dt311unity Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 1/2 years now. We were engaged and then she broke it off this past summer. We are still together trying to work through some of our differences. We own a house together and live together. I am 24yrs and she is 22yrs old. We have been reading some relationship books trying to figure out where our differences are. She is basically trying to figure out if she wants to be with me. I know I want to be with her. I am going to try to sum up our current situation as best as I can in a short amount of words. Ask questions if you need more info. She is not happy with the relationship. She said last night that 75% of the time she isn't happy and 25% of the time she is. She bases this happiness on things I do for her everyday that make her feel loved and special. If I don't do something "special" then it doesn't matter what else I did that day, the day to her was a "bad" day. It doesn't matter that I give her a kiss and hug every morning when I leave for work, if I call during the day just to see how she is doing and that I love her, doing laundry, dishes or other things around the house so she doesn't have to, working extra hours to help with the bills, or anything else I would do that would help our relationship out. All that doesn't matter. She read a book and it said she needs to find her "bottom line" in the relationship. If that bottom line isn't met then she is supposed to leave the relationship. I asked her last night if that was her bottom line and she said it was. I told her the same line from above and she said it doesn't matter what I do if I don't do that one thing that makes her feel special. This is where she stands. I see her point and understand where she is coming from. I just don't understand how she can base our whole relationship off of this. To just forget about everything else and go by this one thing that I am supposed to do every day just seems a little rediculous to me. I do things everyday that should make her feel special or make her appreciate our relationship and what we have together. Even if I think I am doing something special for her, in her head it's not. It's never good enough. I started leaving her notes on her car one time and a while later that wasn't good enough because I had already done that. So basically I need to decide if I am willing to do something special for her everyday to make her happy or the relationship just isn't going to work according to her. I need some serious help with this people!
ElvenPriestess Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 OMG dt311u! holy heck and a big crap!! i am so sorry to you! Ok, she is reading too much into her books, and not enough into herself. Basically she is letting some one else not only think for her, bit dictate her and out of context. This is aweful. You, from what I see, are wonderful to her. I'd give a pinky toe to have a guy like I am hearing here. (Well maybe not my toe) She seems very immature. She seems to look for you to validate everything. Basically if you aren't doing something new everyday to validate her feeling good about herself, she WON'T feel good about herself. I would guess she has insecurity issues. And you are her scapegoat. Honestly? You are not the problem what so ever. She is living in a fantastical idea of a knight in shining armor. And something no man should have to live up to. I feel she needs help. She is not living in reality, and doesn't understand HERSELF well enough. That is why she has these books speak for her. Oh wow, I am so sorry again. Help her understand that she needs to think for herself. This whole bottom line thing? I don't think she's understanding the meaning. I don't think she's interpreting the deeper meaning. And wanting you to do something new everyday as if what you did yesterday is not enough? That is immaturity and lack of self understanding speaking there. I really hope I've helped clarify things because it makes perfect sense AND nonsense to me. Be strong hun.
malaclypse Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 What a childish and selfish bitch. Open your eyes, man, you don't need that.
Author dt311unity Posted January 27, 2008 Author Posted January 27, 2008 I can't get through to her with anything. She has basically said that this is her "bottom line". I just don't understand how she would throw away our relationship and our life life together. I always try to make her happy whenever I can. I have never been mean to her. Any other ideas or suggestions? Am I working at a lost cause? Should I let her go and see if that opens her eyes at all?
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