brokenthinker Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Well today is my anniversary, I can't sleep much. Pretty sad now... my wife's side of the family has finally given up rejecting her for what she did after 5 months and now accept her relationship with OM. Kind of stings a bit because now it feels like my wife has gotten away with murder really. I mean both sides of the family gave up and now accept it and have a relationship with her, she hasn't had 1 ounce of regret or looked back. I really wish there were consequences for her bad actions, but apparently in this scenario her cheating led to a life full of fun, adventure, friends, and family. I hate this and it isn't right I have to go through the worst pain of my life while she lives happy as can be no consequences.
TMCM Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 I'm sorry that you are going through this pain at this moment in time, it sucks that's for sure. Please keep in mind that what you perceive may not be necessarily be true for as they say 'appearances can be deceiving'. Affairs are escapes from reality but eventually reality cannot be denied and the vast majority of them self destruct under the weight of reality. The honeymoon phase in any relationship eventually ends and it takes a lot of effort on the part of BOTH individuals to try to keep it going. More so when the affairees finally see each other shortcomings and come to the conclusion that they do not like what they see. You may have your issues that you need to work on and resolve (we all do) but that is no reason for them to wilfully toss away their moral compasses. Harbor no hate for them but be grateful that you now know what they are made of and that you can now make an informed decision to not associate with them. Don't try to rush your personal recovery and simply take things one-day-at-a-time and you will eventually come out ahead of this ordeal. Best of luck.
Author brokenthinker Posted January 24, 2008 Author Posted January 24, 2008 I know they say "what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger". And "take it one day at a time." But I'm feeling pretty much dead inside now. To see this work for her and no regrets... Doesn't feel like there's really much to live for. I don't honestly expect to ever recover, what's left to recover when you have nothing inside you anymore but emptiness.
ashlyn11 Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 (Hugs 2 U) Don't worry she will get hers in the end. You never get away with hurting people. She will get it 10FOLD, it may not be tomorrow it may not be this year but it's coming. My mom always says you reap what you sow. Karma is a MF. I know it hurts, cause I'm going thru it right now I found out during the holidays that my STBX has been having an affair for over 2 years now. And I agree the consequences should be greater. His family totally took his side since day one and I've even heard his mom and sister had known the whole time and were helping him lie. I don't see how these people sleep at night because I have a conscious and I know it would eat at me knowing how I've caused pain on someone. She will get hers in the end!
Author brokenthinker Posted January 24, 2008 Author Posted January 24, 2008 (edited) (Hugs 2 U) Don't worry she will get hers in the end. You never get away with hurting people. She will get it 10FOLD, it may not be tomorrow it may not be this year but it's coming. My mom always says you reap what you sow. Karma is a MF. I know it hurts, cause I'm going thru it right now I found out during the holidays that my STBX has been having an affair for over 2 years now. And I agree the consequences should be greater. His family totally took his side since day one and I've even heard his mom and sister had known the whole time and were helping him lie. I don't see how these people sleep at night because I have a conscious and I know it would eat at me knowing how I've caused pain on someone. She will get hers in the end! Don't get me wrong her family still doesn't take her side and are still angry with her and limit contact... but they are opening up because that's what family does (unless your my family and hold a grudge forever) I would love to beleive in Karma, and people say the odds arent good since they are so young 21, 24 (so am i for that matter 25). But I am an extreme pessemist. I can't see my silver lining through all of this. After all one of the things my wife said when she walked out is she was going to apply all she learned from our relationship to make this one work out... and if that's really true then the Karma bus may just pass right over them. In the end it utterly sickens me at just how lightly most people take adultery and how acceptable it has become today. I can tell you for a fact my wife has never felt something so heinous in her life and nor would i really wish it on her. I was engaged once before when was young, I dated a girl from 16-19 got engaged just to have her walk out on me 1 week before the wedding for another guy.. So I have been burned 2X!! So needless to say I feel broken and unrecoverable a this point to suffer from cheaters 2x in a row... What was my ex-fiancee's karma? Well she dated the guy for 3 years and after 3 years she got pregnant out of wed-lock and dad doesn't want anything to do with her or the baby. . . . But it doesn't feel like just Karma because after 3 years I'm pretty sure she wasn't thinking and regretting what she did to me...... so in forward thinking if and when karma bites my wife's ass sure it may make her feel bad.. but not necessarily about me..... I dunno does anyone think an affair between a 21yr old kid and a 24 year old girl can really work out? I guess I woudnt feel so bad if my wife moved on with someone else in a normal way.... but would find it totally unfair for this affair to work out. And I know all answers would be hypothetical and it COULD work out but I guess I'm just looking for comfort and reassurance that she will experience something equally devastating... bleh but who am I kidding she has a NEW LIFE with NEW family NEW friends NEW job NEW love of her life.... why would any of us look back if we had the same deal? And who am I kidding they are too young and niave to ever understand that what the did was wrong... Pardon me for rambling but I am going to be perpetually drunk today to help numb this travesty. Edited January 24, 2008 by brokenthinker
redgirl688 Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 I have found everytime in my life that i have been dumped, lost a job, lost an opportunity, not been chosen etc. that it was for the best in the end, and that better boyfriends, jobs, and opportunities came along. I'm sure it is hard for you to see this now, but the decisions you make starting TODAY about the value of your life can set you on a new course. I don't recommend getting drunk all day today. You are highly emotional and that is not a good mix with inebriation. You don't want to compound this situation with a DUI, arrest, drunken phone calls and further depression. You have to look out for yourself! You should call a friend or close family member and spend the day with them.....get out of the house....remember the things that you like to do and do them TODAY. You may or may not ever know any suffering that your wife endures. I understand that would make you feel better, but it would only be temporary. Loss is loss right? I hope you really take everything I have said to heart....I will be thinking about you today and sending positive energy your way.
