case is sex it seems. You can still stop this and let yourself cool off. I truly question if you want to do so, and I also question if the OW will LET you. I think that if she senses you leaving her, then she will turn up the heat. In fact, don't be surprised if she does do just that in the next day or two. It's 4PM and she hasn't called. This is quite odd. She should be calling by now. Today has been somewhat depressing. It's raining and cold outside and it sucks being stuck in the house. I did go out with the family for a little while but I was in my own little zone just thinking about the OW. I decided to call up my friend and were gonna go have a beer in a little while. He knows what's going on so it'll be nice to have a conversation. I need this distraction. I can't stop wondering what she's doing right now. It's painful. This paragraph alone makes me very worried for you. The highlighted sentence speaks volumes.
Mr. Lucky Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 This paragraph alone makes me very worried for you. The highlighted sentence speaks volumes. James, I'd be more worried for his Wife and Children ... Mr. Lucky
justice Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 Man do I feel like an idiot tonight. I think you guys are right. This OW must be stringing me along and I'm pissed. So today goes down like this. She calls me earlier in the day and asks me what I'm doing later on tonight, I ask her what she has in mind? She asks if I'll come out and play tonight? Of course with the temptation at an all time high level, I said YES, I'll come out with you tonight. She says great. I tell her I'm having dinner and that I'll call her when I'm done and heading out her way, she says ok, she's going to dinner too and that she'll call me when she's done, who ever reaches who first. Cool. At the time she was in Newark, the city where she was looking at her new place that she's gonna rent. I get home from dinner and I have to make something up to tell the wife. I hate the lies trust me. I tell her I'm going to a friends house that lives around the block. She's says OK. Its about 9PM when I left my house, it's been about 2 hours since we talked. I figured by the time I made it by her house she's be ready to go. I hit a local bar to kill another 1/2 hour before I call her since I know she takes forever to get ready. I step outside of the bar I'm at and give her a call. She seems happy to hear from me, when I asked her where she was, she said she was still in Newark. What? Your still in Newark? I'm out here already 5 minutes away from your house and your still in Newark? (It's about 30 minutes North from where she currently lives). At this point I'm getting upset. She says that her friend is picking her up and that she's driving her down. She says give me 20 minutes and I'll call you to let you know where I'm at. I said ok. That was at 9:40PM. I head to another bar to have another beer while I wait for her call. I'm very agitated at this point. I don't like hanging out a bars by myself. I hang out at the bar until about 10:15 or so. Still no call. I send her a text at 10:22PM "Where are you? Not fun drinking by myself" I don't get a reply. At about 10:30PM I had finished my beer and feeling like a lonely fool at a bar I head for the door. I stand outside and give her a call. NO answer. I walk out to the parking lot and reach my car, open the door and I sit inside. I start thinking to myself what a ****ed up situation I'm in. I can't believe what I'm risking my marriage for. I mean come on, if I'm gonna risk my marriage it might as well be with someone that truly wants to be with me and show me affection. I wasn't getting it tonight and that really put things into perspective. 10 minutes later, I decide to try her phone again, I give her another call...No answer. I tell myself, screw this, this is bull****. What the hell am I doing? I'm such an idiot for putting up with her. I start the car and head for home. It's about a 20 min drive to my house but I stretched it out going slow down the streets waiting for her to call. I know where she's at. She at a bar with her future roommate and some friends. I could hear the background noise when I initially spoke with her. I make it home and still no call from her. It's 11:00PM now and I sit in my car, rain hitting the windshield as I think to myself. Why am I such an idiot. I can't believe this girl is not calling me back, just ignoring me. She doesn't give a **** about me. This is not worth it. She's a scumbag. I decide to leave her one final message to tell her that what she did was ****ed up. First I call her phone...NO answer, this time leave her a message. "Thanks for calling me back. YOu asked me to come out tonight and you ditched me. That was ****ed up". I hang up. I remember her telling me a while back that she doesn't like checking her voicemail so I follow the call with one final text... "Thanks for calling me back. You asked me to come out tonight and I did, for what? To spend it by myself? I really don't think you give a **** about our so called friendship. I feel like an idiot. Thank You." 9 minutes later she response to that text... "Baby Listen. Im sorry. Im still with my new roomie and chonies. Call u in a bit. Xxxxx" Well that caught her attention. I really don't feel like taking her call when she decides to call me but I think I'm going to tell her that what she did was ****ed up and I'm really mad at her. Not sure how she'll react. Will be interesting to see. I know you don't want to hear this. But I'm saying it anyway. This woman is using you for her own sick and selfish amusement. If she truly cared about you she wouldn't