Are my feelings normal?

[sarme]

Good point, Sarme. In the light of what you mention, here's what I suggest for the original poster:

 

Just a few things to think about...

 

1. This forum is predominately visited by people who were the betrayed parties in an affair.

 

2. Given that, the majority of the responders are NOT going to 'know how it feels to be in an affair'.

 

3. In fact, the majority of the responders will more likely respond with recommendations to fix your marriage, rather than carrying on the affair.

 

4. Given what most of the responders here have gone through, you're also likely to get a much more emotional response than you anticipated.

 

5. To sum it up, I'd suggest that to get what you're asking for, your best bet is to find a board that SUPPORTS infidelity/cheating/affairs...do a search with the words "TOW" and affair, and I'm sure you'll find some.

 

6. You might also try posting on the OW/OM section on this board, but you need to understand that even that site is often visited by "BS's" (betrayed spouses) like myself that are likely to give you the same advice that you've received here.

 

7. I'm not trying to "run you off"...I'm trying to give you the best means to get what you're asking for.

 

 

Also good points but this forum is also visited by a lot of people who have cheated and he specifically was looking for people who have been in his shoes and it appears he is looking for share experiences.

 

Since most the responses here are from people who were on the other side of the fence then in my personal opinion the OP will benefit more from sharing your experience and he can eleaborate on them if he feels he needs to otherwise giving unsolicited advice is just that, unwelcomed. It distracts from the original post. The poster ends up tired of having to justify their stance and they get absolutely nothing out of the experience other than allowing a few people to blow off steam.

 

Really it should be up to him to decide what he wants out of this thread and if your shared experiences prompt him to ask for advice then GREAT! Instead what happens is all the others who come on here and impose their nagging "advice" becomes combersome for the readers, I want to read about the original post in question when I come into this thread not about how he should get out of the affair becaus it doens't sit well with all of you!?! we know it's wrong that was not the point of this thread.

 

HE is not looking for that so why do people insist on doing that? It breaks the basic code of civility this site is trying to propagate wouldn't you agree?

 

As a reader, I think I also have the right to stand up for what I want to consume, don't I? If I see a thread that says "how do I end this affair" unless I want to read about that or contribute to that in any way shape or form why would I enter there? But every single thread in this place ends up the exact same way because the definition of "insanity" seems to be played out rather nicely here by a select few.

 

I would love to read what the original post proposed instead I read the exact same broken record crap we can read in all the other million threads.

 

Personally I would rather read two posts of something on topic than 10 pages filled with crap.

 

A person will take out a thread on how to get a dog to stop chewing their your shoes, and there will be 10 pages of people going on an on about how affairs are wrong and have to stop. LOL

 

As to your point #5 you totally deny it with #6 because the bottom line is that the same old same old ain't going away no matter where it is posted. #5 IS for support to people involved in affairs and the EXACT same thing as here happens, no correction, it is WAY worse.

 

It's irrelevant where the thoughts are posted, people need to learn to respect the thread TOPICS, bottom line and everyone will be happy.

[sarme]

My belt buckle was the bomb. It's a silver skull and crossbones. We like to dress somewhat similar, the OW got me into listening to screaming bands like Atreyu. It plays in my car all the time and now I have my kids singing it. It gives my wife a headache.

 

Why did I fall in love with my wife? I'm still trying to figure that out if in fact it was really love. I think I settled into marriage becaise that's what was expected of our family and she seemed like the perfect wife. I never had the "hots" for her. That's one thing I wish I could have had. A girl that I was physically atracted to from the begining. I think if I had that, i wouldn;t look at other girls but maybe I'm wrong. With the OW, I don't even thik or look at opther girls. Even girls that are 10x hotter than her, i don't even care about.

 

 

I knew your buckle would be totally rock and roll!

 

Look dude you just described exactly what my b/f always said and maintains about his ex. The difference was his family did see that they were totally mismatched and they figured he would not be happy with her because they were too different. He was not phsyically attracted to her either there was never any passion, and she was the persuer in the relationship, they were roommates in college and shared a house and got into a relationship and later drifted into marriage because it was the logical next step.

