lexi29 Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 My bf of 3 years is having issues with his 8 yr old son's mother over custody. The mother decided to tell him 3 days before she was moving that she was moving 1.5 hours away. The court ordered custody agreement is that my bf's son lives with him and the mother has visitation every other weekend. My bf moved a little over six months ago to be closer to where the mother lived (they now lived about five minutes apart as the mother was having transportation issues and wasn't seeing their son on her visitation days. Well two weeks after my bf rented his new apartment, his son started school (was beginning of new school year) the mother decided to move again. And she moved about a half hour away from my bf. The court order says the mother is to provide transportation for her visits but my bf has been meeting her halfway to pick up their son. My bf had to get written permission from the child's mother to move and he did this and got it notarized even though that wasn't required. It is a good thing he did because NOW she is claiming she never gave him permission (to move closer to her) She lived right across the state line and thats why he needed permission to move. before he moved my bf lived in the same place with his son all of his son's life. He wants to keep his son in their current hometown because his son is doing excellent in school there (on the honor roll for the first time) and has a lot of friends in the neighborhood and my bf's parents live in the same town. Now that the child's mother is moving she wants my bf to volunteer to let her keep their son for school (he would have to change schools) or to keep him for the whole summer. The child does NOT want to do this. He is very attached to his dad and his friends and doesn't want to spend the whole summer with his mom. As the custody order stands the mom only has visitation every other weekend. Which even at living 1.5 hours away is doable. Her mother and father both live 15 minutes from my bf so she could stay with them to pick her son up. She does NOT want to drive down even once a month to pick him up. She said if my bf lets her have their son for the summer my bf will have to meet her halfway for her to pick their son up. (Court order says SHE has to provide all the transporation so he is not required nor does he want to do this.) He is upset that she only gave him 3 days notice that she was moving. Some back story to this is that the child's mother has bounced in and out of his life. She left him with my bf when he was around a year old- basically abandoned him and didnt' see him again till the kid was 3. THEN she picked him up and refused to let my bf see his own son that he raised for the last two years alone. HE took her to court and the judge awarded shared custody. The mother again bounced in and out of his life. When he was five she wanted him to live with him for school. He ended up flunking out of kindergarten because of the circumstances he lived in. The summer after he was five my bf had him for the summer. At the end of the summer the mother NEVER called or came to pick him up. She had moved and not told my bf. He ended up enrolling his son in a new school (where he lived) and kept their son for the next two years. In 2006 the mother saw her son a total of three times the entire year!! My bf never discouraged her from seeing her son. The child tried to call his mother and ask her to come see him and she would refuse or say she'd be over to pick him up for a few hours and never show up. That was when my bf took her back to court to get full custody. She never even showed up for the hearing. Told the judge she forgot about it. She admitted she never saw her son and couldn't answer why. the judge awarded my bf full custody and gave the mom a visitation schedule. My bf now thinks that the mother wants her son back so she can collect child support (her live in boyfriend has six kids (including one with her) that he doesnt' pay support for and we found out recently that three of the mothers filed to collect child support from him and his pay checks are being taken for that.) So they probably have no money as my bf's son's mother refuses to work. If the child were living with her she could collect $400 a month in child support from my bf. Plus money from welfare. My bf does not want her to have their son for the entire summer, nor the entire school year. It was HER decision to move so far away and he feels (especially after he deliberately moved to be closer to her) that she should have taken her visitation with her son into consideration before moving. Some of the things the mother has done lately is to tell their son that his dad (my bf) is not his real dad and that her first husband is his real dad. NOT TRUE and proven by a paternity test. The situation is confusing becasue my bf and his son's mother were never married. They were engaged and she cheated on him and got pregnant (he didnt' find out about the cheating till years later) and she left him to be with the other guy and married him. She never told my bf she was pregnant - he saw the birth announcement in the paper and called her. She said it wasn't his child. but he also later found out she listed him as the father on the birth certificate. When the boy was a year old the mother brought him over to my bf's house and told him it was his child (she was divorced by now) and since the child looked like my bf when he was younger he