RedClover Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 First of all i want to say that my husband is a smart, personable and generous. We are entering our second year of marriage. Young college grads. I am just concerned and red flags are questioning my marriage. For one, it looks like he is starting to use a very highly addictive percription substance. The worst you can imagine. He had knee surgery a month ago and he couldnt take the pain so a friend gave him the worst possible 'pills' you can imagine and now it looks like he is buying them on the regular. Its just a huge red flag for me. We had finanical problems all year before his surgrey with him buying milder perscrption drugs, now after the surgery this new use is just raising some strong red flags for me. I am so afriad of having to deal and live with an addict. I am just terrified to walk that road. Another Red Flag. The 4 year old cat that i love more than anything else in this world is not its usual self. On the regular my husband gets boerd and makes the cat cry or meow to frustration. One time he even cut his whiskers off. I am always yelling at him to leave the cat alone. I even cry because it hurts me to see the cat so disturbed by his taunting (its not aggressive, just holding the cat and not letting it have its sovereignty untill it meows hard). I just never feel safe leaving him alone with the cat and it just turns me off from wanting to have children. Today he crossed a big line. He took the cat a bath yesterday(Wich cats hate more than anything)Today he decided to take the cat a bath again?! Why??! I came home and the cat was on its pillow, just laying so depressed and disoriented. Its been 5 hours later and he wont open his eyes well.He just seems do depressed and I have been crying on and off ever sense. My husband yells at me and tells me the cat will be ok, and that i am being a big baby and that he knows animals it was just the water. I dont know, i feel so horrible. Tell me, is this marriage headed for disaster? What do you think? I never tell anyone my 'dirty laundry" i am afraid and have no one to talk to...
luvstarved Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Has his behavior with the cat changed, coincident with the increased use of painkillers? That would make the "addict" red flag that much brighter to me... I am not sure what you can do about it other than talk to him and offer support and encouragement if he wants to do something about it. You said he used some milder stuff pre-surgery. Was he having pain before or was it entirely recreational? Now, how is he obtaining the stuff? Is he getting prescription refills or going to black market? Are there other changes in his behavior? Chances are that he would at least initially deny any problem even if there is one, but you could at least voice your concern at this point without trying to sound melodramatic. If his behavior with the cat is new, then please be very careful as similar behavior could be in the cards for you eventually if things get worse. I would take a realistic inventory of his consumption and if you feel it is really a problem, you should ask him about it. His reaction will tell you a lot. Remember you cannot talk someone into wanting to deal with addiction. You can only offer support and save yourself if support is rejected. Best wishes, I have not only lived with an addict, I have been one!!
Author RedClover Posted January 25, 2008 Author Posted January 25, 2008 (edited) Thank you for responding. He has had 5 surgery's. I think with all that he develped a likeing for pills. When i met him ( three years in total) he wasn't on them. He started a year ago and when he tore his knee this year the problem of wanting consumption increased, causing him sometimes to spend up to 300 a week ( street). I have voiced concerned but he has promised once his knee heals he will get off of them. I know this wont happen. I have heard this story all year.I have warned that our marriage is suffering because of this. Finanically, i am holding the fort with my little 10 dollar an hour job( he makes over 70 grand) Its just weighing so much on me. The behaviour with the cat is not new, he always liked taunting with the cat but his taunting with the cat definately got worse this year. I am just completely heart broken with the cat right now. I just dont feel safe or think having children as we planned is such a good idea right now. *BIG SIGH* He would never lay a hand on me, he is a good person, i am just so frusrtrated.... Edited January 25, 2008 by RedClover
whichwayisup Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 First off, get that cat out of your house and to a friends' house. My stomach is in knots just reading about what your husband has done to that cat! And, take your cat to a vet to make sure everything is okay. Please! He is abusing the poor cat and that's sick and wrong!! Listen to those red flags. Your husband is on a bad path and needs help. And, put off having children until your husband gets professional help so he can kick his drug habit. As well as some one on one counselling! Cutting whiskers off a cat as an ADULT is screaming that there's something 'off' about him. He is getting something out of hurting the cat.