 

However physical attraction alone is not a good reason to leave a marriage for another woman, you'll always find other women more attractive at one point of another attractive people are all around us. Do you connect with this OW on a deep level? Having fun is a big one, I know my guy tells me that all the time he tells me he has never had as much fun as he has with me, not even with his guy friends. When he was younger his dad used to tease him and tell him "you need someone to pull rabbits out of their butts but you won't always get that" Well he tells me now he does get that. I can't even explain it, I've known this man for over 2yrs and we never ever get bored....we have our down or off days but don't get bored. Maybe it will change when we live together? who knows...but we spend enough time together we might as well be living together...

[IM5150]

I have 2 hours to go and my mind cannot stop racing. This sucks soo bad. OW usually calls around this time and the longer the minutes pass , the tighter the knot in my stomach gets. This isn't right. Heck, I heard from her yesterday!!! I think I'm just wanting to have sex with her and get it over with. I mean, I've been seeing her for 5 months now. I exhausted alot of my time and energy, Iv'e lied, Ive' decieved. Iv'e done bad and theres no turning back. I feel at this point that our A deserves this. In a way I feel like I'll be done with it and say "Is this all it was"? and move on. Maybe that's what's holding me back right now from moving on, the fact that I want to be intimate with her and if i let her go now I might regret that I never was. The thought of that hurts just as much as letting her go. Part of me feels like I'm in a race against the clock. Have sex with her before she finds someone else and kisses my ass goodbye. Boy does she have me in her complete control, I don't give her the impression bu boy this sucks.

[sarme]

. With the OW, I don't even thik or look at opther girls. Even girls that are 10x hotter than her, i don't even care about.

 

Wait a minute IM5150 I think you are really kidding yourself here, of course you don't look at other women this is new and exciting for you why would you look at other women now? If you did there would have to be something seriously wrong with you, "insatiable and insecure" would come to mind. I can assure you in time you will look at other women again, the new becomes mundane and every day = routine so you'd better be sure you have some strong glue, ie intellectualy emotional connection to hold you together or you will be down this exact same path again in time.

and that's for sure!

[Mustang Sally]

Part of me feels like I'm in a race against the clock. Have sex with her before she finds someone else and kisses my ass goodbye. Boy does she have me in her complete control, I don't give her the impression bu boy this sucks.

Dude!

 

Get a grip, man!

 

Time for a quick nut-check.

Seriously.

What I said before, in that other post....

 

Either way? Being ball-less is not going to be the answer.

 

If you want to keep her, losing your balls will surely chase her away.

If you want to move on from her, being a eunich will only allow her that much more power over your emotional state while you are trying to recover.

 

Hey.

I say all of this in an endearing way.

Really.

[IM5150]

I knew your buckle would be totally rock and roll!

 

Look dude you just described exactly what my b/f always said and maintains about his ex. The difference was his family did see that they were totally mismatched and they figured he would not be happy with her because they were too different. He was not phsyically attracted to her either there was never any passion, and she was the persuer in the relationship, they were roommates in college and shared a house and got into a relationship and later drifted into marriage because it was the logical next step.

 

However physical attraction alone is not a good reason to leave a marriage for another woman, you'll always find other women more attractive at one point of another attractive people are all around us. Do you connect with this OW on a deep level? Having fun is a big one, I know my guy tells me that all the time he tells me he has never had as much fun as he has with me, not even with his guy friends. When he was younger his dad used to tease him and tell him "you need someone to pull rabbits out of their butts but you won't always get that" Well he tells me now he does get that. I can't even explain it, I've known this man for over 2yrs and we never ever get bored....we have our down or off days but don't get bored. Maybe it will change when we live together? who knows...but we spend enough time together we might as well be living together...