took her word for it and raised him. (because the mother disappeared). Through court records we found out she tried to pass the child off as her ex husband's and her ex husband paid child support for him for 3 years! (2 of the years my bf raised him all alone) She has also recently told their son that he (my bf) never wanted him!!! This makes no sense because he basically raised his son alone for almost 5 years of his life. And he was only 22 when his ex dropped the boy off at his house! She also bribes and threatens their son- she told him he could have an Xbox if he lives with her full time (my bf cant' afford one) and last year she got him a puppy and waited till he got attached to it and then told him that if he didnt' come live with her full time she was getting rid of the puppy. She never told my bf she was moving until 3 days before she actually moved. But their son had come home one weekend from seeing his mom, all upset telling his dad that his mom told him he HAS to choose if he wants to live with his mom either all school year or all summer. My bf assured him that wasn't true because of the court order he lives full time with his dad. But obviously she was telling him he had to pick. There are other little things that have happened. When he was 5 (and I started dating his dad) he told me that his step dad (mother's live in boyfriend) let him watch a movie where "a girl put a boy's pee pee in her mouth" He told us that last summer his mom didn't have electricity at her house two weekends in a row that he visited (which means she didnt' have electric for a month) Son's mother's other child, a 4 yr old girl LOVES my bf. She runs and hugs him whenever she sees him and begs him to take her home with him. He invites her over at times to play with his son and when she has to go home she SCREAMS and crys and begs him to let her live with HIM. My bf's son has told him his mom told him one day he is never going to see his dad again because she is going to take him away with her and not tell his dad where they are going. Since then the child is terrified when he goes to his mom's. If he does not get to see his dad (dad works late) he cries his eyes out. I had to take him to his mother's one day and he kept bawling and telling me "please dont' let my dad forget about me, what if I never see him again?!" My bf wants to leave the custody order as it stands and let her take him back to court if she wants it changed. He wants my advice about the situation. I would stay out of it, but he asks and he values my opinion as I've been around the last six years of his son's life and have seen what goes on between him and the mother. If he hadnt' asked I would stay out of it. I don't have any kids but I 'm worried that if it goes back to court a judge could say that the child is better off with his mother (just BECAUSE she's his mother and he hasn't really ever lived with her except for a few months here and there a long time ago and for 9 months when he was in school when he was five.) My bf would be devastated if this happened so I don't know if he should just give in to her and give her most of the summer. I say that if she refuses to drive down here 1.5 hours on her scheduled weekends that would show her lack of interest in the child and make her look bad. I dont' think any of the other things she's done will be considered in court because they are hearsay and just things the child has told us. So anyone with any experience in this area? What advice or opinions do you have? Should I just tell him to go with his gut instincts? if it matters he and the mother were never married, his son has never lived in a two parent household, never EVER saw his mother and his dad together (they broke up before he was born) and he doesn't want his mom and dad to get together (he used to when he was little after he started school and saw that his friend's and cousin's parents lived together) but now he doesn't want that. If you asked him he would want to live with his dad and see his mom maybe a few times a year or every couple of months because normally seeing his mother upsets him greatly.
hotgurl Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Don't let him give into her. What she is asking is ridiculous. Your BF already has full custody. I would advise him to tell her he is sticking with the court order agreement. Also document documnet document all the dates and times she has missed visitation and the fact that she moves on such short notice. If she wants the visitations altered she must get a court hearing. and if she does you two should hire a good lawyer. But with her track record I don't think a judge would let the kid stay with her.
curiousnycgirl Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 I don't have personal experience with something like this, but if I were to look at it logically here is what I would do. First and foremost document EVERYTHING, both the good and the bad. When she picked him up, when she dropped him off, etc. Secondly I would recommend for now just sticking to the exact letter of the custody agreement. So she has to pick her son up, etc. Finally and probably most importantly I would take the kid to a psychologist - it sounds like this woman is really messing with his head. A psychologist can help him resolve the issues he has that cause him to cry, etc. The psychologist will also be able to testify on your b/f's behalf should the mother take him back to court to change the custody agreement.
