CalamitousJane Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Hmm. She might consider you the dumper, or not. I guess to play it safe it would be best to change the last part to "..how sorry I am that we broke up." Or even "..how sorry I am that things ended between us the way they did." That way you can gracefully transition into a more loving goodbye, if that's all she's up for. I definitely believe it's a good idea to make your feelings clearly known, without neediness, before you back away completely.
Author jdeedee Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 I called and left pretty much verbatim I've been really missing you and the way we were together. I would love to meet with you face to face and talk things over. I'm hoping you'll give me a chance to tell you in person how I feel about you and how sorry I am that we broke up. Shaking voice awkward pauses and all. At least I know now beyond a reasonable doubt I tried. I actively tried and that's all I can do. How scary!
Author jdeedee Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 I just wanted to add that at least right now I feel pretty clear headed. Probably because my mind and heart are on the same page. I don't know how long this will last, if she doesn't reply I likely will break down for a while, especially if I see her tomorrow morning and she avoids me like she has been. But I've really now tried. There is nothing more I can do. I promise the first thing I worry about is if I seem desperate to her. Haha. Keep praying for me guys. Please.
Author jdeedee Posted January 24, 2008 Author Posted January 24, 2008 Someone please tell me I didn't mess up too bad just now. I looked at my phone and it said missed call unknown number. I called my mom first, she is the only one I know with caller id blocked and it wasn't her so I called the ex again. Didn't leave a message but she didn't pick up. I am not calling her again I promise but it doesn't look to psycho right? I can't think who else the missed call could possibly be, no one calls me ever. I hope I don't look crazy or stalkerish! Gah!
CalamitousJane Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Big curly-bracket hug for jdeedee: {{{{{jdeedee}}}}}. I'm so glad you did it! The extra call is not a big deal - I wonder who it was. It'll suck waiting to see what happens, but that's all you can do. Hang in there and keep us all posted.
Author jdeedee Posted January 24, 2008 Author Posted January 24, 2008 Thanks Jane I'm trying to accept some sort of Zen state about that extra call I placed. I mean really it wont make or break the whole thing but it does make me look like 100% less cool and I already looked a bit uncool making the call haha. Anyway its so coincidental to have a missed call, I didn't feel my phone ring but my phone really sucks as a phone so its possible I fully missed the call. Id really suspect it was her except it was a blocked number, I don't think she would know how to do that or even have a reason to do it. Anyway thank you for that message I left, it really was concise not clingy and honest. It's all I can tell her.
Always Wrong Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 I'm pretty close to my God... I'll put in a good word for ya! ...and I'll keep my paws crossed.
Author jdeedee Posted January 24, 2008 Author Posted January 24, 2008 So how long do I wait before I get truly anxious about her not having called me back? Its starting to hit
cant let go Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 i would bet money that even if she wants you back, she's not going to call you back right away. she is going to have to fully think through the situation. also, if she doesn't respond for a few days. try again, let her know that all you need is for her to be honest with you and you will let her be. until you get a firm no... there still could be a chance. be cautious with her feelings though, she may be caught off guard by your message.
Author jdeedee Posted January 24, 2008 Author Posted January 24, 2008 This should make for an interesting "two seconds" tomorrow when she passes by the office window, lol. Interesting idea cantletgo, I am going to hold off on a second call for a while, at least until I talk to the therapist. I don't want to be pushy and I was quite honest with her, I didn't ask to go to lunch I asked for her to hear me out in real life regarding the relationship. If she doesnt reply it seems like an obvious "no"
Author jdeedee Posted January 24, 2008 Author Posted January 24, 2008 No reply tonight, and its bedtime for me now. I'm sure I will post tomorrow around 8am Thank you all for your advice.
fabulousgal Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 good luck you did good. it may take her awhile but you've really done what it takes. hopefully you can work this out with her.
