bornforbull Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 You know how you just feel that something just is not adding up? Well that was the feeling I had for the majority of the relationship I am currently in. You know something just wasn't being said. Being a woman I just could not grasp why a woman would basically do all she could to make "my boyfriends" life hell. I mean, like truly go out of her way (sending postcards to my house). I asked time and time again....if there was something he wasn't telling me. His response was always that "she's crazy"......... In reality, this woman who was "crazy" was in fact not his ex-wife, but his wife. Now, bear in mind that when I found this out....it was after being proposed to and going through the motions of doing the whole wedding planning thing. Needless to say, all of that has come to a screeching hault. Initially I thought that this was something that I could just get over, but as time is passing it appears like a reoccuring dream reminding of the lack of trust that I actually have with this man. It there a such thing as "just getting over it"?
marlena Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 Most of the time there isn't such a thing as "just getting over it." How soon you begin to heal depends on many factors such as the intensity and duration of the relationship, your strength of character, your support system and your degree of dependency on on another person. Another thing which I have found plays a very big part on the amount of time it will take me to "get over it" as you say is the severity of the reasons for the break up and how it was done. In my experience, if someone has hurt me very deeply through misrepresentation, deceit or lies, it makes it that much easier for me to do a 180 and go from love to disgust in a matter of minutes. Some things are simply inacceptable and unforgivable. The element of deceit angers me and insults my dignity as a human being. When this happens, my self- esteem surfaces and comes to my aid. I simply refuse to have anyone treat me any less than I deserve. I respect myself too much for that. I do what's right for myself and refuse to go back to a person who I, now, have absolutely no respect for. Once my respect is gone, so is the love.
Elilmomma Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 I say just take it one day at a time.. remember "what don't kill you only makes you stronger"
jenniferc1114 Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 I'm looking for that answer as well. We separated for approx 7 weeks. The 1st few weeks were just great for me. I spent time with family & friends. But as time went by, and those lonely feelings appeared, my h jumped on that oppurtunity to work on rekindling our relationship. Yes with the holidays around the corner, I gave in. We have good days, we have bad days. The bad days are simply ugly. I keep saying to him I need my space to heal....he's afraid if he gives me space I'll find someone else. Cheaters suspect cheaters. So if he leaves, how do I prevent from getting too lonely, if we decide to work it out, when does the ugly go away?
sylviaguardian Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 What do you mean by just 'getting over it'? Do you mean that if you stay in the relationship will you one day learn to trust the man who 'forgot' to tell you he had a wife? The answer to this is a resounding 'no'. You are sooo lucky that you didn't actually get married to this man (even although it wouldn't have been legitimate anyway). The mistrust never goes away. On the other hand, if you are asking whether you can dump a liar and then go on to get over it, and learn to trust nicer, less conniving men, then the answer is 'yes'. The only problem is see here is you asking what to do when you get lonely. Loneliness is a part of life and no-one can avoid it completely. You need to confide in family, friends get a job/hobbies that excite you, get out and meet knew people - all the usual stuff. You might also want to look into a course on building self-esteem. You have had a lucky escape. You think it's lonely lying alone in bed? Try lying beside a person who is suposed to be your best friend, knowing that they are lying to you, disrespecting you and basically taking you for a ride. That's 100 times loneliner. Don't settle for this. You are worth so much more.
Owl Posted January 24, 2008 Posted January 24, 2008 Wow...there's a name from the past! /waves Hey SG!!
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