Confused9 Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 brokenthinker, I know you can't fathom how she could possibly be happy and believe it isn't fair for her to be happy with this new man since she left you in such a terrible way (trust me I am going through the SAME thing) but, you need to start focusing on your life and what is going to make you happy. Take her OUT of the equation. What can YOU do to make YOU happy at this point in your life. Are you devestated? Sure. Is your heart broken? Uh huh. Does that mean you will be miserable forever? NO!!! Your life is yours. You can do what you want with it. That doesn't mean that today is going to be easy. That doesn't mean that what you are going through is fair. But, as we have learned...life isn't fair. You need to realize that at some point whether she ever admits it or not...she is going to feel bad for what she has done. Unless she is a heartless alien (which after being married to her...you know she isn't completely heartless or thoughtless). She is going to have to live with what she has done to you for the rest of her life. I think I would much rather be a lover scorned than carry around the knowledge in my head of what I have done to someone I (once?) loved. Things will get better. But, it's not going to happen over night and it isn't going to happen if you don't work at it. Life is what you make of it. Take this time to grow and learn by yourself. Take this time to heal. That's something your x wife is not doing and I don't care what anyone says at some point it's going to catch up to her. I really think it will. She is going to have to stop living in this fantasy world at some point. She is escaping her problems. She can't face what she's done to you so she moved far far away. My x is doing the same thing and I believe his new life of his will come crashing down. Will I find out about it? Maybe not, but you know what if I did I probabyl woulnd't be happy about it anyway. I still love him and I know you still love your wife. Think about how hurt you would still feel if she was in pain. It really won't help our situation. They are gone. As hard as it is to hear, say, realize that. They are. We are alone. They have moved on with other people. Are those people better then us? H*ll no. But, that doesn't matter. We need to move one and be happy. This wasn't the path we were suppossed to be on. There is something else out there for us. It's our job to stop looking down at life for what it has done to us...it's our job to start looking at life and seeing the possibilities. We are both young - I am 26 you are 25...we have the whole world ahead of us. The best revenge is a life well lived. (I think Mr. Lucky might have said that?) So...let's get our revenge and live a good life. One full of love, happiness, and morals. Unlike them. They have no morals, no respect for love and no true idea of what happiness is. When the going gets tough they take off...what kind of life is that?
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 I agree, Your focus should be on your growth and your future. Think about it, you dont have to deal with her cheating anymore behind your back, and not worry about children being shipped from home to home. She cheated and whether you realize it now, the man she cheated with she may cheat on some odd years down the line! lol. That happens or he might give her an STD when he cheats on her. Believe it or not. Your family who's cool with her dont be bothered with them, if they are able to just disreguard your pain and be on friendly terms with her, forget them. I mean dont even associate yourself with them. They'll ask wy and just tell them. I dont appreciate you hanging with someone who treated me so horribly. Family dont deal with traitors. Loyalty and honor playboy. lol. Anyway's just move on with your life. Stop focusing on what she did and learn from it. Let it fuel you but then when the time comes let go and live again. So your relationships didnt work out, it's not the end of the world. You have your whole life ahead of you, lighten up. Go get some new coochie, drink a mojito, and be happy.
