canitbepossible? Posted June 21, 2003 Posted June 21, 2003 How is it possible that a woman or a man but, in my case, a woman leave a 4 year relationship and have a new man that she is "so happy" with in one week? It was a decision that we both agreed to, the break up. We fought quite a bit and we knew that we were just not right for one another. However, we really did care for one another and spent all of our time together. The problem was just that our personalities were so different. Like I said though, 4 days after our breakup, someone at her job hooked her up on a date with this dude and, by the end of the week, she was so happy. He is good looking, makes good money, treats her great...blah blah blah. I guess I should have expected it though. SHe has a history of jumping from one relationship to the next- like within a week or two. My question is, is it really possible to latch onto your first date and be completely over a long term relationship in a week? Or is this poor fella just her first rebound? Just an opinion question. On a side note, I wanted to be rid of this girl for a long time. Now that she is gone, I miss her. It doesn't make any sense to me? Why am I not jumping for joy to be rid of this pain in the rump? I think I am just being jealous that she moved on so quickly.
midori Posted June 21, 2003 Posted June 21, 2003 Originally posted by canitbepossible? My question is, is it really possible to latch onto your first date and be completely over a long term relationship in a week? Or is this poor fella just her first rebound? Just an opinion question. It seems pretty likely that he is a rebound guy. That doesn't mean that something lasting won't develop between them. You just can't know, and to try to predict will only keep you focused on her and what's going on with her. I can totally sympathize with how you must be feeling right now. But the two of you agreed that you should break up -- it was something you discussed and reached a mutual understanding. It was the right choice. The fact that she quickly met someone else and seems to be very happy now doesn't change the fact that breaking up was the right thing to do. And it doesn't even reflect on how she felt about you and your relationship, especially since, as you say, she has a track record of jumping from one relationship to another. That's how she copes. On a side note, I wanted to be rid of this girl for a long time. Now that she is gone, I miss her. It doesn't make any sense to me? Why am I not jumping for joy to be rid of this pain in the rump? I think I am just being jealous that she moved on so quickly. That's not at all surprising, it's very common to have mixed feelings even when you know that a break-up was the right thing to do. Jealousy about an ex is very common too. Don't beat yourself up over it. You're having to reorganize your life, now that she's not in it. However annoying she was, she occupied a certain space in your life. Now that space is empty. You'll fill it, with new people, and/or by rearranging things and people that are already in your life. Some will assume greater significance perhaps. It happens all the time, we are constantly having to shift priorities and the ways we spend our time. Your break-up was just a more dramatic instance of something you do all the time. Your ex's way of doing that is to slot someone right into the space you just vacated. She has no way of knowing whether the new guy will be appropriate for her. Maybe he will be, maybe not. At the moment he's a stop-gap. You just need to find your way of filling the space your ex has left. Maybe your way won't be the same as your ex's (sounds like it's not). And if you haven't figured out what your way will be yet, then it's not surprising that you're still looking back at her. But don't dwell on it, and don't fret. You'll right yourself, fill in the space in ways that are right for you, and put this behind you. Staying with someone who's NOT right for you just to avoid having some temporarily empty space in your life is not a good idea. You'll be fine. Get out and do some things. Meet some new people; not to date necessarily, but to start pulling new things into your life. Doesn't matter what your ex is doing.
HokeyReligions Posted June 21, 2003 Posted June 21, 2003 If she jumps around so fast than I doubt if she is really happy - or even knows what she wants in a relationship to be really happy. As for your feelings - that's natural. it's natural to be a little jealous when your former partner finds someone before you do, and its natural to miss someone or something that was a constant in your life. You had a comfort zone with her - even if you did fight and were unhappy, it was a known quantity. That feeling, both of those feeling, ALL of those feelings, will pass as you move forward in your own life. It's just par for the course.
Tony T Posted June 21, 2003 Posted June 21, 2003 Who said she moved on? Who said she is so happy with her new guy? She is basically rebounding, a very dangerous thing. A person in such a vulnerable position will go for just about anything. Perhaps in her mind he's the best thing since apple pie...but give it time. The chances of her finding Mr. Right a week after breaking up with you or anybody she'd been in a LTR with are slim to none. Once all the chemicals stop swirling around in her brain, she will land in reality. Meanwhile, I suggest you not be concerned about what she does, the mistakes she makes, or her great accomplishments. Put her out of your mind and out of your world. What she does is irrelevant to your new life now.
canitbetrue Posted June 21, 2003 Posted June 21, 2003 She is telling everyone how she has moved on and is so hapy and blah blah balh... to answer your question. Thanks for the great replies folks. You all pretty much share the same thoughts and ideas that I already have. It is just nice to get agreement from unbiased people.
Tony T Posted June 21, 2003 Posted June 21, 2003 YOU WRITE: "She is telling everyone how she has moved on and is so hapy and blah blah balh..." You missed the whole point of my post. She may be telling everybody that so it will get back to you. It could be her way of dealing with the situation...or perhaps she is very immature. I promise you the chances are 99 percent she's trying to convince herself of something that just ain't so. I've seen this so many times. Don't believe everything you hear...even from the horse's mouth...and you'll be so much better off. If you stay totally cool amidst all this love stuff you'll be a winner everytime. People fail in love because they just can't sit back and stay calm when everybody else is participating in the chaos.
mich81 Posted June 22, 2003 Posted June 22, 2003 Just a thought.... I have been in a similar situation as your ex. It was a little longer but it still looked bad. But you said you fought a lot, is it possible that she had already come to terms with the break up before it even took place? I know thats what happen to me, I did things in reverse, got over him then we broke up. Another thought is that maybe she is just saying these things as a cover for how much she is really hurting. I don't know but those are just some thoughts that I had!
RogueK Posted June 22, 2003 Posted June 22, 2003 The same is going on with my break up. She ended it with me because she thinks i'm not going to be able to commit and we've had problems fighting (which is probably brought on by the commitment problem) but she decided that she wasn't able to deal with it anymore and reached a decision to end it. She ended it only 3 weeks ago but she's already with a guy. I know now what it is i want from her and myself and am currently hoping down the road i can get another chance. Tony said that it's a rebound that is brought on to fill the void that i once occupied. From hearing his words it seems to me i'm right that it won't work out and i'm counting on that. I'm still working on the moving on process, but she's still the love of my life and i can't let go. Maybe some day.
yagottahelp Posted June 22, 2003 Posted June 22, 2003 I agree with Tony's last post, even if the words are from the horses mouth, take them with a grain of salt. I'm not saying it might no be true, i mean who knows, but i'd definately say in that situation, more times than not-it's all talk, and talks cheap.
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