answers23 Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Hey all, first timer here! I will make this quick. Met this girl in August, we hit it off so well. She just got out of a 6 year relationship two weeks after meeting me. We started off fairly slowly, we actually became a couple in late October even thou she wanted to become a couple way before then. Our relationship was terrific, we spent a lot of time together and had amazing chemistry. One day we were talking about our pasts and I watned everything out on the table about our pasts, so we told everything about our previous relationship and hook ups. She also got on the subject on how she used to lie to her ex boyfriend about her drinking and marijuana smoking in high school cause he didn't approve of it. After our conversation she got totally insecure and paranoid. She kept questioning herself on her old morales and was afraid things may come up again. this led to her questioning herself then the relationship then her love for me. She called me crying one night telling me she needed some time to figure out if she wants to carry on with our relationship. I gave her all the time she needed with no contact from my end. She called me two days later in the morning saying that she has figured stuff out and that she does love me and wants to be with me still. We hung out that night and had an AMAZING time. The next day we made plans to hang out, I called her to see when she wanted to meet up and she sounded really sad. I asked her what was up and she told me that when she left last night she started having those "iffy" feelings and doubts again. that day I ended it with her cause I couldn't be with her if she was having doubts on her love for me. she was heart broken and didn't want it to happen, she kept saying "she is broken cause of it" She wanted to be friends and stay in contact. But everytime we talked it would bring us both back emotionally to day one, and it would be a hindrance on our healing. She we decided no contact on the 23 of December and have been doing it ever since. The only information I have thus far is from her friend and it sounds like my ex is still dissappointed on what happened. It also sounds like her way of grieving over me is trying to "hate" me... but I know she isn't totally hating me. I am debating on contacting her; the only thing that is holding me back is that she fell out of love for me and that makes me think she should contact me first. I am stuck.
brothermartin Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 No, you're not stuck. She is. What dose her past doings have to do with how she feels about you RIGHT NOW? What do they have to do with your relationship? NOTHING. If she has "fell out of love with you," then it is up to her to try and win you back if she wants to. But IMO, I think you should steer clear of her. She dose'nt sound like she's wrapped too tight emotionally.
Author answers23 Posted January 24, 2008 Author Posted January 24, 2008 I think my main point in wanting to contact her is to get some burning questions answered eventually (after we have had a few light conversation'ed meetings) I want to know: -Why did our relationship really end? is what you said really the reason? The reason's why I think we have a shot at connecting again (at a friends level) is cause she didn't want to end the relationship. Even after her few days of thinking things herself she could have gone either way but she wanted to still be with me. Also, when I broke it off with her she was so hurt and didn't want any of it to happen at all. I am just stuck as all hell on what to do. Part of me wants to give it another 30 days and at the 60 day mark maybe things will be clearer.
NSU Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 It has really only been a few months since she gout out of that 6 year relationship and in between you started and ended a relationship with her. I think she still needs some more time to get over her previous relationship. I think there is still a shot, but really only time will tell. I was in a 5 year relationship and was still in limbo even 2 years later.
sandflea Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 anyone else? Dude - I feel for ya - but I think that you really already know the routine here. You must let her come to you. She might - but only if you just continue being yourself, and let things progress gradually. Usually, after breaking up, you can't imagine yourself with anyone else. Fact is, there are many, many others out there. If not her, then another. I agree with the other poster's comments - if she just got out of a long relationship, she may have been rebounding. That doesn't mean she won't come back, but realistically, you need to get on with YOUR life. Hold your head high, my man! SF;)
Author answers23 Posted January 25, 2008 Author Posted January 25, 2008 well, I decided to put her back on my instant messanger list and today I IM'ed her. The conversation went well, she has moved on and is looking into all these different type of carreer avenues...which all and all I think is terrific. I kept the conversation short but I said I would let her go and if she wanted to ever talk then she should call or IM me cause I know she needed her space...so in other words I wasn't going to make anymore attempts at contacting her. She replied saying she doesn't see herself contacting me cause it's not a good idea what we keep chating....she began to say that if I ever wonder how she is doing I should contact her...and she ended that paragraph with "don't be stranger" that stunned me a little bit, but I agreed. I mean, what does that mean? either clearly she is not over me or she wants nothing to do with me at all... whats this?
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