Ocean-Blue Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Wasn't sure where to post this... So I was going through some photos on facebook of friends' albums today... There were a few faces that popped up on screen that made me go "hmmm...he's cute!" And it made me wonder. What the heck is it with attraction? Why do you think we are attracted to the people we are attracted to? Most of the men I've found incredibly hot wouldn't fall under the "conventional" hot category. Why is that? My ex was "conventionally" hot. But I did not find him attractive. Sure, there were moments, but that was it. I read somewhere that you are attracted to those with similar mannerisms and facial features as the members of your family (or of the people you grew up with). Do you think it's true? Do you think attraction is this inexplicable, chemical thing that just happens? I swear, some of the guys I've dug in the past....
Storyrider Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Great question. I wish I knew the answer. I'm hardly ever deeply attracted to someone from a picture. There is a big psychological/interpersonal factor for me. But there are certain physical features I favor.
Author Ocean-Blue Posted January 25, 2008 Author Posted January 25, 2008 Great question. I wish I knew the answer. I'm hardly ever deeply attracted to someone from a picture. There is a big psychological/interpersonal factor for me. But there are certain physical features I favor. Me too. Some features win me over. I can't help but be attracted.
Storyrider Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 As a companion question, hope this isn't too far off topic, but what defines masculinity for you? Tall is masculine. Broad shoulders. Hairy is good too. I know some women like their men all smooth, but that is feminine to me.
Author Ocean-Blue Posted January 25, 2008 Author Posted January 25, 2008 As a companion question, hope this isn't too far off topic, but what defines masculinity for you? Tall is masculine. Broad shoulders. Hairy is good too. I know some women like their men all smooth, but that is feminine to me. Masculinity, physically speaking... Tall, broad shouldered, hairy (not a fan of back hair though), and large hands. I like to feel protected. You know, want him to drag me back to the cave...
Storyrider Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Masculinity, physically speaking... Tall, broad shouldered, hairy (not a fan of back hair though), and large hands. I like to feel protected. You know, want him to drag me back to the cave... You and I think so much alike it is scary.
Author Ocean-Blue Posted January 25, 2008 Author Posted January 25, 2008 You and I think so much alike it is scary. Seriously, we do. Almost every freakin' post...it's like "omg, I think like that." Nice to know I'm gonna turn out alright. Now back to our discussion... Let's talk non physical traits that define masculinity for you... Some of mine are: - provider - street smarts AND wit (he can get down with the roughest but can also read...hehe) - a creative mind and spontaneous (much like the caveman) - good with children (I dunno...but a man who is good with kids oozes sex appeal for me...I dunno if that means I'm weird)
burning 4 revenge Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 How about short, slender shouldereed with long eyelashes and small, delicate hands like a pianist
underpants Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 To be fully and really attracted to someone I am with Story. There has to be a meeting of the minds to form that good connection. That takes time. A friend of mine and myself have completely opposite taste in men. Anyone I think is hawt she is repulsed by and vice versa. I don't think we have ever agreed on anyone. It is kind of funny.
Author Ocean-Blue Posted January 25, 2008 Author Posted January 25, 2008 To be fully and really attracted to someone I am with Story. There has to be a meeting of the minds to form that good connection. That takes time. A friend of mine and myself have completely opposite taste in men. Anyone I think is hawt she is repulsed by and vice versa. I don't think we have ever agreed on anyone. It is kind of funny. I agree. I was referring more to raw, physical chemistry. There are some men I see...and grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Author Ocean-Blue Posted January 25, 2008 Author Posted January 25, 2008 How about short, slender shouldereed with long eyelashes and small, delicate hands like a pianist If I were to meet a man like this... He'd have to have that je ne sais quoi for me to be attracted. But hey, I've been attracted to worse...
underpants Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Have you ever been attracted to someone who later repulsed you? I have one of those.
Storyrider Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Seriously, we do. Almost every freakin' post...it's like "omg, I think like that." Nice to know I'm gonna turn out alright. Now back to our discussion... Let's talk non physical traits that define masculinity for you... Some of mine are: - provider - street smarts AND wit (he can get down with the roughest but can also read...hehe) - a creative mind and spontaneous (much like the caveman) - good with children (I dunno...but a man who is good with kids oozes sex appeal for me...I dunno if that means I'm weird) Mine aren't so logical and healthy, ha ha. Sarcastic. Make me laugh and humor is unpredictable and surprising. Complex and hard to figure out. Smarter than me. Sensitive but tough minded, willing to risk people not liking him. Gets me and appreciates my more subtle qualities A bit neurotic in a lovable way Quick and expressive with language Some knowledge of popular culture but some disdain for it also
Author Ocean-Blue Posted January 25, 2008 Author Posted January 25, 2008 Have you ever been attracted to someone who later repulsed you? I have one of those. Ohhhhhhh yeah! I once had this crush on a guy who converted to Islam...his mind was vast and wide...or so I thought. I was an idiot highschooler with a major crush on Mr. Muslim. Then he went and mixed impotent with incompetent. It was no mistake. He did it a few times. He turned out to be a pedantic freak who probably didn't even know how to read.
