lovelorcet Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 I would like to point out that there is no such thing as "the one." There are some 6 billion people on this planet so the fact of the matter is that there is a good chance that you could have a happy relationship with a number of different people.
shadowplay Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 Ok everyone, time for me to tell the truth. About 20 minutes afterward when we were in bed supposed to be sleeping, I got up and decided to go home instead. Then I told him that I don't think we're right for each other. He pleaded, telling me that he didn't think it was a big deal and that he had said he'd be fine if I dont go on BC. He said he wants us to be together and that he had made plans for us. He said he thought things were going great. He's right, it really wasn't that big of a deal. But this is in addition to what happened on Sunday when he made me cry. He apologized but I guess I'm still not over it and now this happened. I told him he's the best guy I ever dated and I never thought of anyone as possibly being the one until I met him. Then he asked why then am I pushing him away and he continued to plead. Then it just hit me. I told him 'I thought u were the one, but now I don't think so.' The look on his face after I said that made my heart ache. I regret saying it but it just hit me that he's not the one. Everything I said to him was true. After I told him that, he stopped pleading. I said "i guess that's it' then...he didn't say a word....and I just walked away. I cried all night and right now at work I still feel devasted. I miss him so much. I don't understand why you broke up with him to begin with. Seems rather self destructive as you had no good reason to.
Author fray718 Posted January 29, 2008 Author Posted January 29, 2008 I don't understand why you broke up with him to begin with. Seems rather self destructive as you had no good reason to. He didn't understand either. Ugh. I hate that I do this to myself and to him. . I feel like I already ruined this r/s....do you think it's salvagable? And if so, what would this depend on? UGH!
Author fray718 Posted January 29, 2008 Author Posted January 29, 2008 Actually, I think I MIGHT understand. I don't think I broke up with him due to this one incident, but rather maybe I was just having alot of insecurities and doubts in the r/s to begin with and this whole BC thing just threw it over the top for me....
Star Gazer Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 Fray, has he ever gone down on you? Does he use his fingers on your clit to tease and tempt and take you to orgasm? Does he use his fingers inside you to reach your g-spot? Have you ever had an orgasm? Does he spend a lot of time teasing and playing, foreplay? Or does he do a little of that and then rush to put the condom on so he can get inside you? Does he make you feel sexy by the way he looks at you and touches you during sex? Or do you feel like the sex is all about him getting off? Given her insecurities and naivete, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that Fray likely isn't comfortable enough in her own skin to allow herself to have one to begin with. The nurse at her gyno's office had to "teach her" how to have sex.
Star Gazer Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 Actually, I think I MIGHT understand. I don't think I broke up with him due to this one incident, but rather maybe I was just having alot of insecurities and doubts in the r/s to begin with and this whole BC thing just threw it over the top for me.... No sh*t, Sherlock! That's what we've all been saying all along! Are you just now understanding this?? C'mon, Fray. You're a smart girl...
Author fray718 Posted January 29, 2008 Author Posted January 29, 2008 (edited) Given her insecurities and naivete, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that Fray likely isn't comfortable enough in her own skin to allow herself to have one to begin with. The nurse at her gyno's office had to "teach her" how to have sex. Surprisingly I actually orgasm first BEFORE he does. The first time we had sex, I didn't orgasm but it did feel good. I orgasm everytime we have sex after that. Maybe that's why I dont mind the condom too much cuz I cum so easily...but yea I can understand that it doesnt happen as easily for him so I'm trying to help it improve. Remember, I might have gave my V to him, but I've done everything else before I met him with other guys. I've had orgasms before I met him, just it was oral and not through intercourse. He does touch me and caress me and makes me feel special...he's not selfish in this dept. Edited January 29, 2008 by fray718
Krytie TV Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 sexual incompabitiity is easier to deal with and stomache (at least to me) and possibly solve than a guy who tells you that he lost his love for you or whatever. You do realize that is solely because you don't caer about a satisfying sex life. Why not ask your bf (who actually wants good sex) how easy sexual compatibility is to deal with? I think you will find a very different response. Sexual incompatibilty was incredibly easy for my ex-wife to deal with too. She didn't ever want it. Her problem solved.
Krytie TV Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 Again, it was during sex and he couldn't orgasm...he said he's sore because of all the rubbing with the condom. This is the funniest, lamest, man-excuse ever. He's being a freakin baby is what he is. YOU would be the one feeling the rubbing, not him, though I'm not even sure what he means.
