confusedinms Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 I desperately need unbiased opinions on this, and how I should handle it. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a couple of months. We are talking marriage, and although we have hit some trouble spots, we have seemed to come through it all on the other side more in love with each other than ever. The problem is his sister. She is my age (he's a couple of years older), and has told him she thinks he can do better than me. So to give myself a pat on the back, I have a college degree, make a very good living, and have no baggage to speak of. I have been told by many that I am beautiful inside and out. I have always been very kind to her, and complimented her on her hair, outfits, whatever. Then one night, she got in my face, and told me she wanted to kick my *ss. I was shocked, and my boyfriend totally took my side on it, and distanced himself from her for a while. That was about 8 months ago. Since then, she has made strange comments to me about how if he wasn't her brother, she would "hit that." She's made comments about his nipples being erect when he was walking around without his shirt. She's talked about his tight butt, amongst other things. Other people that know her say that all she talks about is her brother, and how strange she is. She also strikes me as having lesbian tendencies, which is fine, but she tends to put gays down a lot (just another quirk of her belittling others and an additional side note) She is completely NOT my kind of person (loud, obnoxious, rude), and I tolerate her as best I can, for my man's sake. She truly gets on my nerves, and I don't see us ever really hanging out, even if my boyfriend and I do get married. I have mentioned to him some of these things, but let's face it--he's her brother, and blood is thicker than water. His comment on all of that is, "Don't worry about her. "Jane (name has been changed) is just being Jane." My boyfriend is about as square peg as you can get, and my sister agrees with me that there is nothing from his end to indicate the weirdness of all of this. Everyone agrees it seems to be coming from her. How do I respond to her comments in the future? Her obsessiveness with checking up on us, what we are doing, driving by his home, calling him all the time is just strange. He brushes her off a lot, but because she doesn't have a boyfriend, she gets him to do all of the "boyfriend" stuff like get her Christmas decorations down, help her move things, borrow lawn equipment, and work on her car. Their parents live 2 blocks away, and are capable of helping her, too. I am truly not jealous of her (she has nothing I want, and the relationship I have with her brother is what I want, not the one she has), but I am just wondering if I am making a mountain out of a molehill or what, here... Do you think she is testing me, or is this obsessiveness of hers a major issue? How much does a potential in-law play in 2 people's lives together? Any insight or past experiences on this would be great, guys! Thanks!
cj1988 Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Oh girl, you think you have it bad, check out my threads......My H sister said the same things to people in front of me.....her friends that met him she would say "Look at him, he is soooo gorgeous" and make goo goo eyes at him. I do not think your situation is as bad as mine at all. I think the sister has major attachment issues for some reason and does not like you and showing her butt....I would totally ignore her and just LAUGH when she acts like an idiot. As long as your BF is not acting the same, you are ok !
Author confusedinms Posted January 24, 2008 Author Posted January 24, 2008 Wow, cj1988. Talk about perspective!!! Yeah, my boyfriend mostly ignores her until she starts acting stupid again. Then he usually just walks away. I have just never encountered anything like this in my life, and just thought it was very weird. Thanks for the eye opener. She does have attachment issues, for sure. I WILL make sure that laughter is part of my formula for tolerating her!
whichwayisup Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 He needs to give her some serious tough love and not just ignore her when she is acting stupid and being rude/pissy to you - He needs to TELL her off and explain to her that if she has a problem with you, it's HER problem and she has to get over it, otherwise she won't be an important part of your lives. SHE will miss out. I am glad that he does take your side! She sounds like she has issues, insecurities/jealously problems as well...And YUCK to the comment about her wanting to hit 'that' referring to her brother! That's just creepy and wrong!
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 I desperately need unbiased opinions on this, and how I should handle it. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a couple of months. We are talking marriage, and although we have hit some trouble spots, we have seemed to come through it all on the other side more in love with each other than ever. The problem is his sister. She is my age (he's a couple of years older), and has told him she thinks he can do better than me. So to give myself a pat on the back, I have a college degree, make a very good living, and have no baggage to speak of. I have been told by many that I am beautiful inside and out. I have always been very kind to her, and complimented her on her hair, outfits, whatever. Then one night, she got in my face, and told me she wanted to kick my *ss. I was shocked, and my boyfriend totally took my side on it, and distanced himself from her for a while. That was about 8 months ago. Since then, she has made strange comments to me about how if he wasn't her brother, she would "hit that." She's made comments about his nipples being erect when he was walking around without his shirt. She's talked about his tight butt, amongst other things. Other people that know her say that all she talks about is her brother, and how strange she is. She also strikes me as having lesbian tendencies, which is fine, but she tends to put gays down a lot (just another quirk of her belittling others and an additional side note) She is completely NOT my kind of person (loud, obnoxious, rude), and I tolerate her as best I can, for my man's sake. She truly gets on my nerves, and I don't see us ever really hanging out, even if my boyfriend and I do get married. I have mentioned to him some of these things, but let's face it--he's her brother, and blood is thicker than water. His comment on all of that is, "Don't worry about her. "Jane (name has been changed) is just being Jane." My boyfriend is about as square peg as you can get, and my sister agrees with me that there is nothing from his end to indicate the weirdness of all of this. Everyone agrees it seems to be coming from her. How do I respond to her comments in the future? Her obsessiveness with checking up on us, what we are doing, driving by his home, calling him all the time is just strange. He brushes her off a lot, but because she doesn't have a boyfriend, she gets him to do all of the "boyfriend" stuff like get her Christmas decorations down, help her move things, borrow lawn equipment, and work on her car. Their parents live 2 blocks away, and are capable of helping her, too. I am truly not jealous of her (she has nothing I want, and the relationship I have with her brother is what I want, not the one she has), but I am just wondering if I am making a mountain out of a molehill or what, here... Do you think she is testing me, or is this obsessiveness of hers a major issue? How much does a potential in-law play in 2 people's lives together? Any insight or past experiences on this would be great, guys! Thanks! Wow that sounds crazy, do you think she's in love with him???
sally4sara Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 I agree that he needs to have a chat with her about getting in your face like that if he hasn't already. My BF's younger sister can be a real brat. We got along fine till she realized we were very serious. Then she got real angsty toward me. She called me up one night and screamed a bunch of things at me without any provocation. I told her I really hoped we would be friendly, but there was no way I would eat s**t to make it happen. She started harping at him about me and he set her straight. After a while, she calmed down and is now able to speak pleasantly to me at family get-togethers. I am pleasant to her. She does not come over to our home even though she has been invited. She does ask him to do things for her and to go do stuff with her. I am never invited despite having helped her with many things before she got bratty and never doing anything wrong by her. The way she was towards me makes me glad to not be expected to be around her often. Thankfully she doesn't make sexual comments about him, but her past behavior really came off like that of a jealous ex-girlfriend. How old is his sister and are they the only siblings? I ask because that is the case with my BF and his sister. They have a horrible relationship with their father. My BF is really the only guy who has ever treated her well, so the attachment and jealousy makes sense to me. She is completely spoiled brat monetarily, but emotionally bankrupt. I feel really bad for her, but she is 22 now and accountable for her behavior. I won't reinforce a bad attitude with sympathetic attention. Thankfully, neither does her brother. DO NOT try to compete with her! He is her brother and there is nothing wrong with him helping her do things and spending time with her. Don't give him grief over it unless he tolerates her getting in your face or bad mouthing you. As long as he makes her keep in check around you and around him, he has done his part. By not giving him grief when he goes to help her or hang out with her, you are being the pleasant one. Let her be the brat and she will find him less and less willing to be there for her. Especially when he could be happily spending that time with someone who is behaving like a grown up.
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