be "not" showing up when you are supposed to meet, she'd move heaven and hell to get there. She's playing with you and in the meantime, you are totally ruining what's left of your marriage. I was once a betrayed wife. I know how it feels on the other side of that fence that you are creating. I was only in the dark for a little while, but once I caught on, it wasn't long before I decided that my husband loved playing more than he loved me. So, I ended our marriage. It was the right thing for me to do. How would you feel if your wife finds out and decides to do the same thing? Is all of this really worth it to you, for someone who clearly does not give one crap about you? Think about it. I won't go into how much it hurt me when I found out, but I will tell you that it was the worst pain I've ever gone through. Don't cause your wife that same pain. Please get out of the cycle of infidelity and go no contact with the other woman now before you lose your family. My story ended up happy. I'm satisfied being on my own. My husband's however didn't end up so well, he is still begging me to come back or he's wanting to move in with me. If I couldn't trust him then, I'm sure not going to start now and for me, it's over. Do you want your wife feeling that way? You made vows to your wife, you need to uphold those vows, no matter what is going on in your marriage. If you aren't happy you do owe it to her to at least talk to her about how you are feeling and if that doesn't work you need counceling or to separate until you get your head screwed on straight. How would you feel if you found out your wife was mooning around for another man? Totally block the other woman from your mind. Keep her out of your life and work on your marriage and mean it. You just might find yourself happier with someone you already promised to love, honor and cherish.
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 This will sound brutal and ugly, but allow me to dig back in history way back to my "bad old days": I don't think there is any danger of OW hooking MM away from his family. Even if he left his wife, OW would probably let him hang on for a couple of months and simply let him go. When I was younger, I had friends like this girl. Young, hot, barhopping, high maintenance girls - more often than not they were "dancers". I wasn't a "dancer" myself, but we all did pretty much the same thing with guys like IM. Its easy really - you find an older guy like IM who is starved for "worship", treat him like he's the sex bomb (and that you get all hot and have explosive orgasms from his slightest touch), get him eating out of your hand, make him feel like a man and he'll fall all over himself to do whatever you want him to do. Preferably, the guy will be married - the last thing you want from someone you are using like this is to be stuck with them permanently. I wish I had a dime for every one of my "dancer" friends who had a pet MM back in those days. I see this OW chewing IM up and spitting him out when she has gotten all she wants out of him, and simply moving on to the next man. Sorry, IM - but I don't see this girl as being any different than I was, or any of the other player women I knew in my younger days. She will make you into a living Aesop's fable, IM. I don't see anything but heartbreak coming from this. You have messed up your marriage for basically nothing.
JamesM Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 James, I'd be more worried for his Wife and Children ... Mr. Lucky I agree, but being that we are talking to him, then I say I worry for him. His family has already been "screwed" and they do not know it. However, he can catch himself before th public revelation of his "lust addiction," and the family may be saved and kept together. My fear for him is that he doesn't seem to realize how far he has gone and how out of control he sounds. I think most of us guys can relate to the feelings, and some can understand the results. These are words to which to listen... This woman is using you for her own sick and selfish amusement. If she truly cared about you she wouldn't be "not" showing up when you are supposed to meet, she'd move heaven and hell to get there. She's playing with you and in the meantime, you are totally ruining what's left of your marriage. and.... I was once a betrayed wife. I know how it feels on the other side of that fence that you are creating. I was only in the dark for a little while, but once I caught on, it wasn't long before I decided that my husband loved playing more than he loved me. So, I ended our marriage. Sadly, IM5150, I think you have this idea that you can conduct this affair in private without your wife knowing. And then you seem to think yet that if she finds out, then you can beg for forgiveness and she will stay. That happens, but not every time...or even most of the time, and then it is at a cost that is huge..... I won't go into how much it hurt me when I found out, but I will tell you that it was the worst pain I've ever gone through. Having communicated with someone who went through this, I can say that this is for real. The one whom I know elected to stay with her husband, but the pain remains even after two years. But if you lose your wife which is likely, this could be you.... My husband's however didn't end up so well, he is still begging me to come back or he's wanting to move in with me. The funny thing is that right now all you can think of is satisfying your lust and addiction. That feeling inside is eating you up. I know you came here looking to see if the feeling is normal...and it is, but we do need to advise and caution you also, based on our own experiences.