wanttoknow Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 I just dont feel safe or think having children as we planned is such a good idea right now. *BIG SIGH* He would never lay a hand on me, he is a good person, i am just so frusrtrated.... He - may not lay a hand on you, but it is NOT him when he is on this medication. His mind is altered and there is no telling what this drug induced person will do. I personally am frightened for you! and also I agree with the previous post about the cat - get that cat out of the house for now. It is time to confront the issue of the drugs before something terrible happens.
littlekitty Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 First off, get that cat out of your house and to a friends' house. My stomach is in knots just reading about what your husband has done to that cat! And, take your cat to a vet to make sure everything is okay. Please! He is abusing the poor cat and that's sick and wrong!! Listen to those red flags. Your husband is on a bad path and needs help. And, put off having children until your husband gets professional help so he can kick his drug habit. As well as some one on one counselling! Cutting whiskers off a cat as an ADULT is screaming that there's something 'off' about him. He is getting something out of hurting the cat. I couldn't agree more with everything WWIU has said. I'm horribly afraid for you and your cat. If I was close to you I'd be driving round to pick up the cat now and save it from further abuse at your husbands hands. That is not taunting - it's abuse. He needs help with his addiction to painkillers. I think you know in your heart of hearts that he is already addicted. It just escalating. It's time to do something about it.
american-woman Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Please get that cat to a VET!!!! Get yourself out of that house,tell your husband till he seeks help you will not be there with him. He has to seek help himself. Please read on people who abuse animals and drugs and what it leads too.
Kasan Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 questioning your husband's behavior tells me that you know the answer. You husband has a serious addiction problem that needs to be dealt with ASAP. Why a grown man would enjoy torturing a cat is beyond me, and I can't even begin to guess his mindset on this. Is he doing this because he is harboring anger at you and know that you adore the cat? Who knows. I think that you are going to have to put down some boundaries for your marriage to succeed. He has definitely crossed the line here. Is his doctor aware of this? I would definitely hold off having children with him until his addiction is taken care of. Time to air your dirty laundry, as you will quickly find that you aren't alone, that many people have gone/still are going through what you are. You need all the support that you can get right now. I am sure there are some support groups (for you) in your area--I would advise you finding one. I will reiterate what everyone has said to you already--I am afraid for you.
Desperate HH Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Ditto Ditto Ditto. You need to have an open, honest discussion with a professional. Whether a counselor/mental health professional for yourself, one for him, or an MD with whom he has a relationship. He has problems on a number of levels, but he IS currently under the care of a doctor, right? He (or you) needs to level with the doctor about exactly what is going into his body, and how this is affecting him. Perhaps you could go to an appointment with him? Deal with this; nip it in the bud. You do NOT want to start a family with an unstable addict! And if you can't help him, you both need to understand it will be over. DHH
Author RedClover Posted March 2, 2008 Author Posted March 2, 2008 I just want to update. Thanks everyone for replying. The cat is great now. Thank god. The cat is active and silly as usual. Since, the incedent, my husband has stop 'messsing' with the cat. I dont think he ever saw me cry as much as i did. The problem with the perscription drugs is still there. It saddens me because its not the person i married. The person i married was alive and active and he took care of himself. This new person is tierd, grumpy and doesnt shower much. Nothing disturbs me more than seeing him high of his mind with his eyes rolling in back of his head. I looked in his pockets today and lord behold he has a couple of small bags of morphine and meth and it kills me because he is such a wonderful person with so much ahead of him. Once a upon a time everyone looked at us and told us we were the perfect couple. I am going to get consuling soon. He doesnt want that for us but i am going for me.
TechDude Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 my husband has stop 'messsing' with the cat. I dont think he ever saw me cry as much as i did. Glad to hear of progress there. The problem with the perscription drugs is still there ... I looked in his pockets today and lord behold he has a couple of small bags of morphine and meth This find is probably good. Now you know without any shadow of a doubt that he has a major problem. Not that you didn't already know, but now there is no way you can deny it to yourself. I am going to get consuling soon. That's great. Hopefully you will get some practical advice on what to do. He doesnt want that for us but i am going for me. You need to make it clear to him that he needs help, whether he wants it or not. The future of your relationship depends on it. If he won't accept help, then you are better off getting out. Yes, you love him, you want the best for him. I'm not saying you walk out now if he won't accept help. Work on it, encourage him, but be aware that if we won't get help, he will eventually destroy both his life and yours.
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