Toccoah Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Just wondering if anyone out there who's married, is having an A with a 'Single' man or women and fell in love? If so.....how do you deal with it and what do you plan on doing?
Cobra_X30 Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Just wondering if anyone out there who's married, is having an A with a 'Single' man or women and fell in love? If so.....how do you deal with it and what do you plan on doing? It sounds like you may have a story to tell? While similarities often exist, we are all different. You are more likely to get good advice if you share what drives your question.
CraigAllen Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Just wondering if anyone out there who's married, is having an A with a 'Single' man or women and fell in love? If so.....how do you deal with it and what do you plan on doing? There are hundreds of stories of this happenning in this forum. Read on, or post your story. There are also lots of people who love to give you advice.
Author Toccoah Posted January 24, 2008 Author Posted January 24, 2008 I will do some reading. Not looking for advice, just wanted to hear from other's who may be going through the above.
CraigAllen Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 I will do some reading. Not looking for advice, just wanted to hear from other's who may be going through the above. There are hundreds of them here. I'm afraid you won't find all that many that have turned out pleasantly, though. Perhaps it is because they pleasant outcomes do not seek advice on LS, but more likely the fact that not that many of these situations turn out pleasantly.
Author Toccoah Posted January 24, 2008 Author Posted January 24, 2008 OK. My story in short. Maybe my story is strange as I went into a few different forums and really didn't see any topics such as the above. Mainly all affairs with MM. I'm a MW of 11YRS and last year I started having an affair with a single guy. We've been together a year now and I see him all the time. When I go out with my GF's, he comes along, as if he were my H. My GF's have taken a strong liking to him and we are all pretty much 'Friends'. They don't ask and I don't tell much, but they know and they really do like him. They also know my husband who is a great man as well, but a much 'Different' man. I've also fallen deeply in love, as he did as well and I know I must figure thing's out, but I'm having a tough time with letting either one go. The OM wants to marry me as well. Sometimes I wish that I could find the OM cheating on me or something as such to make it easier, as I don't think I could live without him. My husband and I are not lovers, merely companions, as to where the OM and I are connected in every which way, other than a mortgage payment. As the song goes, 'Torn between two lovers'....what a HORRIBLE place to be......Why is the saying so true that you ALWAYS find 'The One' AFTER you get married?
Mustang Sally Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Why is the saying so true that you ALWAYS find 'The One' AFTER you get married? Yeah, well. Here's a News Flash for you. It's not true. There is no "The One." There are only various options (people who are potential mates) and some of them are more suitable ones than others, depending on the timing and the extenuating circumstances. I'm sorry to hit you with some Tough Love, but you need to lose this thinking of "The One" and whether you've found him or missed him, and decide what you want for YOU and how you can make that work (or not) with your husband. Good luck with that. Sincerely.
Author Toccoah Posted January 24, 2008 Author Posted January 24, 2008 There is no "The One." See. Now I find that way of thinking to be unhealthy and negative. YOU and how you can make that work (or not) with your husband. Because it basically sounds as though you are telling me to 'Settle', 'Choose' and simply -Make Due- with what I have. That type of thinking only creates problems of Infidelity in the first place. Figuring out what's best for me and what is best for my husband is key right now, but I will never think that there isn't the 'One' out there for me and that I must settle. Kindest!
Mustang Sally Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 You say "Idealist." I say "Realist." I'm just an old lady who's been around the block a few times. I don't agree with perpetuating mythical fantasies that set people up to fall on their asses down the road when the hard realities of life with another HUMAN being set in. If you find that to be "negativism," then so be it. Good luck to you. I hope you find your "One."
Mustang Sally Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 I just had another (kinder, gentler) thought. Your "One" is whoever YOU decide to make the committment to, to make him. Capiche?
Owl Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Its not 'settling'. Its recognizing that you have to make a choice, and live with the results of your actions. You chose to have an affair. A consequence of that is that now you're faced with the dilemma of "what do I do now?". What are you looking for by posting here? Support to continue the affair? Advice on ways to end it and work on your marriage? Possible outcomes of your current situation? What is it you're really hoping to get out of your time on LS?