 

 

I don't think I connect with OW on a deep level. She is very different than me. She's rough, she's tough. She carries around brass knuckles, her purse has brass knuckle handles. She stands straight as an arrow, her posture is perfection. She drinks, only the good stuff, she taught me not to drink the bad **** or else you wake up with a hangover all the time. I'm a normal guy, she's NOT a normal girl. picture her as the rebelious one, she can hang with the toughest of them. I'm sure she can kick my ass if she wanted too. The other night at a bar she broke the buckle right off my belt, and it was a heavy duty one. She also likes to bite. I have a permanent bite mark on my wrist. It doesn't look like teeth thank god. i think it's all this that has attracted me to her, just her being so diiferent than any other girl I've met.

[sarme]

I have 2 hours to go and my mind cannot stop racing. This sucks soo bad. OW usually calls around this time and the longer the minutes pass , the tighter the knot in my stomach gets. This isn't right. Heck, I heard from her yesterday!!! I think I'm just wanting to have sex with her and get it over with. I mean, I've been seeing her for 5 months now. I exhausted alot of my time and energy, Iv'e lied, Ive' decieved. Iv'e done bad and theres no turning back. I feel at this point that our A deserves this. In a way I feel like I'll be done with it and say "Is this all it was"? and move on. Maybe that's what's holding me back right now from moving on, the fact that I want to be intimate with her and if i let her go now I might regret that I never was. The thought of that hurts just as much as letting her go. Part of me feels like I'm in a race against the clock. Have sex with her before she finds someone else and kisses my ass goodbye. Boy does she have me in her complete control, I don't give her the impression bu boy this sucks.

 

 

So let me get this straight you went from not wanting advice to now wanting to end it and cut it off? Cool ok. Well if you are going to cut it off and need to have sex with her one last time to have closure, that's nonsense because if you do have sex with her in a a few days you will be desperately craving her again. If you walk away without having sex you will do your head in because it is what you have determined for yourself.

 

You have to be convinced that ending is what you need to do for you and only then will you be able to walk away an not look back.

 

Check out Mattym's thread that should give you some insight into what it could be like to walk away in a half azzed manner. Conviciton is everything, otherwise don't even bother kidding yourself because you will fail. Matty was also totally into the physical aspect of his OW but that was pretty much it it only got more and more complicated for him as he continued to not really practice what he said he wanted to do, because the bottom line is you have to WANT to do it with full on conviction.

[Mustang Sally]

I don't think I connect with OW on a deep level. She is very different than me. She's rough, she's tough. She carries around brass knuckles, her purse has brass knuckle handles. She stands straight as an arrow, her posture is perfection. She drinks, only the good stuff, she taught me not to drink the bad **** or else you wake up with a hangover all the time. I'm a normal guy, she's NOT a normal girl. picture her as the rebelious one, she can hang with the toughest of them. I'm sure she can kick my ass if she wanted too. The other night at a bar she broke the buckle right off my belt, and it was a heavy duty one. She also likes to bite. I have a permanent bite mark on my wrist. It doesn't look like teeth thank god. i think it's all this that has attracted me to her, just her being so diiferent than any other girl I've met.

Ok.

This sounds like Linda Fiorentino and Peter Berg in The Last Seduction...

 

Good luck, man - methinks you're gonna need it.

How old are you?

[sarme]

Ok.

This sounds like Linda Fiorentino and Peter Berg in The Last Seduction...

 

Good luck, man - methinks you're gonna need it.

How old are you?

 

 

LOL that was a good movie.

[IM5150]

Ok.

This sounds like Linda Fiorentino and Peter Berg in The Last Seduction...

 

Good luck, man - methinks you're gonna need it.

How old are you?

 

I'm 36. OW is 25.

[smartgirl]

I have 2 hours to go and my mind cannot stop racing. This sucks soo bad. OW usually calls around this time and the longer the minutes pass , the tighter the knot in my stomach gets. This isn't right. Heck, I heard from her yesterday!!! I think I'm just wanting to have sex with her and get it over with. I mean, I've been seeing her for 5 months now. I exhausted alot of my time and energy, Iv'e lied, Ive' decieved. Iv'e done bad and theres no turning back. I feel at this point that our A deserves this. In a way I feel like I'll be done with it and say "Is this all it was"? and move on. Maybe that's what's holding me back right now from moving on, the fact that I want to be intimate with her and if i let her go now I might regret that I never was. The thought of that hurts just as much as letting her go. Part of me feels like I'm in a race against the clock. Have sex with her before she finds someone else and kisses my ass goodbye. Boy does she have me in her complete control, I don't give her the impression bu boy this sucks.

