Graduate Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Hi guys, I need some urgent advice. Last week I had an argument with a friend and since then neither of us has called. I don't even know who is at fault and who should apologize, but I want to clear that situation up. I know where she works part-time at a coffee-shop and I was thinking about just going there, ordering a coffee and seeing how she reacts. If she smiles and looks happy to see me, then I know we are good. But if she frowns, and asks a colleague to take over, then I know where we stand as well. The only thing I worry about it that she might object to me showing up at her place of work. I am not interested in making a scene, but she might still be angry at that, and I dont want to make the situation worse. Any advice?
JackJack Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 (edited) Hi guys, I need some urgent advice. Last week I had an argument with a friend and since then neither of us has called. I don't even know who is at fault and who should apologize, but I want to clear that situation up. I know where she works part-time at a coffee-shop and I was thinking about just going there, ordering a coffee and seeing how she reacts. If she smiles and looks happy to see me, then I know we are good. But if she frowns, and asks a colleague to take over, then I know where we stand as well. The only thing I worry about it that she might object to me showing up at her place of work. I am not interested in making a scene, but she might still be angry at that, and I dont want to make the situation worse. Any advice? I would suggest being the bigger friend here, and checking in with her. If you want to go by her work, that might be ok, if not you could call or drop by her home, which ever. No matter the outcome, at least you'll know you had tried. Not sure what the arguement was about, but no need to let it injure the friendship if it doesn't have to. Edited January 23, 2008 by JackJack
blind_otter Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 If you don't know whose fault it is, why not apologize? Even if you'r just apologizing for hurtin gyour friend's feelings -- all it takes is one person to let their guard down, make the first step, and make a gesture of peace-making.
Author Graduate Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 Hi guys, thanks for your quick reply. I want to be the bigger friend, I just don't know how to do it. I must admit that I'd rather not send an email or text, because then I would probably be very anxious checking for a reply every couple of minutes. I'd rather do it in person, but I am just not sure if showing up at her place of work might be seen as an unfair movement on my side. The last thing I want to do is make things worse. I dont know if it matters, but the argument we had was about politics. We were out with a group of friends, and my friend and I were discussing some things. At some point I said I was tired and did not want to talk about it anymore, and turned to another friend who was also present. The next time I looked over at her place, she had left. So I don't know, should I apologize for not continuing the conversation? We have different opinions on some topics, but I did not think it was a big problem, until I noticed that she had up and left.
blind_otter Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Wow that's crazy! Then again I admit I've had some intense arguments about politics. Once I argued with my SO about politics and ended up saying something like, "I can't believe I'm with you, if you actually believe that!" Needless to say I eventually calmed down. Personally I wouldn't be down with someone I was at odds with coming to my work. I don't even like people I'm friends with coming to my work -- work is for work (and LS, hahaha) and I'd rather not drag my personal life into my workplace. But that's just my opinion, so take it with a grain of salt. You know your friend better than I do.
Author Graduate Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 Personally I wouldn't be down with someone I was at odds with coming to my work. I don't even like people I'm friends with coming to my work -- work is for work (and LS, hahaha) and I'd rather not drag my personal life into my workplace. That's what I think too, even though it would be easier for me to just show up. What would you suggest I do? Write an email saying something like "Hey, how are you doing? I don't know exactly what happened last week, but I want to apologize if I hurt your feelings." ?
JackJack Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 That's what I think too, even though it would be easier for me to just show up. What would you suggest I do? Write an email saying something like "Hey, how are you doing? I don't know exactly what happened last week, but I want to apologize if I hurt your feelings." ? You could do a email but I think face to face might be best. That way its more on a personal level, plus you can view her reaction and get a better view of how she may be feeling. If she is still upset, then you will know you tried. Looks like you both could agree to disagree on things sometimes. Nothing wrong with that, friends do it all the time. If she is still upset or doesn't want to become friends again after you have talked to her then perhaps splitting ways is for the best. Do you really need someone in your life who is going to get upset over the least little things?
MakeLemonade Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 If it is hard to do it in person, logistically or whatever, on the phone might be the next best thing - better than an email, at least you can hear how she is reacting rather than just waiting for a reply. It sounds like something you both should be able to get past and move on with your friendship. People will always disagree on politics, she probably just felt a bit disrespected since you turned away and began talking to someone else without waiting for her reaction when you said you didn't want to talk about it anymore. I would also say an apology is in order, not for the disagreement, but for the way you handled the end of the convo.
EYECANDY000 Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 I would show up to her job. Because I know when my friend and I have had arguments and she would call it was so easy for me to ignore her calls. But its like once we decided to meet up, then we would work it out. Once we bumped into each other at a fast food restaurant and we ran up to each other like you see in the movies. and started hugging each other and crying. hahah and saying Im sorry. Everyone in the restaurant was just looking at us like what in the world is going on. hahah. We were so excited to see each other that we forgot to grab our food. We had payed for it and simply left. So I say go to her job and tell her your sorry, its better to speak to your friend in person.
Author Graduate Posted January 24, 2008 Author Posted January 24, 2008 Hi guys, I want to thank you all for some great and fast advice. I have some good news! Following your advice I went to her job to see what's what. Well, she smiled when she saw me, which I took as a good sign. When I asked "are you still mad at me?" She answered "I thought you were mad at me!" I told her I was not and then we both laughed. We both said that we had been worried that the other was angry, and so we did not call. I did not stay long because she was working and the place was packed, but we made plans to get together this friday. I can't tell you how relieved I am, and mostly thanks to you guys. So THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I knew I could count on you!
EYECANDY000 Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Glad to hear that everything worked out! Girl Power!
Recommended Posts