Dandy-LionGirl Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 I have been going out with my boyfriend for two years now. It seems that as time passes, he spends less and less time with me. It has been about a month since we have truly seen each other. We were supposed to go out the other day, but he cancelled on me AGAIN. There have been about 3 other times that he has left me hanging withing the past month or so. We work together, and at work he is a sweetheart, but it is the workplace. We don't get any alone time there. He seems satisfied with only seeing me at work. When I confront him about it, he becomes defensive. What should I do?
ElvenPriestess Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 What are his excuses for canceling? Is he the one who initiates dates? Does he call you alot? Come over to your place? What's the communication like?
Author Dandy-LionGirl Posted January 25, 2008 Author Posted January 25, 2008 He initiated about 80% of the dates. He calls me everyday, and is really sweet. I know he still cares about me. The last excuse was that they called him in to work, which I fully understand, eventhough he could have said no because we had plans. When I offered to go see him, he claimed that he was sick and wanted to go to sleep and if I went he would get really aroused and not get any rest. Also, he has claimed to not have money to go out, which is fine with me, I told him that he doesn't need to spend any money at all on me....What sucks is that I know he has money because he tells me about a bunch of stuff that he buys everyday. Another excuse has been that he has errands to run that will take him all day...and he mysteriously gets sick on all the days that we have off.
ElvenPriestess Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Is he sick on the days that you see him at work? And he seems a little shady with the money, has it for material wants and not for dates. But as you say, coffee shops, walks, things like that don't even need money. How about after work for dinner? Would that work? Not that you should have to beg for his time after two years, but perhaps that is an option?
Author Dandy-LionGirl Posted January 25, 2008 Author Posted January 25, 2008 I've tried that, that is when he pulls out the 'errands' card. It seems shady to me as well. And no, he is not sick when I see him at work...wierd hu? I've even offered to pay for dinner to see if a free lunch would persuade him to want to see me. Sadly, even persuasion did not work. We're both angry at each other now because he says he had no choice but to cancel, and that i'm not an understanding girlfriend. Thats whats going on.
ElvenPriestess Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 I have a hard time believing that there is not even one hour he couldn't set aside for you. I think if it were me, at this point, I'd call him and be like ok, listen. I keep getting canceled on, we haven't had one on one time in an entire month. I know you're busy, but what I need from you is to pick a day or night, the date, the time, and stick with it. Let's make plans for a date right now, and let nothing get in the way, ok? And THAT is very reasonable. You're letting him know he can make a date plan in advance, so as not to conflict with his schedule, while at the same time giving the notice so he doesn't make OTHER plans. That's exactly what I would do. Pave the way for no excuses you know? And if he brings up the whole you're not understanding thing again, you know what I'd say, so you look like an angel and him not so much since I think that's an unfair thing to say to you? I'd say I DO understand, I just MISS you and me one on one.
Author Dandy-LionGirl Posted January 25, 2008 Author Posted January 25, 2008 That is great. LAYING DOWN THE LAW! :cool:haha. Thanks. We'll see what happens. I'm still angry, and at this point, the thought of giving him another chance to cancel on me repulses me, but anything for love right?
ElvenPriestess Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Well, ALMOST anything huh? I'll be curious to see how things turn out.
Author Dandy-LionGirl Posted January 25, 2008 Author Posted January 25, 2008 I'll keep you posted. Thanks again.
BUENG1 Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 I'll keep you posted. Thanks again. Does he ussually pay for you when you go out? Maybe next time you should do something thats free or inexpensive. It seems ridiculous that he wouldn't just open his mouth and say something if this is bothering him, but some people are like that I guess.
ElvenPriestess Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Does he ussually pay for you when you go out? Maybe next time you should do something thats free or inexpensive. It seems ridiculous that he wouldn't just open his mouth and say something if this is bothering him, but some people are like that I guess. That's what I'm saying, you know, he doesn't have to spend money to take her out.
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 It sounds to me like he is giving you the 'slow fade breakup', in which he withdraws to the point where you get tired of it and you do the breaking up.
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