Should marriage be a license to take for granted?

[Mustang Sally]

So I had an interesting lunch conversation with some girlfriends today.

I thought I'd offer it up to LS for further input.

 

The question arose of whether marriage (i.e. long-term, monogamous relationship) gives one a certain amount of license to take the spouse "for granted," if you will.

 

As in, not worry that one's partner is going to go out an cheat on you, or be looking for someone to take your place...

 

As in, not worry if (and when) one starts to lose certain physical attributes, as time and age are certain to alter...

 

As in, not worry that you will have someone to spend your Saturday nights with, until death do you part...

 

As in, not worry that you have a designated sex partner for the remainder of your days...

 

And there are others, but I think you get the gist.

 

My response was, No, it is NOT license to take anything for granted. As evidenced by numerous discussions here on LS and my own personal experience.

 

I guess I am wondering, though, if in a "perfect" (?) world, it would be? Could it ever be that way? And would it even be honorable (or advantageous) to feel that way about one's spouse or have them feel that way about you?

 

To me, taking anything/anyone for granted, over time, breeds complacency. And complacency may very well end up breeding contempt.

 

I dunno. Just my thoughts.

Other opinions?

[Mz. Pixie]

I agree it's not a license to take your partner for granted.

 

Should you find security in those facts? Sure. But not enough to take

them for granted.

[marlena]

Nothing should be taken for granted. Not even your next intake of breath. Everything and everyone under the sun should be appreciated.

Edited January 23, 2008 by marlena
spelling

[blind_otter]

I don't think marriage should be a license to take your partner for granted in any way -- you see on LS, people do that, their spouses stray, or leave....

 

But that doesn't mean people DON'T take marriage as a license to take their partner for granted. Far too many people do.

[Mustang Sally]

Thanks, ladies, for your replies.

 

Yes, Mz. Pixie.

I think you have hit upon something that I was unable to articulate earlier today. The difference between security and taking something for granted.

 

Unfortunately, I've witnessed numerous situations where security turns into "taking for granted" with time and increased comfort level.

 

I guess maybe the whole point was to at least make a conscious effort to always appreciate (as marlena states) one's spouse, and the security that one hopefully is afforded by a LTR such as a marriage.

 

Ah. Contentment.

Definitely something that should not be taken for granted.

[Mustang Sally]

But that doesn't mean people DON'T take marriage as a license to take their partner for granted. Far too many people do.

Clearly, you are right, B_O.

 

My friend who was arguing that it was ok to take one's spouse for granted certainly had an air of entitlement about her...that she deserved to be able to feel this way about her H because he certainly feels that way about her. That is what I mean about breeding contempt. I see trouble in the future of that couple, unless they work through those feelings...

[tanbark813]

No, it shouldn't be taken for granted. Once something is taken for granted and assumed to be indefinite and permanent it's human nature to put in less effort.

 

If you knew that, for whatever reason, it was absolutely impossible to get fired from your job, would you put in the same amount of effort? Hell no. Your hours would become 11 - 3, with a 2 hour lunch break, and the hours you were there would be spent playing video games and, well, posting on LS.