justice Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 I agree, but being that we are talking to him, then I say I worry for him. His family has already been "screwed" and they do not know it. However, he can catch himself before th public revelation of his "lust addiction," and the family may be saved and kept together. My fear for him is that he doesn't seem to realize how far he has gone and how out of control he sounds. I think most of us guys can relate to the feelings, and some can understand the results. These are words to which to listen... and.... Sadly, IM5150, I think you have this idea that you can conduct this affair in private without your wife knowing. And then you seem to think yet that if she finds out, then you can beg for forgiveness and she will stay. That happens, but not every time...or even most of the time, and then it is at a cost that is huge..... Having communicated with someone who went through this, I can say that this is for real. The one whom I know elected to stay with her husband, but the pain remains even after two years. But if you lose your wife which is likely, this could be you.... The funny thing is that right now all you can think of is satisfying your lust and addiction. That feeling inside is eating you up. I know you came here looking to see if the feeling is normal...and it is, but we do need to advise and caution you also, based on our own experiences. You know, James, thing is they can come here and ask for advice, all we can give them is our experiences and our thoughts on the things. Whether or not they listen and heed those experiences, is strictly up to them. And what's sad is that some of them are in the fog so deep that they can't see past the haze of it all. Bottom line is this, the betrayed partner always ends up finding out about the affair, whether or not it's tomorrow, one minute from now or ten days or ten years. And the pain and the loss always remain the same. Someone always gets hurt in the end.
feelingtorn Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 IM, I don't think she is really that into you. Cleary, not as much as you are into her. My OM used to always send me a text like I miss you or I can't wait to see you. However, he was very selfish about his time. I was not always his first priority. He often chose work or went out with his buddies. Anyone married who cheated on their spouse could testify how tricky sometimes it is to come up an excuse for your weekly night-out(s). Never mind how she treats you, but start treating yourself better and forget about OW.
JamesM Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 You know, James, thing is they can come here and ask for advice, all we can give them is our experiences and our thoughts on the things. Whether or not they listen and heed those experiences, is strictly up to them. And what's sad is that some of them are in the fog so deep that they can't see past the haze of it all. Someone always gets hurt in the end. So true, but I think we all hope that something may pop into the mind before a tragic mistake is made.
Author IM5150 Posted January 28, 2008 Author Posted January 28, 2008 I know you don't want to hear this. But I'm saying it anyway. This woman is using you for her own sick and selfish amusement. If she truly cared about you she wouldn't be "not" showing up when you are supposed to meet, she'd move heaven and hell to get there. She's playing with you and in the meantime, you are totally ruining what's left of your marriage. I was once a betrayed wife. I know how it feels on the other side of that fence that you are creating. I was only in the dark for a little while, but once I caught on, it wasn't long before I decided that my husband loved playing more than he loved me. So, I ended our marriage. It was the right thing for me to do. How would you feel if your wife finds out and decides to do the same thing? Is all of this really worth it to you, for someone who clearly does not give one crap about you? Think about it. I won't go into how much it hurt me when I found out, but I will tell you that it was the worst pain I've ever gone through. Don't cause your wife that same pain. Please get out of the cycle of infidelity and go no contact with the other woman now before you lose your family. My story ended up happy. I'm satisfied being on my own. My husband's however didn't end up so well, he is still begging me to come back or he's wanting to move in with me. If I couldn't trust him then, I'm sure not going to start now and for me, it's over. Do you want your wife feeling that way? You made vows to your wife, you need to uphold those vows, no matter what is going on in your marriage. If you aren't happy you do owe it to her to at least talk to her about how you are feeling and if that doesn't work you need counceling or to separate until you get your head screwed on straight. How would you feel if you found out your wife was mooning around for another man? Totally block the other woman from your mind. Keep her out of your life and work on your marriage and mean it. You just might find yourself happier with someone you already promised to love, honor and cherish. I'll have to disagree with you that she doesn't give a crap about me. She actually does care about me and she's said it time and time again. What is going on here is her drinking and instability. She did not show up because it was partly out of her control. She was in another city "celebrating" her new move with her future roomate. She got drunk and doesn't have a car so I'm guessing that there was no reliable transportation if the others were drinking too. It's not that she didn't want to see me but she just gets caught up in all these weird situations where one thing leads to another. She's very unpredictable. It's not a result of her not giving a crap about me. Thanks for the advise of going back to my marriage and telling my wife and going NC. I've heard it a million times already and it hasn't helped yet. I don't feel that this is a full fledge affair like James says. He's right. It's not. I won't be telling my wife about this. have I cheated, yes. I'm I having a passionate love affair with another woman, NO.