quankanne Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 I 'm worried that if it goes back to court a judge could say that the child is better off with his mother the judge has already ruled that the child was better off in dad's custody, and nothing but nothing his mother tells him can change this fact. If she were to take the kid, she'd be in defiance of the court order, and with her history, I can't see how anyone in the court's position would award her with custody. tell your boyfriend to document everything, get it notarized and then turn it over to his lawyer. Hell, even get the kid seeing a psychologist to establish proof that what she's doing is hurtful to him, so that when she starts threatening, the court can handle her butt because of all the evidence that your BF has established. she's blowing smoke, pure and simple. If the kid's old enough to read, have dad show the court document explaining custody and visitation, and to point out this is where Judge X signed, this is where Daddy signed, this is where Mommy/her lawyer signed, and everyone agrees that this is how it was going to be from here on out. I imagine knowing that such a document exists is gonna give the boy a bit of reassurance because he will see that everyone gave their word of honor to uphold the agreement, and he'll understand that his mom's lying to him.
Author lexi29 Posted January 24, 2008 Author Posted January 24, 2008 Thank you so much for you replies!! My bf does keep a notebook of dates and times that the mother misses her visitation. Since the current custody agreement in 2006 she has only missed a few. When my bf took the mother to court for full custody he actually wanted to have full LEGAL custody too (which he does not as they have to share all decisions related to schooling health religion etc) and he was not awarded much of what his lawyer asked for. His lawyer asked that the mother have supervised visitation (she brought up that the mother has had her live in boyfriend arrested four times for domestic violence and she brought up that the boyfriend was letting their son watch porn when he was five years old) and the mother DID NOT EVEN SHOW UP FOR COURT. the hearing was rescheduled 3 times (my bf had to take off work each time) and even the 3rd time she did not show up. It was brought up that the mother has moved 23 times in the last 8 years. Also since 2006 she has moved 3 times!! (and her moves are never in the same school district) Also another judge dismissed all the back child support she owed my bf. It was around 3,000 and the mother REFUSED to work. The gov took her tax refund (of $500) one year and gave it to my bf) but the judge dismissed the $3000 she owed saying it would be too difficult for her to make that up. (she was ordered to pay my bf $50 a month in child support) So as my bf sees it the courts have been very forgiving toward her. Also when he went for full custody the mother didn't contest it. As I said she didn't even show up. Even after the custody order was granted she didn't contest it at all. My bf (and my) fears are that if SHE takes him to court this time it will look like she is interested in her son's well being and is fighting for more time with him. Also the court may see it as a hardship that she now lives 1.5 hours away and has to drive down every other weekend to pick her son up. I will suggest my bf take his son to see a psychologist. That is a good idea. thanks! I know he wants what is best for his son (his mother to straighten up and act like a parent or get hit by a bus lol I am only joking) so he wants his son's mother to be part of his life but doesn't want that experience to traumatize him. We did show him the court papers that say he is to live with his dad and see his mom every other weekend. I think that made him feel better but he believes adults tell the truth so when his mom says something to him he automatically thinks its fact. Then his tells his dad and his dad has to tell him the opposite (he doesnt' badmouth his son's mom in front of him so he doesn't come out and say "your mother lies to you" but he just tries to convince him , no THiS is the truth. Also my bf will let his son call his mom any time he wants (he doesnt want to very often but every once in awhile the mood strikes him) but the mother will NOT let him call his dad when he's at his mom's for the weekend. My bf gave him a cell phone to call him and the mother got mad and got rid of it. His mother also brings me into this and tells him I don't really love him I just say that because I want to have sex with his dad (the child asked me what "have sex with" meant one day and I asked him who he heard that from and he told me his mom said this) This is so far from the truth its not funny. I love that little boy like he's my nephew or something. I've done more for him in the last six years (especially the last 3) then his own mother has done! Also he has an "aunt" who is not related but who was friends with his mother when he was born (not friends with her now) who is only 21 and she does more for him than his own mother! two years ago she took him to Florida with her for a week. She paid for his plane ticket and everything. She also takes him for a week around christmas time and a week in the summer to spend time with him (she lives 2 hours away!). Thanks for the suggestions
Author lexi29 Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 More drama to this story- my bf's son's mother moved 1.5 hours away 2 weeks ago. SHe gave him two days notice that she was moving. She has moved about 20 times since their son was born but never more than a half hour away. My bf moved recently CLOSER to her (five minutes away) and once his lease was signed and their son enrolled in school she told him she got kicked out and had to move again and she moved about a half hour away and to a different state. She wants my bf to let her have their son either the 9 months for school or all summer long. There is a custody order that says my bf has full custody and the mother has visitation one day during the week for 3 hours and every other weekend from 7pm friday till 6pm sunday. Well since she's moved she's missed her week day visitation. Doesn't call her son or anything to tell him she's not coming. This weekend is her weekend and I would bet she doesn't show up. She doesnt' want to make the 1.5 hour drive. Their son doesn't miss his mother yet (he prefers his dad) but I know if she misses this weekend he is going to wonder why and I know she won't even call him. He has tried calling her and she wont' return his call. What can we tell him about the reasons his mother won't follow the custody order anymore (we don't want to say she doesn't want to see him). My bf refused to give her more than 2 weeks during the summer with her son (he wont' give her anything other than what the custody order states.) So she is retaliating by missing all her visitation.
