Smitty32 Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 I'm seriously considering divorce for one plain reason. No sex. We have been to the Dr. and my husband has been diagnosed with low-testosterone. He was put on both the patches and tried the gel that you just put on, but he got lazy and stopped doing it because "it wasn't doing anything." He only tried it for 3 months after the Dr. told him it could take up to 6 to see any results. I have begged him over and over to go back and see our Dr. (whom I love) and tell him that he needs to put him on our last and final option with the testosterone which is injections. He puts it off and puts it off and never quite gets around to it. When I did have sex 17 MONTHS AGO I have to give him oral sex and then get on top while he lays there. Fun...not. What sucks it that I am only 30 and my sex drive it totally kicking in. I have lots of opportunites to have sex with other men. Other men find me very attractive and have approached me in public. I do not have low self esteem and feel that I am considerably good looking. I haven't cheated because to be honest with you I'm scared to death of getting pregnant (we have no children and don't intend on having any). I try to give him lots of opportunities to have sex with me but he never wants to take me up on them. I hate to say it outloud but I haven't had sex the entire year of 2007 and I have a fear that if I don't get out now, I won't have it in 2008 either. Anyone love to give me some advice? Have I been patient enough or do I wait longer? I would hate to give up on my marriage knowing that I didn't give it all the chances it deserves. BTW, we get along fine in all the other areas....we like the same hobbies, we respect our alone time, we both don't want kids, we are financially stable, and I think we really do love each other....but love like that can only go so far when one person is attracted to the other.
SoleMate Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Please read The Sex-Starved Marriage by Michele Weiner-Davis. It has great, practical ideas. Of course, you've already done several of the most important, like have him see a doctor, get a diagnosis and treatment plan....There may be other things going on, such as depression and/or relationship/psychological troubles. I definitely would make sure I communicate with crystal clarity, IN WRITING. Why in writing? Because spoken words can just fade away and be ignored and forgotten, whereas it takes deliberate effort to shred a piece of paper or even drop it in a wastepaper basket. After continuing the thorough medical/psychological review, I'd write a letter that says, "I am desperate and miserable about the lack of sex and physical affection in our marriage. I would like you to make serious efforts on this issue so that our marriage can continue and bcome happy and satisfying for both of us. Specifically, I would like you to.... Be evaluated for depressionContinue with your testosterone patch for at least 6 monthsRead the Weiner-Davis bookDiscuss the book with meTell me what importance our marriage has to youTell me what you ARE and ARE NOT willing to do to make our marriage a happy and lasting one" or whatever your list is. Then talk.
ouch-hurting Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 i read sex-starved marriage as well. there is also a new book out there about men who don't have sex w/wives. #1 reason was medical and it had a bunch of other info too. can't remember exactly, but think the second reason was anger toward wife.
mark982 Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 i've been down that road with low test.the patch is only so-so.the shots are the way to go."but" do not just think you can give him testerone and all will be well,he will feel good for awhile. then the testerone starts converting to estrogen, and he will be worse off.you also need arimdex to keep e levels low.then because you are using artifical testerone your natural abilty to produce testerone dies.then the testicles severly shrink.think raisin sizes. so you need some hgc to maintain size,and function.i hope this helps you and your husband. it sure worked for my wife and i.
Author Smitty32 Posted January 24, 2008 Author Posted January 24, 2008 WOW!!! You guys are the greatest. I am ordering the book now and thank you so much for all the great advice!!!! You are geniuses!!!!
mark982 Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 smitty,i forgot to mention a few things,low testerone most definately cause depression(been there),alot of drs. are not up on hrt.(hormone replacement therapy),might next try a endo,or a urologist,but for my $$,i'd go with a anti-ageing clinic. one of the best is in toledo,ohio.do some research yourself. start by googling. once you get the testerone at the correct levels,you will not believe the difference. if you need i can put you in touch with a expert in field. good luck
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 It doesnt sound like a divorceable offense. Go and be with him. Me get always get testosterone shots and also take steroids. I think I would avoid the steroids though. lol.
Author Smitty32 Posted January 25, 2008 Author Posted January 25, 2008 smitty,i forgot to mention a few things,low testerone most definately cause depression(been there),alot of drs. are not up on hrt.(hormone replacement therapy),might next try a endo,or a urologist,but for my $$,i'd go with a anti-ageing clinic. one of the best is in toledo,ohio.do some research yourself. start by googling. once you get the testerone at the correct levels,you will not believe the difference. if you need i can put you in touch with a expert in field. good luck Mark, thank you for all the info. I would really like to start at point A and work my way down. I really have to start getting him to realize that this is a priority. We are in the middle also of changing insurance so we need to see what it will pay for and what it doesn't. I wll most defnitely keep you in mind when the ball gets rolling, you have been a vat of great knowledge coming from it first hand. Please don't forget about me and I will keep all the info. you've given me so far in mind to ask my Dr. Thanks Again!!!!
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