confuused55 Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Can I please get a male opinion about this? I have absolutely no clue about how guys think. I need closure about something. A while ago I went on a group trip out of the country and as part of the trip we had some foreign students from that country join us for part of the tour. I got to know some of the foreign students but there were some that I hadn't really gotten to know well. One day we had a speaker come and talk to us and I made a comment during the talk and afterward some of my friends started telling me that I made a really good comment.... Then, next thing I know one of the foreign students who I hadn't really spent that much time with (but, who, let me say was extremely hot) came up to me and started saying how my comment was so good and he was impressed.... Then that night we all went out to this really crowded place and somehow he saw me in the crowd and started talking to me but was then whisked away by some of the guys in our group. Then the next day he ended up sitting next to me on the bus and I was so nervous. He was just so good looking and on top of that he had grown somewhat interested in me because of something that I had said, because of my mind and intellect. So, we started talking and he asked me a lot of questions about myself.... things were going pretty well until I started looking at him and getting nervous again. And then I started thinking that I couldn't think of anything else to say because of my nervousness and I didn't want to look stupid not saying anything to him and I was so scared of that that I pretended to be sleepy and told him that I was going to take a nap. Right after I did that I felt bad about it but it was too late, I had to fake sleep and act sleepy which I actually was a little since we hardly got any sleep during the trip. After this incident he started paying less attention to me - even when I tried to join into group conversations with him (I mean he didn't ignore me, but he didn't give me the same special attention as I felt like he was giving me before) - and so I started to think that I was totally imagining everything the whole time and that he had never had a special interest in me, that it was all in my mind. Then, the next day we talked for just a bit one-on-one and I don't remember what was said exactly but I remember that I said something amusing and it went okay but it was literally for just a few seconds. Then, later that same day we were moving chairs to sit in the hotel and he was right behind me and he offered to take my chair for me in a quiet sweet voice but I told him that I was strong enough to take my own chair (in a sarcastic joking kind of way - I seriously was just joking around). When I said that though he looked kind of shocked and I wondered if I had somehow offended him. What are your opinions on this? Was it crazy that I thought for even a second that he was interested in me?
SeraBella Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 I know you're looking for a guy's advice, but I think you should try to let this go. You've posted 4 or 5 threads on this and received quite a bit of advice. I'm not sure if posting this is providing you the closure you seem to think it will. He liked you, but he barely knew you. It really isn't worth getting stressed about now. You're in different nations. He may have taken the chair incident the wrong way, yes. Different cultures take certain actions different ways. It's hard to say. Maybe he was just looking for someone to flirt with a bit. Chalk it up to experience. You said something that intrigued a man, and piqued his interest just by being yourself. You didn't have to pretend to be someone you're not, you just were you. So...it didn't turn into a relationship, but I'm sure it was fun thinking about him then, and it was fun being around him. That's great! It's now in the past and there's nothing you can do to change it. Enjoy the good memories, and let the rest slide. Focus on what is in your life now and what will be in the future...that's what counts.
TMichaels Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 confuused55, Sounds like a simple case of cultural differences to me. In many countries, other than the U.S., chivalry is not dead. Men see doing small gestures like opening doors, carrying packages, or paying for meals as small courtesies "men do for women." I'm not saying that you offended him by refusing his offer to get you a chair, but just as you were uneasy with his attention, he was probably unsure how he should act given your response. Not every encounter results in a relationship. Take Serabella's advice and don't dwell on a rather insignificiant incident when you look at what will be your whole life. Chalk the whole thing up to experience, learn from it and move on. Best, TMichaels
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