HoustonScrewed Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 (edited) Hello all! I am back on the market after six years. For the fist third of that I was with one person, became single and the fist date after the relationship I stayed with that person until recently. I have some very unique things in my life, and am very confused about how to proceed, for the last six months while having many opportunities for dates I haven't went on any dates after a certain experience. Before the two ladies previously mentioned I had dated someone that turned out to be a true gold digger. She took a large amount of money from me and almost put me into bankruptcy a consequence was that I lost one of my stores. This same woman ran off with who was supposedly my best friend. After this I left the area that she and my "best friend" lived in and made certain that I wouldn't run into them again. I didn’t date for almost a year after this. The first relationship was great, but I didn't love her, so I left her. The second relationship was what I thought the final relationship of my life. This person was the only person that I ever thought I would want to marry, I was in my late 20’s early 30’s, and I gave it my all. She was/is very selfish and only did things that she wanted to, never considering anything that I wanted. I put up with this until there were some important family events that made it so I could no longer overlook the situation. When I started looking at our relationship I found a few things, one of the biggest was that she never did stop seeing her female lover. I have also found out that she was marrying me mainly so that she would be able to be in her parent's will and that they wouldn't think she was gay. I sacrificed much for this lady and only found out right before the split that she was still seeing her lover and had been keeping me in the dark all the time. This lady was the only person in my life that I dated for over a year that I didn't cheat on, as everyone else I dated for that long I didn't feel like I would marry them. Honestly, the marriage would still be good as it would be a good family and business combination, but I refuse to deal with only doing things she wanted to do. Even if she was with the female lover I could over look that. Here are the questions, I started dating again months ago and have had terrible dates. There is one that just burned me from having any more dates. We went to a VERY nice dinner, and then to another section of town. I had to make a phone call from my car, for unrelated reasons I called my assistant and she put me on hold, I left the phone in the car on speakerphone, I had to get out to get gas. The date didn't realize that I had left the phone on in the car, when an employee came back on she heard her telling someone on her cell phone that she couldn't believe that her friend had set her up with me, telling her that she had told her I lived in the most exclusive area of Houston and complaining that I was just driving a Suburban(55K 3 month old one), I was fat, and that she was so disappointed in the person that set her up with me. The evening went on, and we ended backup at one of my residences, after arriving at the house sparks flew with the date, making me feel it went great. The next morning though my assistant called me and said I should listen to the recording of the call that I had accidently left the phone in the car for. When I heard this I was floored, hurt and embarrassed. The person I went on the date with called me many times, and I just couldn’t answer her calls. I haven't been on a date since. My problem is that I have been very lucky in my professional life, and don’t like to flaunt it or use it! I have built a company that is medium sized and profitable, this company if sold on the open market is worth a very large amount of money(at least to me). For most of the ladies that go out on a first date with I drive an American car, and hide all of my assets, after the 3rd or 4th date then I will take them to the real house. The two ladies that I have been really interested in have said that I lied to them and are no longer interested. On the other hand when I have let it be know who I am and what I have I have only ended up with ladies looking for money, how do you deal with this? Almost last, I go to a large amount of restaurants taking out clients and doing business. A friend just told me that a waitress that worked a private party for he and I stomped out when she met who I was seriously dating and was “in love with you stupid”. This was well before she knew who I was or what I had, I have seen her many times since then and blew her off, even thought I had an absolutely incredible liking for her. I always thought she was too good looking and a great person for me. I have txt’d her a few times but really don’t know how to break the ice as I don’t see her that often, and get tongue tied when talking to her. Any ideas? Last, I haven’t wanted any dates except for the one waitress. I no longer want to even think about dating anyone and am thinking about finding a surrogate mother for a child, as I have a very jaded view of women. I hate the idea of being used, and don’t wish to be, worse I badly want to be married to a good woman. I want to love someone with true love as my parents had, but can’t find it. It seems that every woman wants either looks or money and never looks at a man for who they are. Everyone is who they are in their heart, as looks and financial status change constantly! Edited January 23, 2008 by HoustonScrewed formatting problems
