Elilmomma Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 My hubby and I moved to upstate NY from the Bronx where we were both used to having friends. My hubby started working and then he ha and affair with a co-worker( who supposedly quit) now he wants to hang out with these so-called friends from work and it's strange to me how he has all these friends who never calls our house or his phone? I don't feel like he is acting his age(37). I don't trust him cause of the affair he had. I don't mind if the hangs out with guys that's not the problem it's how do I know who else is there? I have yet to meet these friends. We have been together for almost 11 years and he always used to make sure he made time for his family, we have 2 kids that he rarely spends any time with. he was never like that before. how can I make him see that he needs to spend more time with his family?
whichwayisup Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 You need to tell him he has to get his act together, BE a husband and a father, otherwise the marriage is going down the can. I doubt he's stopped seeing that woman, he's not including you in his outings, let alone not being home much...Makes me wonder where he really is while he's out. Yeah, he's not acting his age, let alone acting like a husband and a family man. His priorities are out of whack! He needs a swift kick in the butt (Straight to marriage counselling with you) or he's going to lose you.
BetrayedMM Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Is there any reason you can't hang out with them? If he doesn't like that idea, I would be extremely suspicious. In fact, that would convince me the affair is still going on.
joybean72 Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 That is the EXACT same thing that happened with my husband. I too had caught him in an affair a year earlier & chose to try and stick it out. He started going out with his "friends" from work. Found out he was yet again cheating. I moved out & we are getting divorced. Even with the proof he still says they are "just friends" Mind you I have gotten nasty letters from this woman & everything! It's crazy. She can have him! I'm sorry you are going through this. He NEEDS to work on the marriage & NOT go out...or you need to leave.
norajane Posted January 26, 2008 Posted January 26, 2008 Sounds like he is still seeing the other woman, or maybe a different woman. Do you know anything about these 'friends' of his? Who are they? Where do they go? What do they do when they are out? I'd suggest you find yourself a baby-sitter and invite yourself to join him and his 'friends' the next time they go out. There's no reason you shouldn't be included in his evenings out. If he comes up with excuses why you can't be there, then it would seem he has his reasons, like he's still having his affair. As for how to make him see he needs to spend more time with his family, well, I don't know if you can without a good jolt. You can tell him you've changed your mind, you can't forgive him for his affair, you still think he's having an affair, and if he doesn't stop seeing her and start going to marriage counseling with you, the next thing you're going to do is file for divorce and move back to the Bronx. If that doesn't wake him up, then really, he's already gone.
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