Author IM5150 Posted January 28, 2008 Author Posted January 28, 2008 This will sound brutal and ugly, but allow me to dig back in history way back to my "bad old days": I don't think there is any danger of OW hooking MM away from his family. Even if he left his wife, OW would probably let him hang on for a couple of months and simply let him go. When I was younger, I had friends like this girl. Young, hot, barhopping, high maintenance girls - more often than not they were "dancers". I wasn't a "dancer" myself, but we all did pretty much the same thing with guys like IM. Its easy really - you find an older guy like IM who is starved for "worship", treat him like he's the sex bomb (and that you get all hot and have explosive orgasms from his slightest touch), get him eating out of your hand, make him feel like a man and he'll fall all over himself to do whatever you want him to do. Preferably, the guy will be married - the last thing you want from someone you are using like this is to be stuck with them permanently. I wish I had a dime for every one of my "dancer" friends who had a pet MM back in those days. I see this OW chewing IM up and spitting him out when she has gotten all she wants out of him, and simply moving on to the next man. Sorry, IM - but I don't see this girl as being any different than I was, or any of the other player women I knew in my younger days. She will make you into a living Aesop's fable, IM. I don't see anything but heartbreak coming from this. You have messed up your marriage for basically nothing. I totally hear what your saying here and it all makes sense. I have more to offer this girl than any other MM and she knows it. Do I use that to my advantage? Sure I do. It gives me the edge. In her career, I'm her guiding light. She comes to me for advise, answers, support. I made her who she is today in her modeling world and she knows it. I'm a well known and respected photographer in my area and work with girls day in day out that treat me like I'm some ****ing rockstar because I have what they want. OW has tapped into a side of me that no other girl has and she's enjoying the ride that's for sure. She feels alive when around me, it would be hard for her to let that element go. So like i said, I'm not her average MM.