Author jdeedee Posted January 24, 2008 Author Posted January 24, 2008 For those following this thread I updated here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t142356/ She hasn't called back, walked right past the window I see her every morning at. Instead of the one or two second pause she made yesterday and the day prior she didn't turn her head. Nothing, total cold shoulder. I've never been treated so horribly before. What could I possibly have done that she feels I deserve such indifference. Did I really have so little of an impact on her life that she could forget me so quickly? Does she really find me so worthless that I don't even deserve a phone call back? Are things still too soon and am I overreacting?
carrotgirl Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Does she really find me so worthless that I don't even deserve a phone call back? Are things still too soon and am I overreacting? No, she doesn't find you worthless. Just knock that out of your head. Moving on. Wasted cycles spinning that muck around in your head. You have no idea what she's thinking. You can guess, but that time is MUCH better spent paying attention to yourself and your own needs. Things are still too soon. You can assume she got your message. Give her time and space. Try to remember she has a lot going on in her life too. She's the star of her movie. You're the star of yours eh? You're overreacting a little but from one who overreacts a plenty, this is normal and it happens and now that you know you're sensitive, just try to concentrate on something else until you're a little less sensitive. Yah. I know how hard this is! Deep breaths. Time is on your side and so are we. Carrot
Always Wrong Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Maybe her heart was also broken when you split up. It could be she feels pain when she looks at you, so she looks away. Maybe the cold shoulder is her coping mechanism? What would happen if you put a sign in your window that says, "I still love you!" Would that be too creepy? AW
Author jdeedee Posted January 25, 2008 Author Posted January 25, 2008 I think the I still love you note might be a bit much I'm just hoping and waiting right now. It's all I can do.
CalamitousJane Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 I agree with the cold shoulder as a coping mechanism, but I think you've done exactly the right thing. She's got to find a more adult way to cope if she wants the inestimable privilege of jdeedee's continued adoration. Good job hanging in there jdeedee. We'll all survive this somehow.
Author jdeedee Posted January 25, 2008 Author Posted January 25, 2008 I agree with the cold shoulder as a coping mechanism, but I think you've done exactly the right thing. She's got to find a more adult way to cope if she wants the inestimable privilege of jdeedee's continued adoration. Good job hanging in there jdeedee. We'll all survive this somehow. Yes we will, and it's not over until it's over. I'm not turning into stalkermode JDD but I am still holding onto hope. It's all I got, yknow? (That and all your support and... myself! I have myself )
Author jdeedee Posted January 25, 2008 Author Posted January 25, 2008 I just read my horiscope for the day, a little late I know but I'm glad I did: You may feel a bit discouraged today when you realize that you'll need to work extra hard to deliver on the promises you made. Luckily, you are entering a serious time in your life, enabling you to follow through with emotional commitments. The time for smooth moves and clever repartee has passed, so focus your attention on what's crucial and get busy.
Always Wrong Posted January 25, 2008 Posted January 25, 2008 (edited) She's got to find a more adult way to cope if she wants the inestimable privilege of jdeedee's continued adoration. I absolutely love your wordage, Calamitous. I'm checking on you every day JDD! Hang tough and keep us posted. And wow, an awesome horoscope! Edited January 25, 2008 by Always Wrong
Author jdeedee Posted January 25, 2008 Author Posted January 25, 2008 The horiscopes just keep coming: Getting used to a certain level of discomfort could be required if you want to make the most of the years ahead. You won't be able to solve deep emotional issues with one quick transformational discussion. Pluto is entering you 8th House of Intimacy, requiring you to alter the way you approach relationships. Be willing to step into subconscious shadows to learn something new about yourself. Am I reading into things? I guess I must be but damn, they usually don't feel so on-point.
Author jdeedee Posted January 26, 2008 Author Posted January 26, 2008 And to continue in the line of point on horoscopes: This may be an atypical Saturday when you just want to stay at home and take it easy. But it probably won't be like that, for your restlessness will likely get the best of you. Be careful; you might be so eager to have fun that you agree to something that really isn't in your best interest. Pay attention to what you must sacrifice in order to fulfill your desires. If it isn't worth it, don't say yes. I am going out with friends to the city today, last minute plans I concocted yesterday. I did plan for the longest to just bum around the house this weekend but yesterday I said I need to go out and enjoy life. In other horoscope related news, she sent me an email today. I need to work out its meaning in my head. She did not outright say "I want you back." She told me things and I need to figure out where we stand and what I can and can't read into the email. I know I can read into it that she is open for communication.
Always Wrong Posted January 26, 2008 Posted January 26, 2008 That sounds encouraging... think it through.
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