 

I know that what I am about to say is totally off point, but I get a very bad vibe about this OW. Everything you have said from the fact that she came on to you so strong, pulls you in, roomate doesn't allow men in the apt, etc - says to me that she might be taking you for a bit of a ride. I knew a couple where the man got involved with a stripper (not kidding) and the relationship got very strange. They did all kinds of things together, trips and whatever and he eventually moved with her to another state. This went on for quite some time and still no sex. He was obsessed with her - especially the fact that she was a striking 5'11" blonde that made people stop and stare. I never knew what she was looking for but eventually he came home to his wife. Why she took him back is another mystery.

 

I'd like to comment on the wife situation as well if I may. Another MM once said that his wife's timid personality bothered him and that he was attracted to the much stronger personality of his OW. He found that more impressive and a turn on. But, he eventually came to realize that he couldn't actually live with a woman like that because he preferred to make all the decisions, etc. It was just that for a period of time he liked having the woman take the lead.

 

You know what they say, "be careful what you ask for because you just might get it."

 

I know you are crazy about this woman, but don't let yourself be blind to things that just don't add up. If you weren't married and were dating her freely, would her behavior make sense? It seems strange to me.

[sally4sara]

I know that what I am about to say is totally off point, but I get a very bad vibe about this OW. Everything you have said from the fact that she came on to you so strong, pulls you in, roomate doesn't allow men in the apt, etc - says to me that she might be taking you for a bit of a ride. I knew a couple where the man got involved with a stripper (not kidding) and the relationship got very strange. They did all kinds of things together, trips and whatever and he eventually moved with her to another state. This went on for quite some time and still no sex. He was obsessed with her - especially the fact that she was a striking 5'11" blonde that made people stop and stare. I never knew what she was looking for but eventually he came home to his wife. Why she took him back is another mystery.

 

I'd like to comment on the wife situation as well if I may. Another MM once said that his wife's timid personality bothered him and that he was attracted to the much stronger personality of his OW. He found that more impressive and a turn on. But, he eventually came to realize that he couldn't actually live with a woman like that because he preferred to make all the decisions, etc. It was just that for a period of time he liked having the woman take the lead.

 

You know what they say, "be careful what you ask for because you just might get it."

 

I know you are crazy about this woman, but don't let yourself be blind to things that just don't add up. If you weren't married and were dating her freely, would her behavior make sense? It seems strange to me.

 

I was thinking the same thing. Something smells of a con.

Five months of stringing you along? Of course! It's her profession. I'm an ex dancer. Making guys think you find them fascinating is the best way to get their money. I never socialize with them in real life, but some of the other girls did. One told me "The more hoops I get the guy to jumps through, the bigger the rush. Plus, what better way to stick it to all those sneering "vanilla" women than to make their husbands lie and sneak just for a hour or two of my company?" The job makes for bitter women. That was the motivation for me to stop.

 

I'd hate to see you made a chump. If you don't love you wife and perhaps never really did, then yes you should get divorced. But try to do it a bit more honorably yeah? No point in making a fool of yourself and your wife/child in the process.

[JamesM]

Smartgirl, some excellent points.

 

 

sarme, I agree with your last couple of posts. Good points.

 

IM5051, when I read your last two posts, I see you thinking exactly as many people do who are addicted to someone. Yes, I have been there, So while it seems that all I am doing is telling you to leave the OW, I do it because I have felt that way about another woman while married, and fortunately, I was brought back to my senses before my thoughts.

 

Many of us ARE telling you that the feelings are normal, but we also take it one step farther and advise you to be careful and leave. Why? Because we have either been where you are or we have seen many of examples of others who have been where you are. And we have seen the outcome that happens to many.

