chasingrainbows25 Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Oh my god, I really thought I was OFF this roundabout of emotion and as the NC days grew I felt I was getting stronger, thats all changed..... It was a year ago at this time that he started to convince me that being friends was a good thing, friends led into us becoming lovers and that led into a full blown relationship. The end of Nov this year things came to a head and I said I wanted more, and threw him out of my house. After a few wks of NC he was back, saying that he couldnt hurt me anymore and we had to end this. It took me a long time to come to terms with that and finally a few days after Christmas I initiated NC. The 29th Dec, I sent an email that basically ended it all and I felt good, proud of myself, strong. Its now a few weeks on and a week ago today I stupidly sent a txt saying "miss you". I got a reply that said it was lovely to hear from me. That initial txt has grown into a daily txt and a few emails. Its a slippery slope that I'm heading down again because I'm convinced that he's moved on and happy with his lot and perhaps even got someone else in tow now (although I doubt it as he was as cut up as I was when we split). His way of dealing with things is to shut the door on them and I just wish I had the courage to do that too. I told him in an email that I didnt want to pester him, that I just was finding difficulty in the need to fill the void that is in my life v's the need to let him go and move on without me. His reply was that any words he had wouldnt help so he sent me a hug. I'm not reading anything into that apart from, he's moving on and I need to. So today, I'm sitting here needing contact with him like a drug addict needs a fix. Forming questions in my head that I need to ask him and reminding myself of the times that we were together. I really feel so damned lost and a bit ashamed that I just cant get a handle on this. I know there are many of you out there that have been or are in the same situation which is why I'm writing here. What do I want? I dont know. Part of me wants him and the other part of me wants the strength to delete him from my life. I guess I dont have a question, just dissapointed with myself for not keeping with NC and needed to vent. THanks guys ~CR~
Cobra_X30 Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 I apologize if you have answered this question previously... but are you still married?
Author chasingrainbows25 Posted January 25, 2008 Author Posted January 25, 2008 No, I'm very much single.
whichwayisup Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Get comfy and read this thread. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/
Author chasingrainbows25 Posted January 25, 2008 Author Posted January 25, 2008 Yes owl, he's married (sorry explained all this in previous thread) hence I was the OW for the most of last year. His last communication to me before I initiated NC was that he just didnt have the strength to deal with the financial pain of divorce.
whichwayisup Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Then keep with the NC, do your best to keep as busy as you can. And, read that thread by nofoolin' as it will help you understand why NC is important for you.
sapphire0903 Posted January 26, 2008 Posted January 26, 2008 Keep trying NC.......I know how difficult it is, and how much you miss him. If he really loves you, he will respect NC, If you really love yourself, you will respect NC . He has told you he can't leave,.......don't continue wasting your life hoping it will change, likely it will not. Be kind to your heart, and let it go. I say this with some experience, in 3 weeks, it will be one year of NC for me and MM. I think about him less and less, but I think I will always love him. I hope he thinks of me every once in a while. One of the last things he told me, is that he sees how much the relationship hurts me, and that he won't call me, unless I wanted him to. Not until his marital status changes..........as far as I know, it has not. You CAN DO THIS!! Wishing you well, and lots of hugs!
norajane Posted January 26, 2008 Posted January 26, 2008 Go back to NC. It's not easy, but it is the fastest and least painful way to get to the next stages of the break-up. If you have thoughts and questions and things you want to say to him, say it in a journal, or say it here. Just don't contact him to say it. But you need to get those unfinished words out, somehow, so they don't continue to stew in your brain and heart. Set aside a time each day to think about him, and shut it off if he comes to mind at any other time of day. Remind yourself that you'll have plenty of time to think about him later. And set a time limit for how long you think about him, and decrease it each day until you're down to zero. Put away some of the things that are reminders of him, your triggers for memories. Read some threads in the Coping and Breaking Up forums. There are a lot of people there who still love their exes, and they have some tips on how to deal with a loss of love.
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