MakeLemonade Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 I would tell him the truth as gently as you can. It's a long drive for mommy now and she doesn't want to do it. I wouldn't lie to cover for this woman. I know she is his mother, but better for him to realize the truth about her now, than later. The younger he is, the better he will actually be able to adjust to it as time goes by. Especially with a loving father and stepmom (figure) in the picture This behavior of hers, the absentee mothering is bound to get worse and she will probably try to put the boy in the middle of it all when it comes down to it. If he is made to understand her nature, he will be better prepared emotionally to handle what she may throw down in all of this. She sounds very immature to me, and lazy. I am certainly not saying to "bad-mouth" her. I don't advocate that and it usually backfires anyway. I am just suggesting honesty dealt gently if possible from people he trusts (you and your bf). I hope you keep track closely of all these missed visits, you are going to need it if she tries to take you back to court to get a different custody/visitation agreement. I really hope this all works out well for you all, especially the boy. So often these things get so nasty and the children are the one who end up with the worst of it as they aren't equipped to deal with such strong emotional issues at such a young age, that is the main reason I don't suggest protecting him but bringing it all to light.
dropdeadlegs Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 (edited) There isn't much that riles me up more than a parent who uses a child as leverage in any kind of way. I'm in no way uncertain that her getting hit by a bus would be best for everyone concerned. My advice to your Bf is to call her bluff and stick to the custody arrangement in place. I don't think she will actually do anything because she has shown on more than one occasion that she is INCAPABLE of actually raising her child. It is simply a power play involving an innocent pawn (despicable!) I understand your concerns, but in my experience (not personal, but I know lots of people who've had custody issues) is that while it is very difficult to take a child from it's mother, when they give them up it's also very difficult for them to regain custody without a lot of positive things happening in their lives. Her life sounds like one big disastrous mess of constant upheaval. No judge would change custody without a huge amount of work on her behalf proving her sincerity and readiness. She will NOT put in the necessary effort, she doesn't even make a respectable effort in regards to the current custody arrangement. I trust that you have NO concerns on this front regardless of the parents never having married. The child's best interests are what is important and the courts must adhere to that. Documentation is always a good thing, keep that up. STOP the driving half way stuff and moving to be closer to the mother. I know your BF is doing that for his son's sake but in the long run it will not be beneficial to your BF or his son. I don't think it would benefit his case, either, to continue to kowtow to the absent parent. I wish he never would have done any of it, but he has. I don't think it would adversely affect a court case should it come to that, but I wouldn't do anything other than what has been ordered in order to protect my own interests. Resist this woman's threats and get the child a counselor so that he will also have an unbiased party who is not emotionally involved help him through the massive adjustments he will be dealing with. Not necessarily for court preparation (cause I don't see that happening) but for the child himself. he must be very confused in so many ways, even with the positive spin you two try to put on things. Other than that, continue to love him and reassure him in the most positive light possible. Now, give me the address of the other little girl and I can begin preparing for a kidnapping. There's still time to save her and I'm almost convinced I can pull it off! I'm heartbroken over her plight. Edited January 31, 2008 by dropdeadlegs
Author lexi29 Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 Thanks for the reply- the boy's mother never had custody of him so she didn't give it up so to speak- they had shared custody and my bf was tired of her constant threatening to take their son away. He asked for supervised visitation and no overnights but ended up with his son living with him full time and the mother getting every other weekend (and one day a week for a few hours). And yes I agree that the mother getting hit by a bus is a great idea (even though I'm not a violent person ha ha) She pays more attention to her little girl that lives with her probably because the girl's father is in her live in boyfriend. But even her boyfriend has told my bf that she is someone who should never be a mother. When they broke up a few years ago she ran back to MY bf and tried to get him to take her back (she met some guy online who said he would take care of her and she sent him a high school picture and she's gained about 100 lbs since then and he met her and said he wasn't interested). She told my bf that their son needed both his parents and wanted him to leave me to be with HER. During this time she abandoned her daughter with the girl's father. She used their son to try to sway my bf into considering getting back with her (no more legal battles and his son at this time really wanted his parents to get back together as he'd just started school and saw that most of his friends parents lived together and didn't understand why his never did) She told their son that she wanted to be a family with him and his dad and that his dad wouldn't because he didn't love HIM enough and because I was evil and ruining his chances of ever having his mom and dad together. They had broken up before their son was even born (she's the one who left) and hadn't dated since. Anyhow my bf is afraid that by the mother NOT seeing their son during her scheduled visitation this will prove to the court that the order should be changed (so that she gets to see him all summer or have him for school) because it is too big of a burden to drive the 1.5 hours. She is telling everyone that they had to move because her boyfriend got transferred for work. Well he works at Home Depot and those are everywhere and there are several that are a lot closer than 1.5 hours away. She actually moved because her real dad (who she just met) lives there and offered them a place to stay. So my bf is afraid if he doesn't help accomodate her it will prove her case that she needs the court order changed so she can see their son. (if she skips all her visitations and says oh well I couldn't get a ride because my bf was working at that time and we only have one car or something) That is the excuse she used for not showing up for court (after she was told she'd be arrested for a no show because the hearing was rescheduled twice) and the court let it slide even though they have two cars and she was at a stable taking care of her horses when the first hearing was taking place. Her little girl isn't doing badly- she's had both her parents in her life almost all of the time, they move around a lot but she isn't in school yet so it doesnt' affect her that way. I wish I could kidnap her as well though.
StartingOver07 Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Lexi, You have gotten excellent advice so far. There are just a couple of things that I am confused about. You mention that your BF had to get permission from the mother when he moved. Didn't she also have to get permission when she moved 1 1/2 hours away? Also, am I understanding correctly that they have joint custody but that BF is the residential parent? Finally, have you called the lawyer who represented your BF in the custody hearing to ask what she recommends?