whichwayisup Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 I'll have to disagree with you that she doesn't give a crap about me. She actually does care about me and she's said it time and time again. What is going on here is her drinking and instability. She did not show up because it was partly out of her control. She was in another city "celebrating" her new move with her future roomate. She got drunk and doesn't have a car so I'm guessing that there was no reliable transportation if the others were drinking too. It's not that she didn't want to see me but she just gets caught up in all these weird situations where one thing leads to another. She's very unpredictable. It's not a result of her not giving a crap about me. Her actions show you otherwise. See, you cannot be really objective when it comes to the OW. If she really did care about you, she would have called you and kept you informed, that the plans changed. Instead she completely put you out of her head. You are NOT a high priority on her list yet you've made her a top priority on your list... You are making excuses for her and honestly, it isn't going to serve you well in the near future. She cares on HER terms. She is 25 years old, and has no real responsibilities in her life, hense her getting drunk and doing what she wants when she wants. You, on the otherhand are older, you know better and you DO have tons of responsibilities. Wife, children and a family to look after. Yet, the OW is your escape and fantasy life...Right? Thanks for the advise of going back to my marriage and telling my wife and going NC. I've heard it a million times already and it hasn't helped yet. That's because you don't want the A to end. You want to have sex with the OW and see what happens. You want to live this double life and do what you want because you're acting selfish!! I don't feel that this is a full fledge affair like James says. He's right. It's not. I won't be telling my wife about this. have I cheated, yes. I'm I having a passionate love affair with another woman, NO. IT IS though. You lusting after her and your actions speak loud and clear. You think about OW 24/7, even when you're with your own wife and kids! You're living in your own little fantasy bubble...Sex or no sex, you're IN an affair. It's emotional and your intentions are there to make it INTO a physical affair. Please, don't deny that. I totally hear what your saying here and it all makes sense. I have more to offer this girl than any other MM and she knows it. Do I use that to my advantage? Sure I do. It gives me the edge. In her career, I'm her guiding light. She comes to me for advise, answers, support. I made her who she is today in her modeling world and she knows it. I'm a well known and respected photographer in my area and work with girls day in day out that treat me like I'm some ****ing rockstar because I have what they want. OW has tapped into a side of me that no other girl has and she's enjoying the ride that's for sure. She feels alive when around me, it would be hard for her to let that element go. So like i said, I'm not her average MM. LOL! This is NOT a friendship at all. It's borderline obsession and an ego trip for you. You're letting all that confuse you and think it's more. You don't really truly care about the OW, if you did, you would allow her to live her life and not get pissy and jealous, feel hurt when she doesn't contact you.
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 I made her who she is today in her modeling world and she knows it. I'm a well known and respected photographer in my area and work with girls day in day out that treat me like I'm some ****ing rockstar because I have what they want. She is using you for precisely this reason. If you didn't have this to offer, would she still be there for you (in as much as she is - it sounds like she only gets together when it is convenient for her or when she has nothing better going on). OW has tapped into a side of me that no other girl has That is part of how you hook a guy, IM. You have to get the guy completely wrapped up and crazy in love - that way you can whatever you want from him - particularly when he has something tangible to offer like you do, which will result in advancing her in some way. It is all too easy to manipulate someone into feeling the way you do about her. I hate to say it, but I used to do it fairly often. All you have to do is find out what a man is lacking inside himself and wants most and then create that inside of yourself and show it to him. He will follow you to the ends of the earth. At least until you turn it off - which becomes necessary when its time to move on, or when you are done with him. She feels alive when around me I'm sure she does. But probably not for the reasons you would think. It sounds very mercenary and cold, but when you strip away the gooey crush-n-luv stuff it is what it is: using someone to advance yourself and manipulating the most vulnerable parts of a person to make sure it works. She's young, on the fast track, and on the lookout for the next big thing - you got her started. The next guy will get her established. The next one will make her rich, and so on. Some women grow out of this, some don't. I'm glad I did. It ultimately is an empty life. Couldn't imagine still living it now or in the future. I am remorseful about doing this to people. It is hard to see someone like you obviously hurting and tortured over something a girl is doing to you that you can't see. I hope you will be able to get your head and heart together soon. You will have no joy with this girl ultimately, and if you go past the point of no return and lose your family you will find that you traded in everything you had for nothing.
Author IM5150 Posted January 28, 2008 Author Posted January 28, 2008 She is using you for precisely this reason. If you didn't have this to offer, would she still be there for you (in as much as she is - it sounds like she only gets together when it is convenient for her or when she has nothing better going on). That is part of how you hook a guy, IM. You have to get the guy completely wrapped up and crazy in love - that way you can whatever you want from him - particularly when he has something tangible to offer like you do, which will result in advancing her in some way. It is all too easy to manipulate someone into feeling the way you do about her. I hate to say it, but I used to do it fairly often. All you have to do is find out what a man is lacking inside himself and wants most and then create that inside of yourself and show it to him. He will follow you to the ends of the earth. At least until you turn it off - which becomes necessary when its time to move on, or when you are done with him. I'm sure she does. But probably not for the reasons you would think. It sounds very mercenary and cold, but when you strip away the gooey crush-n-luv stuff it is what it is: using someone to advance yourself and manipulating the most vulnerable parts of a person to make sure it works. She's young, on the fast track, and on the lookout for the next big thing - you got her started. The next guy will get her established. The next one will make her rich, and so on. Some women grow out of this, some don't. I'm glad I did. It ultimately is an empty life. Couldn't imagine still living it now or in the future. I am remorseful about doing this to people. It is hard to see someone like you obviously hurting and tortured over something a girl is doing to you that you can't see. I hope you will be able to get your head and heart together soon. You will have no joy with this girl ultimately, and if you go past the point of no return and lose your family you will find that you traded in everything you had for nothing. I appreciate these words and it does make some sense. I will not forget the other night and it will actually help me in the near future should I decide to call this thing quits. Quite honestly I do. It's unfortunate that I landed into an affair and more unfortunate that it had to be this OW. Or heck, maybe not. Maybe in the next week or two she'll piss me off to the point where I'll tell her to **** off.