[IM5150]

Some people are just not confrontational. It isn't a bad thing unless you want it to be. May I ask, did you consider taking your wife to the show in LA?

 

Of course not, the OW was with me. He stayed in the same hotel room and slept in the same bed.

[IM5150]

Regarding the living situation. She used to live on the east coast and has a friend that was living with this guy that she knew from a restaurant she worked at. There was nothing going on there, just friends. The guy took her friend in but he has a one bedroom apt. and told her that one of the conditions was that he didn't want her bringing any boys over to his house. The OW wanted to get away and asked her friend if she could stay with her if she moved over here. She said yes and she ended up staying there too. For a while they both slept on a futon in the living. Same rules applied, no boys in the house. Fast forward a few months, her friend met someone and she moved out so now it's just OW living there. She's looking for another place now, has an appointment to look at a room in a house tomorrow. She wants to be able to have me over when she wants.

 

Regarding the dancing..... Her friend that she moved in with originally got her into it. At first she did not want to do it because she wasn't comfortable. Her friend convinced her telling her that it was real good money and she didn't have to take any clothes off, just dance. OW accepted since she realized she was on her own now, living in the Bay Area where rent is expensive. She tells me all the time how she doesn't like going to work. She does it for the money and nothing else.

 

BTW, she called today. Right after I left the post about wondering if she was gonna call. The knot in my stomach went away....for now.

 

 

On another note, I really don't think she's stringing me on. I actually think she see's me somewhat as a father figure. Her father was never there for her, never supportive of anything she did. Her parents divorced, her cousin a drug addict because she killed her husband by accident when she rolled her car. OW deals with alot of ****. I think that's part of the reason she had to leave her hometown and get away from it all. I think she has really grown to like me and developed feelings for me but she nows that she can't have me and we don't have a relationship in the future and that doesn't sit well with her.

[BetrayedMM]

Wait a minute IM5150 I think you are really kidding yourself here, of course you don't look at other women this is new and exciting for you why would you look at other women now? If you did there would have to be something seriously wrong with you, "insatiable and insecure" would come to mind. I can assure you in time you will look at other women again, the new becomes mundane and every day = routine so you'd better be sure you have some strong glue, ie intellectualy emotional connection to hold you together or you will be down this exact same path again in time.

and that's for sure!

 

So let me get this straight you went from not wanting advice to now wanting to end it and cut it off? Cool ok. Well if you are going to cut it off and need to have sex with her one last time to have closure, that's nonsense because if you do have sex with her in a a few days you will be desperately craving her again. If you walk away without having sex you will do your head in because it is what you have determined for yourself.

 

You have to be convinced that ending is what you need to do for you and only then will you be able to walk away an not look back.

 

Check out Mattym's thread that should give you some insight into what it could be like to walk away in a half azzed manner. Conviciton is everything, otherwise don't even bother kidding yourself because you will fail. Matty was also totally into the physical aspect of his OW but that was pretty much it it only got more and more complicated for him as he continued to not really practice what he said he wanted to do, because the bottom line is you have to WANT to do it with full on conviction.

 

All good ADVICE. I agree. Even though he didn't ask for advice.

[sarme]

Regarding the living situation. She used to live on the east coast and has a friend that was living with this guy that she knew from a restaurant she worked at. There was nothing going on there, just friends. The guy took her friend in but he has a one bedroom apt. and told her that one of the conditions was that he didn't want her bringing any boys over to his house. The OW wanted to get away and asked her friend if she could stay with her if she moved over here. She said yes and she ended up staying there too. For a while they both slept on a futon in the living. Same rules applied, no boys in the house. Fast forward a few months, her friend met someone and she moved out so now it's just OW living there. She's looking for another place now, has an appointment to look at a room in a house tomorrow. She wants to be able to have me over when she wants.

 

Regarding the dancing..... Her friend that she moved in with originally got her into it. At first she did not want to do it because she wasn't comfortable. Her friend convinced her telling her that it was real good money and she didn't have to take any clothes off, just dance. OW accepted since she realized she was on her own now, living in the Bay Area where rent is expensive. She tells me all the time how she doesn't like going to work. She does it for the money and nothing else.

