breakup over the phone for a 3-month relationship? semi-long distance

[fiyah]

So, i have another related thread going here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t142343/ , but i wanted to see what LS thinks about breaking up over the phone.

 

I've been dating someone exclusively for about 3 months. We agreed to take things slow and one day at a time since i had just gotten out of a relationship. But we talk or text every day. She recently moved back to school two hour drive away and i havent had the chance to visit her due to a family emergency. I'm slowly leaning towards breaking up with her (and it seems like LS agrees) even though i'm not 100% sure it is the right decision. If i do break up due to my own need to process my LTR breakup and do some soul-searching and personal growth on my own, how do i break up with her? I might not get a chance to visit her at school for another 2-3 weeks due to the same family emergency that i need to tend to. But i dont want to leave her in limbo or lead her on in the next couple weeks either. Is talking things out over the phone okay or should i wait for a face-to-face opportunity?

[Ocean-Blue]

You really want to ask strangers about how to break up with your gf?

 

C'mon now!

 

You know her, you know you, you know the relationship.

 

What do you think? Is it appropriate? Will you burn bridges? Can you wait?

[CalamitousJane]

I'm glad you are being up-front with her.

 

It's a sucky situation. I would hate to be strung along. It's like being lied to and it can cause real suffering and self-doubt once the cards are on the table.

 

I would tell her the basic facts by phone, and at the same time make yourself available to talk it out face-to-face as soon as you can, if she wants. She may feel better having that kind of closure, or not. No matter what be as humane as possible. My heart aches for both of you.

[Star Gazer]

A 2 hour drive? Oh please. You can do this face-to-face.

[CalamitousJane]

Oh, missed that. Two hours? What Star Gazer said.

[oppath]

Do it in person ASAP. Don't wait a couple weeks. You could leave at 6pm, be there at 8, and leave at 10 and be in bed at midnight.

 

I had a girl break up with me via instant messenger after dating for 2 months, because her ex showed up at her house and while she didn't want to get back with him, she just couldn't deal. We tried an on/off thing after that, but to tell you the truth, the fact that "it's just easier this way" left a permanent mark. I always resented her for being passive in that way. When we were back on I was withdrawn, wanting her to be the one to say "I want you to be my boyfriend." It wasn't happening. I did hold it against her.

 

That may not have been fair of me, but if you want to be friends with this girl or not burn bridges so maybe, at some point in the future you could date her, do it in person and be honest with her. She will respect you for it and say "thank you." Seriously. You'll be the good ex to all her friends. How you break up with someone is what determines how they remember the relationship and really affects their self esteem. In person, she will say "thank you for being concerned enough to put me and my feelings first, being honest, and coming to see me. That shows me you value me and care." If you do it over the phone, she'll think "that jerk did it over the phone. Why do I always meet *******s? There must be another woman in the picture. He's probably talking about getting back together with his ex even though he claims that is not the case."

 

She may not take it like that, but face to face, being honest with her, she'll cope well. You have the potential to damage her if she can't look at you and see you are being honest.