Author lexi29 Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 Lexi, You have gotten excellent advice so far. There are just a couple of things that I am confused about. You mention that your BF had to get permission from the mother when he moved. Didn't she also have to get permission when she moved 1 1/2 hours away? Also, am I understanding correctly that they have joint custody but that BF is the residential parent? Finally, have you called the lawyer who represented your BF in the custody hearing to ask what she recommends? I agree with about the excellent advice to answer your questions- His lawyer advised him to go through the court system to get permission to move (probably because it would mean more $ for her to assist him) but he met with a legal aide counselor who told him (and showed him the law) where he only has to go thru the court IF the mother doesn't give him permission to move. She suggested that he get it in writing. He decided to get it notarized on his own. He was moving to the same state as the mother was currently living in (would make the trip from him to her from a half hour to five minutes). The mother wrote out a a statement giving permission (which she now claims she didn't) but it was notarized. permission was needed because it was an out of state move (even though the mother resided in the state he moved to.) Technically he only moved about twenty minutes away from where he used to live but it was across state lines. We do not know if the mother had to obtain his written permission to move- the court order states that he has to obtain permission to move out of state but says nothing about the noncustodial parent. As for joint custody- I don't know what the legal terms are- my bf has primary physical custody which means his son lives with him- and they share decisions about religion, school, healthcare etc. It is also up to my bf if he wants to let the mother see her son more often or if she wants to change weekends or have him at different times on holidays etc. She does not have a say in what school he goes to etc- that is up to my bf. I don't think she has to notify anyone when she moves (she's moved 3 times since the 2006 custody order) She doesn't pay child support so I don't think the court even has a record of her address. I also know it isn't shared custody in the sense that she CAN NOT just show up and take her son when she wants- it is up to my bf to decide if she's allowed to see him extra time not on her scheduled days (she's never asked but thats besides the point) He did call the lawyer who represented him in the custody hearing and she told him that once he lived in the other state for six months she couldn't represent him because the state he now lives in has jurisdiction and she can't practice law in that state. the state he lives in will follow the custody order from his old state unless either parent goes to court to change the order. So if the mother wants the order changed I'm guessing she will have to appear in court in the state my bf lives in (state she moved from) and I doubt she will drive down here to do that either.
StartingOver07 Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Ok, what you're describing sounds like he is the residential parent (child lives with him) but they share custoday (she has a say in major decisions affecting her child's life). Yes, document everything, including the things his son says about movies he's watched, being afraid to see his mother, being asked to choose, references to taking the boy and never coming back (huge red flag!), etc. Does the lawyer live in the state where the mother is? And is this the same state where the custody agreement was reached? If so, it seems that any new action will be brought in that state, so I'm not seeing why she can't give advice. At a minimum, can she give a referral? I am thinking that your BF should discuss with a lawyer any steps he should take now to protect himself and his son down the road. Do not drive half-way to meet the mother, do not offer her the entire summer with the son. She made the decision to move and made it unilaterally, which is not the action of someone who wants to ensure she can continue contact with her child. Further, it appears that she is a damaging influence on the child, so there is absolutely no reason to do this.
