Jaden Posted June 21, 2003 Posted June 21, 2003 I have been living with my boyfriend of 6 months for about 3 months now. The other night he had to work (he works night shift) and I told him that I was going to have a few friends over. He said that was fine and he went to work. Well a few friends turned into a huge bash and there were tons of people at our house. I got really, really, drunk and high and I barely remember anything. He got off at 6:00 in the morning and came in and found me in bed with 2 guys and a girl. I didn't even know the guys and the girl!!!! The bad thing is, I don't know if I had sex with them or what! I had a nighty on, so I wasn't naked, but I didn't have panties on, but I never sleep in panties. He was furious, because besides that, the house was a wreck and there were people we didnt' know passed out in our living room and in the spare bedrooms. I don't remeber anything that happened and I didn't know how to explain my self. He was so furious...he told me that he was going to his mother's for a few days and he wanted me out by the time he got back. I haven't talked to him since, and I am so upset and sorry for what I did. But for real, I don't remember anything. I was already pretty trashed by the time all those people started showing up and I don't know what the hell I did or what happened! I don't want to lose my boyfriend, he is great, and I love him. But how can I explain what I did? I don't even know what I did. I just don't know what to do. I haven't called him because I don't know what to say. Can anyone offer some advice?
Tony T Posted June 21, 2003 Posted June 21, 2003 The only advice I can give you is to let time pass. I don't think there are any guys alive who would be very forgiving about what happened while your guy was at work. If I were busting my butt to make money to support a household and my lady was at home having a party, with people on the floor and in the bedrooms, and she was in bed...scantilly clothed...with two guys and a girl....I wouldn't have grounds to believe this was the lady I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I think his request that you move out was reasonable and sane. It's not likely he will ask you back. You told him you would have a few friends over. What happened that night was totally in your control and you allowed it to get out of hand. The best that will come out of this is that eventually he will forgive you and find the incident amusing...perhaps. Hopefully, you have learned some valuable lessons...about responsibility, respect for another's property, consideration, respect, decency, etc. I don't want to give you any false hope. If a woman did this to me, I would never want to see her again. Being drunk out of your mind and not remembering what you did is no defense for this behavior. Even the most kind and forgiving of men would not want you back in their home on a day to day basis after this kind of event. No man wants to go to work and have something like this happen. If you sit down for a minute, shut your eyes, and put yourself in his shoes you will perhaps understand how he feels. Forgive yourself, move on with your life and take the lessons with you, and be a better person for this.
Just A Girl2 Posted June 21, 2003 Posted June 21, 2003 I got really, really, drunk and high and I barely remember anything. Pretty stupid, don't you think?...to put yourself into this kind of "state of mind"? Not very responsible. You could have been raped, beaten, your house burnt down, all your possessions (and boyfriend's) stolen, arrested (for drugs, which I'm assuming were on your property, which is illegal and had a disgruntled neighbor called the cops to report this big party, you'd have been hooped), etc etc. Being loaded and "things getting out of hand" is not an excuse. Perhaps you need to seek some kind of rehabilitation to deal with your inability to handle liquor/your need to "get high." I don't blame your b/f one single bit. You should do the respectful thing, considering what's already happened, and move out and let him move on with his life so he can find a decent gal who he can go to work and TRUST will behave like a mature, responsible adult. The fact that you don't even know if you had sex with these 2 guys you ended up in bed with, how scary. How do you know you're not pregnant? (no form of birth control is 100%)...how do you know one of these guys didn't have HIV or Herpes or Genital Warts? (all incurable). You sound like you really need to get some help, and your b/f needs to move on.
HokeyReligions Posted June 21, 2003 Posted June 21, 2003 I agree with Tony & JAG2. I'm glad to see, though, that you recognize you made a big mistake. We all make mistakes (big and little) and we learn from them. If that happened to me, I don't know that the trust could be rebuilt and even if he agrees to try, he's got to be wondering about possible diseases. I would be afraid to have sex with my partner after such an episode. I think the best thing to do is to learn from this and move on, and let your bf move on too.
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