spookie Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 You've got to be prepared to treat people as you want to be treated. It does sound like you've had some f-ed up experienced with women in the past, but from what you've stated, you don't strike me as a particularly ethical person either. I'm not saying you deserved it, but I think a person's lack of values shines through in subtle ways and your own lack of foundation came back to bite you in the a$$ in a kind of karmic payback. I refer, of course, to the cheating. While I understand that it's convenient to believe cheating doesn't count that much if you never saw the relationship going anywhere in the first place, that's a very egotistical take on reality. Cheating is despicable not because it's not a strategically sound move to get what you want, but because, with your selfishness, deceit, and lack of respect, you are causing pain to another human being. Regardless of whom you do it to, it's wrong, it's one of the most hurtful things you can do to someone, and you've done it to not one but to all but one of the women you have dated, all because, in your mind, it's ok to treat some people like human beings and others like **** depending on how useful they are in your long-term schemes. So my advice is, before you start hunting for a wife again, to look deep inside yourself and ask if you're the person you want to be. Until you can pass your own tests of moral fiber, it's unreasonable to expect to find a good woman to be with you, and unfair to judge the bad ones.
Author HoustonScrewed Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 I think they cheating thing came out wrong, I know it was wrote wrong now that I reread it. I meant to say that she is the only person that I was with only one person with for that long. The others were things where I told them we were with other people, not nessc cheating, I call it that though myself. I am the type of person that I only like to be with one person at a time.
Blue Eyed Brain Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 You allow people to treat you the way you allow them to. Don't offer your money to people.... offer your affection and love. Be a good friend and have them see your beauty instead of your wallet. I've never fallen for a guy with money, because it's not what makes me happy. Enough to pay the bills is okay with me. After that, he better have a killer smile, a good voice, treat me respectfully and make me laugh! That's all it takes, for me at least.
Author HoustonScrewed Posted January 23, 2008 Author Posted January 23, 2008 Don't offer your money to people.... offer your affection and love. Be a good friend and have them see your beauty instead of your wallet. I understand that fully, how do I hide it though? I have never offered my money for love. I hate the money, my goal in my business is something so far away from money it is crazy. I can't say my true reasons as it is something specific to me and ppl would know exactly who I am. When someone comes back to my home and it is fairly large how do you deny that you have money? I have taken ppl back to another house that I have before, but have been called a liar about where I live when presented with the real home. For me it isn't about money, but it is the side effects that give me problems. I like having a big yard, and a theater in the house. In houston you can't do that in many places.
jcster Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 When someone comes back to my home and it is fairly large how do you deny that you have money? I have taken ppl back to another house that I have before, but have been called a liar about where I live when presented with the real home. How about you don't take them home until you know them better? All of this "they can't know who I am...blah blah blah" comes off not only as suspicious, but insulting. How would you like it if one of your dates took you to a fake house, just in case you were a potential stalker? It would take you aback, because no one likes being guilty until proven innnocent. You seem to be putting far more time into protecting yourself than in getting to know these women. I think you might need to slow it down a bit on the 'ol dating game, and get yourself in a headspace in which you're not treating it like a trip to the supermarket, but an opportunity to meet cool people. Finally, you sound obsessed with the money thing. If you stop focusing so much on your money, others will too.
D-Lish Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 I have never cared about a man's money. I have always been able to look after myself financially. I dated a grocery manager for a while- and a student for a while (in my early 30's).... money has never mattered.... substance does. Perhaps you are looking in the wrong places. Why not seek out a financially independant woman? Oddly enough- my ex husband (who was very wealthy- and came upon it very young).... knocked up a waitress while we were married. He is now married to her, supporting her and very unhappy. Just thought I'd mention the waitress thing...lol.
Green Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Look Im pretty rich and good looking myself and I say with some practice dating you'll get a sixth sense weeding out genuine people from those with alterior motives
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