spookie Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 After hanging out together both Sunday and Monday, Mr. AS and I made plans to visit a toy store on Wednesday. However, last night I was baking cookies and I invited him over again; so it was the third night in a row we were together. Before I dropped him off, he asked if we were still on for today, and I said yes. But now... I am really missing my alone-time. I want to come home and just be by myself. Would it be flaky to ask for a rain-check? I don't want to come off as flaky this early on (cause I'm not, usually), especially given how he feels about stability and order (needs it!).
AllInOne Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 I like your posts so I have been following your relationship with Mr. AS (he sounds a little bit like I used to be). In my opinion I think you need to keep your Wed commitment. Especially if he likes order like you said. However, can you keep it short?
tanbark813 Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Would it be flaky to ask for a rain-check? Yes................
shadowplay Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Yes, you already made a commitment. You were also the one to invite him over last night; that's not his fault. If you want to set a slower pace for the future, make plans to see him again on Friday or Saturday, but once you make a commitment you're pretty much bound to it unless you have a good reason.
allina Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 A trip to the toy store isn't a huge, long commitment. I think this time follow through and enjoy your alone time before and after.
lovelorcet Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Would it be flaky to ask for a rain-check? I don't want to come off as flaky this early on (cause I'm not, usually), especially given how he feels about stability and order (needs it!). Yup, it would be flakey. Suck it up and plan your alone time tomorrow or something.
Star Gazer Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Toy store? Really? Hmm. I agree with everyone else - yes, it would be flaky, particularly due to how much your guy needs stability.
Trialbyfire Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Yes, it would be flaky. Keep to your commitments but don't make plans for tomorrow night. Everyone needs a little down time.
serialgf Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 spookie: i, too am a big fan of your newfound love! mr. as sounds like so many boys i dated in hs & college. i think you should go since it is now the day of and it would be the most considerate thing to do (given his AS, order, etc). i would go and have as much fun as possible, then excuse myself for some alone time afterward. you should be able to make that honest request in a sweet way that lets him know you do love to spend time with him too! good luck!
EYECANDY000 Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Go ahead and hang out with him. he has probaly been anticipating this day since the day you guys planned it. Dont hurt his feelings by telling him something came up.
Author spookie Posted January 24, 2008 Author Posted January 24, 2008 (edited) Thanks guys! I went. I had fun. He had fun. We bought legos. Alone time starts now! Edited January 24, 2008 by spookie
EYECANDY000 Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 * singing* Reunited and it feels sooooo good!
SpanksTheMonkey Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Thanks guys! We bought Lego's. Alone time starts now! Ha ha that rocks! I wish I had some one who would go to the toy store with me I love toys! I do have to disagree its not really flaky but kinda not nice to cancel like that. Glad you went thu next time just make sure to consider your own needs as well before making plans!
Racquel Colette Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 You need to stop making invitations. Let him be the guy. You are going to scare him off. But yes, it is flaky to cancel to have some alonetime. I plead with you to back off this guy and let him pursue. He is seriously going to run for the hills very soon.
underpants Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Thanks guys! I went. I had fun. He had fun. We bought legos. Alone time starts now! You know what you have to do Spook? You have to make a red heart out of legos and crazy glue and give it to him for Valentine's Day.
Trialbyfire Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 He bought legos and you went home? How could you resist playing? This is pure sacriledge. I can sit and play with legos for hours.
Author spookie Posted January 24, 2008 Author Posted January 24, 2008 He bought legos and you went home? How could you resist playing? This is pure sacriledge. I can sit and play with legos for hours. Oh, we played. Just not alll night.
Author spookie Posted January 24, 2008 Author Posted January 24, 2008 You need to stop making invitations. Let him be the guy. You are going to scare him off. But yes, it is flaky to cancel to have some alonetime. I plead with you to back off this guy and let him pursue. He is seriously going to run for the hills very soon. You're such an optimist where other people's R's are concerned. To cut down on email-volleying, as he calls it (we're both phone-phobic) he's given me his schedule and told me it was up to me when we hung out. Maybe that's weird, but it works for us. I'm not going to attempt to play those how to get married in a month games with someone who has no idea how to play.
Storyrider Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 If you call, will he pick up? Also, I'm curious, how do you think he might be if you were upset and needed comforting and a hug? I have no preconception of what the answer will be. I'm rooting for this relationship.
Author spookie Posted January 24, 2008 Author Posted January 24, 2008 If you call, will he pick up? Definitely. He's not so phobic that he won't use the phone at all. We've called each other a couple of times, for quick info exchange ("I'm downstairs, let me in"). He's always picked up when I've called, and he even texts me sometimes (I find his "did you get home in one piece?" texts very sweet). It's just that neither of us like using the phone as a medium for conversation. Also, I'm curious, how do you think he might be if you were upset and needed comforting and a hug? If I told him what I needed him to in that situation, he would do it. He's not great at empathizing, though, so his emotional reaction to my emotions would probably be lacking. I'm someone who doesn't like to involve people in my problems, though, to the point where I feel compelled to lie if it helps me avoid receiving that kind of emotional support; so as long as I felt secure in the R (in that his lack of emotion didn't send me on a "he must not care about me" mind-loop), I really don't think this would have to be an issue. There are certain needs I have that I expect to be fulfilled in an R, but his Asperger's really doesn't affect those aspects, as far as I can tell. If anything, it's been a positive thing so far. Normal people I often find hard to deal with, whereas his AS seems to complement my personality quirks (which are significant... I'm fairly eccentric) perfectly. Regarding the physical aspect, we have been progressing splendidly. He initiates cuddling all the time and though we haven't had sex yet, we're definitely headed that way (and lately he's been "leading" more than I have). I have no preconception of what the answer will be. I'm rooting for this relationship. Thanks.
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