Author Toccoah Posted January 24, 2008 Author Posted January 24, 2008 What are you looking for by posting here? Support to continue the affair? Advice on ways to end it and work on your marriage? Possible outcomes of your current situation? Nope. None of the above. Just exactly what I asked in my OP. That's all. ;)Which was......"how do you deal with it and what do you plan on doing?"
Crestfallen_KH Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Why not tell your husband and give HIM a chance to decide? This shouldn't all be up to you. He should get a chance to know the truth and make up his own mind about what's best for him.
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Why not tell your husband and give HIM a chance to decide? This shouldn't all be up to you. He should get a chance to know the truth and make up his own mind about what's best for him. She dont want to tell her husband because she's a coward, point blank plain and simple. Most cheaters are, and theyre hypocrites too. Because if he wanted to leave her for someone younger and everything she be all crazy about it! Either no one else can have him, but she doesnt want him or she'll loose her meal ticket. Pick one!
Owl Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Define "deal with it"? I'm not understanding what you mean by that...and I'm not being sarcastic, I'm just not sure what you're trying to ask for. Or are you only looking for responses from people who have been committed the affair, and not from those who were betrayed and have recovered their marriages? Again, no sarcasm intended...honest question.
Author Toccoah Posted January 24, 2008 Author Posted January 24, 2008 She dont want to tell her husband because she's a coward, point blank plain and simple. Most cheaters are, and theyre hypocrites too. Because if he wanted to leave her for someone younger and everything she be all crazy about it! Either no one else can have him, but she doesnt want him or she'll loose her meal ticket. Pick one! Meal ticket? Cute, but far from the topic in question. I do fine for myself thank you. As I was searching for a place to post, I read them all and it sounds to me, that those that have responded thus far......are in the WRONG forum. Are you yourself cheating? Because if you are the one that was betrayed and are now left bitter, than your words that offer up nothing more than your own bitterness, have no room here. As midori, the forum moderator put it, the sole purpose of this PARTICULAR FORUM........is Infidelity.... Perhaps you should re-read the very first post in regards to what this forum is about......and I quote... "However I've noticed that frequently in some discussions members respond to a post in order to voice their own emotions about a similar issue that they are involved in, or to validate their own feelings and choices, or even in some cases to simply berate, mock, or derogate the poster. This particular forum is focused on discussing the problems and experiences of those who are in relationships with cheating partners, or who are themselves cheating on their partners. " I posted wanting to hear from other's who are in this situation and if I wanted advice, I would have posted it in the 'Advice Forum' or the 'OW/ OM' forum. Perhaps this is the kind of response that keeps the truth out. I mean, who can share and respectfully require the insight from another in an EXACT situation, if one is to get responses such as the one's thus far? It's easy. Don't respond. Take the energy over to someone who really genuinely is asking for ADVICE.
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Meal ticket? Cute, but far from the topic in question. I do fine for myself thank you. As I was searching for a place to post, I read them all and it sounds to me, that those that have responded thus far......are in the WRONG forum. Are you yourself cheating? Because if you are the one that was betrayed and are now left bitter, than your words that offer up nothing more than your own bitterness, have no room here. As midori, the forum moderator put it, the sole purpose of this PARTICULAR FORUM........is Infidelity.... Perhaps you should re-read the very first post in regards to what this forum is about......and I quote... "However I've noticed that frequently in some discussions members respond to a post in order to voice their own emotions about a similar issue that they are involved in, or to validate their own feelings and choices, or even in some cases to simply berate, mock, or derogate the poster. This particular forum is focused on discussing the problems and experiences of those who are in relationships with cheating partners, or who are themselves cheating on their partners. " I posted wanting to hear from other's who are in this situation and if I wanted advice, I would have posted it in the 'Advice Forum' or the 'OW/ OM' forum. Perhaps this is the kind of response that keeps the truth out. I mean, who can share and respectfully require the insight from another in an EXACT situation, if one is to get responses such as the one's thus far? It's easy. Don't respond. Take the energy over to someone who really genuinely is asking for ADVICE. LMAO!! There's nothing bitter about me shorty, let's get that clear. But hey if your woman enough to cheat be a real woman and own up to it. You said it yourself your marriage is one of covenience. If that's the case why dont you tell your husband the truth, if it's convient he probably wont care? am I right? If you can do good on your own why are you still married? Like I said before. Meal ticket, right or wrong?