Author lexi29 Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 Obviously the main thing my bf is worried about is his son's well being. It is hard on the child to have to hear his mother tell him things that aren't true and are hurtful (that his dad didnt' want him, that his dad isn't his real dad, that if he lives with HER she will give him toys, take him places my bf can't afford to etc) all lies to manipulate him into wanting to live with her just so she can collect child support. She doesnt' care about him whatsoever. In 2006 she saw him a total of 3 times. The only holiday she saw him on was christmas and she kept him for two hours and brought him back telling my bf she was too busy to deal with him. This year she told him she would take him to Chucky Cheese for his birthday (he loves that place)!) but she could only take him on Monday (day my bf had him and we were going on vacation) even though she had him the weekend before. She refused to take him then she just wanted him to throw a fit because we were going on vacation. SHe had no plans of ever taking him. She doesnt' even call him on his birthday. EVER. She didn't get him a present this year even though she had him the entire day of his birthday. My bf is afraid if they go back to court the judge will feel sorry for her and be lenient and give her what she wants. When he got the custody order he has now-she never contested it- didnt' even show up. the only thing she did (they let her "attend" the hearing over the phone since she said she couldn't get there when they called her house looking for her) she told the judge she was worried about her son's safety because my bf smoked marijuana before. I've been with him for the last 3 years- known him for six and he's never done any drugs. I know he smoked marijuana when he was younger (he did smoke it a few times when he dated the mother but so did she). The judge asked why did she leave their son with him if she feared for him and she replied that they had an agreement that my bf would keep their son until she got back on her feet. (no idea what that means becasue she refuses to work) This was the first time my bf ever heard of this (she never asked him anything like that). Also when she dropped off their son when he was a year old my bf was supposed to collect child support from her. She refused to work and was only required to pay him $20 a month for the next few years. She didnt' even do that. The court just decided to drop the child support arrears and basically told my bf that they couldn't force her to work and that they dont' normally like to send mothers to jail for nonpayment. Even though she refused to show up at the custody hearings nothing happened to her. they just excused it. She has taken my bf to court for child support (scheduled hearings and then she doesnt' show up) and there's been no penalty for this. she filed these even though my bf had custody of their son full time! last year she claimed their son on her taxes (even though she barely saw him) and my bf had to prove that HE was the one who should be allowed to claim him to the IRS. (he just sent the custody agreement) At the time of the custody hearing the mother had moved (to the state my bf now lives in) and she wasn't seeing their son at all at the time and my bf didn't even know she had moved. He had no current address for her and gave the court her last known address. the judge was given the information that she'd moved without notifying my bf and none of this affected his decision. He gave my bf much less than he was asking for even though he and his lawyer had a very solid case. At the hearing the mother couldnt' answer questions about how old their son was or what grade he was in. She couldn't even give the judge his date of birth! So understandbly my bf is nervous that if she actually shows an interest (and there is no proof of abuse) then a judge might side with her and decide they should divide up the custody to where she has him for school and my bf only sees him a few weeks in the summer or something and that would just kill him.
