Author backspn Posted January 24, 2008 Author Posted January 24, 2008 Was she really really shy? Does she have a history of anxiety? She is really outgoing but as I learn more about her she might be self conscience about her appearance, although I think she is perfect. She is fit and looks good but thats not why Im actracted to her. Im not sure if she has anxiety issues, havent known her that long.
Author backspn Posted January 24, 2008 Author Posted January 24, 2008 She's in her 30's and the longest relationship she had was 5 months? Did I read that correctly? If so, she's a commitment-phobe pure and simple. Lets say this is the case, what can I do? I dont want to run because I love her but is there anything I can do? Will a committment phobe ever change? What would it take? If I do as Dlish suggests, which I am doing, will she eventually come around? I am hoping yes. Still spinning.
spookie Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Lets say this is the case, what can I do? I dont want to run because I love her but is there anything I can do? Will a committment phobe ever change? What would it take? If I do as Dlish suggests, which I am doing, will she eventually come around? I am hoping yes. Still spinning. This is going to sound recursive, but I think if YOU backed off emotionally (stopped obsessing) you'd be able to connect with who YOU really are again, which in turn will make you more attractive to your gf. I think she just wants you to be yourself, not this guy who is obsessed with pleasing her. When someone is so into someone else he forgets who he is, it's a lot of pressure... too much to handle sometimes in a new R. I know "stop thinking about this" is easier said than done, but if I were you, I would try VERY HARD to do that right now. You haven't lost her yet in the sense that you'll likely never see her again, so there's no real reason to freak out like you're doing right now. You barely have any control over the situation anyway. The only thing you have control over is yourself, and it's important to not forget who you are. So, here's what you should do. Block this site on your computer. Every time she pops into your head, think of something else. Something you like to do. Or, do something fun or useful. Do push-ups. Read the news. When she calls, or when it's reasonable for you to call her, talk to her, but leave your desperation out of it; it isn't attractive. But after, don't obsess over what was said. Most of the time, words don't mean anything anyway.
Author backspn Posted January 25, 2008 Author Posted January 25, 2008 Thanks for the advice Spookie. It is helping alot. After all Ive read here I believe she is in the uncertainty part of the relationship. Maybe she is scared of falling for me too soon, maybe she is reliving her old past loves, Im not sure. All I know is that I care so much for this one that I dont want to scare her away more. My question is what should I do now besides give her the space she needs? Should I space out the calls and texts? My dilemna is how much is too much space where she feels Im not interested?
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