Author Toccoah Posted January 25, 2008 Author Posted January 25, 2008 If you can do good on your own why are you still married? Ohh shorty. Tons of reasons, but you're far too ignorant to fully comprehend, so I will not indulge in the topic. There's no such thing as a 'Meal Ticket' when the sole individual writes their own and we both do that equally. Don't be so bitter. I'm sure there was a reason, but spending your time on boards such as this for no purpose what so ever, could be the reason why....So sorry
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 (edited) Ohh shorty. Tons of reasons, but you're far too ignorant to fully comprehend, so I will not indulge in the topic. There's no such thing as a 'Meal Ticket' when the sole individual writes their own and we both do that equally. Don't be so bitter. I'm sure there was a reason, but spending your time on boards such as this for no purpose what so ever, could be the reason why....So sorry Very Defensive. Again, I'm not bitter, my ex who cheated got the raw end of the deal shorty. LOL. The man she left me for dumped her, how's that for karma! lol. Have you been checked for STD's? because it's all fun and games now but when your sprouting singing crabbage on your coochie dont be crying in here! Edited January 25, 2008 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Mustang Sally Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Ok. Sorry to be off topic, earlier. To answer the questions of the thread: 1) No, not currently. But I have been involved in infidelity in the past (of the EA variety). 2) No, I was not in love (with the person). I was in love with the idea of a person that I wanted to believe was everything to me that my husband is not.
Cobra_X30 Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 The OM wants to marry me as well. Sometimes I wish that I could find the OM cheating on me or something as such to make it easier, as I don't think I could live without him. My husband and I are not lovers, merely companions, as to where the OM and I are connected in every which way, other than a mortgage payment. As the song goes, 'Torn between two lovers'....what a HORRIBLE place to be......Why is the saying so true that you ALWAYS find 'The One' AFTER you get married? As I read this, you have already made your choice! So what is holding you in your marriage? Fear? Your mortgage payment? There is no reason for you to be torn between lovers. Take action, and take action now or you may lose the ability to make that choice! Besides, it is generally unfair to string your H along. Get yourself to a divorce lawyer asap! You are certain that your OM will stick around if you decided to be with him right?
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 As I read this, you have already made your choice! So what is holding you in your marriage? Fear? Your mortgage payment? There is no reason for you to be torn between lovers. Take action, and take action now or you may lose the ability to make that choice! Besides, it is generally unfair to string your H along. Get yourself to a divorce lawyer asap! You are certain that your OM will stick around if you decided to be with him right? The OM probably wont and she knows it! lol.
IM5150 Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 I'm currently in an affair with OW. You can read my story in another thread. Not really proud of it. I really don't do anything differently to handle it. I keep telling myself that it will be over soon. It's gotta stop sooner or later. If i thought it would last a long time I would probably worry alot more. The OW brings up the fact that I get to go home to a wife and she goes home to nothing. I'm sure she's keeping her eyes open for an opportunity of a single man that she can enjoy. At that point she'll probably let me go. It will be over and I'll back back to the normal life again. At this moment I don't feel much guilt.
Author Toccoah Posted January 25, 2008 Author Posted January 25, 2008 Thanks Sally. That I'm trying to figure out as well. Elder wisdom coming from someone who's probably seen it all is of great value.
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 I'm currently in an affair with OW. You can read my story in another thread. Not really proud of it. I really don't do anything differently to handle it. I keep telling myself that it will be over soon. It's gotta stop sooner or later. If i thought it would last a long time I would probably worry alot more. The OW brings up the fact that I get to go home to a wife and she goes home to nothing. I'm sure she's keeping her eyes open for an opportunity of a single man that she can enjoy. At that point she'll probably let me go. It will be over and I'll back back to the normal life again. At this moment I don't feel much guilt. You ever see match point, that's a story for when the affair goes badly. What happens when your wife finds out, your OW sounds vindictive?!?! Be a man and end it! where's your freaking backbone?
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