PinkRibbon Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Why send back the hat? Just throw it away and be done with it. He can buy another hat.
Author D-Lish Posted January 24, 2008 Author Posted January 24, 2008 Okay, I am confused again on how to handle this. So- my goal is to just end this- no animosity- I don't wish to drag it out, I don't want him to come get it because I don't want to see him. SOOOO.... now some of you think I should include a note. I don't want a game. I want to get his hat back as he is jonseing for it and having it around makes me feel like things are still open. I just don't want to come off as sounding like I am hurt or mad or still wanting him.... you know? That is why I wondered if silence was the best way to go. So.... if I were to send a note. What might some of you suggest I say. Keeping in mind. Yes, I still like him very much, but don't want him back because he doesn't feel the same way.... I want to come off as sounding- cool and level headed (don't want to sound hurt or affected) but not say anything that might elicit a dialogue again. I know some of you might find this mailing the hat thing back a little weird... but for me- it's trying to get my closure, which I feel I need. I know, it's stupid- it's just a hat. Returning it symbolizes something else for me- and I want to do this the right way, so I feel good about it.
swansong519 Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 I know, it's stupid- it's just a hat. Returning it symbolizes something else for me- and I want to do this the right way, so I feel good about it. It's not "stupid" D-Lish...symbols can be powerful things. Since you say that he's not that into you anyway...maybe something simple like... Hope this note finds you well. Clearly we are not a match, but I did want to make sure you got your hat back. Take care...and good luck...
Trialbyfire Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 D-Lish. Correct me if I'm wrong but this decision with the hat is a reflection of your own confusion over this guy. In returning his hat, it gets his attention again. Why not put the hat into a shoebox, tuck it away to the back of your closet where you can't see it, and keep to silence. He knows where and how to find you, if he wants this hat back.
Star Gazer Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Now I'm agreeing with Trial. If you send it - with note, without note, with rabbit blood on it - and you don't receive any sort of response... how will you feel? Don't you think that in sending the hat back, you're trying to convey a message to him? A message to which he'll respond? And if he doesn't, what then?
Art_Critic Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 (edited) Just mail the hat back with no note...or dump it in the trash.. I have thrown away an ex's clothes and shoes and other personal belongings before and never thought twice about it ( although the relationship was over ).. you can too. If he wants to contact you after he has figured his life out he can and then you can go from there... Edited January 24, 2008 by Art_Critic
Author D-Lish Posted January 24, 2008 Author Posted January 24, 2008 Just mail the hat back with no note...or dump it in the trash.. I have thrown away an ex's clothes and shoes and other personal belongings before and never thought twice about it ( although the relationship was over ).. you can too. If he wants to contact you after he has figured his life out he can and then you can go from there... ah, so confusing. I don't want a response at all- in fact, I want to avoid anymore contact. I don't want to talk to him again. That isn't me trying to fool you or myself. Honestly. I want the NC. I don't want to talk to him- i'll end up hurt. I keep it here- I'll think about it and him (and he will contact me again). I send it- it sends the message I care about him still. I throw it out I feel bad. I'll figure it out.
underpants Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 List it on Ebay with a full history. Email him the ad. If he really wants it back he will bid on it.
Trialbyfire Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 List it on Ebay with a full history. Email him the ad. If he really wants it back he will bid on it. Shipping costs = $400.00 (in tiny print)
MakeLemonade Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 If it were your favorite hat, you would probably want it back. It shouldn't tell him necessarily that you are pining for him, just that you are a considerate person. I still say no note, BROWN paper (newspaper is not neutral enough) and send it back. Maybe in the funny papers - with a funny comic pertaining to hot & cold lovers right above his address if you could find one. Ok, nevermind, too much work. No funny papers. And LOL on the COD thing, I am kinda coming down with a cold so I must've missed the subtle sarcasm on that point.
Art_Critic Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 (edited) I keep it here- I'll think about it and him (and he will contact me again). I send it- it sends the message I care about him still. I throw it out I feel bad. D-lish.. put it in perspective.. it is a fricken hat.. Tell yourself that.. The guy is a grownup and if he wanted it that bad he should have dealt with it already.. If it was his favorite hat it would have been on his head instead of in your house... I think the hat is the "item" that has been left behind to keep the connection and you are allowing the connection by keeping it.. so you want to keep the hat to keep the connection.. Edited January 24, 2008 by Art_Critic
melodymatters Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 D-lish.. put it in perspective.. it is a fricken hat.. Tell yourself that.. The guy is a grownup and if he wanted it that bad he should have dealt with it already.. If it was his favorite hat it would have been on his head instead of in your house... I think the hat is the "item" that has been left behind to keep the connection and you are allowing the connection by keeping it.. so you want to keep the hat to keep the connection.. LOL, and sometimes Sigmund, a hat, is only a hat ! Mail it back, no note, thats my vote. I too am too nice to throw out anothers belongings, so I usually dump them on his doorstep when he's not there, or in the case of something small like this hat, mail it. It IS a symbolic way to cut ties, you'll feel better when the hat is gone. Do it today !
dropdeadlegs Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Ya know, D, in many ways I think we are kindred spirits. I get why the hat has to be returned, and your questioning of the right way to go about it. I believe that in your mind you know this guy isn't working out, and that the idea of communication might be not trusting yourself to stick to your gut. Maybe your heart isn't as sure as your head, yet you know which one to follow. Maybe it's best to pend the situation for an hour, or a day, or however long it takes for you to know that the decision you've made is the right one for YOU. Sometimes I feel one way one minute and the opposite way the next. When I have settled on a choice for a full 24 hours, I rarely regret the choice I made. I believe you already know what's right for you and all the opinions are making you question yourself. Give yourself a little time and you will know how to proceed. Until then, just relax! He's lived without that nasty little hat for this long, he'll survive.
