what can i do? i'm so sick and tired of these feelings!

[rosebud6712]

i have been on here before regarding relationships i have been in, but this thred isn't about any of that, it's about me, myself, and i, and how i have hit a brick wall and don't know where to turn. i hate being consumed by my insecurities, by my jealousy, my hate! i turn into a different person when i love....how can that make sense?

 

i haven't had a great past, yes things have been bad, but i have always made it through physically, but emotionally i am still that 14 year old lil girl! i am now 31, haven't had a decent relationship cuz i won't let myself. and the relationship i am in now, granted it's not the best one, i can't even say that "HE IS THE ONE" but i can say that he has treated me the best that anyone ever has. as far as always keeping me informed, and telling me everyday how he can't wait for the day that i give him my heart, but the thing is..i won't allow myself to!

 

i've tried numerous times to break up with him, w/o reasoning, just an explanation of how i need to be by myself...how i need to heal, i just don't know where to start!

 

i'm losing him, but most importantly i am losing myself...i have become a different person, and i can't go anywhere, watch tv, interact with people without feeling so envious, jealous, and inadequate. i'm sure that one common response will be "get help"...but i dont' see how anyone can help me i need to help myself.....

 

all i want to do is be happy, with myself, and most importantly with someone else! i don't know where to go.....i don't know who to talk to! i just want to break free from these consuming emotions!!!!!!!

i don't know where to start. please tell me i'm not the only person out there like this...and please someone tell me what i can do!

[backspn]

Your not alone. I have had these feelings for a few years now after my ex wife cheated on me. It ruined my self esteem and have not had a solid relationship since. I always feel like Im waiting for the other shoe to drop, which is not good at all. When I am in a solid relationship in the past I would sabbotage it in some way so I wouldnt get hurt. Now I have a great girl(2 mos) and I still feel like Im waiting for the shoe to drop. My suggestion to you is what I am doing. Make an appointment to see a relationship therapist. Im hoping she can help me with my current girl so I dont ruin this one also. Here's hoping the best for you!

[swordfish01]

I have been going through the same thing. Fighting with these negative emotions, almost tearing apart a wonderful relationship. I started therapy and it has really helped. The first exercise we worked on was limits and boundaries. If you let your man know, "Hey this is how I feel about this, that and the other" then you can compromise and find something that suites you both. I felt so relieved when I told my sig other what I would put up with and what was not acceptable. The we just got together and compromised, so my demands weren't demands from some ranting lunatic. They were decisions we came to together. Every time I want to ask my b/f what, who, when or where he is at, then I catch myself before I do it. If he wants to share he can, if not, then no big deal. Let me know if this helps:bunny:

[D-Lish]

I have those same difficulties.

I consistently sabotage my relationships.

 

When I fall for someone it's like I get angry at them for making me vulnerable and that makes me miserable and afraid.

 

Those issues go way back for me.... and although I am a little better- I am not much better.

 

Therapy has helped me to- at least it has helped me to have some insight into why I sabotage the way I do. I've shoved many a good man away from me and then been left with regret in the aftermath.

 

I understand what you go through.

Love shouldn't make you miserable... But often, for me- it does.

 

Ever talked to a therapist about this?

[brothermartin]

A therapist would help you uncover the root of these feelings AND give you productive ways in dealing with the effects caused by them. You may know why you feel the way you do, but do you know what to do when those feelings directly affect your behavior with other people and with yourself?

[rosebud6712]

for the wonderful responses to my thread, it helps to know that i am not alone, and i have and will look into recieving therapy to help me discover the root of my negativity. i know that if i change my thinking that can help also, but it's the control part that i need to get down.

[Raizin_Drop]

i am losing myself...i have become a different person, and i can't go anywhere, watch tv, interact with people without feeling so envious, jealous, and inadequate.

 

all i want to do is be happy, with myself, and most importantly with someone else! i don't know where to go.....i don't know who to talk to! i just want to break free from these consuming emotions!!!!!!!

i don't know where to start. please tell me i'm not the only person out there like this...and please someone tell me what i can do!

I can totally understand where you are coming from. It consumes my whole life, its not even a joke. Seems as though i can never have a healthy relationship with someone because there is always something i find which brings out this green eyed monster in me. I cant even watch the tv, as you so mentioned yourself, with my partner without me getting upset about something innocent he said about an actress which i take personally, and so forth. Dining at a restaurant with him, and just a glance too long at a waitress and i immediately think he's after her. Ive heard remarks about me going a bit over the top with my jealousy, but i don't think its something you can control. Im seeking help soon by the way of therapy and really hope it can cure this illness that i have. Just wanted you to know that im in the same boat as you. And i know its not a great feeling to be experiencing on a daily basis. x

[Raizin_Drop]

When I fall for someone it's like I get angry at them for making me vulnerable and that makes me miserable and afraid.

 

I can also relate to this feeling..x

[smoochie]

OMGosh!!! I so feel you. I actually came to this board today for that very same reason. I will post my story in another thread so I won't hijack yours but trust me...you are not in this by yourself.