StartingOver07 Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 So understandbly my bf is nervous that if she actually shows an interest (and there is no proof of abuse) then a judge might side with her and decide they should divide up the custody to where she has him for school and my bf only sees him a few weeks in the summer or something and that would just kill him. I hear you. I really do. The scariest thing for a parent is the idea that somehow your kids will be taken away. And I do understand that the courts are generally more lenient with mothers than fathers (although exceptions exist). That said, I think your BF will be making a mistake to give in to her demands. She no doubt knows of (or senses) his weakness in this area and that is what she is counting on. You have outlined all the ways the courts have favored her, but let's outline the facts for a moment: - She did not bother to attend the hearing that would determine where her child lives - She has abandoned her child several times in his lifetime - She does not maintain consistent contact with the child and regularly misses her scheduled visits - she saw him just 3 times in 2006! - She willfully moved 1 1/2 hours away without discussing this with your BF - She has a pattern of making frequent moves, which would be detrimental to the child as he would have to be switching schools constantly - She appears to be financially strapped, which is not a good position from which to engage in a long and expensive custody dispute - Should she actually go to court to demand custody, you will have many witnesses who can testify to your BF's parenting - The court will appoint a guardian ad litem to determine what is in the best interest of the child, not the mother - The child may have a say in the matter (this will depend on his age and maturity) - If you take the child to counseling, which you should so that he does not become irreparably damaged by his mother's crazy $hit, that counselor will also be able to testify - From what you've posted, I find it unlikely that the mom has the attention level or finances to pursue this but is preying on BF's good nature
MakeLemonade Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 I can completely understand your fears, and unfortunately the courts tend to side lopsidedly for the moms in almost all situations. I do see your side of wanting to just keep the status quo so it won't end up in the court again. However, if you have been keeping good records, I don't think the court is going to give primary physical custody to a woman who only saw her son 3 times in his 6th year of life, that was very recent too. Just keep every detail of everything and if your previous lawyer can't represent you any longer, please ask her to recommend for you or you both find a new attorney and speak to them about all your fears. I know in my city, there are a number of law firms that specialize in men's rights during divorce and custody battles. They know the angles that these women try to pull inside and out and might really be able to help you get an upper hand and feel comfortable taking HER back to court to get the custody order worded properly since she doesn't seem to want to see him at all anymore or just to have in your corner should she decide to take your bf back to court. I hope and pray she would lose. It truly breaks my heart to hear of the things she says to your bf's son. As a mother of two young boys, I just can't imagine the type of cold-heart it takes to do and say such things. I know that sounds naive and really I am not, I know there is alot of evil in this world. I only continue to hope that there is more good than evil and that good will triumph in the end.
dropdeadlegs Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Rxcellent "bullet points" StartingOver07! I would print those for easy reference, lexi. I know there are more facts to add.
gooseoriceman Posted January 31, 2008 Posted January 31, 2008 Obviously the mother is not thinking about the best interests of her child. She kinda sounds like a stuck up (swear omitted). She assumes that she is in the right and that peop[le have to work around her schedule, problems, and issues. The fact that child doesnt want to go should be the final nail in an otherwise airtight coffin for the dad winning the case.
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