underpants Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Mine aren't so logical and healthy, ha ha. Sarcastic. Make me laugh and humor is unpredictable and surprising. Complex and hard to figure out. Smarter than me. Sensitive but tough minded, willing to risk people not liking him. Gets me and appreciates my more subtle qualities A bit neurotic in a lovable way Quick and expressive with language Some knowledge of popular culture but some disdain for it also Sorry Story, I don't swing that way. However, if I did, you'd be my girl biatch.
Author Ocean-Blue Posted January 25, 2008 Author Posted January 25, 2008 Mine aren't so logical and healthy, ha ha. Sarcastic. Make me laugh and humor is unpredictable and surprising. Complex and hard to figure out. Smarter than me. Sensitive but tough minded, willing to risk people not liking him. Gets me and appreciates my more subtle qualities A bit neurotic in a lovable way Quick and expressive with language Some knowledge of popular culture but some disdain for it also Sexy.:love:
Trialbyfire Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 I've given up trying to figure out what is attractive and what isn't. I think my list is down to a few things: - smart - funny - sexy - nice eyes - lean and athletic
Author Ocean-Blue Posted January 25, 2008 Author Posted January 25, 2008 I've given up trying to figure out what is attractive and what isn't. I think my list is down to a few things: - smart - funny - sexy - nice eyes - lean and athletic Ah yes, FUNNY! That is a must. A stuffy stufferson doesn't do it for me.
Trialbyfire Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Ah yes, FUNNY! That is a must. A stuffy stufferson doesn't do it for me. That's one way to put it. They either hit you like a ton of bricks or nothing. You can see a guy and say...he's cute, get to know him or even have one conversation with him and be totally revolted.
Star Gazer Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 OB - I've often wondered why I'm attracted to the men I am. I do have a pattern: tall white dude, purposefully bald/VERY short hair, big huge pearly smile, with a weathered tan, and a tough guy facial expression. Gets me every time. BF fits the description to a T. Your family-liking theory seems to fit though. The best male role model I've ever had is my Godfather. Every once in a while I see stunning glimpses of him in my BF. It's a trip.
Trialbyfire Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Where with me, my fixation doesn't look or act at all, like my family members.
Author Ocean-Blue Posted January 25, 2008 Author Posted January 25, 2008 OB - I've often wondered why I'm attracted to the men I am. I do have a pattern: tall white dude, purposefully bald/VERY short hair, big huge pearly smile, with a weathered tan, and a tough guy facial expression. Gets me every time. BF fits the description to a T. Your family-liking theory seems to fit though. The best male role model I've ever had is my Godfather. Every once in a while I see stunning glimpses of him in my BF. It's a trip. Yeah. I really believe the whole family thing. My bf, reminds me of so many people in my life. Bits of my brother, bits of my father, bits of my cousins. I'm creepy...
Storyrider Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 My latest thoughts on attraction are this: If you can picture yourself being just friends with him, you're not attracted enough to marry him. If you imagine being just friends and think it would never work because you'd constantly be lusting for him(not just b/c of externals, but the whole package) then the chemistry is good enough. That doesn't mean he will make a good partner, though. It just covers the chemistry part.
Sand&Water Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 RE: Repulsion and Attraction. I haven't given this topic much thought lately, Ocean-blue. I, actually, don't know. I have noticed, though, something quite strange over the years about men and attraction: (1) The ones you like at some point in time, evolve into an unlikeness. And, the ones you didn't like, somehow change places with the ones you liked. Somewhere in-between all this shifting, you grow closer to your ideal type of man. Or rather, most compatible type. (2) Once you catch a "one-of-a-kind" type of man packaged with high standards, good looks, strong moral background, it is almost utterly difficult to become accustomed to "regular" or "normal" men, again. It is as though, you have hit a new level, and you don't want to step down from the pedestal. Your list of traits, Storyrider, is much like my list except with a few variations. The man that has "it" -is a phenomena I can't explain. Sand&Water
Mustang Sally Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 To be fully and really attracted to someone I am with Story. There has to be a meeting of the minds to form that good connection. That takes time. Amen, sisters! It's amazing what a turn on it is for me to converse with someone who is intelligent. And can represent their thoughts coherently and cohesively. And there's something about a man that can work the written word. I guess I'm old fashioned, in this way...
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