 

BTW, she called today. Right after I left the post about wondering if she was gonna call. The knot in my stomach went away....for now.

 

 

On another note, I really don't think she's stringing me on. I actually think she see's me somewhat as a father figure. Her father was never there for her, never supportive of anything she did. Her parents divorced, her cousin a drug addict because she killed her husband by accident when she rolled her car. OW deals with alot of ****. I think that's part of the reason she had to leave her hometown and get away from it all. I think she has really grown to like me and developed feelings for me but she nows that she can't have me and we don't have a relationship in the future and that doesn't sit well with her.

 

Ok so you seem to like a lot of things about this woman, and the things you don't like you have found ways to accept them and you don't seem to care for a lot of the qualities your W has so the question begs to be asked: Why don't you leave your W to go be with this OW properly?

[IM5150]

That's simple, because of her instability. She's never told me that she wants to be with me and quite frankly, I'm not sure I could carry a relationship with her. It's fine now because I don't have to deal with her emotional baggage. I'm not sure I could handle that. Our relationship is simple right now. We meet, we have fun together, we say goodbye. Till next time.

[sarme]

That's simple, because of her instability. She's never told me that she wants to be with me and quite frankly, I'm not sure I could carry a relationship with her. It's fine now because I don't have to deal with her emotional baggage. I'm not sure I could handle that. Our relationship is simple right now. We meet, we have fun together, we say goodbye. Till next time.

 

Thanks for the response.

[IM5150]

WOW, I just read Mattym's thread. God I see myself going down that same road. I'm scared. The biggest difference in our situation is that she doesn't tell me she loves me, and wants to be with me and have kids and all that stuff so i guess that's good.

 

She's out looing at a new room today and I'm sitting here. W took the kids to go play, I felt like staying home. The day is ugly. Maybe I should have gone to take my mind off the OW. Sometimes it doesn't work.

[whichwayisup]

Just keep in mind the longer you keep the affair going, the chances get higher of your wife finding out. Seeing as you two go out in public together, someone will see and you'll get busted.

 

Your wife knows you and sooner or later she IS going to clue in and the little red flags that are waving WILL be noticed and she'll start paying attention to them.

 

If you're scared and don't want to deal with what Matty is going through right now, then make a decision. Either end your affair and focus on your wife, your marriage or end your marriage, be alone and date the OW casually. The choice is yours.

 

Yup, you should have gone with your wife and kids. Family time is important!

[IM5150]

Just keep in mind the longer you keep the affair going, the chances get higher of your wife finding out. Seeing as you two go out in public together, someone will see and you'll get busted.

 

Your wife knows you and sooner or later she IS going to clue in and the little red flags that are waving WILL be noticed and she'll start paying attention to them.

 

If you're scared and don't want to deal with what Matty is going through right now, then make a decision. Either end your affair and focus on your wife, your marriage or end your marriage, be alone and date the OW casually. The choice is yours.

 

Yup, you should have gone with your wife and kids. Family time is important!

 

 

I wish it was that easy to end it. That's the HARDEST thing to do. I haven't seen her since Tuesday and it's killing me.

[whichwayisup]

It sounds like either you are falling for her more than you're admitting here and to yourself, OR, it's just like Matty - Your ego is missing her, not your heart. Either way, you're very emotionally attached to her and you won't be able to hide that forever from your wife..

 

BTW, she called today. Right after I left the post about wondering if she was gonna call. The knot in my stomach went away....for now.

 

Sounds like a drug addict who got his fix...

[IM5150]

Man do I feel like an idiot tonight. I think you guys are right. This OW must be stringing me along and I'm pissed. So today goes down like this. She calls me earlier in the day and asks me what I'm doing later on tonight, I ask her what she has in mind? She asks if I'll come out and play tonight? Of course with the temptation at an all time high level, I said YES, I'll come out with you tonight. She says great. I tell her I'm having dinner and that I'll call her when I'm done and heading out her way, she says ok, she's going to dinner too and that she'll call me when she's done, who ever reaches who first. Cool. At the time she was in Newark, the city where she was looking at her new place that she's gonna rent.