Author brokenthinker Posted January 24, 2008 Author Posted January 24, 2008 Confused9 I always apprecate your comments because I read your situation and can relate a whole lot to your situaion moreso than others. You are always right about one thing... it is a whole lat easyr to give adivce than to follow it. I hope that you are right for both our sakes =\
Confused9 Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 brokenthinker, Trust me...giving you advice is so much easier than taking it...but...maybe helping you will help this sink in for me? I just reread what I wrote and though...LISTEN TO YOUR OWN ADVICE CONFUSED9!!! I hope this gets better for us! I really do.
T L Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Well today is my anniversary, I can't sleep much. Pretty sad now... my wife's side of the family has finally given up rejecting her for what she did after 5 months and now accept her relationship with OM. Kind of stings a bit because now it feels like my wife has gotten away with murder really. I mean both sides of the family gave up and now accept it and have a relationship with her, she hasn't had 1 ounce of regret or looked back. I really wish there were consequences for her bad actions, but apparently in this scenario her cheating led to a life full of fun, adventure, friends, and family. I hate this and it isn't right I have to go through the worst pain of my life while she lives happy as can be no consequences. Brokenthinker, Im really sorry for what you are going through, I can identify with your feelings as I am going through something similar right now. Since my split, my STBXW and I have had very limited contact, only communicating by e-mail about finances and such. I have made no effort to find out what she is doing, where she is living and if she is in a full on relationship with her affair partner now, I really dont want to know any of that and I believe that has been the best course of action for me, it would only hurt me more to know any of that now, in time hopefully I will be indifferent to it. I have had to distance myself from a female friend of mine who I have known for over ten years and who I introduced to my X as my friend is still socialising with my X after she has treated me as badly as she did, it would be very difficult for me to talk to my friend without my X coming up in conversation, so I just dont talk to the friend anymore. Its still really hard thinking that the X and I could have had such a good life together, no money troubles, great house (it will be mine in a few weeks time and she will likely be in some tiny apartment~lol), loads of vacations, great families, saying all that I know that I am better off alone than living with a cheater, it would have gradually drained the life out of me until I was an empty shell, it had started to. I have my first wedding anniversary coming up soon (yes the marriage lasted that long), and the only thing I can look forward to about that day coming round is that I will then be able to file for divorce and close that chapter of my life, I will most probably have a good cry, there have been many of those so far. People do tell me there is such a thing as karma, and I suppose I have seen examples of it in other peoples lives and it hasnt been pretty, whether it will come to our X's who knows? They have already lost US from their lives if that isnt karma enough for them . This is a really really s***ty thing that many of us on LS have gone through or are going through, I really wouldnt wish it on anybody (although I have wished a few things on the X and the OM), I have never known pain like it. Everyone says that time heals, Im sure there will still be scars, but I hope that we can learn from the experience/nightmare and it will make us stronger individuals. I think to myself now, man why did I ever worry about so many stupid little insignificant things that life would throw my way? When the raw emotions start to subside, it really is up to us what we make of our lives, its going to be hard at first and take a long time, but it is within your power to start building the life you envision for yourself. All the best T L
jenniferc1114 Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 There's quite a few of us who know exactly how you feel right now. Yes it sucks. I'm sorry she's made you feel so bad. Yes they are kids...but hey so are you! You are not realizing how much you have to offer to someone else. (not today, but give it a few months) I would not be surprised if you ended up having a 2nd marriage that lasted over 50 years. Please try to cheer up, trust me, your life is just beginning.
rtHawk Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 Dear Broken thinker I am so sorry for your hurt... I know it and understand it...empathize as I too once incurred this and forgave, reconciled and tried my best to move on and find joy together.... and we did. and I moved closer to be with him (not married) left my job, friends and moved hours away from all I knew.... and life felt great and happy...there was a future, my dreams, oh the wonderous things we were planning to do ... and now. I writhe in pain and sadness..a deepest ache to feel he has possibly and likely done it again.. but hidden and still keeping me in his life, he has attended to his fix? once again and by some insanity.... the first time he gave me herpes. and now he moves on and was udnerstood to be "dating" somoene ( we live an hour apart and spend weekend together) or so we did spend most of all weekends together.... a woman answered his phone this past Sat and he had a story to tell..that i believed, but he didn't think I would ask that woman.... but i did and it wasn't her.. I know your ache and hurt and the crazy things it lets you think them having sex together, them laughing together, them enjoying what you once did. I know for you that one day, you will pass from your place of hurt and pain and sadness..... you will find life in yourself oncemore to share with another. as for me, I am damaged because of his betrayal...I have herpes... he has destroyed me, my heart and my soul and doesn't even seem to notice or care. peace to all of you
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