Heartbroken and alone

[xkapax]

Ok i have never posted in a forum before. But i feel like i need some advice on my current situation.

 

I met a guy called Dave about 7 months ago, i had just come out of a 9 month relationship and was still pretty upset about it. Dave had a girlfriend but we got talking anyway and got on really well. We exchanged numbers but i didn't expect to hear from him again as i met him at a club.

He soon split up with his girlfriend and we started seeing each other and became really close. Talking everyday by text and over the internet. He didn't want to rush into a relationship as he wasn't over his ex completely.

 

So I met someone called Adam who wanted to commit, he asked me out and i said yes but i remained close to Dave, after a couple of weeks it got too much for me so i ended it with Adam.

Over time Dave and i started to become more like a couple, i'd go over to his and we would sit cuddling watching films. He took me out with 1 of his friends, i took him on a double date with one of my friends and things were finally looking up.

 

Until Boxing day, i found out i was pregnant. I didn't know who the father was. I told Dave as soon as i found out. He was completely supportive, he asked me out the following day and i said yes. He told me we would manage and would get a place together.

 

Then the next day he broke up with me and has barely spoken to me since. I have made attempts to talk to him but he just keeps saying he doesn't know what to say to me.

 

I am completely heartbroken and don't understand how he suddenly changed his mind like that.

 

I told Adam too, big mistake. He had 1 of his friends threatening me and my family. It only stopped when my friend intereferred and had a word with Adam.

 

I went for an abortion as i didn't feel ready to be a mum. I am only 21. I felt i was unable to cope alone financially and emotionally.

I just feel unable to cope after all of this. I am having to deal with heartbreak and i've had to go through an abortion alone. I just don't know how to help myself.

 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Always Wrong]

xkapax, I am sorry to hear this... it happens way too often.

 

You said Dave didn't want to rush into a relationship because he wasn't over his ex.... that speaks well for Dave.

 

You didn't tell Dave you weren't sure he was the father did you?

If you did, then that's why he withdrew.

 

Getting a maternity test to identify the father without telling them yet, would have been the best thing to do, but I know that's expensive and not always an option.

 

I feel bad for you, I know it hurts. Please read through the past postings in these forums and you will find threads, ( conversations between people over time ) and you will see how others in similar situations got through it.

 

There are a LOT of very smart and helpful people on this sight. I think it's the very best on the internet because of the high caliber of it's members.

 

For right now it's important to keep eating well... some people stop eating when depression sets in... stay busy and don't dwell on the ex partners too much.

 

Many people advise going no contact with them for as long as you can... I think that's good advice... let yourself start the healing process.

 

Have you had your abortion yet? If so I hope everything went well and your recovery is uneventful.

 

I have to go to work now but I'll look when I get home to see how you're doing.

 

Keep posting! It's very theraputic to let your emotions out. See ya later, AW

[xkapax]

Thank you for your reply.

 

Dave knew about Adam, and when my i was late i told him i was worried i could be pregnant. So he knew beforehand that if i were to be pregnant it could be either of theirs. When i took a test to find out i was pregnant Dave said he would stand by me even if it was Adam's. Which is why i am confused about why he suddenly changed his mind.

 

I went for the abortion last week. So far there has been no problems.

 

Kara

[Ocean-Blue]

xkapax:

 

I'm very sad to hear that you had to go through this turmoil alone. Both men are cads. Dave gave you hopes and dashed them quickly. Adam behaved like a classless moron.

 

Both men are jerks.

 

You are young and have a great deal to look forward to. You've learned a very hard lesson at such a tender age... I say tender because you are the same age as my little brother. My heart goes out to you...

 

Do you have friends or family you can lean on during this time? Also, I would strongly recommend you look into some therapy. You've gone through a traumatic event in your life (both with the men and with the abortion), it'll do you a great deal of good to seek solace in the warm embrace of a friend and/or patient ears of a professional.

 

Make sure you focus on your physical health (eating well) and try to focus on what lays ahead. At 21, the world is your oyster. Do not let Dave or his actions bring you down. He let you down - he is the one who should feel like crap. Rather than talk to you about his reservations/fears, he bolted and didn't even have the respect to tell you to your face.

 

I think you dodged a bullet here.

[xkapax]

Thank you for your response.

 

I do have family and friends around, but i'm the kind of person who likes to block people out. I find it hard to express my emotions, particuarly with people i know.

 

I have been trying to keep myself busy which has helped.

 

I agree with you about Dave, he should be the one who feels bad. I will try to keep this in mind!!

 

Kara

[Always Wrong]

I think guys should sign a contract to support the product of their passion or suffer some sort of penalty without the woman having to either chase them down or go through hell alone.

 

The complete and total lack of demand by our society to hold men responsible for their actions is confusing. What kind of message does that send to other men who know those two guys?

 

Ocean-Blue is right about the therapy session. But be smart... if your therapist isn't making you feel better, try a different one.

 

I went through counseling years ago, and realized how dramatically different counselors can be, and especially how positive the effect of a good counselor can be, as opposed to one whos heart really isn't in it.

[xkapax]

If they did life would be alot easier! I don't know how guys can just walk away without at least feeling guilty or curious as to what could have been. Do they have no conscience?!

[Always Wrong]

I think that's exactly it. No conscience and no sence of responsibility. Another way I look at it is like hard and soft core. They're like soft core rapists. The out come is the same as rape, but lacking the initial physical trauma.