 

I get home from dinner and I have to make something up to tell the wife. I hate the lies trust me. I tell her I'm going to a friends house that lives around the block. She's says OK. Its about 9PM when I left my house, it's been about 2 hours since we talked. I figured by the time I made it by her house she's be ready to go. I hit a local bar to kill another 1/2 hour before I call her since I know she takes forever to get ready. I step outside of the bar I'm at and give her a call. She seems happy to hear from me, when I asked her where she was, she said she was still in Newark. What? Your still in Newark? I'm out here already 5 minutes away from your house and your still in Newark? (It's about 30 minutes North from where she currently lives). At this point I'm getting upset. She says that her friend is picking her up and that she's driving her down. She says give me 20 minutes and I'll call you to let you know where I'm at. I said ok. That was at 9:40PM. I head to another bar to have another beer while I wait for her call. I'm very agitated at this point. I don't like hanging out a bars by myself. I hang out at the bar until about 10:15 or so. Still no call.

 

I send her a text at 10:22PM "Where are you? Not fun drinking by myself"

 

I don't get a reply.

 

At about 10:30PM I had finished my beer and feeling like a lonely fool at a bar I head for the door. I stand outside and give her a call. NO answer.

 

I walk out to the parking lot and reach my car, open the door and I sit inside. I start thinking to myself what a ****ed up situation I'm in. I can't believe what I'm risking my marriage for. I mean come on, if I'm gonna risk my marriage it might as well be with someone that truly wants to be with me and show me affection. I wasn't getting it tonight and that really put things into perspective.

 

10 minutes later, I decide to try her phone again, I give her another call...No answer.

 

I tell myself, screw this, this is bull****. What the hell am I doing? I'm such an idiot for putting up with her. I start the car and head for home. It's about a 20 min drive to my house but I stretched it out going slow down the streets waiting for her to call. I know where she's at. She at a bar with her future roommate and some friends. I could hear the background noise when I initially spoke with her.

 

I make it home and still no call from her. It's 11:00PM now and I sit in my car, rain hitting the windshield as I think to myself. Why am I such an idiot. I can't believe this girl is not calling me back, just ignoring me. She doesn't give a **** about me. This is not worth it. She's a scumbag.

 

I decide to leave her one final message to tell her that what she did was ****ed up. First I call her phone...NO answer, this time leave her a message. "Thanks for calling me back. YOu asked me to come out tonight and you ditched me. That was ****ed up". I hang up. I remember her telling me a while back that she doesn't like checking her voicemail so I follow the call with one final text...

 

"Thanks for calling me back. You asked me to come out tonight and I did, for what? To spend it by myself? I really don't think you give a **** about our so called friendship. I feel like an idiot. Thank You."

 

9 minutes later she response to that text...

 

"Baby Listen. Im sorry. Im still with my new roomie and chonies. Call u in a bit. Xxxxx"

 

Well that caught her attention.

 

I really don't feel like taking her call when she decides to call me but I think I'm going to tell her that what she did was ****ed up and I'm really mad at her. Not sure how she'll react. Will be interesting to see.

[Trimmer]

I know that what I am about to say is totally off point, but I get a very bad vibe about this OW. Everything you have said from the fact that she came on to you so strong, pulls you in, roomate doesn't allow men in the apt, etc - says to me that she might be taking you for a bit of a ride.....I know you are crazy about this woman, but don't let yourself be blind to things that just don't add up.

 

I was thinking the same thing. Something smells of a con.

 

Man do I feel like an idiot tonight. I think you guys are right. This OW must be stringing me along...

 

Just be really careful if anything comes to the point of involving money or access to anything in your personal life, etc. Like "baby, would you help me out with the deposit on my new apartment, just a loan? Now, they need the money wired, so I'll need your bank account number..." I'm sure it could be more subtle than that, too...

 

Anyway, just keep your guard up.