Author fray718 Posted January 29, 2008 Author Posted January 29, 2008 I'm seeing the gyn next monday but I've sort of come to a tentative decision. For now I want to do the diaphram possibly. I"m not ruling out the pill...BUT that is not something I want to do until maybe a few more months into the r/s....the reason being I don't think he's quite worth this pill thing...yet. Like I said I just dont want to invest so much so early on. Thing is, how do I express this to him? How do I say I won't want to do the pill until later on?
Star Gazer Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 I'm seeing the gyn next monday but I've sort of come to a tentative decision. For now I want to do the diaphram possibly. I"m not ruling out the pill...BUT that is not something I want to do until maybe a few more months into the r/s....the reason being I don't think he's quite worth this pill thing...yet. Like I said I just dont want to invest so much so early on. Thing is, how do I express this to him? How do I say I won't want to do the pill until later on? If HE is not "worth the pill," HE is not worth having sex with. He's worth the risk of STDs (condoms are not perfectly effective against herpes and HPV), but not worth the pill? How do you come to that logic?
Author fray718 Posted January 29, 2008 Author Posted January 29, 2008 If HE is not "worth the pill," HE is not worth having sex with. He's worth the risk of STDs (condoms are not perfectly effective against herpes and HPV), but not worth the pill? How do you come to that logic? He's not worth the side effects I'd get from the pill. I came to this conclusion based on what I feel I find worth taking the risk for. I don't think he's got STDs cuz he got tested. I like sex with him. I don't like having the side effects from the pills.
Star Gazer Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 He's not worth the side effects I'd get from the pill. I came to this conclusion based on what I feel I find worth taking the risk for. I don't think he's got STDs cuz he got tested. I like sex with him. I don't like having the side effects from the pills. Did you see the test results? Also, men cannot be tested for HPV. What is more, at any time he can cheat on you and catch something.
Cobra_X30 Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 He's not worth the side effects I'd get from the pill. I came to this conclusion based on what I feel I find worth taking the risk for. I don't think he's got STDs cuz he got tested. I like sex with him. I don't like having the side effects from the pills. Side effects vary depending on your personal biochemistry. Honestly, I read a good chunk of your thread and it seems to me that your grappling with some big issues. If you continue to make choices based completely on fear and insecurity, you will hurt yourself and everyone around you. Perhaps you should look at your relationship in terms of value. What actions does he make which increase his value to you? What decreases his value?
Keara Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 I disagree that sex is far more important to a man than a woman. It may be more important to him than to fray right now, but I believe that is because fray just started having sex a couple of months ago and really hasn't experienced "great sex" and that has NOTHING to do with condom or no condom.. I do believe sex is more important to the majority of men then it is to the majority of women. And you're right, it has nothing to do with a condom. I also believe that Fray is using every excuse in the book to stone wall her bfs desires. She didn't like the way he brought it up, fine. But she agreed to go back with him, which means she needs to either comprimise, or give her bf some solid reasons why his desire is not going to happen. She's going off about the supposed side effects of the pill without doing any research into it. Cancer? That was her response to why she couldn't possibly grant her bf even the contemplation of taking the pill. That's not ignorant, thats closed minded. This is about sex this time, but next time (and there will be a next) that her bf mentions something he desires, if it doesn't fit in to what will make her most comfortable then he can forget it. She wasn't comfortable showing her old picture in front of him. She punished him for making her uncomfortable. But this is in addition to what happened on Sunday when he made me cry. All of you can focus on the pill vs condom thing... but it won't save her relationship. But hopefully this thread will at least make her better informed for whoever takes her bfs place after he's gone.
lovelorcet Posted January 30, 2008 Posted January 30, 2008 All of you can focus on the pill vs condom thing... but it won't save her relationship. But hopefully this thread will at least make her better informed for whoever takes her bfs place after he's gone. I completely agree with you but I do see value in setting the record straight as far as ignorance concerning BC and sexual health goes. I can't really make the OP see how irrational and immature she is behaving and I as have other have suggested therapy for this.
Author fray718 Posted January 31, 2008 Author Posted January 31, 2008 You guys are right, I just can't do this. So....I broke up with him again..for good this time. I'm really sad though cuz his dad is fine now but his granpda just got hurt. This sucks, but it's for the better.....
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