Author IM5150 Posted January 28, 2008 Author Posted January 28, 2008 (edited) Yesterday, after feeling somewhat depressed most of the day I decided to go hang out with a photographer buddy of mine. He actually got me started in the business. He's an older man, mid 50's. Dutch. Very intelligent. His marriage was also broken up many years ago due to an A. Although it happened to him I always enjoy what he has to say. He does tell me that I should break off contact with this person but he also understands exactly what I'm going through because he went through the same thing. Up until then I had not heard from OW. She had contacted me once before apologizing about the other night. I was telling my friend how a day doesn't go by with her contacting me and how i was surprised that it was 8:30PM and she hadn't contacted me yet. As I said that I get a message: "sorry bout last night. was buzzed "celebrating" i suppose ;-) and my phone kept losing signal...it's been happening all weekend. kiss" I responded to this message: " Do it again and I'll suck the life out of you and kick you to the curb." I don't feel like this was an authentic apology but oh well. I have an event at a hotel this week and she asked if she can accompany me. She said she will see if she can skip work to do this. She can potentially make a few hundred dollars at work that night but rather hang with me. I told her that's fine. Edited January 28, 2008 by IM5150
JamesM Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 WWIU is right in many points. And although I don't think you are in an affair, I think you so close to the edge that you TALK as if you are in an affair. She is your everything, she touches a side of you that no one else does, etc. You have even made a few Freudian slips as if you are already completely in the throes of a passionate physical affair... He's an older man, mid 50's. Dutch. Very intelligent. His marriage was also broken up many years ago due to an A. I appreciate these words and it does make some sense. I will not forget the other night and it will actually help me in the near future should I decide to call this thing quits. Quite honestly I do. It's unfortunate that I landed into an affair and more unfortunate that it had to be this OW. I think you know what you are doing and do not really want to quit. And it sounds like you have resigned yourself to the fact that you are helpless and cannot withdraw from her. You even seemed to be resigned to the fact that this could...and probably will...ruin your marriage. Reread WWIU's words a few times...good advice. She can potentially make a few hundred dollars at work that night but rather hang with me. My guess is that she decided that you may have reached the point of thinking she isn't interested. She decided that to retain you she needs to show more interest. I am like others wondering what is motivating her in that she is not acting like she totally is infatuated with you...like you are with her. She seems to acting as LB thinks she is.
sarme Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 She is using you for precisely this reason. If you didn't have this to offer, would she still be there for you (in as much as she is - it sounds like she only gets together when it is convenient for her or when she has nothing better going on). It's a two way street, they both get something out of this relationship that is questionable. So it's pretty obsvious this is not about love. He would not be into her is she were not 25, hot and injecting excitement and into his life and a boost to his ego so why should he expect to get so much from her when he is using her as well? I see them both exactly the same none of them has better intentions on the other. The obvious difference is she has nothing to lose he has a lot to lose but since it is not phasing him I'd say just stop analizing it so much IM, and expecting so much from this OW and just enjoy the ride. It's obvious you are going nowhere to get out so just take what you can as she does and enjoy what you have, whatever it is.
Mustang Sally Posted January 28, 2008 Posted January 28, 2008 Sounds like a good assessment of the situation to me, sarme.
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