Mustang Sally Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Just mail the hat back with no note...or dump it in the trash.. I have thrown away an ex's clothes and shoes and other personal belongings before and never thought twice about it ( although the relationship was over ).. you can too. I have done this too, Art. (Although I did have a tinge of guilt for throwing the clothes away...just for a little while....) But my vote goes to mail it back, no note, no fish guts, no nothing. Just padded envelope (or box, I suppose) and that's it. Voila, fini!
Art_Critic Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 no fish guts, or as A4a would say.. No dog turds...
Pyro Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Just mail him the hat and get it over with. You said that you don't want him in your life anymore, so give him the hat back. If you keep it, he may continually bother you asking for it back. Mail it back and go on NC with him. Don't answer the phone, emails, etc. This isn't the guy who called you a penguin is it?
latefragment Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 DEFINITELY mail it back, NO NOTE. D-Lish, have you ever tried talking to him about this hot and cold problem? Or have you just hoped it would go away and it never did. I think the method you use to send the hat back is irrelevant to what is going on between you two... what i mean, is, yes, it is a symbol of your personal closure, but... I guess I think it's not that big a deal, just send the hat back. If he persists, at some point you'll have to have a conversation with him where you tell him specifically that you are ending things because you can't endure any more hot and cold treatment and from that point on you won't be taking any more calls (if you have the willpower. I know I wouldn't have the willpower, nor have I had in the past. I'm such a sucker).
CalamitousJane Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 I'm a big fan of blatant honesty. If you don't explain why you're doing something, how is he ever going to learn anything. I'd mail back the hat, with a note saying you decided you don't do "hot and cold" anymore. Then STRICT NC. I just did something like this today. It ripped my guts out, but I know it was the right thing.
Art_Critic Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 This isn't the guy who called you a penguin is it? If it is the same guy then treat the hat to a nice trip to the trash can...
Pyro Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 If it is the same guy then treat the hat to a nice trip to the trash can... Not even the trash can. Some gasoline and a match will do. I know its not the same guy. I am just poking some fun at her.
Author D-Lish Posted January 25, 2008 Author Posted January 25, 2008 If it is the same guy then treat the hat to a nice trip to the trash can... LOL!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Not the penguin guy at all. He has been very silent lately. Must be stalking someone new. I'm mailing it, no note and staying NC when/if he calls. He knows the issues I'll get closure the moment I put it in the post box. It's ritualistic for me. Done. Putting in first thing tomorrow. D
Pyro Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 LOL!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Not the penguin guy at all. He has been very silent lately. Must be stalking someone new. I'm mailing it, no note and staying NC when/if he calls. He knows the issues I'll get closure the moment I put it in the post box. It's ritualistic for me. Done. Putting in first thing tomorrow. D I think thats the best option for you.
Author D-Lish Posted February 1, 2008 Author Posted February 1, 2008 Mailed back the Hat.... And guess who came a callin'? The guy's come back with all these explanations and apologies as to why he has been so hot and cold. He explained that around the he started to pull away he lost his job, and that made him feel inadequate and incapable of being a good partner to me. He said he has been jobless for over a month, and was embarrassed to tell me. Since I have a good job and am straight with my finances- he said he couldn't see me respecting him, so he took it upon himself to pull away and straighten out. I don't know what to think. We talked at length yesterday and he wants to start over. The job he lost was actually with his father's company. His dad was grooming him to take over and pressuring him to step into his shoes, and he said that was never something he wanted to do- so that has caused strife and problems with his family life. Stupid Hat.
Art_Critic Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 What are you going to do ?... I think he just wants to dip his noodle again.. but that is the guy in me talking.. that is the real reason we come a crawling back.. we miss putting it to ya.. Us emotional guys
Pyro Posted February 1, 2008 Posted February 1, 2008 Mailed back the Hat.... And guess who came a callin'? The guy's come back with all these explanations and apologies as to why he has been so hot and cold. He explained that around the he started to pull away he lost his job, and that made him feel inadequate and incapable of being a good partner to me. He said he has been jobless for over a month, and was embarrassed to tell me. Since I have a good job and am straight with my finances- he said he couldn't see me respecting him, so he took it upon himself to pull away and straighten out. I don't know what to think. We talked at length yesterday and he wants to start over. The job he lost was actually with his father's company. His dad was grooming him to take over and pressuring him to step into his shoes, and he said that was never something he wanted to do- so that has caused strife and problems with his family life. Stupid Hat. Why did you answer the phone? How do you feel?
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